1. says

    Jesus as Santa. Beautiful.

    Of course it might be that the line for hell is made up of spectators. You know how many creo trolls end their “argumentation” with the hope to see evilutionists in hell.

    Who made it? It does look like a spoof, with “America land” and “Catholic heaven.” Fun either way, obviously a kind of Disney themed “heaven”.

    Glen D

  2. mona says

    I notice that the line to View the Damned is much longer than the line to sit in Jesus’ lap.

    No surprise there. From Matthew 7:

    13 Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: 14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

  3. David says

    It’s nice to know that there is a place for righteous Americans. I presume that means that the rest of us are damned anyway and can give up trying!

  4. Tom says

    I got to the right page just by clicking “Strange Maps” at the top of the page. Maybe I’m just a map geek, but that’s a cool blog.

  5. says

    Hey! Why should I have to click on a link to go to heaven? That sounds suspiciously like espousing “works”. Isn’t heaven supposed to be the free gift of Jesus?

  6. Jared Lessl says

    Hall of Heroes? Constantine? The Roman emporer or the comic book hero? Michael Jordan? Uh, isn’t he still alive?

    My first guess would be that this is a satire, but Poe’s law…

  7. Heisenberg says

    Guess I can finally get an answer to my 2 questions now that they fixed the Illuminatron: Why relativity? And why turbulence?

  8. SteveM says

    I like Laurie Anderson’s description of heaven, “Heaven is exactly like where you are right now, only much, much better”

  9. BlueIndependent says

    “You have to wait in line in heaven?”

    Sadly, there are some thing not even God can solve.

  10. says

    I don’t think that’s line; it looks more like a crowd standing around a bunch of screens. I guess they couldn’t figure out stadium seating or something.
    Also, there are ramps and stairs. I guess you have to go through the boot camp to get wings.

  11. Jeff L says

    “What’s heaven like?”

    “It’s nice, but there aren’t enough chairs.”



    -Family Guy

  12. Quidam says

    “You have to wait in line in heaven?”

    Otherwise instant gratification would become boring after 10E20 years.

  13. Sili says

    Saw this yesterday and thought of you.

    It’s a joke, but pace Poe someone’s gonna take it for the real deal.

  14. cicely says

    “I notice that the line to View the Damned is much longer than the line to sit in Jesus’ lap.”

    Well….that would be consistent with the large number of believers (found in blogs and websites everywhere) who apparently are looking forward to laughing at all of us sinners burning in hell forever.

  15. Barklikeadog says

    Coitus Castle has no takers??? If it’s kinky doing it in a church ….I’m just sayin’, what about heaven itself?

  16. Patricia C. says

    It’s blank! Crap.
    Hey is the theme song ‘Hooray For the Riffraff”?

  17. Nicole says

    “Catholics are welcome to Heaven, but are confined to a small section next to the entrance (2) where they can indulge their semi-idolatrous tendencies at the Throne of Mary (3)”

    …I LOL’ed

    I KNEW God was a Yankee fan!

  18. MikeM says

    No mall?

    Christ, what a gyp.

    I once asked a Pentecostal who was trying to save me what heaven was like, and about the best she could do was to tell me about the weather and the mansions. I daresay that her actual hopes and desires were no better than the ones expressed in this silly map.

    I have to say, I expected the gates to be much pearlier.

    On the other hand, I bet the popcorn is always nice and fresh, and the hot dogs are actually edible.

  19. Nevyn says

    Heaven has a place called Fantasy Land? Seems like that would be a problem, you know, the reality-imploding, void in a vaccuum kind.
    I like how the hall of heroes is the pagan Parthenon.

  20. Bob Munck says

    Why is Jesus bigger than God, and sitting out front and in the center? Some kind of coup? (You know, of course, that Jesus sits at the right hand of God.)

    How can it be heaven for NASCAR fans if all the cars don’t run, but just sit there at the drive-in?

  21. Ragnor says

    Obviously a spoof since everyone knows the Yankees are damned.

    And there is no library.

  22. Kenneth Mareld says

    I see there is the Hollywood sign (partially obscured) in America Land. What no Golden Gate bridge? No Tommy’s Original Burgers (yummm)? Where’s the Holy Land? I nitpick.

  23. Benjamin Franklin says


    Of course the hot dogs are edible – they’re kosher!

  24. hje says

    Reminds me of a MP song:

    It’s Christmas in Heaven.
    There’s great films on TV:
    ‘The Sound of Music’ twice an hour
    And ‘Jaws’ One, Two, and Three.

  25. woozy says

    mona, that isn’t the line *for* the damned. It’s the line to *look* and the damned and make fun of them. Apparently more people want to laugh at their neighbors writhing in agony that to sit on Jesus’ lap.

    #8 Why am I not surprised to see a Starbuck’s?

    Good Eye! Right on the side of America land! That is the perfect touch.

    #18) It’s marital coitus castle. Yaaaaaa… No takers.

    #12) It’s a really cool blog. I like the neighborhoods map of manhattan (ueseful!) Did you see jamerica? And my homeland.

  26. sara says

    Where’s the fourteenth palm tree?

    Seventh-Day Adventist reference (my father gave it up because of absurdly literal statements such as “Meet me at the fourteenth palm tree”).

  27. woozy says

    I would pay money for a frameable hard copy of that map.

    Well, the artist has a blog so you can write and ask him.

  28. Brandon P. says

    It couldn’t possibly be Heaven. Where are all the sensually reclining virgin chicks?

    Still, the dinosaur petting zoo = instant win.

  29. Brandon P. says

    BTW, why is there a Dimetrodon at the dinosaur petting zoo? It’s not even a reptile, but a synapsid just like us.

  30. MikeM says

    Kosher. That makes sense.

    I wanted to respond because I never thought I’d be able to converse with Abraham Lincoln.

    So, I presume you’re in heaven… Did Falwell make it? Or is he still in the “View the Damned” line?

    Does it piss God off that the “Damned” line is longer than his?

    Do they have GPS in Heaven?

  31. MikeM says

    Has anyone else been following the story of Arthur Mkoyan?

    Jesus H Christ, we have stupid laws.

    I posit that Arthur has never done anything sufficiently illegal to deport him. He fled persecution in Armenia when he fled with his family in 1992, at the age of 2. Now he’s in at UC Davis. I have been following this Sunday.

    Relevant here because he’s a very strong student of sciences. We lose him, we’re losing a very good one.

  32. Dennis N says

    Wow, I can’t believe no one has said this in reference to the title:

    That’s what she said.

    Immature, I know, but like Michael Scott, I can’t stop myself.

  33. Dennis N says

    MikeM, is there some sort of policy about keeping the best and brightest students? I thought that was the idea behind a lot of immigration bills that dealt with a point system. Don’t know if that applies here at all.

  34. Autumn says

    The reason the line to sit in Jesus’s lap is not so crowded is because of the fear that he may actually be Catholic.

  35. Louis says

    I suspect #10 is really a Beatles concert. Jesus just put the scary pictures on the outside because he was jealous.

  36. Christophe Thill says

    America Land ? But where’s the Corcovado ? It’s in America and it’s got Jesus on top, so it should be there too, right ?

  37. Claudia says

    I LOL’ed at this post:

    America Land in Heaven? And you wonder why the rest of the
    world thinks Americans are egomaniacal…

  38. Steven Seagal's Genius says

    Needs more stripper factories and beer volcanoes before I’m convinced.

  39. Kevin Anthoney says

    It’s big enough. How many Christians would make it to heaven according to their own rules?

  40. Scrofulum says

    Wait a minute . . . wear are my 70-odd virgins? Right, this exploding vest is going straight back to ACME.

  41. CrypticLife says

    Wow, neat — if I thought any place like that actually existed, I’d become a theist. Just so I could become talking panther with cybernetic implants, if nothing else.

  42. Blaidd Drwg says

    Heaven has a Fantasyland?

    Isn’t that a bit – – redundant?

    And where’s the Harley dealership? Not to mention the beach! (After all, if everybody is going to get a ‘perfect body’, don’t you think people will be going to the bikini shop, and then to the beach to show them off/share with others God’s mercy and bountifulness?

  43. Jacques says

    It’s nice of them to hand out the new body even if you’re in the line of the damned!

    I can’t wait, this belly of mine is getting a little flabby in my middle age.

  44. PeteK says

    How can a non-physical place have physical dimensions, and be represented geographically…

  45. Skeptigirl says

    Goodness, gloating over the people in hell appears to be absolutely thronged. It has always seemed to me that the emotional satisfaction of getting even with people who didn’t believe you is the main emotion driving that whole ‘hell’ thing. Why humans evolved an emotional satisfaction which would lead them to fantasize that people who didn’t believe them were going to be sorry is hard to figure. I wonder what the selection pressure might have been creating such an emotion?