Yesterday the Department of Homeland Security launched a new hotline to “assist victims of crimes committed by criminal aliens.” The resulting “fuck you!” from average Americans was swift and hilarious.
Less than a day into its pitiful existence, the VOICE hotline has been rendered unusable by tipsters claiming to have seen criminal aliens of the extraterrestrial kind. I called four times. Twice all operators were unavailable. The other two attempts resulted in a busy signal. Other concerned citizens seeking to report a mothership streaking across the sky were told the line was closed despite calling during normal business hours.
(I really need a video of excessive laughter to post here. Any suggestions?)
This is genuinely beautiful. But, of course, the usual moralizing is already happening…
Regarding the troll call-ins, a spokesperson told Buzzfeed News the following:
There are certainly more constructive ways to make one’s opinions heard than to prevent legitimate victims of crime from receiving the information and resources they seek because the lines are tied up by hoax callers.
However, if you manage to get through to VOICE’s automated message, one of the first things it says is this is not a tip line to report a crime, at which point it implores you to call local law enforcement.
Services already exist to report crimes and (unfortunately) to tip ICE agents about people who may have crossed into the US extralegally. What does this hotline actually do? It remains a mystery.
I’m enjoying this so much, that I want to keep it going, until the hotline is completely taken down (if it hasn’t been already). So here’s the number:
Please tell them about the extraterrestrials who abducted you and did “experiments”. Tell them about the little gray men who stole your stuff. Explain how a flying saucer crashed right into your home (luckily no one was hurt). Tell them about how Men in Black broke into your place of living and stole your computer for no reason, and you only avoided being flashed (that is, having your mind wiped) by running away.
Tell them about all the criminal ETs.
Because that’s what this hotline deserves.