Mixing science with love

The other big holiday coming up is Valentine’s Day … so how about some appropriately silly valentines?


Warning: that one is the best one. If it makes you groan, the others will be pure torture. But they do beat out the sappy things we used to hand out in fifth grade.


  1. says

    Oh – that’s easy. Digital Cuttlefish had them nearly a month early… because such a romantic little Cephalopod!


    My favorite by DC:

    A rat cadaver’s donor heart
    Is stripped of every cell
    The protein fiber matrix left
    Looks like a ghostly shell;
    This matrix, in a sterile flask,
    Is bathed in rat-heart goo
    With both adult and baby cells,
    And starts to grow anew.
    In only days, the growing heart
    May beat, or merely twitch,
    Then work, at roughly two percent…
    Like yours, you heartless bitch.

  2. says

    Painful? Perhaps. But beats what the Saudis have done:

    Religious police in Saudi Arabia are banning the sale of Valentine’s Day gifts including red roses, a local newspaper has reported.

    The Saudi Gazette quoted shop workers as saying that officials had warned them to remove all red items including flowers and wrapping paper.

    Why? Because it is an “un-Islamic” holiday, of course.

    Jim D.

  3. Elin says

    At long last, the religious cops in Saudi Arabia are good for something. What other holiday causes so much misery, both in single people and in non-single people who are plagued with expectations and resentments regarding those expectations?

  4. says

    Ah, Valentine’s Day. There’s nothing quite so North American as decrying the Hallmark Holiday while simultaneously trying to make last minute reservations at some over-priced fusion-cuisine bistro.

    Unless of course, it’s decrying how we’ve lost the ‘true meaning of Christmas’ while simultaneously reaming out some poor department store clerk for wishing you a ‘Happy Holidays’ after you’ve just elbowed some fat nerd out of the way for the last Wii on the shelf.

    Then again, maybe I’m just cynical.

  5. Mooser says

    My wife, often the very essence of practicality and frugality, has told me of her secret desire for a heart-shaped box of candy. Can I do other than comply gladly? I think not.

  6. Escuerd says

    I guess this is more G-rated than the old:

    “I wish I were DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.”

    That one might go better with Crick or Watson.

    I guess one of the discoverers of DNA helicase would be most appropriate for that one, but Mahmoud Abdel-Monem, Hartmut Hoffmann-Berling, and Hildegard Dürwald (I had to look them up) might not be famous enough for non-molecular biologists for it to work.

  7. Escuerd says

    The term “non-molecular biologists” should be “people who aren’t molecular biologists” to avoid ambiguity. My apologies if any other types of biologists thought I was singling them out. ;)

  8. Mooser says

    Well, let’s just say that if I designed a world intelligently it would be totally, like non-molecular. Molecules are icky! You never know where they have been.

  9. Interrobang says

    Those are appropriately goofy for HersheyHallmarkDeBeers Day™ (thank you SomeWoman), a non-holiday holiday which demands not to be taken seriously…

    Getcher blood diamonds and chocolate made by child slave labour heeeeere!

  10. s1mplex says

    I initially read it as, “I select you, Naturally!” That is, with a comma instead of a period, such that:

    Naturally = by (biological, animal) nature

    instead of

    Naturally = of course; as would be expected; needless to say.

    Not necessarily as romantic, I admit… unless of course your significant other is a bio-nerdette like mine. :)

  11. thwaite says

    Jeez, didn’t Chuck D write an entire (half of a) book arguing that sexual selection is an entirely separate dynamic than natural selection, and often at odds with it (resulting in such extravaganzas as the peacock’s tail)?

    Chuck’s argument is updated in semi-popularized form by Geoffrey Miller, THE MATING MIND, who isn’t shy about possible psychological implications. Fun read.

  12. allonym says

    Not exactly apropos of Valentine’s day, but I’m now considering sending my parents a card emblazoned “You’ve really left Lamarck on me”.

  13. Michael X says

    If I get my fiance the Curie card with a magnetic Marie Curie attached, I will radioactively glow with nerdom. And it will rock so hard.

  14. says

    Receiving that Carl Sagan valentine would rock my world. So I’m sending it to all my friends, selfishly hoping they’ll send one back to me.