Good news for the people of Turkey: they now have access to a halal online sex shop. W00t!
Yes that’s right, a halal sex shop. A shop where the sex products are halal as opposed to haram. Good eh? Reassuring. If only everything in life were halal as opposed to haram. How much more tidy everything would be.
The website describes its products as completely safe and halal according to Islamic rules.
When Internet users enter the online shopping site, there are two different links for men and women that lead visitors to separate sections for male and female products.
Well all right! That makes it halal right there all by itself – strict separation of women and men. That’s the only kind of halal sex there is: the kind where women and men are kept strictly separate. Women and men are halal when they’re separate, but put them in proximity and oh no, they get more and more haram the closer together they get. Quick, somebody fetch the walls and the body-tents!
That’s a beautiful graphic, don’t you think? The man looking kind of gloomy and limp, wondering where his next halal shag is going to come from, and the woman looking not there at all, but merely represented by an empty hood.
There are also other sections on the website that discuss sexual intercourse in terms of Islam.
Oh, I know this one! It goes like this:
Repeat if necessary.