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Category Archive: Pinheads

Jul 22 2014

On Defining Atheism

Sorry, no verse. My aggregator threw a post at me that was based on the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy’s definition of atheism. It used that definition for a lot of heavy lifting, showing that we atheist types are all sorts of illogical, given that definition. Thing is, it’s a shit definition, and moreover, it’s not …

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Jul 21 2014

Bishops’ Stance On Motives And Behaviors

“Hate the sin, but love the sinner”, So I do not hate the gays— Their desires aren’t a problem What’s a problem is their ways It’s their actions, not their motives, Which define a life of sin What’s important is their conduct Not what drives it from within. If you act on your attraction That’s …

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Jul 16 2014

Inclusive Becomes Sexist, In One Easy Step

If you want to play the market— And to out-perform the Dow— There’s an index fund that’s figured out A brand-new method how! If you recognize diversity In leadership positions You can make a great portfolio From other funds’ omissions! If you specialize in companies Where women are in charge You’re omitting eighty-nine percent (Cos …

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Jul 15 2014

“Religious Freedom Is Fading…”

I’ve got Jesus in my bedroom I’ve got Jesus in the halls I’ve got paintings, prints, and posters Of my savior on my walls There’s a Jesus on my dashboard While I’m driving down the street; And my shirt says “Jesus loves you” To the strangers I might meet Now, my neighbors’ yard is filled …

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Jul 05 2014

On The Deeply Held Religious Beliefs Of Corporations

A local corporation is a member of my church Though it never puts a dollar in the plate I haven’t seen it in the pews, no matter how I search Though it claims it’s more devout than me, of late It reads its bible daily, and of course it watches Fox, It’s offended by the …

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Jun 30 2014

Gee, I Guess Maybe I’m Not An Atheist After All

I’ve missed the point of atheism—missed it all along— I thought I was an atheist, but now I know I’m wrong: An atheist hates God, you see, because he loves his sins (It says so in the bible, and the bible always wins). An atheist loves cruelty; an atheist loves death; Defending immorality with every …

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Jun 28 2014

Sophisticated … Something.

I needed a few vital groceries So I laced up my shoes and set forth But I’d somehow forgotten my compass So I didn’t know which way was North! It’s just down the street that I’m heading And I’ll hope against hope for the best The store’s on the left when I get there But …

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Jun 04 2014

An Ode To Open Carry

I carry my gun to the toilet, and boy, let Me tell you, it’s difficult wiping my ass But guns are important! For freedom, you need ‘em In every location—a critical mass! I carry while changing my baby, cos maybe A diaper goes rogue, and I need to defend! My AK goes with me while …

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May 30 2014

Utah Girls Have No Right To Bare Arms

The photos they saw Though they’d broken no law Still were setting off major alarms See, the dresses they chose Left their shoulders exposed! Utah girls have no right to bare arms! They were sleeveless—just straps, And they’d worn them, perhaps Many times, and encountered no harms But for yearbooks, their school Had a Mormon-based …

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May 16 2014

“He Meets And Exceeds My Criteria For Such”

When the townsfolk demand I resign For a statement I’ve owned up as mine For my honest opinions Of Hussein and his minions That I uttered out loud (I’m not sorry—I’m proud! See, the man makes me sick So I turn him off quick Cos he’s all that I see when I turn on TV) …

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