The Invisible Queer

Content Warnings: Suicide mention, Less than positive trans stuff.

Trans Day of Visibility, right?  A lot of trans people don’t love this occasion for a lot of reasons, and that’s fair.  Anybody should be allowed to be as invisible as they want to be.  Invisibility is by definition part of passing, which is the trans dream.  It is hard to argue with its usefulness to the people that it’s useful for: knuckleheaded cis people who need reminders of trans people’s humanity, and baby trans folks who need to see that life is possible – given their high rates of suicide.

Where do nonbinary, agender, and genderqueer people belong?  In a sense we’re trans, so should we be visibling out right now?  If we want to sure.  As for me, I’ll just reflect publicly on what being genderqueer means to me…

Or not.  It’s kind of personal, isn’t it?  It’s in my head, waiting for a future that is never going to come, like so many other things.  Sayeth my problematical inspiration, “Don’t dream it, be it.”  But I don’t have powerful dysphoria pushing me to make the choice between a life of facing bitter and extreme prejudice or living with crushing pain.  (And be real – passing isn’t possible for everybody, open and sometimes murderous prejudice is what I’d get.)

If it can be a dream for me, that’s enough for now, I think.  I might feel differently next year, if the ‘rona don’t take me out first.  Who can say?  In the meantime, ya might catch me in sequined shoes or wearing costume jewelry.  Just a little something to let you know what’s up.


  1. says

    Invisibility is by definition part of passing, which is the trans dream.

    I can think of a better dream—to be able to freely and comfortably live in a non-transphobic society regardless of whether you pass for your preferred gender or no.

  2. says

    Good dream. As transphobia was one of the levers fascists recently pulled to essentially take over the world, think that one will have to reside in imaginations and motivations for a while.

  3. Allison says

    I’m extremely and unusually fortunate that in the 4+ years I’ve been transitioned, and the decade of being “gender non-conforming” before that, I’ve had exactly one nasty comment (and nothing worse.) I am well aware that that is not the usual experience.

    So I’m “out and proud” at very little cost.

    Besides, I only half-way pass — that is, people only mistake me for cis if they aren’t paying attention. So this is kind of making a virtue of necessity.

    My more openly non-binary friends don’t seem to have a problem with violence directed against them, but they do have the problem that nobody “gets” that they’re NB — there’s no widely recognized way to present as NB, so they usually get misgendered as their assigned-at-birth gender.

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