We all know who makes the best Mad Scientists

I initially thought this was a fine graph, charting the fields of research of mad scientists over time, since it did accurately conclude that biologists rocked that niche, but then I looked closer, and they shortchanged us. For some entirely arbitrary reason, they split mad biologists into “biology”, “biotechnology”, and “neuroscience”…but those are simply subdisciplines of biology! You don’t see mad physicists split into “physics”, “lasers”, and “whatever else physicists do”, now do you? I see what they were doing: they were trying to minimize the appearance of our overwhelming dominance!

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So, Annalee Newitz, Stephanie Fox, Kelly Faircloth, and Mary Ratliff…you sought to belittle mad biologists, eh? I shall plot my vengeance. Do not be surprised if some night you wake up to find giant mutant cockroaches laying eggs in your ears, or your brain transplanted into the body of a hagfish, or strange infections writing incantations to Cthulhu in rashes on your body, or tentacles emerging out of your shower drain.

I’m beginning to suspect that Zach Weiner has issues with biologists

He’s done it again. It’s another comic that mocks biologists. It’s entirely true, but that’s beside the point — he’s exposing us! And yes, I know that he’s married to a parasitologist, which just means he’s been given direct insight into the mind of a biologist and will be using that information against us.

This could be trouble. Weiner shouldn’t be surprised if he’s walkin’ down the street sometime and a gang in labcoats whispers up behind him in their Priuses and pelts him with viscera. We’re a dangerous bunch, you know.

Mormon turnabout

The LDS church has a weird habit of baptizing dead people into their faith — and now you can get even. Atheize anyone!

It works, too! I atheized Brigham Young, and next thing I knew, his ghost was hanging about whining about how I’d gotten him kicked out of Mormon heaven and how all his celestial wives had laughed as they tossed his newly godless patriarchal butt off out of their palace. That may sound like a bit of an annoyance, getting haunted out of the deal, but really, it’s no problem — just remind them that they don’t believe in the supernatural, and you might get a brief look of quizzical startlement before they vanish in a puff of ectoplasm. Easy.