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Oct 23 2013

Permitted

Good news for the people of Turkey: they now have access to a halal online sex shop. W00t!

Yes that’s right, a halal sex shop. A shop where the sex products are halal as opposed to haram. Good eh? Reassuring. If only everything in life were halal as opposed to haram. How much more tidy everything would be.

The website describes its products as completely safe and halal according to Islamic rules.

When Internet users enter the online shopping site, there are two different links for men and women that lead visitors to separate sections for male and female products.

Well all right! That makes it halal right there all by itself – strict separation of women and men. That’s the only kind of halal sex there is: the kind where women and men are kept strictly separate. Women and men are halal when they’re separate, but put them in proximity and oh no, they get more and more haram the closer together they get. Quick, somebody fetch the walls and the body-tents!

halal

 

That’s a beautiful graphic, don’t you think? The man looking kind of gloomy and limp, wondering where his next halal shag is going to come from, and the woman looking not there at all, but merely represented by an empty hood.

There are also other sections on the website that discuss sexual intercourse in terms of Islam.

Oh, I know this one! It goes like this:

  1. ——->
  2. <——

Repeat if necessary.

 

 

 

6 comments

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  1. 1
    HappiestSadist, Repellent Little Martyr

    There are quite a few of these shops aimed at the fundie Christian demographic as well. (A quick googling reveals “Covenant Spice”, among others.)

  2. 2
    leftwingfox

    The website describes its products as completely safe and halal according to Islamic rules.

    Funny!

    When Internet users enter the online shopping site, there are two different links for men and women that lead visitors to separate sections for male and female products.

    And I’m not laughing anymore. Le sigh.

  3. 3
    Kausik Datta

    The sheer, mind-fucking stupidity of it all. Gaaaah!!

  4. 4
    Al Dente

    The man looking kind of gloomy and limp, wondering where his next halal shag is going to come from

    He looks to me like he’s had a long, unsatisfying wank and has decided to put off the finish until tomorrow.

  5. 5
    David Hart

    Do they have some sort of software that would prevent someone opening two instances of their internet browser, and looking at the male and female sections at the same time? Oh the humanity!

    Also,

    they get more and more haram the closer together they get

    For some reason this put me in mind of Lewis Carroll: Harammer and harammer, thought Alice to herself.

  6. 6
    left0ver1under

    My first thought to mind is a song about sexual ignorance that was written and performed by a muslim.

    http://youtu.be/nw7d4pVKHyo

    Quelle irony, n’est-ce pas?

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