You should not date Nate

Nate has an interminable web site in which he talks about how unique and special and hardworking he is, and how he abhors 95% of what other people like (it’s a kind of negging), and how he wants to meet a special someone for a vacation date. Maybe magic will happen!

I think “magic” is his special secret word for sex.

Anyway, after going on and on about his unusual creative lifestyle and how he’s sure there are very few women who could possibly be interested in him, he lays down his requirements for a date:

As far as age is concerned, if you are somewhere between 22 and 35 that’s just fine. If you have a slender, healthy body, a reasonably slim waist, and a very pretty face then, quite frankly, you sound like heaven to me!

How prosaic and predictable. Just another marketing guy trying to pick up girls.

By the way, it’s even worse than that: he markets nutritional supplements, the shiny new ploy for snake oil salesmen, and he hates the FDA because it is an inept, deplorable, and useless organization.

I think those are his special secret words for “knows I’m a con artist and a quack”.


  1. laurentweppe says

    It’s either an elaborate satire or you just showed us the Time Cube for 21th century…

    I like dthe old one better

  2. says

    The bower bird spends hours building its website, adorning it with dead bugs and protestations of excellence. Then, he hops eagerly back and forth, watching the ‘hits’ and hoping for an interested female to come along. Tragically, some bower birds adorn their websites badly and die alone in the wilderness. It turns out that some prospective mates appreciate brevity more than adornment.

    Nate could have spent that effort into revenue-generating, and bought himself a Real Doll. Because that’s what he seems to want; someone attractive and freshly created without a past or inner life.

  3. emergence says

    …What possessed Nate to think putting up a website like that was a good idea? This isn’t something that normal people do. What sort of life experiences has this guy been through that he thinks women will respond positively to this? How can he have no idea how creepy this makes him look?

  4. says

    How can he have no idea how creepy this makes him look?

    Maybe it’s a brilliant strategy to find prospective mates that actively like creepy guys?

  5. busterggi says

    I don’t know its age but I know something slim that Nate could put his hands around.

  6. thirdmill says

    I made it bout four paragraphs in before saying “he has got to be kidding” and giving up. Even if I were a woman looking for what he’s offering, who is going to read all that crap?

  7. Jeremy Shaffer says

    I think “magic” is his special secret word for sex.

    As well it should be for this guy since it seems one if just as likely to happen as the other. Assuming this isn’t an elaborate hoax. There was a time when I would have thought that idea to be the most reasonable, but now…

    emergence @ 5:

    …What possessed Nate to think putting up a website like that was a good idea?

    A life where the concession that other people aren’t merely props in the story that is his life was much required. I bet when he goes home from work, he’s still not entirely convinced his co-workers just cease to exist until he sees them again the next morning.

    Maybe he thinks Ruby Sparks is a documentary.

  8. says

    It gets better (for values of “better” which equal “oh so much worse”). If you look at the site now, he’s bragging about his skill at marketing and how the whole thing went viral and doesn’t this just prove he’s the greatest salesman in like, ever.

    He also quotes Scott Adams, so… yeah. Right.

    Excuse me, I have to go disinfect my browser history.

  9. says

    I wonder if this is a strategy similar to the Nigerian letters. If it drives you off, that’s fine. It just means that you weren’t what he was looking for in the first place: Someone easily bullied and manipulated.

  10. mcbender says

    My partner and I had a great deal of fun shredding this guy’s website, and it came along at a time when I really needed a distraction so I can’t find it in myself to get too angry at him. That said, it does not surprise me at all that he’s also an alt-med buffoon; I hadn’t bothered looking up the details of his sketchy-sounding “vitamin” business…

    Of course, I also really hope David Futrelle gets hold of this at some point…

  11. seedye says

    He’s updated his site. To paraphrase: “Ha! Fooled you all with my genius viral marketing skills! Now send me money and I’ll tell you how to be a cancer on humanity just like me! You were all so easily had about that obviously pathetic solicitation for a date! Foolish mortals, send me money to learn how to be a god like me!

    “P.S. Also, still lonely and looking for a date.”