Science causes the spread

Andy Borowitz at the Borowitz Report at the New Yorker.

There is a deep-seated fear among some Americans that an Ebola outbreak could make the country turn to science.

In interviews conducted across the nation, leading anti-science activists expressed their concern that the American people, wracked with anxiety over the possible spread of the virus, might desperately look to science to save the day.

“It’s a very human reaction,” said Harland Dorrinson, a prominent anti-science activist from Springfield, Missouri. “If you put them under enough stress, perfectly rational people will panic and start believing in science.”

But that’s tragic because it’s science that got us here. If it weren’t for science there wouldn’t be all these pesky airplanes flying back and forth between Africa and Whiteland, and then Ebola would have stayed in Africa where it belongs, leaving the people in Whiteland to play their computer games in peace.



  1. says

    When I shared this on Facebook someone promptly commented that ‘Harland Dorrinson’ is a fake name that Borowitz likes to use for fake quotes in ‘satire’ articles.

  2. says

    It’s not a poe, it’s a joke, and of course I noticed – that’s what the Borowitz Report is.

    Did you-all not notice that my final paragraph makes sense for a joke but not for a non-joke?

  3. abusedbypenguins says

    lorn, swing the chicken at noon or midnight? Clock-wise or counter clock-wise? Live chicken of dead? Lot of science to swinging a chicken.

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