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It’s beginning to look a lot like the War on Christmas

You may not realize it my skeptical friends, but you are part of a vast army that hates Christmas. You are an unconscious agent, quietly activated every year, as part of the well known liberal conspiracy to hate Christmas cooked up decades ago:

(TelegraphUK – What has changed since 1959? Society has changed: less people believe in God now, and more value living in a multi-faith society that doesn’t impose its beliefs on others. But this revolution in thinking didn’t come from the ether. It was inspired and promoted by liberals like Lincoln Chafee. After the 1960s, a generation of political leaders decided that equality was best measured in diversity.

That would be the liberal Republican Governor Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island, a guy who might be barely to the left of Ronald Reagan and to the right of Eisenhower. Which makes him a liberal, see, and he hates Christmas! Ergo, liberals hate Christmas. Want more prove? Liberals celebrate diversity which everyone knows is mutally exclusive with Christmas! Got it? Do I have to draw a fucking Venn diagram for you?

I don’t personally believe in talking pumpkins and flying witches, and yet I somehow managed to enjoy Halloween lo these many years. No one ever seems to complain about that contradiction between faith and practice. But the mere thought of non-Christians having the day off or drinking eggnog is somehow offensive to a segment of loudmouths, which is puzzling because it’s always those very same loudmouths who complain that non-Christians aren’t properly recognizing Christmas. I suppose there’s a Venn diagram for that too, you know, in some kind of alternative non-Euclidean sacred space where one can be both in the set and in its complement at the same time.

Comments

  1. Trebuchet says

    I don’t personally believe in talking pumpkins and flying witches…

    Flying pumpkins, on the other hand, are very real.

  2. karmakin says

    Hells bells, take it back a notch. I’ve been accosted on several occasions for working on Sundays…by the person that I’m trying to help in the context of my job.

  3. New England Bob says

    Wait! No one issued me my rifle or hand grenades or shoulder fired missiles! (or is that mistletoe??). I want a hardened Humvee too. I also look fabulous in Khaki.

  4. d cwilson says

    I don’t personally believe in talking pumpkins and flying witches…

    I’m sure Christine O’Donnell has ridden in a plane at least once.

  5. wholething says

    I enjoyed Christmas more when I thought it was about Santa Claus. Now, I like it better without the religious pretentions.

  6. grumpyoldfart says

    As a teenager, fifty years ago, I decided to get out of the Christmas rut and told all my friends and relations that I would no longer be sending Christmas cards or presents to anyone. I did so, because I couldn’t be bothered with the hassle of crossing people on and off the Christmas card list, remembering who gave what last year and how much should I spend on them this year? Those hassles completely disappeared when I stopped celebrating Christmas, but people still say, “Oh, he HATES Christmas.”

    I don’t hate Christmas, I’m just lazy, that’s all.

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