Uh-oh. We’ve only got a week left, atheists!


The moment we dreaded has arrived. The believers have suddenly realized that they have a fully operational super-being at their beck and call, and all they have to do is ask their Supreme Creator of the Universe to eradicate us. All they needed to do is take advantage of the organizational efficiency of Facebook to gather their hordes and tell God what to do with a global prayer to end atheism. They finally figured it out. Next Thursday, 12 August 2021, this will be us.

Yeah, every atheist has been quaking in terror, dreading that moment when Christians finally realized the unstoppable power of prayer.

What are you all planning for next Friday? I guess I don’t have to worry about what to wear, since we’re all scheduled to have a grand naked orgy in Hell.

Comments

  1. Matt G says

    Wow, that’s my parents’ 60th anniversary! They’ll be thrilled! (Both are non-believers).

  2. says

    This whole event is run by one guy, “Professor Joel”, who has a website called AtheismHoax. If you ever need to wallow in Christian inanity, it’s an excellent site for that.

  3. Peter B says

    Professor Joel asked, “Who was the first atheist?” He answered his question:
    Since Genesis the devil has acted as if God does not exist, turning man against man, brother against brother, creating strife and disorder wherever he went, making him the first atheist ever to exist.

    But right there in Genesis, the devil knows God exists. Atheists, unlike that devil, know there are no god(s) and are smart enough to dismiss the Bible’s creation myths.

    An email address was needed to post. Professor Joel may never see my comment. I was born an atheist and became a Christian because my parents believed. As an atheist, I sometimes describe myself as a serious backslidden Baptist.

  4. maggie says

    Well, that was a mistake. I took a gander at Professor Joel’s website. Inane only scratches the surface. I am making plans for August 13.

  5. raven says

    The believers have suddenly realized that they have a fully operational super-being at their beck and call, and all they have to do is ask their Supreme Creator of the Universe …

    Well, they do. Or at least something almost as good. At least it is not imaginary.

    These days they have the US Supreme Court on their side. The current court is routinely giving the xians whatever privileges and power they want and can ask for in a court case. They may well throw out Roe versus Wade in the next year.

    We are now in the situation where 6 unelected mostly Catholic xians are in the process of wrecking a country of 331 million people. That is a lot of power.

  6. Kagehi says

    Wonder if this is what the nutball was babbling about the other day to me at work, though she said something about the 15th… Is there also some wacko conspiracy that says Trump is going to cure, or prove that Corona Virus isn’t actually real, or some stupid shit, because all she managed to do is make me feel pity for her, and her “prayers”. Sigh… I know the world has always contained these sorts of people, but.. when the F do they crawl back under their rocks?

  7. whywhywhy says

    So does this mean that I will perish or start believing in a god? The difference is quite important for my plans for the next week: primarily, if I am to perish then I get to eat ice cream everyday.
    Did they say exactly which god is being chosen for all us atheists? Or do we simply get a random god assigned? Do we get to choose which god to follow from a menu? If we get to choose can we choose one of our own making? Are substitutions allowed, such as I want a god accepting of homosexuality and pissed at “controlling strangers who think they know what is best for everyone”? If not, who chooses the god assigned to us? Can we set up an appointment ahead of time to better understand the needs/wants/nature of the chosen god? What if we get assigned a god that does not exist? Can we revert back to atheism?

    So many questions and so little time…

  8. Snarki, child of Loki says

    “Welcome to Hell, here’s your accordion copy of Windows.”

    You know that’s where most of the spam comes from…

  9. lumipuna says

    Thankfully I’ll be immune to prayer, since I managed to schedule my vaccination for next Tuesday.

  10. raven says

    Since Genesis the devil has acted as if God does not exist,

    The walking, talking smartass snake in Genesis was not satan.
    Even a lot of xians have figured this out.

    In the Old Testament satan is barely mentioned. When he is, he is one of god’s friends and they hang around together. There was no war in heaven and satan does not rule in hell either. He was last seen living in Los Angeles.

    ProfessorJoel knows as much as his own religion and magic book as he does about the rest of reality. Not much.

  11. StonedRanger says

    I think I will hang a sign around my neck proclaiming my atheism and spend the day laughing at idiots. Aside from the sign around my neck, I seem to spend an awful lot of time laughing at idiots. New national pastime?

  12. johnlee says

    We’re absolutely fucked then. Should I start praying now, or wait until the day after?

  13. davidc1 says

    They missed a great opportunity ,should have arranged it for the 13th .Friday the thirteen ,unlucky since the so called last supper .

  14. birgerjohansson says

    Lucifer was just a Babylonian king.
    .
    davidc1 @ 16
    But the one fat messias balanced the two skinny ones pretty well.

  15. birgerjohansson says

    But if Ctulhu exists in our hearts, he exists, sort of. So we are meta-atheists?

  16. snarkrates says

    I always have this picture of Jesus asking to speak to the manager like some common Karen: “Do you know who my father is?”
    Manager: “No. Do you? Does your mother?”

  17. James Hammond says

    What are you all planning for next Friday? I guess I don’t have to worry about what to wear, since we’re all scheduled to have a grand naked orgy in Hell.

    We prefer to call it “Skepticon the 13th” and that’s skepticon.org, not “orgy”. But you do you, PZ. We’ll see you there!

    Online festivities start Friday the 13th at 9pm Central with Skeptitrivia. Virtual panels on Saturday, themed around things that scare us.

    https://www.facebook.com/events/342463734175380/

    –James

  18. whheydt says

    My mother had a bit of a political hit piece from the 1880s. It was a small, hollow, lead pig. When you looked through it, there was a picture of one of the presidential candidates with the slogan, “Our next president”. It was put out by his opponent. Bear in mind the adage, “in a pig’s eye” is the Bowdlerized version of the original saying.

    This guy reminds me of that.

    As for what I’m going to do… Nothing in particular on the 13th, but on the 14th most of the convention committee (those that can get there) are going to do a walk through of the hotel the con will be using next February. (Assuming, that is, that COVID-19 has been beaten back sufficiently by next February to actually hold a convention.)

  19. cartomancer says

    I’ve been to grand naked orgies. They were pretty boring, all told, given that none of the other orgiasts wanted anything to do with me. Hopefully the infernal ones will be better. Fingers crossed for very bad lighting!

  20. Larry says

    And I was so looking forward to the Pillow Guy’s release of the overwhelming evidence that Biden cheated his way into office and that the Supreme Court could do nothing but oust him and appoint the Former Guy to take over.

  21. robro says

    I’ve never been to an orgy, but “a grand naked orgy in Hell” sounds a lot better than the Hell on Earth the Christians have planned.

  22. davidc1 says

    Does this mean they have finally admitted they can’t scare us into believing in the big sky daddy ?

  23. stuffin says

    G-Damn it, I have a four day weekend from the 13th through the 16th. Maybe I can get a refund on the hotel?

  24. Ted Lawry says

    The painting shows winged being which also have (devil?) horns. Is that some sort of evolutionary hybrid?

  25. Alt-X says

    If gods existed we wouldn’t be Atheists. Its not that difficult lol. Praying atheists go away isn’t going to make your American god creature thing any less stupid.

  26. j100111 says

    How could they do this on my birthday? I won’t follow the link, but does anyone know what time this is scheduled for (GMT would be fine, I can do the math)? Do I have to move my party up to avoid conflicts?

    TIA

  27. tuatara says

    Friday August 13, 2021 is National “Blame Someone Else Day” in the USA.
    I guess that all us atheists will be blamed when all us atheists are not eradicated on the 12th…

  28. says

    OM?! If you click on “HOAX” at the top of the page you get the real nitty gritty!
    Posts from jesus! (Lower case is Prof. Joel)
    Hell schmell! Since I’ve denied gravity, I’ll be off in space somewhere!

  29. vucodlak says

    The believers have suddenly realized that they have a fully operational super-being at their beck and call, and all they have to do is ask their Supreme Creator of the Universe to eradicate us.

    They seem to be rather confused. I did not see Atum the Self-Created, Lord of Totality, they who sneezed* the entire universe into existence, mentioned anywhere. Do they expect Atum to answer if they do not know their holy name? Shouting “Hey You!” at a god seems like a good way to earn a smiting.

    Also, a glance at the website of this Professor Joel reveals further confusion. Apophis World-Encirler, Serpent of Primordial Chaos, is not the first atheist. Apophis will be the last atheist, for once they swallow the gods, along with everyone and everything else, what will be left to believe in?

    I can’t imagine what other serpent the professor might be referring to. All the others that might have been around way back when are gods. You can’t tell me that Wadjet, Mistress of Awe, or Nehebu-Kau, who protects and attends to needs of the dead, are atheists.

    I think Professor Joel needs to do a little homework before they go bothering gods for favors.

    *Some texts say ejaculated. Whatever the case, it was apparently quick and fun.

  30. leerudolph says

    we’re all scheduled to have a grand naked orgy in Hell.

    Who’s in charge of bringing the amyl nitrite?

  31. blf says

    Who’s in charge of bringing the amyl nitrite?

    The Unicorns (not a band, but the horny horses). Which probably means there won’t be any (horses or amyl nitrite, albeit there presumably will be bands (and rather good ones considering the location)), as the main interest of the Unicorns seems likely to be mostly absent.

  32. Ray, rude-ass yankee - One inseparable gemisch says

    Grand naked orgy in Hell sounds like a great band name.

    davidc1 @ 16: I thought that was since the Templars?

  33. Howard Brazee says

    Once God became omnipotent and omniscient (and all-loving), it stopped making sense to use prayer to change anything but oneself. We don’t pay priests money to convince God to change his mind if God already knew what was best.

  34. davidc1 says

    @37 I thought it was because Friday was when JC got done in ,and 13 because there were 13 at the last supper .
    I have a book about the trial of the Templars ,seems since the loss of the holy land to what’s his name ,they didn’t serve any useful purpose .Plus the French king wanted their land .
    The book is by Edward Burman ,at the beginning he mentions the superstition surrounding Friday the 13th .

  35. PaulBC says

    Next Thursday, 12 August 2021, this will be us.

    Darn. I placed my first Ponoko laser-cut order ever after having projects in my head for years. Given that it was already rather pricy, I was not about to pay nearly double for fast turnaround. It’s supposed to arrive on the 17th. Maybe I’ll luck out, but it suddenly looks like a serious case of penny-wise pound foolish.

  36. captainjack says

    I wouldn’t worry about it, PaulBC. I’m pretty sure the Grand Naked Orgy in Hell will be free.

  37. Dave, ex-Kwisatz Haderach says

    Don’t panic! You can all relax, I’ve got this.
    Aug 12 is my birthday, I’ll make a wish for atheism to not end when I blow out the candles. Its foolproof.
    When atheism is still around on the 13th, you’ll know my wish worked!

  38. wzrd1 says

    I’m a bit late to this conversation, but I;m reminded of a joke.
    How do you make God laugh?
    Tell it your plans.

    Objectors to it/vs he, that’d take a while and I’d demand El’s spouse’s loss of existence. Then, we’d go into detail…
    Think doubleplus ufun, cubed.

  39. PaulBC says

    captainjack@42 The order is on 1.5mm task board and will probably go right up in flames even if I get it in time.

  40. NitricAcid says

    Meh. At the grand orgy in hell, I expect the scaliest, most gruesome demon around to look at me and say, “Ew.”

  41. seanmc1984 says

    Looking at the host page, the group or guy is the parody of christianity that is the butt of every joke. I wouldn’t be shocked if the guy is an Atheist trolling christians?

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