Play a game!

This game, Christian Versus Atheist, is one of those choose-your-own-adventure type text exercises. The good thing about it is that the atheist is particular fierce and monstrous and … hey, wait a minute…the picture they use resembles someone familiar…

Hmmm. Maybe it’s just the blood drooling out of one corner of his mouth. All the atheists I know look like that.


  1. Man of Science says

    I’m at work, but when I clicked on the link to go to this site, I wasn’t allowed: Our filter blocked me due to ‘pornography’. Go figure…

  2. Schmeer says

    I’ve been getting a lot of “Blocked: Pornography” from our filter as well whenever the url contains the word atheist. That must be because we are so amoral.

  3. says

    A much better use of some online minutes than Crevoscope. I have to get back to work but I like what I see so far… “So is it part of God’s plan that I now stab you with this sharpened crucifix?”

  4. Ouchimoo says

    Fun game, but hard to beat. I’ll just have to play til I win, or just ya know’ never get it, claim that I won and write glorious articles on conservepedia about how awesome I am at that game and that the atheist is so evil. Good TRIUMPH OVER EVIL ALWAYS!

  5. aiabx says

    I tried half a dozen different routes, and kept getting defeated by the logic of the Atheist. I’m thinking it’s a pretty good game.

  6. Chief says

    Well, this was obviously not written by a believer. I wonder if xtian players would realize that?

    “Battering Baton of Blind Belief”

    “The Atheist attacks God and His followers by using his brain and utilising the three unholy forces of ‘Knowledge,’ ‘Reason,’ and ‘Thought.’ You must be ready to counter the Atheist’s aggression with your God-given gifts of ‘Faith,’ ‘Repetition,’ and ‘Proclaiming Religious Intolerance'”

  7. Benjamin Franklin says

    “Just visible within his great and deceitful beard you can see books and scientific equipment.”

    Just last week when I was trimming my great and deceitful beard I found my mass spectrometer that I lost back in ’97.

    I guess it’s a good thing that my wife isn’t an atheist. Who knows what kind of literature would be visible in her great (yes!) and deceitful (no!) bush.

    Somehow the combination of cunnilingus and Kant comes to mind.

  8. Jack says

    All right! A “debate” where the atheist gets to frame both questions and answers! He sure showed that foolish Christian. I especially like all the violently gruesome ways the atheist gets to kill the Christian. “Humanity” doesn’t apply to such deceitful little pricks. No matter how sincere they are in their deceits.

  9. Prof MTH says

    Not speaking about this game but other Xtian created games like Left Behind: Eternal Forces, they cannot grasp the concept that a non-theistic “secular humanist” who believes that all sentient life (at minimum) is intrinsically valuable would not actively try to kill the Xtains. In Left Behind, such a non-theist would die at the Xtian’s hands. So who is the real all-loving person?

  10. drew says

    Heh I followed it along and eventually admitted defeat and I got this.

    “This simulation is a test of character rather than of winning. Sometimes there is no winning move. Sometimes the only winning move is not to play.

    In real life Atheists are mostly busy learning and bettering themselves, those around them, and the planet at large and cannot dedicate as much time as the simulated Atheist in this game to breaking apart your arguments. You will find that persevering with total denial and repeating unsubstantiated claims of faith in lieu of any supporting evidence coupled with appropriating and twisting Atheistic arguments as your own will work wonders.

    By admitting defeat to the Atheist, however, you have demonstrated a weakness in your character that might be exploited by careless thinking. You have completely failed in your quest.”

    Is this game really meant to expose the weakness of Christian arguments? I mean it’s pretty poor Christian propaganda if there’s anyway to go through and they admit that total denial and unsubstantiated claims of faith are the only way to win.

  11. Mystyk says

    You have made a wise decision in ignoring the question; ignoring questions is one of the cornerstones of Christianity.

    Really? I don’t remember that. It must be what they refer to as “fair and balanced”…

  12. says

    My result after trying to kick the Evil Atheist in the fork:

    The Power Of The Holy Spirit guides your foot towards the Atheist but it is deflected by a sweeping arm accompanied by the shout of “Wax On” from your adversary.

    You adopt the crane position but discover that God does not help violent people to balance correctly and end up in a heap on the floor. The Atheist leaps like a giant, bearded salmon and lands upon your prone and helpless body. A last prayer for intervention by God …

    Every bone in your body is shattered and one of your lungs explodes from the compressive shock. Your gelatinous, hard-breathing form is scooped up and placed into a bucket by scientists who postulate methods to return your body to normal form once more. However, you refuse their treatment claiming it is God’s will that you are to live out your life as a painful goo, which you do for the remaining six weeks of your righteous life.

    Although the Atheist was convicted of manslaughter he was not actually destroyed. You have failed.

    BTW, that was seriously funny. Well done no matter what you believe.

  13. says

    I’m not sure how I feel about being skewered this early in the day.

    Mmm. Early morning skewering, gughuhughuhguh….

    As for the game; pixellated PZ possesses preeminent polemic power.

  14. Serena says

    “He pulls a copy of a Richard Dawkins book from within his tangled beard and hangs it over your head threatening an imminent head-smashing unless you answer. This is a mistake as the Atheist considers the head and brain to be vital in defining a person and expects you to fear damage to it whereas the Christian knows that the all-important soul is contained in a sac under the armpits and it is impervious to all unholy strikes. Nevertheless, perhaps you should answer.

    Does prayer work?”

    All important soul… in a sac under the armpits?!

    This is hilarious. I found a new way to spend a few hours.
    I am not a very good christian, I keep getting defeated by the Atheist

  15. not completely useless says

    I too thought that “the all-important soul is contained in a sac under the armpits” was the high point of the experience.

    “A” sac under both armpits? It must stretch across the chest or back then. How could we have missed it for so long?

  16. Steve in MI says

    Love this! The first thing that happens if you answer “yes” on the first page:

    “Oh, really?” laughs the Atheist. He strokes his beard for a second and then points at you with a finger full of venom.

    Where do I go to sign up to be fitted with FingerFangs(tm)?

  17. amk says

    I don’t think it’s possible to win.

    Note the fourth comment under the game, from Mark: the author is not a christian.

  18. JimboB says

    //I’m at work, but when I clicked on the link to go to this site, I wasn’t allowed: Our filter blocked me due to ‘pornography’. Go figure…
    Posted by: Man of Science//

    Ditto. I’ll have to check it out when I get home.

  19. lytefoot says

    Ha ha, this is great! I was worried at first…

    What’s really cool is what happens if you eventually admit that no, prayer doesn’t work…

  20. Lord Zero says

    “A” sac under both armpits? It must stretch across the chest or back then. How could we have missed it for so long?

    Unholy people cant see or feel it… its pink and horned too.
    Anyway, great game, i feel like improving my christian
    mashing skills…

  21. Helen of Troy says

    the commenting system there seems to be messed up, I can’t leave a comment because it says that it’s too short, no matter how long it is

  22. says

    @ Moses (#18) – that should have come with a warning. I’ve just about given myself a hernia trying not to laugh (supervising a test while reading this thread)! :-)

  23. says

    Congratulations, PZ, for this promotion! I am sure that in some decades, people won’t say “I am an atheist” any more, but “I am a myers”.

  24. Crudely Wrott says

    There are bound to be a lot of filters out there that can block access to “atheist.” Just consider for a moment how many people exist who consider “atheist” to be in the same category of ultimate evilness as “evolution,” “humanism,” and “graphic child porn with animals.” And at least some of these people are involved in defining acceptable search requests on any particular network. And at least some of the people on some of these networks have legitimate, legal and, perhaps, urgent reasons to access the requested page.

    Other than in silly party attire, Stupid is always a potential impediment if not a lurking danger.

  25. Jack says

    Parody works better when it’s believable, Jack.

    Right, Martin. My response wasn’t parody, it was sarcasm. I’m actually no good at parody. I gave up trying long ago under the intense tutelage of people far better at it than I.

    At least I assume you’re referring to my response. You can’t seriously be trying to defend this game as believable parody. Can you?

  26. J says

    When I first stumbled upon, I was overjoyed to find a hotbed of knowledge and intelligent discussion. Each day that I read the blog posts and comments that are made, I become less impressed. Perhaps instead of mocking religion, the scientific community should focus on scientific research. The best way to combat ignorance is with knowledge, not with ridicule and jeers. It is a sign of fear and insecurity to mock others; if you are confident in what you believe as scientists, you have no reason to feel threatened by those who are religious. Even science requires a leap of faith at times, as theories are put forth and tested.

  27. Kagehi says

    Yeah. You hang up is entirely different J the Bright. Whom ever the poser is they are either a) a troll, or b) confusing your very strange and absurd argument (you only seem to have one), with the usual vapid incomprehension of the faith based attack poodles.

  28. J the not J the Brite says

    “When I first stumbled upon, I was overjoyed to find a hotbed of knowledge and intelligent discussion” and I decided to lie and troll, and lie and troll and troll again.

    J, we know what you are doing. Yawn.