Sexy Food Commercials

I’ve noticed a trend that lately food commercials are becoming super sexual. Now, I don’t watch a ton of TV, so maybe this has always been going on… But some of these commercials have shot way past Funny and landed in Moderately Disturbing. I know they always say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but is the way to his stomach through his junk?

For example, Padma Lakshmi’s Hardee’s commercial:

Mmmm, yeah former vegetarian, put that big hunk of Western meat into your mouth. Oh yeah, lick it up. Because you know Western meat is better than that puny Indiana cock…er, I mean meat. Meat. Yeaaah.

Ok, Padma is smoking hot, but is it really attractive to see a gal dribble barbeque sauce all over herself and then lick it off? Actually, don’t answer that. Anyway, this commercial is nothing compared to ones with more overt sexuality:

Oh god, Arby’s hat boner, really? I’m open to a lot of kinks and fetishes, but I think I draw the line at Fast Food Worker Selling Food. But at least that one involved two human beings.

This White Castle commercial is yet more proof that there Is No God.

Really, what the hell? Every time this comes on I die a little inside as I stare at my television set, mortified. I think the worst part is I know there are probably furries out there somewhere masturbating over this thing. And again with the sexy barbeque sauce. Do you know how sticky that would be? Yuck.

I have to admit I think this is the funniest one in the bunch, only because it’s so wrong that it has to be good. Anything involving a gay sub-dom relationship with a toaster oven and a power bottom sandwich making boy gets an A+ in my book. But does it make me want to stick Quizno’s Toasty Torpedo in my mouth? Nooooo.

Why do I even bring this up? Because my friend just linked me to the most disturbing video of all. Honeslty, this is probably NSFW.

Thank you, Sprite, for forever making me associate the flavor of Sprite with that of jizz.

Now, if I was a good feminist, I would write up some diatribe about how all of these commercials are examples of the objectification of women and sexist and yadda yadda. But I have a bigger issue with the commercials – do these really make people buy the food? I get that they’re humorous, but do you really want to go grab a Sprite and a Toasty Torpedo right about now? I’d prefer not to think about a soda money shot while eating my dinner, but maybe that’s just me.

Yuck.

Oh noes, atheists are taking over teh internets!!11!one!!

I should probably just ignore Christian blogs that whine about Sotomayor’s racism and the homosexual agenda, but this struck me as both silly and intriguing. It’s a post titled “Bring Down the Atheists“:

“…why does it seem like the internet is being overrun by God-haters? Am I the only person who sees this? I like to get on various article sharing sites like Digg, Reddit, Stumbleupon, etc., and it seems like the stories that poorly reflect upon God are generally the highest rated on those networks. My article titled, “Hollywood’s Creation” was placed on Reddit by an atheist, and the person who posted it basically called me crazy. I got several hundred visitors in a few hours from Reddit, most of them atheists looking to see if I was as insane as advertised.

I could literally spend hours typing out the names of all the atheist forums and blogs that exist. And all of this had made begin to wonder; where are the Christians? This is especially puzzling when one considers that Christians make up nearly eighty percent of all Americans according to pewforum.org. Have Christians given up on the internet?”

Maybe between all the goatse and lolcats, they realized the internet is truly an abomination. Ahem, continuing on:

“If you can write, start a blog. If you can make Christian music, share it on a website. The nearly eighty percent of all Americans who are Christians need to let our voices be heard louder and clearer, and that’s the HardTruth.”

Ok, first things first. Does this guy seriously think Christians are somehow not having their voices heard? Really? He says it himself that Christians make up nearly 80% of the US population. Christianity has permeated our culture in every imaginable way: in our national motto, on our money, in our pledge, in public school graduation ceremonies, in laws and public policy, on our city hall and court room steps… attempting to infiltrate science classrooms, cluttering radio stations with gospel and christian rock channels, permeating our language and slang, filling up billboards down the highway, putting a church on every street corner, tacking little silver fish onto the back of a car, etc, etc, etc. If that’s not loud and clear enough, I think I’m going to be fucking deafened by the coming Christian Internet Revolution.

But I have to admit, he does raise an interesting point. Are atheists overrepresented on the internet? Being one of those technological atheists who follows Digg and reddit, reads numerous atheist blogs, and blogs about atheism, I’m not sure if I’m unbiased enough to comment. I’m obviously seeing a very atheist heavy side of the internet because I seek out those atheist-friendly communities. I’m sure there are a plethora of Christian sites out there, but I have no interest in going to them or interacting with their communities. But just as an extremely rough estimate, lets look at Google, shall we?

Christianity + Christian = 5,620,000,000
Atheism + Atheist = 18,620,000

They have us beaten by two orders of magnitude when it comes to search terms. And while atheists can be quite vociferous, I’m pretty sure all the hits for “Christianity” aren’t from whining heathens.

So have we infidels taken over the internet yet? Not quite. But I have to admit that Digg and reddit do intrigue me. If you’re not familiar with these news sharing sites (shaaaaaaaame), they are pretty atheist biased. Atheism and religion bashing articles are constantly making the front pages, getting many votes, and acquiring tons of comments. I’ve seen even the most liberal and kind of Christians get torn to shreds in comments, while atheistic comments get automatically upvoted. What gives? Why would news sharing sites foster atheist activity?

If I had to put forth a hypothesis, I’d guess that atheists thrive in the anonymity of the internet. So many people are afraid of coming out of the closet because of possible backlash, and even out atheists aren’t always vocal about their beliefs. We don’t get our fill of atheism in every day American culture (like Christians do in the above examples), many of us don’t have any local organizations, and I’m sure even some of us have no atheist friends. The internet is the perfect platform for finally getting stuff off of our chests and for meeting other people who share our beliefs. We can see atheist news that isn’t making it to mainstream newspapers, heathen comics that would never make the local funny page, religious criticism that you may be too afraid to speak of in real life for fear of physical harm… So I guess if this hypothesis is right, it really makes sense why atheists flock to Digg and reddit and blogs and forums. We’re part of a nation so dead set on labeling itself Christian, that instead we’ve become citizens of the internet.

And you know what? I’ll pick ASCII pedobear, mudkipz, and Leeeeeerrooooy Jeeeenkins over superstitious dogma any day.

Blogathon 2009

Hey everyone! I just wanted to make an announcement that I’m going to be participating in Blogathon 2009. Blogathon is a blogging marathon for charity. On Saturday, July 25th everyone participating will begin blogging at 9 AM Eastern time and make a new post approximately every half hour for 24 straight hours. We’re not allowed to store up entries for autoposting (no sneaky naps allowed!), which means my entries will most likely get more and more delightfully insane the longer I’ve been awake.

Why would I do such a thing? Well, for one, it seems pretty fun. But like I said, it’s for charity. And since one of my main topics here is atheism, I felt like the obvious choice for my charity was the Secular Student Alliance. SSA is an amazing organization that greatly helps atheist, humanist, freethinking, etc groups all across the US. They help groups get started, provide information on running clubs and event ideas, help fund projects like volunteering in needy areas, and send speakers to universities (and not to mention orchestrate PZ’s creation museum trip). I don’t think I need to explain to you guys why educating the public about atheism, especially students, is so important.

If you would like to sponsor me in my blogging adventure, just click here. You can either make a lump sum or donate hourly (though I don’t really see the point of paying hourly, since this isn’t one of those ‘How long can you blog?’ things…anyway). There’s no minimum donation required, so every little bit helps. Your donation will go straight to the SSA – it won’t pass through Blogathon or me. And you can keep it completely anonymous, though I’ll probably give a shout out to the people who donated at the end.

So, help me help out the SSA! Sponsor me and spread the word to your fellow freethinking friends. Not only does it go to a good cause, but you’ll get a (hopefully) entertaining day of blogging from me. Maybe if I get enough pledges, I’ll set up a webcam so you can watch me as I slowly enter the delirious world of sleep deprivation.

EDIT: Yes, you do have to sign up in order to donate. Yes, I know it’s annoying…and I apologize. I don’t make the rules. But it just takes two seconds…and if you really don’t want to, you can just donate to the SSA directly here.

EDIT: The website appears to be back up, but in case it’s not working again in the future, just try back later.

Apparently I'm in mortal peril

Sometimes my dad is a giant downer.

Tonight I came home for the weekend for his birthday, and I was excitedly telling my parents about the SSA conference in Columbus, OH and the trip to the Creation Museum. He didn’t know what it was, so I briefly explained it to him and laughed. He turned very serious and looked at my sternly.

Him: I don’t know if that’s a good idea. You can get yourself killed. Think of all the crazies there.
Me: …Dad, that’s ridiculous.
Him: You’re my daughter, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.
Me: …Dad, it’s a family museum where people take their small children to indoctrinate them, not the ghetto. And I’m going to be in a huge group of more than fifty people. And I know people who’ve gone alone or just with another friend and they were fine.
Him: Well that’s worse that you’re in a group. Who knows what they’ll do when they find out you’re coming. They’ll go after you.
Me: I’ve seen signs where they say “Welcome *Insert Atheist Group Name Here*.” They don’t care. They just want money and to convert people.
Him: There are still crazy people there and it’s a bad idea. When I was in the south in the 60s I didn’t go around sticking up for black people because there was always a guy with a shotgun outside waiting to blow your brains out.
Me: …

Ugh. I know I’m my dad’s little baby girl, but I’m getting sick of this. I get this sort of “don’t go and get yourself killed” lecture any time I ever bring up club stuff. My dad’s basically an atheist, so it’s not that he disagrees with our message – he just thinks I’m going to get murdered for saying I’m an atheist…which I find a little bit ridiculous. I mean, yes, we have discrimination, and I’m sure some people have suffered physical harm…but what are the odds? I’m not living in rural Alabama and waving a giant sign that says “There Is No God.” I’m not running around Iraq in a bikini going “ra ra atheists rule!” I live on a freaking college campus.

And you know what, so what? What if there was some minutely slim chance that someone’s going to beat me up, rape me, kill me? Is it better to sit down and shut up about something that’s extremely important to you because of the fear of being harmed? If anything that shows that people need to stand up and shout their atheism from the rooftops. If it weren’t for the brave people who did stand up for the rights of blacks, and did take the risk of getting hurt, and did actually get hurt, where would we be today? Where would gay rights be if people didn’t speak out and march and take the chance of being harmed by crazy bigots?

I don’t want to be a martyr. I don’t want physical harm or even the fear of being harmed. I don’t go out of my way to ruffle feathers, nor am I ever looking for a fight. If the atheist movement is going to need some big violent act against them in order to get national attention, I really hope it’s not me. But if I happen to be part of that generation that needs to speak up in order for future atheists to not be paranoid when wearing a scarlet A or a FSM necklace, then so be it.

The most annoying part? If I had a penis I probably wouldn’t be even getting this talk. And while I don’t want to go all EmoJournal on you, No Doubt’s Just a Girl pretty much sums up how I feel.

Hmph.

Apparently I’m in mortal peril

Sometimes my dad is a giant downer.

Tonight I came home for the weekend for his birthday, and I was excitedly telling my parents about the SSA conference in Columbus, OH and the trip to the Creation Museum. He didn’t know what it was, so I briefly explained it to him and laughed. He turned very serious and looked at my sternly.

Him: I don’t know if that’s a good idea. You can get yourself killed. Think of all the crazies there.
Me: …Dad, that’s ridiculous.
Him: You’re my daughter, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.
Me: …Dad, it’s a family museum where people take their small children to indoctrinate them, not the ghetto. And I’m going to be in a huge group of more than fifty people. And I know people who’ve gone alone or just with another friend and they were fine.
Him: Well that’s worse that you’re in a group. Who knows what they’ll do when they find out you’re coming. They’ll go after you.
Me: I’ve seen signs where they say “Welcome *Insert Atheist Group Name Here*.” They don’t care. They just want money and to convert people.
Him: There are still crazy people there and it’s a bad idea. When I was in the south in the 60s I didn’t go around sticking up for black people because there was always a guy with a shotgun outside waiting to blow your brains out.
Me: …

Ugh. I know I’m my dad’s little baby girl, but I’m getting sick of this. I get this sort of “don’t go and get yourself killed” lecture any time I ever bring up club stuff. My dad’s basically an atheist, so it’s not that he disagrees with our message – he just thinks I’m going to get murdered for saying I’m an atheist…which I find a little bit ridiculous. I mean, yes, we have discrimination, and I’m sure some people have suffered physical harm…but what are the odds? I’m not living in rural Alabama and waving a giant sign that says “There Is No God.” I’m not running around Iraq in a bikini going “ra ra atheists rule!” I live on a freaking college campus.

And you know what, so what? What if there was some minutely slim chance that someone’s going to beat me up, rape me, kill me? Is it better to sit down and shut up about something that’s extremely important to you because of the fear of being harmed? If anything that shows that people need to stand up and shout their atheism from the rooftops. If it weren’t for the brave people who did stand up for the rights of blacks, and did take the risk of getting hurt, and did actually get hurt, where would we be today? Where would gay rights be if people didn’t speak out and march and take the chance of being harmed by crazy bigots?

I don’t want to be a martyr. I don’t want physical harm or even the fear of being harmed. I don’t go out of my way to ruffle feathers, nor am I ever looking for a fight. If the atheist movement is going to need some big violent act against them in order to get national attention, I really hope it’s not me. But if I happen to be part of that generation that needs to speak up in order for future atheists to not be paranoid when wearing a scarlet A or a FSM necklace, then so be it.

The most annoying part? If I had a penis I probably wouldn’t be even getting this talk. And while I don’t want to go all EmoJournal on you, No Doubt’s Just a Girl pretty much sums up how I feel.

Hmph.

What's in a name?

It’s mid July, which means it’s time for me to start thinking about club events for the fall semester. And as I’ve been brainstorming and figuring out what needs updating on the website, one thing keeps bugging me.

Our name.

Our student organization is officially the Society of Non-Theists. When I co-founded this club two years ago, the name seemed like a good idea. One, we thought “atheist” provoked a negative reaction from most people. Not just religious people, mind you – but secular people who didn’t want the consequences of labeling themselves an atheist. We figured by toning it down a bit we’d be able to slip under the radar – have events and start dialogs before people actually knew we were mostly a bunch of atheists. Pete Stark had just used the term non-theist, so we thought that was a good stand in. Two, the vagueness of “non-theist” allowed us to use it as an umbrella term. It wasn’t just a club for atheists, but for agnostics, humanists, or whoever else wanted to come.

But the more I think about it, the more I don’t like it for many reasons:

1. Non-theist really isn’t an umbrella term. The prefix “non” is effectively equivalent to “a”, so it’s just a silly way of saying atheist. The only reason it works as an umbrella term is because no one really knows what it means. Which leads to my second point…

2. No one really knows what non-theist means. We’ve slipped under the radar a little too much. I think a lot of students don’t discover our club because it doesn’t have “atheist” or “secular” right in the name. This is especially problematic on the student organization website Purdue has. There’s no way to search in the descriptions of clubs – just for words in the name (it’s an awful, stupid system). So if someone searches for atheist, nothing will come up. They’ll only find us if they happen to browse through the Special Interest category of clubs, which is another debate in our group. Do people look for atheist groups in the Religion category, or would an atheist never bother to click Religion?

3. My ideology has changed since I first formed the club, and now I think it’s wrong to shy away from the term “atheist.” There’s no reason to be ashamed of it, and people are going to keep treating it like a negative term if even us atheists won’t use it. If anything we need to have organizations that proudly call themselves atheist, so people can see us volunteering and holding insightful events and smiling and laughing and just being good, normal, human beings.

If I had a time machine, I would go back and rename the club something like Purdue Atheist, Agnostic, and Secular Students – PAASS. It’s inclusive and has an acronym you can actually use and say – unlike SNT. Hell, I have a hard enough time saying Society of Non-Theists without developing some kind of lisp. But the problem is I don’t have a time machine, and I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to change the club name now. Granted, we’ve already been around for two years, but I don’t know if it’s worth the confusion to go around changing a name. There would certainly be people who would think we’re some different club, and then there’s the whole business of our website and email having non-theist in it. I guess those wouldn’t be too bad to change, but it would still be annoying.

So, am I over analyzing this? Is non-theist a fine word or should we have more atheist pride? I guess I should really be asking the club members rather than random internet people, but consider this more me talking out loud.

What’s in a name?

It’s mid July, which means it’s time for me to start thinking about club events for the fall semester. And as I’ve been brainstorming and figuring out what needs updating on the website, one thing keeps bugging me.

Our name.

Our student organization is officially the Society of Non-Theists. When I co-founded this club two years ago, the name seemed like a good idea. One, we thought “atheist” provoked a negative reaction from most people. Not just religious people, mind you – but secular people who didn’t want the consequences of labeling themselves an atheist. We figured by toning it down a bit we’d be able to slip under the radar – have events and start dialogs before people actually knew we were mostly a bunch of atheists. Pete Stark had just used the term non-theist, so we thought that was a good stand in. Two, the vagueness of “non-theist” allowed us to use it as an umbrella term. It wasn’t just a club for atheists, but for agnostics, humanists, or whoever else wanted to come.

But the more I think about it, the more I don’t like it for many reasons:

1. Non-theist really isn’t an umbrella term. The prefix “non” is effectively equivalent to “a”, so it’s just a silly way of saying atheist. The only reason it works as an umbrella term is because no one really knows what it means. Which leads to my second point…

2. No one really knows what non-theist means. We’ve slipped under the radar a little too much. I think a lot of students don’t discover our club because it doesn’t have “atheist” or “secular” right in the name. This is especially problematic on the student organization website Purdue has. There’s no way to search in the descriptions of clubs – just for words in the name (it’s an awful, stupid system). So if someone searches for atheist, nothing will come up. They’ll only find us if they happen to browse through the Special Interest category of clubs, which is another debate in our group. Do people look for atheist groups in the Religion category, or would an atheist never bother to click Religion?

3. My ideology has changed since I first formed the club, and now I think it’s wrong to shy away from the term “atheist.” There’s no reason to be ashamed of it, and people are going to keep treating it like a negative term if even us atheists won’t use it. If anything we need to have organizations that proudly call themselves atheist, so people can see us volunteering and holding insightful events and smiling and laughing and just being good, normal, human beings.

If I had a time machine, I would go back and rename the club something like Purdue Atheist, Agnostic, and Secular Students – PAASS. It’s inclusive and has an acronym you can actually use and say – unlike SNT. Hell, I have a hard enough time saying Society of Non-Theists without developing some kind of lisp. But the problem is I don’t have a time machine, and I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to change the club name now. Granted, we’ve already been around for two years, but I don’t know if it’s worth the confusion to go around changing a name. There would certainly be people who would think we’re some different club, and then there’s the whole business of our website and email having non-theist in it. I guess those wouldn’t be too bad to change, but it would still be annoying.

So, am I over analyzing this? Is non-theist a fine word or should we have more atheist pride? I guess I should really be asking the club members rather than random internet people, but consider this more me talking out loud.

How to Meet Atheist Women

Go check out Hemant’s post about how to meet, date, and woo atheist women. I helped contribute to it, so you know it has to be good.

Because I’m bored, let me comment some more!

#1: I think atheist clubs are the best place to meet other people. Unfortunately for me, I think I’ve sort of assumed the role as Untouchable Out of Your League President… which is really strange for me, because I don’t think I’ve ever really felt that way before. My friend assures me that we have a new class of atheist freshmen coming in, but that’s just creepy.

#2: I really hate admitting this, but I have an account at OKCupid. Wait, let me explain myself. I made the account 4 years ago back when the site was still The Spark, which was just for stupid personality quizzes and book summaries. During that time period it somehow morphed into a dating site without me noticing. Anyway, I fiddle with it occasionally now, but the vast majority of guys on there creep me out. I just don’t think internet dating is for me.

#4: Mmmmm House

#5: Oh boy, this is so true. Just because I’m an atheist chick doesn’t mean I want to sit around talking about books and philosophy all day. I do have other interests, ya know. And to be honest, I’m not a big atheist philosophy buff – my area of expertise is evolution. When people assume I know everything about every philosopher, my eyes start to glaze over and I feel kind of stupid.

#6: This was one of the points I suggested, though others probably did too. If I see a decent or cute looking guy reading an atheist book or wearing an atheist shirt, I’m going to approach him. I was once driving behind a smoking hot guy with a FSM emblem on his car, and I was so tempted to give him a love tap…er, I mean, rear end him…er, slightly bump his car with my car. But I didn’t, because I figured I wouldn’t get my sitcom like ending.

And that sounds really shallow, so I apologize. I don’t have this “I only date hot guys” rule. Most guys I’ve dated are your general geeky/nerdy types…which doesn’t mean they’re unattractive…er, I’m just going to stop since some of my exes read my blog. Regardless, I am a young human female, so seeing a hot guy reading an atheist book is going to motivate me a bit more to make the first move.

Hm…I don’t have any witty closing remarks. Look, a cute distraction!*runs away*

It's the Apocalypse

My parents just friended me on facebook.

I think I’m accidentally to blame for this. I sent my Alaska photo album (oops, still didn’t post those here…one day!) to them via email, and I think that magically included a friend request. I say that because it claims I sent a friend request to my dad and he accepted it…yet I never did such thing. Gah. I quickly made all the good bits of my profile hidden. They know I’m an atheist, so that’s not an issue, I just tend to have pervy/swearing status updates, which I don’t want them to see. Lame, right? My mom was the kind of person who got upset when I said “That sucks” in high school…which is especially stupid since she and my dad swear all the time. Ironically the first time I swore in front of her was during the Presidental debates when McCain made his idiotic Bear DNA quote.

Me: *at TV* Oh, fuck you! …oh shit what did I just do
Mom: Yeah!!
Me: *phew*

Now I can say “crap” without her cringing. I’m such a grown up!

Anyway, thanks to Stephen for linking me to the most hilarious and appropriate website ever: Oh Crap. My Parents Joined Facebook.

Oh, and just as a side note…I think some people from the blog have been trying to friend me, but I probably have no idea who you are. So if you figure out where I am on facebook and friend me, at least include a message saying “I read you blog” or “I comment as ____” so I have an idea. Otherwise your friend request will sit in the eternal purgatory of “Pending.”

Now if you excuse me, I’m going to go jump off a cliff.

It’s the Apocalypse

My parents just friended me on facebook.

I think I’m accidentally to blame for this. I sent my Alaska photo album (oops, still didn’t post those here…one day!) to them via email, and I think that magically included a friend request. I say that because it claims I sent a friend request to my dad and he accepted it…yet I never did such thing. Gah. I quickly made all the good bits of my profile hidden. They know I’m an atheist, so that’s not an issue, I just tend to have pervy/swearing status updates, which I don’t want them to see. Lame, right? My mom was the kind of person who got upset when I said “That sucks” in high school…which is especially stupid since she and my dad swear all the time. Ironically the first time I swore in front of her was during the Presidental debates when McCain made his idiotic Bear DNA quote.

Me: *at TV* Oh, fuck you! …oh shit what did I just do
Mom: Yeah!!
Me: *phew*

Now I can say “crap” without her cringing. I’m such a grown up!

Anyway, thanks to Stephen for linking me to the most hilarious and appropriate website ever: Oh Crap. My Parents Joined Facebook.

Oh, and just as a side note…I think some people from the blog have been trying to friend me, but I probably have no idea who you are. So if you figure out where I am on facebook and friend me, at least include a message saying “I read you blog” or “I comment as ____” so I have an idea. Otherwise your friend request will sit in the eternal purgatory of “Pending.”

Now if you excuse me, I’m going to go jump off a cliff.