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Jan 08 2012

Another “End of the World” party to put on your calendar

Save the date: May 27, 2012. This particular apocalyptic prediction is brought to you by former Worldwide Church of God preacher Ronald Weinland. He was gracious enough to list a number of events that will occur before this date, which can be used to potentially falsify his hypothesis, such as:

  • The collapse of the United States
  • Nuclear war
  • People who mock his message dying from cancer

I’m not sure if it really matters if all nonbelievers die of cancer if the world is going to end in a couple of months anyway. Though every nonbeliever instantaneously getting cancer at the same moment would probably be unlikely enough to convince me something fishy is going on. Maybe god, or maybe carcinogens Weinland diligently laced into every copy of the God Delusion.

Either way, I think my odds are pretty good, so:

lulz end of the world nutjobs

This is going to get old in 2012, isn’t it?

50 comments

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  1. 1
    richmulvey

    Just to be safe, I need to make sure I drink everything in my booze closet before then, right?

  2. 2
    Richelle

    This is painful. I’m all raptured out from Camping and I can’t even find true joy in the plethora of apocalypses that are upon us.

  3. 3
    Kausik Datta

    But… But… I just registered for the ASM conference in June!! Now I’ve to ask them for a refund. Oh! Will they oblige [mutter, mutter] or not [mutter]…

  4. 4
    Praedico

    Maybe… we’ll die of cancer because of the nuclear fallout? Those of us that survive the initial bombardment, that is. And the christ-bots won’t, because… magical pixie shield?

    Either way, this is just silly, because if the world ends in May, how is Nibiru supposed to smash into us in December, huh?

  5. 5
    Allie

    Well shit, I was looking forward to going to my first SkeptiCon. Ah, well.

  6. 6
    Ben Crockett

    Soon as I read the bit about dying from cancer, I pictured him saying that in the creepy muffled voice of the guy in the Tool song ‘Message to Harry Manback’.

  7. 7
    shouldbeworking

    Can’t he intervene so I can at least get in 1 decent weekend of the new fishing season before I am condemned to eternal hell-fire (or not)?

    Man, his gawd sure is a pain in the ass.

  8. 8
    Jeffrey

    Living in the buckle of the bible belt and working across the street from Oral Roberts Univ., I will tell my boss again, If I am the only one showing up at work the day after this “Rapture”/apocalypse I am turning around and going home….I don’t even want to think about the people left needing tech support on the computers and me being the only one remaining in the call center. People are cranky enough, without finding out they weren’t “pious” enough :-D

  9. 9
    H.D. Lynn

    2012 is going to feel like one, long ‘End of the World’ party.

  10. 10
    Alyson Miers

    I, for one, welcome our Year of Ridiculous Doomsday Events. “Party Like It’s 2012″ is going to make 1999 look like a Victorian-era high tea.

    The bit about smartassed heathens dying of cancer is kind of weaselly; all he’ll have to do is find a handful of people who don’t attend church reaching the end stages of cancer going into May, and he’ll put that one in the win column.

    Still, though, if the Doomsday predictions give me plenty of excuses to get drunk around a bunch of fellow heathens, then…good. Not that I need an excuse to get drunk. But sometimes it’s nice to have company.

  11. 11
    Jadzia626

    O,o Nuclear War.

    Wouldn’t that be ironic. Dying in a nuclear war just before I get my M.Sc. in nuclear physics …

  12. 12
    Mike DDTFA

    The end of the world may have to wait. Ronald Weinland is indicted for tax fraud and his criminal trial in US federal court scheduled for March 20th. If convicted, Jesus may have to delay his return until Ron is free to join the 144,000.

  13. 13
    Charlesbartley

    This only ends when we follow the bible literally: put him to death*

    *note: I am personally against the death penalty in all cases, but this is not me calling for this, this is his god!!!1!

  14. 14
    Kyle

    Shit. This is legit. I can feel the cancer growing in me. :(

  15. 15
    peterh

    “This is going to get old in 2012, isn’t it?”

    It was already very old before the silly movie 2012 (forget full title) even hit the theaters a couple years back. It was very old when the Millerites in the 19th Century sold their property & sat on hilltops.

  16. 16
    'Tis Himself

    Could we postpone the End of the World™ until the 28th? The 27th is my mother’s 90th birthday and the whole family is getting together to celebrate it.

  17. 17
    Jafafa Hots

    The End of the World Party should be the new name for the GOP.

  18. 18
    Alyson Miers

    ‘Tis, perhaps your mother would like to celebrate her 90th birthday by going out with a bang?

  19. 19
    Jaws

    Hmm. The Worldwide Church of God.

    This one:
    http://scholar.google.com/scholar_case?hl=en&case=1847543716100356974&scilh=0

    Yeah, so divine that it sued someone else for copyright infringement for copying and using a sacred book written by its founder. And here I thought that was supposed to be a sign of the rightness of the message…

  20. 20
    benjaminsa

    We need to setup a 2012 apocalyptic betting system for anyone making an end of the world prediction. Okay Ronald Weinland you get $1000 today, but on May 28th you have to repay $10 000, great deal right?

  21. 21
    Adam

    I admit, I chuckle a little when you use the word “hypothesis” to describe predictions of doom. Makes my day every time :)

  22. 22
    dexitroboper

    But Pete & Dud never get old.

  23. 23
    sambarge

    Frankly, knowing that I’m going to die (probably in a morphine-induced coma) before the cataclysmic end of the world takes the sting out of it. Who cares if the world ends after I (and my family members, as we’re all atheists who will mock this man) all die?

  24. 24
    ButchKitties

    This is the first I’ve even heard of this prophecy, so it’s the first opportunity I’ve had to make fun of it. If I’m going to die of cancer and not the apocalypse that’s coming in a few months, then I probably already have cancer–and have had it for awhile.

    Free will my ass.

  25. 25
    Sarah Furbank

    “…that began after Trumpets of 2009.”

    I’m sure he means 2010:

    http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01656/vuvu_gettyimges_1656810c.jpg

  26. 26
    kreepykritter

    [sci-fi geek sarcasm]
    I’m expecting aliens. Obviously this ‘rapture’ is a metaphor for matter transportation technology that will be used to teleport everyone to the orbiting mothership and carry us to pristine new world…
    [/sci-fi geek sarcasm]

    This is, what… four? Five doomsday predictions in the last two years? Don’t these guys get tired of being wrong? They’re like local weather forecasters… only more up beat.

  27. 27
    the next doomsday

    I was just writing up an article on Mr. Weinland and his 2008 prophecy. It does seem after a failed prediction that they go into hiding for a while and come out with a new one some time in the future. Harold Camping did the same thing. Im not necessarily a skeptic but I also dont believe everything either. I just take it for what it is and see what happens when the time comes (usually nothing. The artcile should be posted tomorrow 1/10/2012 unless the world doesn’t end between now and them! DOH!

  28. 28
    Svlad Cjelli

    I wish Almighty God could stop threatening to kill people I love. I know he’s just an internet-toughguy, but it’s sort of irritating.

  29. 29
    Svlad Cjelli

    Do you know Bigger Jaws?

    (Did you two ever fight Even Bigger Jaws?)

  30. 30
    Eric RoM

    Since people then shower them with money, I don’t think they’ll get tired anytime soon.

  31. 31
    Makoto

    Bah, already did the cancer thing before mocking his message. Can’t he do better? Yay for science for keeping me alive despite the cancer that pre-hit me for pre-mocking him.

  32. 32
    richardelguru

    OK, but only because Screaming Lord Sutch already has dibs on the Official Monster Raving Loony Party

  33. 33
    Jurjen S.

    Christ on a pogo stick, there needs to be some kind of sanction on people who make bullshit end of the world predictions. Maybe a writ of outlawry to enter into effect the day after the predicted cataclysm would give those fuckers some pause.

  34. 34
    peterh

    One inerrant symptom of Something Big’s Comin’ Down is the office / workplace pool. Are there any folks out there picking dates out of the hat for $5/per?

  35. 35
    Matthew Polson

    I openly mock this. I’ll be at the bar awaiting the cancer

  36. 36
    Dianne

    Well, it kind of holds together…if the US collapsed, there’d be a shitload of nuclear weapons up for grabs. Heck, the US or some component of might start a nuclear war on the “Apres moi, le deluge” theory. And all that radiation would lead to a lot of cancers…eh, not in a couple of months though. Maybe Weinland saw people dying with blisters from the radiation burns in his vision and thought they were tumors. Then it all makes sense, apart from the physical impossibility of predicting the future bit.

  37. 37
    Ex Patriot

    Guess I had better buy another bottle of Jack, so I have one for May, I already have one for Dec.I have just one question, who let these nutters out of the asylum?

  38. 38
    Monica

    Okay, maybe this is weird, but the first thing I thought about this was, “The world can’t end on May 27. My baby is due June 11!”

  39. 39
    Rashad Lepping

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  40. 40
    nyanman

    I see a very easy solution to this ‘issue.’ Simply use any Calender system other than the Gregorian Calender. Isn’t the Buddhist Calender in their year 5xxx or something? And isn’t another Calender only enetering their 30-something year? Either way, any 2012 problems are milennia away, or milennia in the past. Job done, that was easy.

  41. 41
    sale weselne wroclaw

    There are some interesting closing dates in this article but I don’t know if I see all of them heart to heart. There may be some validity however I will take hold opinion till I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we would like more! Added to FeedBurner as nicely

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