With apologies to Ogden Nash, who did it first and better.
I give you now Spokeswoman Twist
An NRA apologist;
She knew the difference, even trifles,
Between the different sorts of rifles
She parked her butt on newsroom stools
Explaining “we need guns in schools!”
When told there’d been another one,
A death from an assault-type gun
Spokeswoman Twist, she made it right:
“You mean,” she smiled, “an Armalite.”
I did try my best to get an “actually” in there in that last line, but it turned out to be more important to follow the form of the original.
Hat tip to every vertebrate on every comment thread who found it more important to say “there is no such thing as an assault rifle”. Y’all immediately made me think of Ogden Nash.
(edited to change 8th line, in case it looks different to you. Edited again to change L2, as per comment below.)