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Jan 23 2013

I get email?!?!?!

“Hi Jennifer,
Have a good time!
I have seen your blog and wondered about your activities.
you are active, honest, lover of nature, and a girl with grate fillings.
After reading your blog, I have wondered how such woman with such open mind, can disclaim her creator or her God !!!!??
Do you really deny any creator for this mathematical and systematic world!??
What is your reasons for this atheism ?!
Do you know really what causes that such a grate human is performed from electrons ?!!
Do you know what is the relationship between behavior and gens ?!! Who create this ?! you ?! me ?! People before me and you ?!
Do you really agree that such a grate wonderful systems (genetics, human, world , … ) appear accidentally ?!!”

Yes.

61 comments

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  1. 1
    glodson

    Some of those aren’t questions!!??

  2. 2
    VeritasKnight

    That was a grate response.

  3. 3
    A Hermit

    you are …a girl with grate fillings.

    You have firewood!!? Perhaps they mean lumps of coal!11!?

    ??1!confused??/1/1//?

  4. 4
    IslandBrewer

    I can’t read that.

    I find it greating.

  5. 5
    Ze Madmax

    Do you know really what causes that such a grate human is performed from electrons ?!!

    Wut?

  6. 6
    daved

    Wow, he can tell you have grate fillings from a distance! Must be a psychic dentist.

  7. 7
    Rob

    Apart from their obsession with fireplace hardware they also apparently appreciate great dentistry. Nice.

  8. 8
    Caveat Imperator

    I’m still trying to decipher whether the author of this email is a non-native speaker of English, or is just an idiot.
     
    Maybe there should be a Poe’s law variant for poor grammar, diction, spelling, and argumentation. “Without the use of a smiley or otherwise obvious indication of humorous intent, it is impossible to tell the difference between an Internet communication written by an individual poorly educated in English, and a similar message written by a mere idiot.”

  9. 9
    Tom Foss

    Do you know really what causes that such a grate human is performed from electrons ?!!

    I know I like my chili with a little finely-grated human on top.

  10. 10
    shouldbeworking

    Oh no. I would never comment on a female’s fillings. That is a private matter between her and her dentist.

    Finally, someone has produced something more confusing than the last set of physics labs I marked.

  11. 11
    A Hermit

    “All your grate are belong to us!!?!

  12. 12
    CPPS

    “I accidentally the entire !!?.”

  13. 13
    bbgunn

    I’m guessing that the writer is just learning English or is Sarah Palin.

  14. 14
    A Hermit

    bbgunn ftw…;)

  15. 15
    gussnarp

    @caveatimperator –

    I’m still trying to decipher whether the author of this email is a non-native speaker of English, or is just an idiot.

    False dichotomy. Never forget the possibility that both are true!?

  16. 16
    Forrest Baum

    Clean out that grate! The rain is fillings it!

  17. 17
    Brian

    Grates are made from electrons! Fuckin’ how do they work? Ergo, …

    something?!!

  18. 18
    sc_5b5039dd39eec895ccc71934d4e6783f

    13.

    bbgunn

    I’m guessing that the writer is just learning English or is Sarah Palin.

    Ftw indeed! I laughed out loud for several seconds.

    “just learning” may be a bit too generous, though: far too many people get to this embarrassingly inadequate level and then assume it’s good enough, feeling free to spray their horribly malformed brainfarts all over t’interwebs.

  19. 19
    jalyth

    Allowing that this email writer may be learning English, I won’t make fun of word usage, spelling, or grammar. These kind of leading questions are literally taught to religious people trying to persuade non-religious folk to rethink their beliefs/knowledge. BUT one can’t just list all the questions in a row, you’re supposed to wait for an answer and then move to the next one. You can’t give away all your “good” arguments at the beginning. FAIL on persuasive tactics alone.

  20. 20
    hexidecima

    poor Christian. Sorry, open mind doesn’t mean my mind is open to every stupid idea that falls out of someone’s mouth. How can such an open-minded (heh, yeah) person not beleive that it was aliens from Zeta Reticuli were their creator? Tsk.

  21. 21
    Ouabache

    I seriously doubt that this person is a Christian. The “mathematical and systematic world” part makes me think it’s from a Muslim.

  22. 22
    Scr... Archivist

    Was the writer using Google Translate?

    If we translated this text into twelve other languages and then back into English, maybe it would become more clear.

  23. 23
    sparks

    Computer: 800 bucks. Internet connection: 19.95. English version Rosetta Stone: 500 bucks.

    Sky Daddy bleevers: Fucking priceless.

  24. 24
    Rob

    Sorry, open mind doesn’t mean my mind is open to every stupid idea that falls out of someone’s mouth.

     
    Indeed, sometimes if your mind is too open everything just falls out.

  25. 25
    crowepps

    Where’s the bank information? When I get this kind of stuff it always includes the bank information so that I can make lots of money as a reward for doing somebody a small favor in perfect safety –

  26. 26
    Christoph Burschka

    Grate fillings?

    I’m not even sure how you perform dental work on a fireplace.

  27. 27
    meanmike

    Have a good time! I too like to start emails with a parting phrase. It throws my correspondents off balance. Hello!

  28. 28
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    OK, I have to admit I have admired your fillings from afar for some time now. And I don’t know if I should ask if you are available and interested in going out on a date, or if I should ask for your dentist’s number.

  29. 29
    leftwingfox

    Yet another victim of an Interrogangbang.

  30. 30
    Skeptimus Prime

    “Do you know really what causes that such a grate human is performed from electrons ?!!”

    And protons too, don’t forget those.

  31. 31
    lordshipmayhem

    I love your response, Jen. Short and clear – sort of like the e-mail sender’s IQ.

  32. 32
    Strewth

    Best. Answer. Ever.

    Also, leftwingfox, I may have torn something laughing at interrogangbang.

  33. 33
    evilDoug

    “Do you know really what causes that such a grate human is performed from electrons ?!!”

    And protons too, don’t forget those.

    Oh gawd, another polarized FtB thread! Can’t anyone ever find any neutron ground?

  34. 34
    heddle

    Wow. A bunch of pathetic chowderheads making fun of a non-native speaker. Your parents would be so proud.

  35. 35
    David Marjanović

    BUT one can’t just list all the questions in a row, you’re supposed to wait for an answer and then move to the next one. You can’t give away all your “good” arguments at the beginning. FAIL on persuasive tactics alone.

    I take it as a sincere expression of complete and utter bafflement. Some people have really sheltered lives.

    I seriously doubt that this person is a Christian. The “mathematical and systematic world” part makes me think it’s from a Muslim.

    Not necessarily; using that as an argument has been common in the western Christian world since… well, probably since Aristotle was reintroduced via the Muslim world. In any case Thomas Aquinas (13th century) used it.

    Was the writer using Google Translate?

    Nope. Google Translate doesn’t know that great and great are pronounced the same way, and that the distinction in pronunciation between feeling and filling is one that few languages have.

  36. 36
    David Marjanović

    …which is to say, if I were our esteemed host, I’d write a friendly, patient reply.

  37. 37
    Nepenthe

    Are your grate fillings cherry or apple flavor!?!?

  38. 38
    Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    Maybe it was dictated to Siri.

    Ever since my mother got an iPhone with Siri the number of rambling, incoherent emails filled with homophones landing in my inbox has increased.

  39. 39
    UnknownEric the Apostate

    “Do you know what is the relationship between behavior and gens ?!!”

    They’re just good friends.

  40. 40
    Kevin

    Heddle: Please be so kind as to fuck off.

    In fact, the majority of the commenters were giving the poster concessions for what is obviously not his/her first language.

    It’s the content contained within the poor English that’s being mocked.

    You haven’t learned one single thing in all the years you’ve been trolling atheist blogs, have you?

  41. 41
    Sarras

    @caveatimperator:
    As a non-native-speaker (neither of English nor your language) myself I resent that comment. ;->
    Earnestly, there’s an easy way to tell. Fix the typos, and if it still sounds like it’s coming from a moron it probably is…

  42. 42
    heddle

    Kevin,

    It’s the content contained within the poor English that’s being mocked.

    Uh huh. That’s why “grate” appears in something like 14 of the comments. And “fillings” in something like 9 of the comments. Because you were mocking the content.

    Asshole.

  43. 43
    Steve the Drunk Unicyclist

    26. Christoph Burschka said:
    Grate fillings?
    I’m not even sure how you perform dental work on a fireplace.

    Dammit, Chris! I’m a doctor, not a bricklayer!
    [with apologies to DeForest Kelley]

  44. 44
    Sarras

    @heddle:

    That last comment of yours made me

    - check your blog.
    - for the first me being almost being ashamed of being a physicist.

    Honestly, do you own a mirror’? Look into it an read aloud the last line of your comment . Repeat as needed … that’s about a hundred times at least.

  45. 45
    heddle

    Alexander Sarras,

    or the first me being almost being ashamed of being a physicist.

    Oh brother. Why would ever even consider that the religion, politics, or outright bad behavior of someone, operating in a domain outside their profession, could make you ashamed (or almost ashamed) of your profession.

    That’s just dumb.

    It’s just physics. Not Physics+.

  46. 46
    Nick Gotts

    Fix the typos, and if it still sounds like it’s coming from a moron it probably is…

    OK, here’s my attempt (in italics):

    Hi Jennifer,
    Hi Jennifer
    Have a good time!
    I hope this finds you well
    I have seen your blog and wondered about your activities.
    Having read your blog, I have some questions.
    you are active, honest, lover of nature, and a girl with grate fillings.
    You are active, honest, and a woman with fine feelings.
    After reading your blog, I have wondered how such woman with such open mind, can disclaim her creator or her God !!!!??
    How can a woman with such an open mind disclaim her creator, her God?
    Do you really deny any creator for this mathematical and systematic world!??
    Do you really deny that this mathematical, orderly world needs a creator?
    What is your reasons for this atheism ?!
    What is your reason for your atheism?
    Do you know really what causes that such a grate human is performed from electrons ?!!
    Do you know how a human being is formed from elementary particles?
    Do you know what is the relationship between behavior and gens ?!!
    Who create this ?! you ?! me ?! People before me and you ?!
    Do you know the relationship between behavour and genes? Who created this [relationship]? You? Me? People before us?
    Do you really agree that such a grate wonderful systems (genetics, human, world , … ) appear accidentally ?!!”
    Do you really think such wonderful systems (genetics, human beings, the world) appeared accidentally?

    OK, I’ve done my honest best with it, using standard British English words and idioms, correcting errors such as “electrons” to “elementary particles”, making the best sense of it I could.

    It’s still absolute tosh, isn’t it? Simply assumes without argument that the only possible source of order is a disembodied superintelligence. It’s insulting to email such puerile nonsense to someone as if it were worth their time to read it, but in this case, at least it provided some amusement.

  47. 47
    Sarras

    Right, so what did fixing the typos tell you? ;->

    Oh, and heddle, it don’t care about you missing any resemblance of “good behaviour”. I do not condone it, but I expect it. It’s just he fact that you dare call yourself a physicist and are not able to cope without an emotional crutch …

    Just to avoid misunderstandings: I’m not an atheist.

  48. 48
    heddle

    Alexander Sarras

    It’s just he fact that you dare call yourself a physicist and are not able to cope without an emotional crutch …

    Dare to call myself a physicist? Dare? What the hell does that even mean? You are not making any sense.

  49. 49
    Kevin

    Heddle has been making Christians look bad since … well, I can’t be arsed to look it up.

    Heddle is a full-on Calvinist. Meaning, it believes that god has already decided who is saved and who isn’t. And this god will do the saving (or not) whether or not the person in question wants to be saved (or not).

    Yeah, that’s the position. It doesn’t get any better with age.

    The only question is why Heddle feels the need to evangelize when its god clearly is in control of the situation.

    It’s the bizarre Loony Tunes version of Calvinism. Without the funny Road Runner.

  50. 50
    Sarras

    Damn you, now I feel sorry for him …
    ;->

  51. 51
    coyotenose

    Heddle, why are you so incompetent at logic and debate as to not know that the actual content of the letter is ridiculous no matter the grammar?

    And why are you so one-sidedly pissy as to assume that giggles over poor grammar are hateful because the writer isn’t a native English speaker? If you actually read the comments in most blogs and forums, or for that matter, ANYTHING ON THE INTERNET, instead of skimming them just enough to sate your fetishistic confirmation bias, you’d notice that typos frequently become running gags. Magically, it doesn’t even imply contempt for the person who made the error.

    I wrote “numberical” in a chat yesterday, and almost twenty people, most of whom I don’t know, made fun of the word. All afternoon. That didn’t mean they were making fun of me. Your wittle persecution complex causes you to see otherwise, but strangely, only when the imagined victim is someone you want to agree with.

    Uh huh. That’s why “grate” appears in something like 14 of the comments. And “fillings” in something like 9 of the comments. Because you were mocking the content.

    As I said, there is no implied contempt in ANY of those comments for the writer based on grammar. Now let’s compare your posts…

    Wow. A bunch of pathetic chowderheads making fun of a non-native speaker. Your parents would be so proud.

    Asshole.

    Hmmm. Nothing but insults based on a false premise there. Does Jesus love you for being a hypocritical liar?

    No really, I’m genuinely curious as to what your deity says about people who are hypocrites and liars, like you in this thread. Whyn’tcha look it up and get back to us. How about Christians who, through their behavior (hypocritical and lying in your case), drive others away from Christ? What does He think of that? Surely it’s written down somewhere.

    How about stalking people in hopes of finding something to gloat over? Does that relate in any way to this thing I heard once about a beam in someone’s eye?

  52. 52
    heddle

    coyotenose,

    As I said, there is no implied contempt in ANY of those comments for the writer based on grammar. Now let’s compare your posts…

    Well since you said it… I mean, what was I thinking? Yes now that I look back I see that you all were being very gracious to him/her. How very A+ of you. My bad.

    I wrote “numberical” in a chat yesterday, and almost twenty people,

    I’m sure you were a pillar of strength. And making fun of a typo is certainly the same as making fun of someone’s attempt to communicate in a second language. Again, what was I thinking?

    No really, I’m genuinely curious as to what your deity says…

    Oh noes! Some some variation of the tiresome “I used to be a Christian until I met so-called Christians like heddle.” Gee, do try to be a little original.

    And, as a general rule of thumb, I don’t take advice on my Christianity from know-nothing commentators on an atheist blog.

  53. 53
    Caveat Imperator

    @Alexander Sarras,

    I apologize. I did not intend to offend you.

  54. 54
    Sarras

    You didn’t.
    Why do you think you did?

    Well, never mind that question, It’s rhetorical, anyway. And it’s nap time for me, too.

  55. 55
    mnb0

    Heddle, I think every atheist should apply your excellent attitude

    “I don’t take advice on my Christianity from know-nothing commentators”

    mutatis mutandis to you, know-nothing as you seem.

  56. 56
    cubist

    Excellent response to the WHARBLGARBL! Another excellent response, courtesy of HL Mencken, which you might want to use on the next WHARBLGARBL screed than manifests in your inbox:
    “Dear sir or madam: You may be right.”

  57. 57
    lorn

    GOD IS GRATE

    A helpful note for those interesting in worshiping the ironmongery used in fireplaces. This is, in some ways, to be preferred over a more metaphysical deity. Grates are demonstrably, manifestly, real. Their supernatural powers are still questionable, or undefined, but, unlike so many other deities, they are very real. The local hardware store will sell you one for thirty bucks.

  58. 58
    Owlmirror

    heddle, have you never received a badly-written screed that, I dunno, claims to overturn relativity, or promotes a perpetual motion machine?

  59. 59
    Jafafa Hots

    Doesn’t the “have a good time” kinda negate the rest of it?

  60. 60
    Aido Hwedo, the Rainbow Serpent

    @ Zinc Avenger #38

    “Ever since my mother got an iPhone with Siri the number of rambling, incoherent emails filled with homophones landing in my inbox has increased.”

    I read that as “incoherent emails filled with homophobes”. :P

    @ heddle #52

    “And, as a general rule of thumb, I don’t take advice on my Christianity from know-nothing commentators on an atheist blog.”

    And, as a general rule of thumb, commenters (a “commentator” is “a person who comments on events, esp. on television or radio” in the words of the dictionary) on an atheist blog will not agree with your views on Christianity, and will try to advise you on them. That’s kind of the point.

  61. 61
    Ness Rynja

    Heh. Your grateness is preformed by electrons.

    I think it’s a compliment.

    - Ness (Rayne)
    Blog: http://www.insufferableintolerance.com

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