I’m giving out bibles this Halloween night—
The Gideons gave me a stack—
It’s more in the spirit, I think you’ll agree,
Than some sort of a sugary snack.
Cos Halloween night is supposed to be scary
And danger is part of the draw
“Be wicked! Be evil!” is age-old tradition,
Revered like it’s practically law.
Though candies or cookies or apples are things
You’re more likely to get from a stranger,
My green-covered bibles—though rarer by far—
May present a more serious danger!
With all of the junk the young goblins are gobblin’
You might think my claim is insane
But candy, you see, only rots out your teeth;
My bibles will rot out your brain
More evil, after the jump:
The Gideons must have some new designers working for them!
Of course, I’m still finding them all over campus, where people who have been gifted them have decided to gift them to radiators, recycling bins, and hall tables. I always take them (I have quite a collection), to keep them out of the hands of impressionable young children, and because I have a drafty window with a hole in it almost perfectly suited for such bibles. Really, it’s perfectly created for it–kind of a biblethropic principle hole, showing the real purpose of those little green books.
The nice thing about giving out bibles for
Halloween JesusWeen is that you only need maybe a half dozen or so; after that, the word has spread, and no one rings your doorbell any more, except perhaps to alert you that there is a paper bag on fire on your front porch.