How dare you say that, MRAs!

I’m offended. You probably remember Sandra Fluke, the law student who received Rush Limbaugh’s slut shaming vitriol because she wanted to testify in front of Congress about the medical benefits of birth control. It’s hard to forget her, since assholes keep coming out of the woodwork to trash her and other women. Well, MRAs are now asserting that she’s an aggressive lesbian pirate because in a photograph it vaguely appears that her ring finger is longer than her pointer finger.

I’m offended. My pointer finger is slightly longer than my ring finger, but I’m totally an aggressive Kinsey 1 pirate. How dare they deny my identity on the basis on finger ratios alone!



  1. MLR says

    Not that it really matters, but the digits on the left hand are noticeably less responsive to prenatal hormones, and that’s her left and in the image.

  2. 'Tis Himself, OM says

    It warms the cockles of my heart (whatever the hell they are) to see da youf acknowledging FSM dogma about the lack of pirates causing global warming.

  3. carpenterman says

    These scurvy dogs need to be keel hauled and hung from the yardarm. And their timbers shivered, while we’re at it. And their booties pillaged and plundered. Arrr.*

    *This metaphor has been abandoned.

  4. F says

    OK, that’s about enough stupid assholery for me today.

    Fuckin’ pirates, how do they work?!

  5. RowanVT says

    O_o My ring finger is longer than my index finger… and I’m a heterosexual woman.

    I am, however, an incredible ‘tomboy’ and my personality could probably be described as more stereotypically ‘masculine’ than ‘feminine’. *shrugs* But still. Finger length =/= sexual orientation.

  6. RowanVT says

    That’s weeeeeird. My ring finger stays looking longer no matter which way my hand is turned.

  7. Agent Smith says

    I have the perfect wrist to support a hook, and a shoulder so ideally suited for a parrot’s claws to rest upon that Pangloss would have added it to his anatomical rogue’s gallery of purposeful design.

    But, alas, I refuse to pursue a life of nautical buccaneering. You could do it though, even if the wind insists on being your metacarpal Procrustes.

  8. christophburschka says

    He’s a DUCK. And made of wood.

    And seriously, they tried using “pirate” as an insult? Even for the copyright lobby, that backfired, and they’ve been doing it since at least 1603, well before Hollywood made pirates cool.

  9. says

    Wow, my ring finger is about 1cm longer than my pointy finger, I too must be an aggressive lesbian pirate.

    No I just have to do something about that small problems of being generally quite passive, suffering mildly from motion sickness, oh, and having a penis.

  10. says

    Actually a lesbian would be the ideal person to testify about the medical benefits of birth control as it isn’t like we are using birth control to prevent pregnancies.

  11. says

    If the finger length analysis is true, I’m kind of screwed up. My ring finger on one hand is longer, and on the other, my index finger is longer. I also have two partially webbed toes on one foot and two other toes that don’t touch the ground. All of this I think makes me a half-bi-gay-straight-lesbian-wimp-pirate-manly-accountant-trapeze artist who can talk to animals.
    FSM and love

  12. Amanda M says

    Ok Jen, I officially need you to define “MRA” because when I google it, I get “Magnetic Resonance Angiogram” and “Michigan Reading Association,” and I don’t think that’s what you mean.

  13. eigenperson says

    My 2D:4D ratio is about 1.05. I also have purple fingernails (as do my father and brother).

    No one told me these things were unusual until I was 18, when I went to a new doctor who, in the first physical exam, blurted out that based solely on my hands he would have guessed I was a woman with severe heart failure.

  14. GMacs says

    So … um … I’m a heterosexual male (probably Kinsey 0.8 or something like that) and my ring fingers are at least a centimeter longer than my index fingers. This is especially significant, because my fingers aren’t very long.

    Now, I suppose I’ve always considered myself a lesbian trapped in a man’s body, and I may or may not in the past have acquired some digital* media in less-than-legal ways. Also, I support a woman’s sovereignty over her body and right to equal pay.

    Am I a Feminazi lesbian pirate, too?

    *Hehe, “digital”. Get it? We’re talking about fingers.

  15. sherylyoung says

    I have always been told that I have man hands. They are larger than average for women of my height. However, my pointer finger is markedly longer than my ring finger. I don’t know what to think…

  16. GG says

    My ring finger is definitely shorter than my middle finger, yet I am a confirmed lesbian. Not a pirate though, just a biologist.

  17. Didaktylos says

    You’d probably like this pirate joke:

    A pirate ship is sailing the Spanish Main. On the quarterdeck,the captain is instructing the cabin boy in the finer points of navigation, when a cry comes from the crow’s nest:

    “Royal Navy frigate sighted to starboard, cap’n!”

    The captain whispers to the cabin boy:

    “Fetch me my red shirt, lad – wouldn’t want the crew becoming alarmed by the sight of my blood if I’m wounded.”

    And then another shout comes from the crow’s nest:

    “Two more Royal Navy frigates to port”

    The cabin boy whispers to the captain:

    “Shall I fetch your brown britches as well, cap’n?”

  18. Besomyka says

    Left hand equal, right hand index is slightly longer than ring. What does that mean as a transwoman?

    Nothing at all. I thought those MRAs said they were skeptics; since when was there any evidence for the validity of this pop science? I would LOVE for it to be true and validate my femininity, but sadly it doesn’t. Every study I’ve seen has shown the difference to be so slight as to be within error. There might be something, in some cases, maybe, but it’s hard to tell. The variation overwhelms the data sets.

    I’d love to see new research if I’m wrong

  19. Azkyroth says

    The meaning is “Men’s Right’s Activist.” It’s in the same naming tradition as “People’s Democratic Republic.”

  20. E.A. Blair says

    Since this whole dust-up started with a bunch of dress-wearing men in funny hats, wouldn’t be something if all the US Catholic bishops woke up one day and found that their penises had been replaced with vaginas while they slept?

  21. arakasi says

    Uh oh. Both of my ring fingers are noticably longer than my index fingers.

    Please advise – am I an aggressive lesbian pirate? I need to know before I take my wife out for dinner tonight, ’cause that will really affect how the evening is going to end

  22. Art says

    Well, my ring finger is shorter than my middle finger and I happen to know that I’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. I guess the whole finger ratio thing doesn’t work.

  23. cynickal says

    I’m offended. My pointer finger is slightly longer than my ring finger, but I’m totally an aggressive Kinsey 1 pirate.

    Even after the car door incident?

  24. says

    Please, let’s not suggest that the science is bullshit (it’s generally done well, although results are mixed) by reasoning anecdotally, even if as a joke. Far too few people appreciate statistical claims as is.

    Here’s a recent overview:

    Fuck the slut-shamers, though. Really. I guess these guys are just imagining all the awesome dudes that she’s rejecting them for.

  25. bryanpesta says

    Good point Jeremy.

    Here’s a recent meta-analysis showing the ratio indeed predicts sexual orientation for women:

    It’s a smallish effect, though. Using it to predict would produce only above chance accuracy; not perfection. Better than chance prediction, however, has definite utility.

    Would it really freak you out if reality included hormones as one of many factors partly influencing sexual orientation?

  26. says

    I think some of this data might have been plagiarized, it’s scattered across the web and other peoples websites, unless you’re the first author?. Thanks

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