You want crazy? We got crazy all over the place!

Somebody must have mistaken us for the local insane asylum, because my mailbox this afternoon is full of weird stuff. Could it be…could it be…Friday the 13th?

  • A suggestion for Vox Day: he should debate Jesus’ General!

  • This one is kind of sad. A loon who thinks 9/11 was an American conspiracy has gone on a hunger strike, for the nebulous goal of getting a meeting with John McCain (The fool! McCain was in on it!) His wife and friends are rather distressed. Kooks aren’t just for laughs; there are people behind them who are hurt by their behavior.

    Note also: he’s a professor of religious studies. There’s a sign of lunacy right there — professors are nuts.

  • Ben Stein.

    I know. Nowadays you can just say the name and you know it’s something stupid. This it’s misrepresenting Obama’s taxation plans, and there it gets a little unreal. Both Stein and Obama are chattering away as if an income of $250,000/year is just barely getting out of the middle class. What does that make me? I’m earning nowhere near that amount!

  • Here’s another funny name for you: Yomin Postelnik. This fellow has a long-winded proof of the existence of God that is little more than concatenated baloney. Be careful: if you criticize him, he’ll start sneaking around, editing your wikipedia page and threatening to sue you.

  • Europe isn’t free of superstition yet, that’s for sure. German Catholics have been carrying out exorcisms, with the blessing of the church.

    Engel told DPA that church officials commisioned exorcisms – a ritual to drive out evil spirits – only after examination by pastoral counselors and psychiatrists had found the affected people to be free of mental illness. Paderborn officials received 18 serious requests since 1999 for exorcism from people who believed themselves to be possessed by the devil, he said.

    So, what, exactly, are these mentally healthy people doing to warrant calling in the local witch doctor to cast a magic spell on them?

Translation, please

Over the years, I’ve developed a rough classification system for creationist screeds. One of the most common is the ‘deluded parrot’, in which the writer just repeats the same tiresome old canards we’ve heard a thousand times before: “If man evolved from monkeys, then why are there still monkeys?” is a common example. Then there are the ‘malevolent vermin’, which you don’t see much of on the web — because they usually write profanity-laced threats to my personal email, and are quick to gloat over my prospective tenure in hell. The ‘pious aunties’ aren’t quite so vicious, but they are shocked, shocked I tell you, to discover there are people who don’t worship Jesus with every breath, and they write letters that tend to end with the standard phrase, “I will pray for you.”

And then there are these precious few where you read them, and the text is incoherent and fractured, like the writer has stripped the gears of his brain and every once in a while some random thought goes spinning wildly, and everything is out of sync everywhere. These are people who make no sense. I was sent this classic example, a bizarre example where the author no doubt thinks he’s making a profound point, but there has to be some really crazy logic at work here.

Evolution explains designer

Evolution versus creation is a false dichotomy. Evolution as a viable mechanism causing the ascent of man also explains the existence of the creator.

If man could evolve to his present status physically, culturally and technologically within the age of this planet (approximately 4.5 billion years), then obviously the technology required to build species entirely of one’s own choosing could be developed within the age of the universe.

Considering the amount of time that has elapsed, which is endless, and the quantity of appropriate locations for life to evolve, also endless, a coincidence of impossible magnitude would be required for us to be the first intelligent designers.

The dichotomy is stubbornly maintained by those who fight for freedom from the morality of Christians. It is also stubbornly maintained by those who fight for freedom from the result of the immorality of the atheists, who believe they will have to answer to no one.

Uninterrupted evolution reaches a climax when an intelligent designer evolves. At that point the designer easily outpaces random natural selection because of the deliberate nature of intelligent design. The Christian has more confidence in evolution and technology than atheists have.

JIM GRIEB

Brutus, Mich.

So, can anyone translate this? Somehow, I think he’s promoting Christianity, but how he got there from his starting point isn’t clear. It’s probably something quantum.

If you’re reading this, I guess the world didn’t end after all

Yisrayl Hawkins predicted that the world will end on 12 June. He’s in Texas, so I presume he was using Central Time…and since it is now the early hours of 13 June here, I guess we can safely say that we dodged a bullet. Whew. I was getting worried. Hawkins, after all, is an expert prophet, well practiced in predicting the end of the world — he has done it twice before.

Of course, if the world did end, I hope you left some messages for your loved ones, or sent me your power of attorney, or something.

Do not be concerned

Several people have written to me expressing their concern over the recent publication of this paper:

Evidence for Intelligent Design in Gastrointestinal Endocrinology: Identification of Novel Cholecystokinin/Gastrin-Like Peptides in the Nematode Caenorhabditis elegans.
Greeley GH Jr, Endocrinology. 2008 Jun;149(6):3184-6.

Oh, no! Have the creationists scored a coup and snuck propaganda into a legitimate science journal? Have no fear. This is a short review paper by an editor describing some work on cholecystokinin phylogeny. Some of you old-school physiology types may recall that a colloquial term for this class of hormones is “brain-gut peptides” — molecules that are expressed in both the gut and the central nervous system (and many other places). CCK is produced in the endocrine cells of the upper small intestine and in neurons in the brain, apparently prompting a weak joke linking intelligence and gastrointestinal hormones. It is not pro-ID at all. It even says, “the work of Janssen and
co-workers elegantly defends the hypothesis that the mammalian CCK/gastrin-CCK1R/2R signaling system is an ancient signaling system with counterparts throughout the evolutionary tree.”

Turn off the sirens and return to your homes. All is well. It’s just another false positive in the literature for Intelligent Design.

Atheists should have some manners, at least

OK, this is a little rude, a bit funny, and a lot sacrilegious. I’m all for sacrilege, though, so I can’t condemn it too much.

Authorities were alerted after a parishoner heard “rustling and groaning” coming from inside the confession box and pulled back the curtains to reveal a goth-rock couple engaged in oral sex, ANSA said.

The agency said the pair — a 31-year-old laborer and a 32-year-old teacher — defended their conduct saying: “We are atheists and for us, having sex in church is like doing it any other place.”

Well, yes, but they are also human beings who live within a society which imposes some restrictions on your behavior — they shouldn’t be having sex in a time and place where the activities of others will be disturbed. You shouldn’t have sex in a confessional unless you can arrange it for a time when others will not be trying to use it, or when others will not be distracted by the growls and screams. And please, be courteous and clean up thoroughly after yourself. Leave the confessional as clean as you found it.

And look, if you aren’t discreet you’ll discombobulate some old celibate prude, and that’s not nice.

However, Bishop Antonio Lanfranchi of Cesena-Sarsina took said the couple’s behavior was “an outrage of notable proportions which bespeaks unutterable squalor.”

He added that a special ceremony would be held to purify the confession box.

What, bleach? You don’t need a useless ceremony, just a competent custodian.

It’s all rather futile. I suspect many confessionals have been used in such a profane and earthy manner, along with church balconies, graveyards, pulpits, pews, and let’s not even speculate about the possibilities with rosary beads.

Poe’s Law…confirmed again!

It’s amazing how powerfully predictive that little law is. I mentioned some similar activity a while back, but it’s still going on: kooks praying for lower gas prices.

For the past several weeks, Twyman has assembled a group at a soup kitchen in the Petworth neighborhood of Northwest Washington where he volunteers. They have driven to a gas station, locked hands, said a prayer, purchased gas and sung the civil rights anthem “We Shall Overcome,” with an added verse: “We’ll have lower gas prices.”

That’s ridiculous. Me, I’m humming the overture to Die Fledermaus and praying for dancing panda bears. I bet that will work before these clowns succeed in bringing down gas prices.

Play a game!

This game, Christian Versus Atheist, is one of those choose-your-own-adventure type text exercises. The good thing about it is that the atheist is particular fierce and monstrous and … hey, wait a minute…the picture they use resembles someone familiar…

Hmmm. Maybe it’s just the blood drooling out of one corner of his mouth. All the atheists I know look like that.

Go ahead, send them your financial information

Are you worried about the Rapture? Of course you will be called up into heaven, but those hateful bastards among your family and friends will certainly be stuck here on earth for the tribulation. So yet another service has sprung up to help you help your stranded loved ones: You’ve Been Left Behind. Why do you need this service?

WHY?

We all have family and friends who have failed to receive the Good News of the Gospel.

The unsaved will be ‘left behind’ on earth to go through the “tribulation period” after the “Rapture”. You remember how, for a short time, after (9/11/01) people were open to spiritual things and answers. (We are still singing “God Bless America” at baseballs’ seventh inning stretch.) Imagine how taken back they will be by the millions of missing Christians and devastation at the rapture. They will know it was true and that they have blown it. There will be a small window of time where they might be reached for the Kingdom of God. We have made it possible for you to send them a letter of love and a plea to receive Christ one last time. You will also be able to give them some help in living out their remaining time. In the encrypted portion of your account you can give them access to your banking, brokerage, hidden valuables, and powers of attorneys’ (you won’t be needing them any more, and the gift will drive home the message of love). There won’t be any bodies, so probate court will take 7 years to clear your assets to your next of Kin. 7 years of course is all the time that will be left. So, basically the Government of the AntiChrist gets your stuff, unless you make it available in another way. You can also send information based on scripture as to what will happen next. Each fulfilled prophecy will cause your letter and plea to be remembered and a decision to be made.

“WHY” is one last chance to bring them to Christ and snatch them from the flames!

They don’t mention the other reason why: so that the creators of this service can collect your $40/year for the indefinite future … for as long as you live, essentially, since the Rapture is nothing but a sick fantasy by apocalyptic wackos, and won’t ever happen.

I’m also suspicious. These guys may be cleverer than we think: “encrypted” access to your powers of attorney? Directions to hidden valuables? Bank account access? If I were duplicitous and evil, this is an opportunity for a really good scam.