1. Kimpatsu says

    Now, this is one movie I’d pay to see.
    And Richard Dawkins finally admits he’s a sex maniac! I wonder if that will be his character in Doctor Who…

  2. says

    Of all the words I never expected to be linked forevermore in my consciousness, “Richard Dawkins” and “sex maniac” were definitely high on the list.

  3. Sili says

    oh bother …

    What a time for my soundcard to conk out. Looks promising.

    Heh – but the pelican (too) is christian symbol. It’s included in the Danish crown regalia for much that reason.

  4. says

    It’s important to point out that storkism has a long and honorable history. Loving parents have taught storkism to their little children for hundreds of generations. Are we to believe they are all liars!

  5. Bill says

    Hey! Human reproduction through intercourse and gestation is only a “Theory”.
    The process is irreducibly complex. If you take out any one part then the whole process fails. Babies could only be delivered via a flying creature. Now I’m not going to specifically say that it is a Stork. But only that it must be some sort of feathered, flying animal with a long beak and sufficient strength to carry a human baby in flight. Some people might claim that that creature is a Stork, but that is their belief. I want to be perfectly clear that the Theory of Feathered Delivery is not Storkism!

  6. dubiquiabs says

    OK, for all of you who don’t believe in the stork theory, here it is:

    Date: Fri, 26 Nov 1999 12:15:14 +0000
    Reply-To: “R. Allan Reese” < [log in to unmask]>
    Sender: “National Birding Hotline Cooperative (Chat Line)”
    < [log in to unmask]>
    From: “R. Allan Reese” < [log in to unmask]>
    Subject: Storks and data – reference found
    Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII

    **** The storks and babies correlation is based on annual counts made 1930-36 in Oldenburg, Germany.****
    The data are discussed in

    Glass, GV (1984) Statistical Methods in Education and Psychology
    Prentice-Hall pp104-105
    who quotes the data from
    Box, GEP; Hunter WG & Hunter JS (1978) Statistics for Experimenters
    John Wiley pp8-9
    who in turn credit the data to
    Ornithologische Monatsberichte, 44 No 2, Jahrgang, 1936, Berlin
    ” , 48 No 1, Jahrgang, 1940, Berlin
    Statistiches Jahrbuch Deutscher Gemeinden, 27-33, Jahrgang, 1932-1938,
    Gustav Fischer, Jena.

    The spurious correlation is ascribed to the increase in storks and
    humans over the years.

    R. Allan Reese Email: [log in to unmask]
    Associate Manager Direct voice: +44 1482 466845
    Graduate Research Institute Voice messages: +44 1482 466844
    Hull University, Hull HU6 7RX, UK. Fax: +44 1482 466846

    Even this spurious correlation beats the crap out of support for creationism, no?

  7. Ichthyic says

    Stork theory, while highly unlikely, is still better than Penguin Lust.

    well, Penguin Lust was shot in black and white…

  8. luisalexandre says

    What a poor parady… I mean… is it even an expelled parady without holocaust pictures? I’m sure Hitler only killed the jews because they were all into storks and no sex.
    But I guess you can’t complain when you get Dawkins in shades.

  9. says

    Look, all we’re saying is that there are gaps in our current understanding of sex theory, and we just want to be able to promote Storkism Intelligent Delivery without being exposed for the ninnies we are.

    Is that so wrong?

  10. Ribozyme says

    As far as I know, the person who came up with the idea of the stork theory as an alternative to biological reproduction the same way that creation science is Judith Hayes, of The Happy Heretic fame:


    “If we are going to teach creation science as an alternative to evolution, then we should also teach the stork theory as an alternative to biological reproduction.”

    We’ve got to give credit when credit is due, specially now that she’s back with her website.

  11. says

    #18- yeah, it was missing the Lord Privy Seals. But the stolen animation was a nice touch.

    Dawkins should do more comedy.

  12. Ribozyme says

    I meant to say “the same way that creation science is an alternative to evolution theory” (sigh!)

  13. inkadu says

    Wow. If I made that video, I’d be deeply embarassed.

    It’s such a grossly simplified version of the Stork delivering the baby — almsot nobody believes that anymore. People today believe that the stork is very small and might even be invisible and travels through several differing planes of reality — a theory that is backed up by quantum and parallel-universe theory, mind you — to ultimately deliver the baby.

    Also a lot of recent scholarship has focussed around delivering the baby “down the chimney” to actually be a rather complex metaphor for passage through the birth canal — and I think we can all agree that babies are actually delivered through the birth canal.

    Stork Theory: One.
    Close-minded simpletons of ‘science’: Zero.

  14. Schmeer says

    That Stork video was stolen from Dumbo! Those dumbass Intelligent Delivery folks are clearly following the Intelligent Design example.

    p.s. Hitler.

  15. says

    Waitaminit…I thought storks brought Vlasic pickles which made women pregnant. I mean, has anyone seen the Harvard video: Ciconia Boyciana, Harbinger of Life?

  16. Paulr says

    Were those storks flying over Florida in the animation? It sure looked that way. Perfect timing as we Floridians endure the “anti-evolution” a.k.a. “Academic Freedom” legislation that is being pressed right now.

    I’m still optimistic there are enough Republicans without their heads up their A$$es that vote against this crap. If not, I can hardly wait to hear all the jokes on the late night shows if this nonsense is passed.

  17. Paulr says

    In regards to my previous post, only Florida Republicans have voted to move this quagmire forward through the legislature. For those who don’t know, Florida is a RED state. As far as I know, no democrats have voted for the anti-evolution bills. I don’t wish to sound partisan – just the pointing out the facts

  18. says

    I know I should believe in Stork Theory, because if I don’t I’m a godless, librul, immoral and oppressive heretic. Everyone knows that only people who believe in Stork Theory are good, decent folks. But no matter how hard I try to believe, this nagging question keeps stopping me.

    How do they tie the knots in the swaddling clothes? Do the invisible storks have invisible thumbs?

  19. Paula Helm Murray says

    I’m just glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I watched that.

    The Expelled commercials are offensive enough (they seem to be running heavily on Science Channel and National Geographic, Discovery family of channels, the things that I watch. Damnit..

  20. June says

    I believe in the Easter Bunny.
    It saves me from plane crashes and stuff.

    And I need the eggs…

  21. Brandon P. says

    ^ In case you’re reading this comments panel, Mom, that was sarcasm. I meant no offense.

  22. says

    Is that Nina Paley’s animation? How have I missed that bit?

    Never mind. The thought of Dawkins calling himself a sex maniac has me all hot ‘n’ bothered. Ohmylackofgoodness.

  23. James F says

    From the Discovery Institute’s Center for Reproduction and Culture page:

    Editor’s Note: Critics of Intelligent Delivery often claim that delivery advocates don’t publish their work in the appropriate scientific literature. We provide below an annotated bibliography of publications in peer-reviewed scientific journals that support, develop or apply the theory of Intelligent Delivery, including Helmut Sies’ seminal work in Nature.

    Goh, S.H., Tiah, L., and Lai, S.M. “When the stork arrives unannounced – seven years of emergency deliveries in a non-obstetric general hospital.” Ann Acad Med Singapore. 34:432-436, 2005.

    Höfer, T, Przyrembel, H., Verleger, S. “New evidence for the theory of the stork.” Paediatr Perinat Epidemiol.18:88-92, 2004.

    Di Bitetti, M.S., Janson, C.H. “When will the stork arrive? Patterns of birth seasonality in neotropical primates.” Am J Primatol. 50:109-130, 2000.

    Rock, M.T. “The stork, the plow, rural social structure and tropical deforestation in poor countries?” Ecol Econ. 18:113-131, 1996.

    Murray, D. “Look what the stork brought for OBGs.” Med Econ. 70:93-96, 99, 102-106, 1993.

    Armstrong, A.M. “When the stork doesn’t call.” Midwives Chron. 104:222, 1991.

    Bonn, D. “Keeping the stork at bay until the time is right.” Lancet. 351:576, 1988.

    Sies, H. “A new parameter for sex education.” Nature 332:495, 1988.

  24. thwaite says

    #35: Nina Paley? That’s what I was wondering too, but a quick visit to her site reminds me that her early pelican pieces show only a general similarity. No borrowing apparent here.
    And for any of you still unfamiliar with Paley’s animation work: it’s worth some time.

  25. Aquaria says


    Now we need a new way to make women pay for giving that apple to Adam…

  26. Sili says

    I think I just came a little …

    And to think that Dawkypoo claimed to be an old fuddy-duddy after the Beware the Believers video.

  27. Kitty says

    You mean I’ve been deluded all these years? I thought I was found under a mulberry bush!
    I’ve always known my parents never had sex!

  28. Some Guy says

    I accept the Sex Theory of Reproduction, however I also believe that the process is guided by storks.

  29. NMcC says

    Not only is it common sense that Stork Delivery theory is true, but the process is also obviously intelligently designed. How else would the Stork know to delivery all those baby protestants to protestant families, baby catholics to catholic families, baby muslims to muslim families and so on?

  30. Amadán says

    NMcC: “How else would the Stork know to delivery all those baby protestants to protestant families, baby catholics to catholic families, baby muslims to muslim families and so on?”

    Simplistic in the extreme. Babies only go to Muslim parents when storks cry, causing them to miss their proper targets. For this reason, all Muslims are Tearists.

    Catholics are sorta-kind of Christian, so there is hope that they may be saved and become Southern Baptists. That’s why Catholics are I-do-laters.

    Traditional Jewish chimney design presents particular problems. Female babies often arrive with an unsightly covering of soot, which is immediately washed off, giving rise to the term ‘Rinsesses’. Male babies, being particularly prized, must be lowered gently down by a special attachment which can later be removed.

    One theory suggests that upon conversion, souls are recycled into new TrueChristian babies and are born again.

    All other religions have Satanic clones, not babies.

  31. Stuart Ritchie says

    #46 – Oh yes! A majestic 9% for EXPELLED!. That’s truly hilarious!

    Stand by for PZ posting the link in 5…4…3…

  32. David Marjanović, OM says

    How do they tie the knots in the swaddling clothes? Do the invisible storks have invisible thumbs?

    Except for penguins and some kiwis, birds have thumbs — the alula.

    For this reason, all Muslims are Tearists.

    ROTFL! :-D :-D :-D

  33. Kseniya says

    Actually, I think Evolution was a necessary (if insufficient) condition for the creation of Jenna Jameson. I mean, silicone evolved from foam rubber, right?

    Ah, I love Nina Paley.

    As for stork “theory” – feh. That’s soooo a myth. All the evidence points to pelicans. Think about it: how were babies delivered before the advent of swaddling clothes? I ask you! Storks? Storks would have had to grab the hapless newborns in their beaks! Would a kind and loving Gork have allowed such a thing?!


  34. says

    Lord, I’m old. I’d forgotten the Dumbo bit (and I’m still taking somebody’s word on it, but it fits with the holes in my memory), to which Nina must’ve been alluding.

    I love her work too. Still have a great affection for Fetch.

  35. JohnnieCanuck, FCD says

    Congratulations to all the amazing humorists in the comments. So many very different takes on the subject, and all good.

    What a great start to the day.

    Thanks, all.

  36. janet says

    The pelican theory has greater explanatory power than the stork theory. For example: why are babies such a mess when they arrive? Because they’ve been in that pouch along with who-knows-what fish residue.

  37. mothra says

    Pelican theory/ Stork theory, there’s got to be a compromise. SHOEBILL STORK THEORY! Looks like a stork but with a broad flat bill for the ultimate infant transport system, no messy swaddling clothes. And, based on DNA evidence, the outgroup for Pelicans!

  38. Ferrous Patella says

    Okay…I finally got around to watching this clip.

    Now that is funnier than fart noises, right there. It is the third funniest thing I have ever seen on PZed’s blag.

  39. James F says

    Mothra @59

    Pelican theory/ Stork theory, there’s got to be a compromise. SHOEBILL STORK THEORY! Looks like a stork but with a broad flat bill for the ultimate infant transport system, no messy swaddling clothes. And, based on DNA evidence, the outgroup for Pelicans!


  40. Sonja says

    Sex gave the world Hitler and Stalin. If people stopped having sex and relied on the stork, in time there would be no more dictators.

  41. mothra says

    @62 There is a wonderful sequence from ‘The Life of Birds’ showing a Shoebill stork eating a lungfish- my favorite clip from the whole series (second and third places go to the Lyre bird doing camera sound imitations and the Magellanic woodpecker tapping, respectively).

    @63 ‘taint me, the DNA hybridization work was by Sibley and Alquist. I’m just the stork, er…messenger.

  42. Carlie says

    Oh jeez, I used the same graphic as MAJeff did a couple of hours earlier. Sorry I didn’t click on his link first!

  43. janet says

    @65 Yes! I love that series. I’ve seen it a zillion times because my daughter is obsessed with birds and demands to watch it almost every evening.

    I think my favorite sequence is the frigatebirds trying to steal the nest materials from the gannets. That’s some impressive flying.

  44. says

    The job was contracted out to the UN’s black helicopers some years ago after teh orbiting deathray accidently wiped out the main pelican baby-making factory (well, what do you think the twin towers were for?) and the storks got a better offer from teh lizard overlords to promote teh gay’s atheist agenda.

  45. MAJeff, OM says

    Oh jeez, I used the same graphic as MAJeff did a couple of hours earlier. Sorry I didn’t click on his link first!

    great minds and all that.