Oh… *ehem*… my apologies…

So it’s Rosh Hashanna, the Jewish new year. The year is 5778. For two days, we celebrate and eat far too much delicious food, so that the week after, on Yom Kippur, we can fast for around 24 hours or so to atone for our sins (because unlike Catholics, we only have to feel guilty once a year, instead of year round… we spend the rest of the year making everybody else feel guilty. BOOM! [I can make that joke because I’m Jewish… you can’t… unless you’re Jewish]).

Of course, as an atheist and part-time anti-theist, I really only participate because I live with my parents and, as I’ve said many times in the past already, Dad is a Hazzan. Plus, I do still identify culturally as a Jew (I’m what Israelis call a “Secular Jew”), although I admittedly don’t keep kosher or even keep the Sabbath… and I probably won’t be fasting on Yom Kippur this coming weekend… or maybe I will if I’m too tired to do anything other than sleep. We’ll see…

Oh and yes… according to Jewish tradition, this means all of existence is only 5,778 years old. Luckily, the overwhelmingly vast majority of Jews don’t actually believe that, because we really don’t have any problem with science, and many even attempt to shoehorn the text of Genesis into the scientific understanding of the age of the Earth and the universe. Sure, there are actually Jewish YECs, who, yes, think existence is even younger than most Christian YECs do, but they aren’t as common or as prevalent as in other religions I could name (*cough*Christianity*cough*… excuse me… got something in my throat).

But anyways…

It’s 5778!

I’ll see you all on Yom Kippur.

So read it, okay? Please? I mean… I’m sure you have other stuff to do and all, but come on, my blog is good, right? And besides… what does it cost you? It costs me, you know. I get paid on these clicks! Do you wanna deprive me of gas for my car? Rent? Food? Are you some kind of monster?!? HOW DARE YOU!?! It’s ridiculous, you know… this life… I slave away at the computer coming up with these posts but no one ever…

You’ll read?

Just to shut me up?

AWESOME! SEE YOU SOON!
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See what I did there? Guilt trip? Yeah… you found it funny… right? ‘Cause “Jewish Guilt Trip”?

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Fine. I’ll get my coat…