That darn English language that makes words with different meanings sometimes sound similar — it always ends up confusing Christian conservatives of very little brain, whose depth of understanding can only be measured in micrometers. The latest from Conservapædia is that they are on a crusade against Einstein…because smart people who study relativity aren’t reading the Bible, and because a theory about relationship between matter and energy and the speed of light encourages people to be open-minded and tolerant about different ideas, other than the Fundamentalist Evangelical Christian Kakistocracy (FECK for short).

Andy Schlafly is a real boon to us Gnu Atheists who argue that religion rots your brain.

(Remember, “Conservapedia” is a filtered word here; use the “Conservapædia” fancy spelling to refer to it.)

I have sad news to report. John A. Davison has gone insane. No, I know, he’s been nuts for a long, long time, but I was just purging the ol’ trashed mail folder today and discovered that he has been writing to me two or three times a day, usually just by dumping his latest comment on his poor dead blog, which mainly consists of him talking to himself about how everyone is ignoring him, and isn’t joining his crusade against Richard Dawkins, Wesley Elsberry, and PZ Myers, and how we’re all terrified of JA Davison and Darwinism is going to disappear any day now to be replaced by his theory.

As I skimmed through a sampling of the 106 tirades he has sent to me this summer, I felt sorry for the poor old guy. There he is, sitting in Vermont, shaking his fist at his imaginary enemies who don’t even notice his existence until they find his missives clogging up the spam trap. He’s the most quixotic kook I’ve ever encountered.

So here you go, pathetic old man. A little sop to your ego. If you’d like, you could imagine me seething with rage and fear, pressing the button to dispatch my team of ninjas to take you out once and for all…but they all refuse, trembling with trepidation at getting JAD cooties, and citing the importance of guarding the copy of the Origin of Species in my house. I tried to send the cyborg zombie squid, but they all mentioned that Vermont is land-locked. So you’ve foiled me for now, Davison, but mark my words, someday…someday my minions will play on your lawn.

Dear Pee Zee,

gary hitch

Thank you for your support but this is not the place to give it. Nobody pays any attention to this weblog. I get an average of 20 hits per day. The place to go after these degenerates is on their own turf, Pharyngula, After The Bar Closes, Panda’s Thumb and Uncommon Descent, all venues from which this scientist is banished. I refuse to assume aliases, use suberfuge or any other device to penetrate their cowardly defenses. The only way these egomaniacal tyrants will be defeated is by a mass uprising generated by real intellectuals like yourself who have properly identified them as the danger to our society they have become.

I read their blogs and see no support for my science anywhere. Like my sources I too do not exist. We have never been allowed to exist. There is also no place for a personal God in science and the Christian right is just as guilty as the Atheist left. My name is not mentioned at any of these weblogs because the heads of those weblogs are terrified of the message that I and my sourcse have alway delivered: there is absolutely nothing in the Darwinian model that ever had anything whatsoever to do with any aspect of the ascending creative sequence that the fossil record so obviously displays.

In an earlier response I asked you to demonstrate that you have challenged our adversaries. Have you done so? Where can I find your challenges? It is nice to have another supporter but that doesn’t feed the bulldog. What is needed is a confrontation in which the enemy is forced to confront their adversaries in a public forum, something that they are loathe to do because they know they will lose. I have done everything in my power to achieve this result and I have failed. If there really are those who agree with me, where are they to be found? I can’t find them. One thing is certain. If and when they speak they must use their real names if they expect to be taken seriously by either freind or foe. Everyone knows who this investigator’s primary enemies are. They are Clinton Richard Dawkins, Paul Zachary Myers and Wesley Royce Elsberry along with their thousands of dedicated followers. Now where are those who will lend their real names to mine and demand that this conflict be resolved.

I now propose that a public confrontation be arranged between those who subscribe to the Darwinian model and those who reject that model in favor of a guided phylogeny in which chance has played a trivial role.

I present this in the form of a petition which requires that those in favor of this resolution signify their approval by submitting to me via my private mail their full name and a description such that their identity is properly revealed to be that of a real person. Which side they represent is of no consequence.

I will present those names right here. Now we will see who really wants this crisis resolved by the only means it ever will be resolved, by real people with real names, people who have real convictions that they are willing to stand by with the time honored tradition that “a man is as good as his word.”

nosivadaj@msn.com

I will list those names as they appear here.

John A. Davison, Professor Emeritus of Biology, University of Vermont. Mailing address: L4 Grandview Drive, South Burlington, VT 05403

Dear Professor Dawkins,

The above petition, message #260, has yet to produce a single signature. Not a soul has offered to support my suggestion that the Meyers/Elsberry/Dawkins Darwinian Triumvirate should face this critic in a public confrontation. I find such apathy appalling. It reveals an evolutionary community completely cowed by the atheist “Darwinista.” Refusing to join with me in a most reasonable request offers a tangible explanation why Darwin’s infantile dream persists. That reason in a word is APATHY.

We are dealing with a brutal intellectual tyranny whose primary goal is to remove God from every aspect of Western Civilization.

Thomas Jefferson understood the role of silence when confronted with danger –

“All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.”

Those who remain silent support the enemy. Darwinian mysticism has gained far more than a foothold. It has come to dominate even our institutions of higher learning as I and others know from personal experience. That dominance will continue to grow unchecked until such time as an enlightened citizenry realizes what is happening to it and acts. I have offered such an opportunity in the form of the above petition. While, personally, I am bitterly disappointed, I am not surprised.

All great civilizations have ultimately failed and ours is no exception.

Sincerely,

John A. Davison, Professor Emeritus of Biology, University of Vermont. Mailing address: L4 Grandview Drive, South Burlington, VT 05403

And then I pushed the delete key and they all disappeared.

If he starts increasing the frequency of his email now, I might report back…in December. He’ll need a Christmas present, after all.