(The War On) The War On The War On The War On Christmas

It’s Christmas! It’s war! We are under attack!
Though the media try to deny it—
Those liberal bastards are all high on crack
If they think they are worthy to try it!

The War Against Christmas, of course, is quite real—
It’s the fault of the liberal news—
When exposed, it’s a fact that they’d rather conceal,
But that battle is one they will lose!

They’re waging a war on the war against Christmas,
To keep it from gaining attention—
If any war must be remembered, then this must;
For reasons too many to mention!

Where Christians had always controlled the town square
There are atheists trying to change it!
Now all sorts of heathens—it’s too much to bear—
Think it’s equally theirs to arrange it!

The nativity scene by the courthouse was fine
In a land where majority rules
And the chorus could sing of a savior divine
In a pageant, in all public schools

But our place at the courthouse—our place at the top
Was attacked by the atheist horde
And when activist judges said Christians must stop
It was like they were slapping the Lord

They tell us it isn’t attack, but defense—
They’re defending our dear constitution!
The must think we’re really incredibly dense
To believe hating God’s a solution.

We’ll accept nothing less than complete recognition
That Christ is what Christmas is for!
Till then, I’m declaring, this season’s great mission:
The war on the war on the war!

Context, after the jump: [Read more...]

The New Journalism

Our story needs some punching up—perhaps a pithy quote—
But there’s no one here to interview—well, none of any note.
Could we maybe find an activist to share his point of view?
Oh, but one would be unbalanced, so we’d better look for two.
Yes, the more extreme, the better, cos we really need the scoop,
And it doesn’t really matter if it’s just a splinter group—
Just as long as they’re identified by something in their name
We can pretty much be certain that their views are all the same.

So extremists show up everywhere to share extremist views
And it’s “wingnut versus wingnut” as a substitute for news.

Context, after the jump: [Read more...]

Atheist Christmas Stories

Looks like something the FtB community might enjoy–CNN’s iReport people are collecting our stories, the stories of “A holiday season without religion”. I’ve already submitted An Atheist’s Christmas, which (amusingly) was already seen by one commenter as an attack.

Anyway, increased visibility, a spectrum of atheist christmases, is a positive step toward increased acceptance. So, yeah, go tell the world about your atheist holiday season, whether you celebrate something or not. As of this posting, there are 189 stories up.

Ellwood City–No Atheists Allowed.

On the lawn at Ellwood City
Such a pity, such a pity,
That the mayor should be an idiot, and ignorant of law
Though he doesn’t see a danger
Showing Jesus in the manger
If a sign appeals to reason, he can see the fatal flaw
See, the laws of our great nation
Build a wall of separation
So endorsing a religion is a step we must not take
And Mayor Tony Court, his honor,
Knows the “reason” sign’s a goner—
He’ll reject the application, for the constitution’s sake!
We can show the birth of Jesus
Without worry, if it please us,
After all, it’s only Jesus, not some Christian Holy writ
Jesus’ birth is universal
So there’s no need for reversal
Since it’s representing everyone, there’s none who doesn’t fit!
But a sign promoting reason
In this holiest of seasons
Is a First Amendment no-no; it establishes a stance.
“Use your brains” is violation
Of our country’s firm foundation
Since it isn’t true for everyone, it doesn’t stand a chance!

You won’t believe the real story, but it’s just below the jump:

[Read more...]

This Means War! (On Christmas)

Every Christmas, all the churches would erect a little crèche
And they’d wash or paint the figures, for to keep the colors fresh
It was beautiful, and private, in the shadow of the steeple
But of course it made them wish they could display it to the people
So they put one by the courthouse, where it hadn’t been before,
And if anyone’s offended—this means war!

If the birth of Christ’s depiction gets a special public place
Then the constitution tells us that it has to share that space
So there might be a menorah, or a snowman, or a tree,
Cos if you can put your symbol there, the same applies to me
Till the courthouse is a meeting-place for holidays galore
Universal and inclusive—this means war!

Now the spirit of the season is expressed in giving gifts
It’s a secular occasion—not just Christian spirit lifts
You’ll find kids who write to Santa Claus, but now you have to search
For a solemn observation of Nativity in church
The people have forgotten what the holiday is for
And everyone loves Christmas—this means war!

After the jump, your one-stop source for all your war on christmas poetry needs: [Read more...]

The War On Christmas, Explained

So it’s Christmas—my Christmas—my secular day;
The Supreme Court decided it must be that way.
As a secular holiday, Christmas can stay,
With department-store Santa Claus, there on display,
Or with Rudolph, or some other TV cliché,
And your photograph taken in front of the sleigh.

If you want, you can use this occasion to pray;
Even atheists know such behavior’s okay—
Just as long as you don’t expect me to obey,
And admit that your version of Christmas holds sway;
The establishment clause means I don’t have to play
By your rules, because every belief gets its say.

If you really think Christmas is in disarray,
That it’s war, and it’s time to make somebody pay,
Then I humbly submit, you’ve been led far astray
By some ignorant pundit who airs his dismay
By the grace of that same First Amendment that “they”
Get to hide behind, here in the U. S. of A.

***
Just noticed this one hiding in the archives. From 3 years ago.

It’s Tough To Be Christian (When Christmastime Comes)

It’s tough to be Christian, when Christmastime comes,
What with Santa, and reindeer, and elves,
With other religions, or secular folks,
And people who think for themselves

The Christian religion has changed, over time,
And it makes us all anxious as hell,
When the season arrives, and it’s not just for us,
But for other religions as well!

My neighbors are having their holiday feast
And it’s making me angry to see—
Devoutly expressing their deeply felt faith…
But a different religion than me!

The Christian majority’s under attack,
When the holidays force us to share—
We need recognition that’s Christian alone;
Without it, we don’t have a prayer.

A bit more, after the jump: [Read more...]

The Night Before (The War On) Christmas

Another loooooong day today. Might have time to write something new later tonight, but for now, a favorite I had forgotten about! Don’t worry that it’s about the War On Christmas–I promise, it has a happy ending.

‘Twas the night before Christmas; the Christians all hunkered
In basements of buildings they’d armored and bunkered.
They huddled in silence; they huddled in fear,
With thoughts that the atheists soon would draw near…

(after the jump)
[Read more...]

Another Atheist Christmas Card

Ok, this one really takes the “let’s out-Hallmark Hallmark” and runs with it. Cuttlefamily’s first christmas cards have begun arriving–one from a cousin who has an album of christmas hymns out. Seriously. Her cards always–always–have a bible verse, and a poem that is weapons-grade glurge.

So, below the fold… weapons-grade atheist glurge. Do not click if you are insulin dependent. Do not click if you are allergic to syrup. Do not click if you have just eaten.

But if you get the same sort of cards I get from my relatives, and want something equally saccharine to send to them… put on your protective goggles and look past the jump…

[Read more...]