Scalia, Jack Bauer, and Torture

There’s a bomb going off in an hour—Jack Bauer
Must find and disarm it, before we all die
And just ere the clock reaches zero, our hero
Comes through, thanks to torture! And so goes the lie.
In truth, this scenario never—not ever—
Describes what we do, or describes what we find!
The truth stands in stark contradiction to fiction
Excepting, of course, in Scalia’s cold mind. [Read more…]

Questions For Tonight’s Democratic Debate

As I sit here, just off the coast of Maine, I see politicians, minions, reporters and spin-doctors scurrying around the state of New Hampshire, kissing babies, shaking hands, eating lobster rolls and pancakes, and generally tying up traffic. Having already asked questions of the republicans, I now set my sights on the democrats, and a little bit more seriously (and not in verse, sorry). [Read more…]

Christmas Present

‘Twas the night before—really, the name doesn’t matter—
The goose we’d be roasting just couldn’t be fatter;
We’d trimmed out the tree, feeling ever-so-jolly,
The mistletoe shimmered, and so did the holly
The Yule-log was glowing; each flame, and each ember
Reminded us all it was late in December
In the house, we were warm, but it can’t be denied
While indoors we were cozy, ‘twas freezing outside [Read more…]

Why I Will Not Watch Tuesday’s GOP Debate

They took a pile of dog shit,
And they mushed it in a mound,
Till it stood about two inches tall,
Nine inches wide, and round,
They let it sit a while,
Till it dried a little bit,
And it looked a bit like pastry
(Though it through and through was shit)
Then they covered it with frosting
So it seemed a proper cake—
If you hadn’t paid attention,
And you didn’t know it’s fake—
Then they took the pile of dog shit
And they put it on display
And they said “it looks delicious—
Won’t you try a bite today?” [Read more…]