In North Carolina, Republicans boast
That they vote as they vote, for the good of the coast;
They follow the science that Genesis teaches
Denying the rise of the sea toward the beaches
Denying the flooding; denying the storms;
Denying the change as the atmosphere warms;
Denying the models predicting the inches,
They sit and pass judgment, like so many Grinches
When shoreline developers ponder their fate
They’re required to use just the linear rate;
If a model is used that accelerates steeply
The users, by law, are in doo-doo, and deeply;
The model, so far as our legal force reaches,
Says life will be good for the folks on the beaches.
We’ve conquered the climate (from our point of view,
And the people denying our power are few);
It’s time to use law, as our magical spell,
To address other problems of nature as well:
If gravity causes our bodies to fall,
We’ll prevent it, by law, from existing at all!
Those troubling bits, of inertia and mass?
We can ban them, for being a pain in the ass!
If a physical constant is not what you need,
Like the value of pi, or the speed of light’s speed,
We can change it, or morph it, or nuke it, or ban it,
And make life much better for folks on our planet.
The forces of nature will simply withdraw…
When challenged by us… with the force of the law.