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Aug 28 2012

Tighten it up

Hooray, great strides for women in India.

An Indian company has launched what it claims is the country’s first vagina tightening cream, saying it will make women feel “like a virgin” again. The company says it is about empowering women…

Empowering women? By making them feel “like a virgin”? Because virgin women are so powerful? What, like the Delphic oracle? Tight virginal vagina=telephone line to the gods?

This video is designed to market a vaginal “rejuvenation and tightening” product, which was launched this month in India.

The makers of 18 Again, the Mumbai-based pharmaceutical company Ultratech, say it is the first of its kind in India (similar creams are already available in other parts of the world such as the USA), and fills a gap in the market.

Ultratech’s owner, Rishi Bhatia, says the cream, which is selling for around $44 (£28), contains natural ingredients including gold dust, aloe vera, almond and pomegranate, and has been clinically tested.

“It’s a unique and revolutionary product which also works towards building inner confidence in a woman and boosting her self esteem,” says Mr Bhatia, adding that the goal of the product is to “empower women”.

Oh right! I get it now. Because of course any woman who has a disgusting sloppy baggy loose vagina has obviously lost any inner confidence she once had. It’s well known that there is a nerve that links the vagina to the inner confidence and that as the vagina sheds its discipline and becomes like a giant deflated balloon, all the air goes out of the inner confidence too. It’s tragic. How wonderful that there’s now a magical way to use gold dust to tighten up the horrible floppy thing.

Mr Bhatia says the product is not claiming to restore a woman’s virginity, but to restore the emotions of being a virgin.

“We are only saying, ‘feel like a virgin’ – it’s a metaphor. It tries to bring back that feeling when a person is 18.”

Or 16, or 14…or 9, as is not uncommon in India.

“This kind of cream is utter nonsense, and could give some women an inferiority complex,” argues Annie Raja from the National Federation of Indian Women, which fights for women’s rights in the country.

Ms Raja says that rather than empower women, the cream will do the opposite, by reaffirming a patriarchal view that is held by many here – the notion that men want all women to be virgins until their wedding night.

Well you know how it is – all those men tromping through there, they blow the thing out, so it gets to be like trying to fuck a blanket, and a very dirty used stained blanket at that.

Has anybody thought of inventing disposable vaginas? What about that for a solution? A new clean tight virginal one every morning, and high self-esteem all around. Win-win!

 

37 comments

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  1. 1
    Sunny

    Wasn’t there another story about a vulva lightening cream on the market in India some time back? Seems like the female genital market in India is really booming.

    Considering that the Dollar-Rupee conversion rate is approximately 1:50, these products would cost a small fortune for most Indians.

  2. 2
    Pierce R. Butler

    Uh.

    “… fills a gap in the market.”

    Oof.

  3. 3
    Doubting Thomas

    I wonder if this would work on my loose neck skin. Getting rid of that would make me feel “like a virgin”. ;-)

  4. 4
    Captaintripps

    Sadly many men already think of women as “disposable vaginas.”

  5. 5
    helen sotiriadis

    i think it’s more about a woman feeling like a virgin…. from the guy’s point of view.

  6. 6
    Alyson Miers

    Ultratech’s owner, Rishi Bhatia, says the cream, which is selling for around $44 (£28), contains natural ingredients including gold dust, aloe vera, almond and pomegranate, and has been clinically tested.

    And I’ll bet those clinical trials found that the product is a load of horseshit. Overpriced, fact-free nonsense.

  7. 7
    Forbidden Snowflake

    Well, this one is for the women-who-hate-their-bodies-have-too-much-spare-money-and-don’t-know-chemistry-for-shit market.
    Srsly, gold dust?

  8. 8
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    Or 16, or 14…or 9, as is not uncommon in India.

    Women from the group targeted by the product probably marry later.
    At least I think that mostly poor women get married off very young, and those from higher casts marry a bit later. Going by the price, this is not for the poor.

    “Empowering women”. Right. *pukes*

  9. 9
    interrobang

    You know, if you really want to be able to grip things with your lady bits, Kegel exercises are easy, free, don’t require any equipment other than what nature provided (although you can get assistive devices such as Betty Dodgson’s vaginal barbell), and can be done anywhere at any time. They also help prevent or cure that post-partum “drip when I sneeze” problem. Win-win.

  10. 10
    oolon

    Felt like a hoax to me when I saw this on bbc news. Looking into it and Celina Jaitly is the face behind it – she is apparently a gay rights campaigner in India so sounds like no idiot. There is to be a discussion group on empowering women with her and a few other womens activists… Surely they are not serious?

  11. 11
    oolon

    Sorry just saw this
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7twm98N6NDE&feature=context-cha

    Honorary Gynecologist, Dr. R. M. Saraogi talks about the benefits of 18 Again at our press launch event in Mumbai.

    How the hell do you become an honorary Gynaecologist! This must be a joke?

  12. 12
    Josh, Official SpokesGay

    Alert, Ophelia Oolon is a known pig banned at Greta Christina’s for calling her a cunt.

  13. 13
    Ophelia Benson

    Josh, I know, I saw that yesterday.

  14. 14
    oolon

    Eek – I just saw it too :-)

    I was sockpuppeted at TFs blog at about the same time… How did they do it here as well? Thunderf00t himself was sockpuppeted there so I was not surprised… But here! I thought each username needed to be unique?

    http://thunderf00tdotorg.wordpress.com/2012/08/26/a-atheism-plus-for-a-third-glorious-age-of-total-agreement/#comment-10991

    Any help in establishing the IP / email for the nasty oolon was different is appreciated. I’m laughing as I must have really pissed them off on TFs blog to get them to take this much time and effort to discredit me.

  15. 15
    oolon

    Also Greta does not appear to have banned ‘me’… Maybe the other account was banned but mine remained…

  16. 16
    oolon

    No worries – seems Greta has noticed I am not the ‘oolon’ on the block :-)
    http://freethoughtblogs.com/greta/2012/08/27/mencallmethings-whining-annoying-cunt/#comment-91636

  17. 17
    Josh, Official SpokesGay

    Oh dear, Oolon. . . I’m sorry. What SHIT behavior. Gawd I hate these assholes.

  18. 18
    oolon

    Don’t worry about it – I’ve obviously succeeded in annoying them on TFs blog… Not a very noble or difficult endeavour taking the piss out of the crazies there but it kept me entertained over a boring bank holiday here in the UK.

  19. 19
    Ophelia Benson

    Ah! I looked at your previous comments and the incident yesterday didn’t seem to fit, so I waited. Glad I did! I’ll give Greta your IP.

  20. 20
    Ophelia Benson

    Oh never mind, I see it’s not necessary.

    Man that stinks.

  21. 21
    Josh, Official SpokesGay

    Disposable vaginas? That sounds like a job for the Bic Company. New Bic For Her Downstairs.

  22. 22
    Ophelia Benson

    Hahaha – yes, New from Bic: Vaginas for Her!

  23. 23
    stoferb

    Yeah. How about an “Akin+”-vagina? Not only does it sense when the woman is being raped and produces anti-sperm nanobots so she doesn’t get pregnant. It also decapitates his penis!

  24. 24
    Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    @stoferb, #23:

    You can’t talk about damage to the almighty PENIS that way. Even a rapist’s glorious PENIS is more important than the mere triviality of rape he commits (with his mighty PENIS).

  25. 25
    Ophelia Benson

    Heh. Funny you should mention it. I’ve just defended the damage-free penis at great length in the most recent post. You can thank Giles Fraser.

  26. 26
    Brian

    This reminds me or Borat for some reason….I think it’s when he ‘hilariously’ chats about his wife’s vagine being like a wizard’s sleeve….
    There was a joke when I was barely a teenager doing the rounds: Q. ‘What’s a woman? A. A life support system for cunt’. I know I would have laughed at it as a kid, makes me embarrassed to think of it now.
    Casual misogyny is everywhere.

  27. 27
    Marcus Ranum

    It’s odd that the “problem” is the vagina being too big, rather than the penis being too small. Coincidence?

  28. 28
    Illuminata, Genie in the Beer Bottle

    although you can get assistive devices such as Betty Dodgson’s vaginal barbell

    the . . . . . what? . . . . .

    I’m terrified of googling this. Is this a real thing in the world?

  29. 29
    Forbidden Snowflake

    I’m terrified of googling this. Is this a real thing in the world?

    Probably just some vagxercise equipment for women who want to be able to whistle a song with their vaginas.

  30. 30
    HappiestSadist, Repellent Little Martyr

    I’ve actually seen this stuff before, it’s kind of a staple at the less enlightened adult novelty emporiums.

  31. 31
    GordonWillis

    The more we dig, the more viciousness we uncover. Humankind is sick.

  32. 32
    Anbheal

    #27 Marcus — my thoughts exactly. Were I expected to use that product in order to satisfy the insecure expectations of my partner in the marital bed, I’d hand him a jar of bogus dick-enlarging cream: “you want a tight fit, honey, come back when you can fill the gap”.

  33. 33
    latsot

    There’s lots and lots of bad here, isn’t there?

    First we have the part about men for some reason wanting to fuck virgins. Oh, I suppose there *might* be some evolutionary psychology there, but isn’t it mostly about either performance insecurity or trying to prevent women getting ideas about actually enjoying sex?

    And then we have the idea that The Mighty Penis has ruined a woman for any other man. It’s worthless to other men now, for I have fucked it, somehow massively distended it and therefore I own it. And by ‘it’ I mean both the vagina and it’s (former) owner. You wouldn’t want my wife because my enormous penis has stretched her vagina so much that your much smaller one wouldn’t touch the sides. You, woman, will not be wanted by any other man for the same reason, so don’t go getting any ideas. And fortunately you don’t know any better because – thank goodness – you were a virgin.

    Vile.

  34. 34
    Alethea Kuiper-Belt

    Illuminata, yes, it’s a real thing, and totally legitimate. You may perhaps find it useful when you are older, or after childbirth.

  35. 35
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    To chime in with Alethea:
    Kegels and vaginal exercise are useful and legitimate things. They’re not about him (although there can be definite benefits), but about your own health.
    Your pelvic floor is a set of muscles that gives way with age and especially after childbirth, making women suffer from incontinence much more than men.
    So, get to know your body, learn the exercises.
    They’re free, no equipment needed and you can do them everywhere.

  36. 36
    Biofantasy

    Vagina Tightening Cream (Herbal Vaginal Contraction) by Biofantasy can shows results within 40 minutes, you can experience the contraction in vagina & tender feeling of stimulation of G-Spot. Regular application of cream can enhance the tightening sensation & sensation of vagina. To sustain the affect of Vagina Tightening Cream Se(Herbal Vaginal Contraction) it is advisable not to wash Vagina immediately.
    The very special essence, moisturizing and firming up very gently for women’s sensitive and secret area. With mild and natural extracts, the essence would be mildly nourishing and revitalizing it significantly. Turning back the feeling of being young just like before.
    Biofantasy Vagina Tightening Cream works by toning and lubricating the inner walls of the vagina. It enhances the ability to draw on and secrete your own natural lubricants. It stimulates the “Bartholon” glands to release estrogen, helping to restore lubrication solving the problem of vaginal dryness and thicken the vaginal walls.

    Directions
    Clean the Vagina and apply the cream gently in 1 cm and massage it properly till fully absorbed. Do the massage for 10 to 15 minutes daily in the morning and evening.

    Active Ingredients

    Pueraria Minifica Extract, Kegelia Afficana Extract, Centella Asiatica, Hydro Gel, Phenexyethanol, Glycerine, Butylene Glycol, Hyaluronic Acid, Natural Thai Herb Extract, Purified Water

    After childbirth, the vagina may become stretched, and men get smaller as they age due to less testosterone in their systems, which can affect the size of their erections and their stamina as well. By vaginal tightening the vagina, this can enhance pleasure for both the woman and the man.

    With childbirth and aging pelvic muscles relax and the internal and external diameters of the vagina increase. Difficult deliveries can cause serious stretches, tears, and rips — and generalized weakening of pelvic supports.

    Benefits of Vagina Tightening Cream

    It helps in Firming and tightening the vagina naturally.
    It also helps in protection from microbial pathogens.
    It Contains estrogen which helps in lubrication, thus it solves the problem of vaginal dryness.
    It reduces excessive mucus of the vagina. It is an anti-inflammatory that stop swelling and avoids unpleasant odor.
    Lastly it contracts and reshape the vaginal walls to intensify intimate pleasure.
    Use Biofantasy Vagina Tightening Cream regularly for Tighter Vagina…

    Buy Vagina Tightening Cream online
    http://www.biofantasy.com/
    For more query contact – 09815107495

  37. 37
    Helene Vancuren

    I was pretty pleased to find this web site. I wanted to thank you for ones time for this particularly wonderful read!! I definitely savored every little bit of it and I have you saved as a favorite to look at new stuff in your site.

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