“Failure is not getting knocked down, it’s not getting up.”

Ok so catching up on the Ray Rice thing, which I didn’t follow before – I just watched the “apology” video. It’s one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen.

First he apologizes to the bosses, the fans, the kids – “everyone that was affected by this situation that me and my wife were in.”

Situation? They were in? He punched her in the head and knocked her out.

That’s a terrible beginning, and it doesn’t get one bit better. He goes on that way for six and a half minutes. It’s all about him. He talks about generalities without ever actually admitting to what he did, without ever mentioning it, without ever saying the words, and using “we” and “us” the whole time as if both of them had punched Janay Palmer in the head.

When you’ve seen this thing happen with me and my wife. People asked questions about what happened. Sometimes in life you will fail, but – I won’t call myself a failure. Failure is not getting knocked down, it’s not getting up.

He actually said that. Dude, you’re not the one who got knocked down, she is, and she was knocked down by you. To the floor. You dragged her out of the elevator and dropped her face-down on the floor outside.

Me and Janay wish we could take back 30 seconds of our life.

No. Just the one. Just Ray Rice, not the woman he punched unconscious.

People told him “You’ll get through it.” He chokes up. “One thing you gave me is trust.” He gets all maudlin and emotional…about himself. It’s disgusting.

  • “I’m working on our relationship. I have Janay’s best interests.”
  • “Just wanted to thank my supporters.”
  • “Showing us a better way. Bringing us together.”
  • “We were able to get through this. To let y’all know – we’re still the same people.”
  • “I think my wife has something to say – we were in this together.”

And what does she say? “I do deeply regret the role that I played in the incident that night.” She does deeply regret being so annoying that he was forced to punch her in the head and knock her out.

I’m just fucking gobsmacked and disgusted and enraged.

You know what? One of the things we’re constantly told when we wonder why schools and universities spend so much money and time on football is that it builds character and wonderful social skills.



  1. A Masked Avenger says

    Can’t you let this incident go, Ophelia? The victim has apologized; shouldn’t that end it?

  2. says

    I feel sick.

    I’ve been her. I’ve been the victim. And yes, chigau, it felt like being a hostage. In my own home, no less.

    Of course she’s apologizing for “her part” in this — he’s fucked her head up so bad that she probably genuinely believes she’s at fault.

    At the very least, the NFL sacked him.

  3. chigau (違う) says

    I’d feel more comfortable gloating about someone losing their job if I was sure that Janay was not going to be beaten to death.
    But I’m just a spectator in this debacle.

  4. yahweh says

    @7 and 8 WMDKitty, I reckon he would almost certainly blame her if he lost his job.

    He’s really done a number on her and I doubt if he is the first to do so (in her life).

  5. piero says

    I’m just fucking gobsmacked and disgusted and enraged.

    You know what? One of the things we’re constantly told when we wonder why schools and universities spend so much money and time on football is that it builds character and wonderful social skills.


    My thoughts exactly. The whole nauseating episode reeks of egotism and insincerity.

  6. Seven of Mine, formerly piegasm says

    This is so disgustingly typical of the way people in general talk about rape/abuse. It’s just a thing that happens; not a deliberate act by one person against another. *hurk*

  7. doublereed says

    Wow, that’s terrifying. Shouldn’t they be separated or something? Isn’t everything here pointing to further abuse???

  8. Brian E says

    Seven of mine:

    If someone uses the passive about their actions, they’re pissing in your pocket and telling you it’s just rain. (Apologies if that’s offensive).

    From personal experience (not to compare with this woman’s experience), when someone mistreats you: it’s all about this thing happened, we were involved in a bad situation. What else could be done? You shouldn’t have done that in the first place. Never an acknowledgement of fault on behalf of the offender….power..privilege….

  9. says

    From a blogger in my neck of the woods (Connecticut), a look at how Faux News commentators assessed the situation:


    In addition to the comments the blogger calls out (including “The message is, take the stairs”), this one really hit me like a ton of bricks: “The message is, when you’re in an elevator, there’s a camera.” That is, if you’re going to beat someone unconscious, don’t do it where there’s likely to be a camera. That’s how Fox ended this appalling segment.

    I cannot comprehend why Rice has not been arrested and charged with assault.

  10. Kevin Kehres says

    @13: Consenting adults.

    James Brown’s last wife stuck with him even after he beat the crap out of her (many times). And probably the vast majority of other victims of domestic violence did as well.

  11. soogeeoh says


    What is your position exactly?
    I get a feeling of incongruity of the first sentence with the rest.

  12. doublereed says

    @17 Kevin Kehres

    He’s an immediate threat to her well-being. They should be separated. It’s like the simplest concept imaginable. I fail to see an issue of consenting adults.

  13. says

    Kevin Kehres, yes he was arrested and indicted, but he’s not in prison and probably won’t be going to prison at all since he was accepted into a pretrial diversion program:


    I read somewhere else that not only will he not see jail time if he completes the program, the charges will be expunged from his record, but I don’t have a link for that part.

    As for all the pundits going on about his life being ruined and his family destroyed because he can’t earn any money, while he won’t be being paid to play this season, $15 million of his $35 million, 5-year contract was a signing bonus and he likely won’t have to forfeit any of it, nor any of the other bonuses he’s received so far:


    (warning: unfortunately there’s a video at the site that autoplays in Firefox; not sure about other browsers)

    The whole situation stinks and emphasizes how the law really only applies to people lacking sufficient funds and celebrity to circumvent it.

  14. soogeeoh says


    How? Who should do it?
    Can you look in her head to see if she chooses freely, or if she feels without alternative?

  15. screechymonkey says

    doublereed @19,

    I’m going to put aside the constitutional dubiousness of an order that tells two married people that they can’t associate with each other, and just assume that you’re saying that such a thing should be legal, whether it is or not.

    How on earth are you going to enforce such an order? Law enforcement doesn’t have the greatest track record of enforcing restraining orders when one of the parties to the “relationship” wants it enforced. Are you going to have police staking out Ray Rice’s home to make sure Janay doesn’t show up? (And if she does, how do you arrest him for something she did?) And unless that’s a specific rule for famous football players, how are you going to get the resources to monitor the movements of every couple that’s had a violent act? Or are you just going to rely on third parties to call 911 if they see Ray and Janay at the movie theatre together?

  16. doublereed says

    @22 screechymonkey

    Well it’s not just that he’s had a violent act. Look at the way they’re talking about it! It’s going to happen again, probably sooner rather than later. Who wouldn’t take that bet?

    And I have no answer to practical considerations. It’s just baffling to me all around.

  17. doublereed says

    And by the way, why is this labeled “Ray Rice Apology to His Wife Janay Palmer”? He doesn’t apologize to her in the video. It doesn’t happen. He apologizes to everyone else (and even the apology to “the kids” is referring to his fans, not his actual children). If anything, it’s both of them apologizing for ‘making a scene’ or something.

  18. sonofrojblake says

    @23 doublereed:

    It’s going to happen again, probably

    Punish him for assaulting her, absolutely. And while we’re at it, arrest and punish her for assaulting him – he did not strike the first blow, and there’s no excuse for violence for either of them. But “it’s going to happen again, probably” as a basis for justice? Outside of science fiction, that’s not how it works, generally.

    His wife should be offered all the support she could possibly need, but if you’re not going to hopelessly infantilise her, you are going to have to accept that she’s an adult with control over her own life.

  19. doublereed says

    @25 sonofrojblake

    What would you take apart my words like that? That’s clearly not what I said. Everyone can see that’s not what I said. I said “It’s going to happen again, probably sooner rather than later.” The “probably” was speaking about the timeframe. Very strange.

    Law enforcement does all sorts of basic protections for people all the damn time before crimes happen. Separating a woman from the guy who’s going to beat the shit out of her tomorrow does not “infantilise her.” The hell is wrong with you?

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