‘Tis The Season

Two things. First, although I have not yet seen a full-blown apoplectic Fox News meltdown on it yet (perhaps I just missed it), little hints here and there tell us that the annual War On Christmas has begun. So without further ado, this year’s song:

In mega-malls and coffee shops
In giant chains and mom-and-pops
The mistletoe and holly have been decked
The garland—silver, red, and green
Has been in place since Halloween
In store displays we’ve all come to expect
Employees dressed as helpful elves
Are stringing lights and stocking shelves
And spraying trees with artificial snow
And everywhere, the carols play
There’s no place you can get away
Cos Christmas is endangered, don’t you know?

I’m gearing up for this year’s war on Christmas
It’s gonna be a knock-down, drag-out fight!
I’m pissed off and I’m ranty, cos
It’s two full months of santy claus
And all I really want’s a silent night

We see displays in family yards
And messages in greeting cards
Which use an anti-Christian sort of phrase
Though everywhere across the earth
They’re celebrating Jesus’ birth
They use the PC “Happy Holidays”
I’ve seen examples by the scores
In catalogs and online stores
As well as at some places here in town
As everybody celebrates,
Their choice of phrases demonstrates
Their real agenda’s tearing Christmas down!

I’m gearing up for this year’s war on Christmas
It’s gonna be the worst you’ve ever seen
A little bad behavior’s worth
The selling of our savior’s birth
And doing so since not quite Halloween

We’re gathering with friends, to go
Despite the cold, despite the snow,
Sing carols for the old folks down the street
Surrounded by the happy greetings,
Hugs and kisses, merry meetings,
Smiles on all the faces that we meet.
We’re celebrating life and love
And not some savior from above
Our Christmas is a secular affair
Cos Christmas is for everyone—
Believe, or not, it’s still just fun
And if that thought offends you, I don’t care

I’m gearing up for this year’s war on Christmas
The birthday of our savior Jesus Christ
And what the hell, if this myth fails
There’s always after-Christmas sales
Where underwear and liquor are half priced

Yes, there is a tune, no, I won’t be able to post it. Yes, it needs a little polishing still, but I don’t have time for that. Why, after the jump:

It is also the season for something else. Long time readers know that what I do isn’t so much “writing poetry” as “exhibiting symptoms”, and that occasionally the world and I have a failure to communicate. The world, invariably, wins. So it is at present. I may come back in the days to come, just long enough to post some of the other old stuff (so, no new writing for a while) on the War On Christmas, just cos it’s fun and I need to migrate it over to this blog. But I have much too much to do in meatspace for the foreseeable future, so I have to do this so that I am not tempted to obsess over here (which is so much less stressful, but not an adaptive long-term strategy).

See you on the other side.

Related posts: An Atheist Christmas Card
An Atheist’s Christmas
The War Against Christmas Comes Early


  1. Badland, delurking for a bit says

    You phrase it better than I would, and in rhyme. That doesn’t seem fair.


  2. Joan says

    Yikes! Have been so spoiled by the seemingly bottomless pit of rhyme and wit, that I have come to rely on it to get me through daily meatspace.

    Hope you come back refreshed. Meanwhile, I’m eternally grateful that we’ll still benefit from your backlog of oldies but universally goodies.

    You should look into doing a series of anti-Xmas cards. Or songs. This one is just great.

  3. Joan says

    Well, that didn’t come quite right as a name for your cards, especially considering the point of the poem. Anti-anti Xmas propaganda cards? (sigh…)

  4. Crudely Wrott says

    Joan is right. You’ve spoiled us so.
    Dear friends are missed when they must go.
    Be quick! Step lively through the maze
    Sweet Cuttle. Happy Holidays.

    (Really, take all the time you need to do the things you need to do as well and thoroughly as you can do them. May your return be flush with accomplishment and confidence and with rhymes to wind around my mind, and rhymes to wind around my mind.)

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