I will have a personal teleportation device very, very soon.


The first object has been teleported by Chinese researchers from the Gobi desert to an orbiting satellite 500 kilometers above the Earth. The teleported object was a “photon”—which, from what I understand about particle physics (nothing), is not the same thing as a “live human being.” But obviously that technical detail only presents a minor obstacle, one that will undoubtedly be overcome in short order.

The way teleportation works is this: quantum entanglement something something replicating information in space blah blah blah WHATEVER. The important thing to note here is that I have already developed not one but two Sooper Seekrit lists: one of all the places to which I will soon be teleporting myself, and another of all the people I will soon be teleporting to satellites orbiting the Earth.

Needless to say, the squirrels will be joining them.

Comments

  1. says

    The way teleportation works is this: quantum entanglement something something replicating information

    Uh oh. So it’s the same problem as the Star Trek transporters where it sends a copy of you somewhere then murders the original so there aren’t multiple copies?

    I guess I’m stuck on Earth. :(

    However, the copies of me will slowly increase until I am numerous enough to take over the world! Bwahahahahaha!!! (And the copies better be grateful enough that they recognize me as leader.)

  2. ShowMetheData says

    Not interested in the teleportation.

    But I wonder if you could jiggle the earth photon and make the space photon jiggle at the same rate.

    You would then have a very reliable space telegraph that did not need satellite dishes to be lined up.
    Probably the information would not travel faster than light.

  3. says

    Tabby Lavalamp: I for one welcome our Tabby Lavalamp overlord(s).

    Raucous: ah, a reference to the old joke, right? How many photons does it take to make a barrel of vino? Classic. LMAO!

    ShowMetheData:

    I wonder if you could jiggle the earth photon and make the space photon jiggle at the same rate.

    I can see you’re already onto the amazing intergalactic sex applications of this technology! I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK.

    You would then have a very reliable space telegraph that did not need satellite dishes to be lined up.

    Wait what. :/

  4. Raucous Indignation says

    [bows in reverence and delight]

    [has no idea what you’re on about]

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