Paul Verhoeven is making a movie that claims Mary, the mother of Jesus, was raped by a Roman soldier. There is no historical evidence for Jesus, let alone the nature of his conception, so this is pure fictional speculation, from a director known more for over-the-top, superficial flamboyance than historical accuracy — expect a crotch shot of Mary, and lots of silicon breasts in the shower scene.

But of course Bill Donohue is outraged.

“Here we go again with idle speculation grounded in absolutely nothing,” Donohue told FOXNews.com. “He has no empirical evidence to support his claim, which is why they say ‘may have.'”

Hmmm. A lack of empirical evidence and a grounding in mere speculation has never stopped the Catholic church before…

Who needs the scientific method when you’ve got this protocol?

Since we were just talking about those authoritarian science instructors, here’s an example from 1956 (even older than I am!). Although I’m going to have to say that the kid is a bit snotty.

I knew the Beagle Project was planning to rebuild and resail the Beagle, Charles Darwin’s old ship … but who knew their plans were even more ambitious? They’re going to resurrect Chaz D!

And you can get the whole evil scheme on a poster.

(via that wild and crazy guy)

Is everyone going to get all musical now?

Lewis Black defends the Old Testament? He’s still angry about it, at least.

(via Brian Flemming)

We’re going to be seeing more humor like this in the next few weeks, I suppose. I like the tag line: Because Ben Stein is just as qualified to make software as he is to talk about evolutionary biology.

And if you’re confused about what this “evolutionary biology” thing might be, here’s a picture of Stein’s understanding of the subject.

If that’s too much for you, just seek solace by reciting a prayer from the Book of Bon Jovi, Chapter Wanted Dead or Alive. (via some other Canadian.)