Scientologists "heal" Haiti victims by touching them

“Volunteer ministers” from the Church of Scientology are descending upon Haiti to help quake victims. That’s great! Oh, wait, how are they helping them? By using magical touching powers to reconnect nervous systems:

“We’re trained as volunteer ministers, we use a process called ‘assist’ to follow the nervous system to reconnect the main points, to bring back communication,” she said.

“When you get a sudden shock to a part of your body the energy gets stuck, so we re-establish communication within the body by touching people through their clothes, and asking people to feel the touch.”

Thank you, Scientology, for being completely worthless and insane. People are injured and dying, and you’re going around poking people. You’re doing more harm then good by making people think that they’ve actually received some sort of medical care, when you haven’t done diddly squat.

I love the skeptical quote from the doctor, which sums up things quite nicely:

Some doctors at the hospital are skeptical. One US doctor, who asked not to be named, snorted: “I didn’t know touching could heal gangrene.”

Indeed. Maybe the Scientologists could enlighten us on this wonderful healing power? It would certainly make universal health care more viable, if all we had to do was touch people.

Scientologists “heal” Haiti victims by touching them

“Volunteer ministers” from the Church of Scientology are descending upon Haiti to help quake victims. That’s great! Oh, wait, how are they helping them? By using magical touching powers to reconnect nervous systems:

“We’re trained as volunteer ministers, we use a process called ‘assist’ to follow the nervous system to reconnect the main points, to bring back communication,” she said.

“When you get a sudden shock to a part of your body the energy gets stuck, so we re-establish communication within the body by touching people through their clothes, and asking people to feel the touch.”

Thank you, Scientology, for being completely worthless and insane. People are injured and dying, and you’re going around poking people. You’re doing more harm then good by making people think that they’ve actually received some sort of medical care, when you haven’t done diddly squat.

I love the skeptical quote from the doctor, which sums up things quite nicely:

Some doctors at the hospital are skeptical. One US doctor, who asked not to be named, snorted: “I didn’t know touching could heal gangrene.”

Indeed. Maybe the Scientologists could enlighten us on this wonderful healing power? It would certainly make universal health care more viable, if all we had to do was touch people.

Religiosity as a mating strategy

A new study out of Arizona State University has some interesting findings on people’s self described religiosity as a mating strategy:

To probe the relationship between sex and God more explicitly, Kenrick and colleague Yexin Jessica Li presented hundreds of students at their university with dating profiles of highly attractive men or women, then probed them about their religious beliefs. A control group of 1500 students merely filled out the religion survey.

Men and women who looked at attractive members of the same sex reported stronger religious feelings than those who checked out prospective mates or just filled in the survey. They were more likely to say “I believe in God” and “We’d be better off if religion played a bigger role in people’s lives.”

“It’s an interesting and surprising phenomenon,” says Kenrick, who speculates that people ramp up their belief in a system that tends to enforce monogamy when they’re confronted with fierce sexual competition.

This correlation is interesting, but I think you have to be careful on how to interpret the results. It’s not saying that being religious makes someone a better mate or more faithful. Rather, these people think that others will view high religiosity more favorably. Religious people generally see religiosity as a “good” trait, so they may exaggerate their beliefs when in a competitive environment.

For some anecdotal evidence, I know I did this when I was trying to woo a Lutheran in high school. I was still agnostic then, but I would ramp it up to vague philosophical deist around him. I wasn’t purposefully trying to deceive him; it was subconscious. But it worked – we ended up dating for nine months.

If you had a bunch of nonbelievers competing for a mate, we may have the exact opposite effect – we’d exaggerate our skeptical thinking because we see that as a “good” trait to have. We may be extra careful about saying something superstitious or making emotional arguments. Or if I was wooing a vegetarian, I probably wouldn’t order a steak for dinner and wear a fur coat. It’s human nature to modify your behavior in order to make others happy or find a mate, and this study illustrates that religious belief is no different – a behavior subconsciously used to suit your needs in social situations, not necessarily something you believe in for its truth.

God Hates Haiti

No, this isn’t another post about Pat Robertson’s stunning ignorance. It seems that the Westboro Baptist Church were inspired by his line of thinking and have launched a new website: God Hates Haiti (NOTE: Visiting their site probably gives them money, so visit at your own guilty conscience). You’re greeted with an image of a smiling Westboro protester amidst the rubble in Haiti, and a list of links about why Haiti received God’s wrath.…

Yeah, I really have nothing to say other that fuck you, Westboro Baptist Church. You hatred is so fucking predictable that I’m having a hard time being shocked by it anymore – and that’s pretty scary.

A superbowl ad that manages to combine all of my favorite things!

I’ll admit I’m one of those people who tunes into the Superbowl just to see the hilarious commercials. That’s why I’m saddened to find out that my commercial viewing will be sullied by this nonsense:

Focus on the Family will air a 30-second “life- and family-affirming” television spot, featuring University of Florida star quarterback Tim Tebow and his mother, Pam, during the coverage. …

Tebow and his mother will share one of their many positive personal stories, Schneeberger said, but he wouldn’t reveal which one. One contender is Pam Tebow’s decision to carry her son to term despite a life-threatening pregnancy in the Philippines, where she and her husband, Bob, were serving as Christian missionaries.

Focus on the Family + Tim Tebow + Anti-abortion emotional stories = Jen vomiting all over her new HD TV

But this is the part that really gets me:

“Every cent for this ad was paid for by generous donors who specifically gave for this project because they are excited about this opportunity for Focus to show who we are and what we do,” Schneeberger said.

This is supposed to be a good thing that about $2.5 million was raised for a stupid commercial? If you people really cared about families and life, why don’t you give that money to a better fund? How about food shelters, child clinics, or education? How about supporting all of those unwanted children you’re forcing women to bring into the world? No, instead you need to go on national television guilting women about a difficult but sometimes necessary life choice because Jesus told you to. Yep, you’re really such a moral, ethical group of people.

Amazon catches Catholic priests red handed

Or should I say, sticky handed?As Dan Savage wisely noted, “The pope will be furious but I’m sure the altar boys are grateful.”

Though if you keep scrolling through the “Customer’s Who Bought This Item Also Bought” list, you see the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Maybe it’s just atheists using communion wafers (and lube) for nefarious purposes? ….Hopefully not at the same time?

(Via BuzzFeed)

I get mail: Redemption made easy

Ever since the Society of Non-Theists got an official mailbox at Purdue, we’ve gotten mail from fundies. We’ve been subscribed to a couple of Christian magazines, and this guy from Kentucky keeps sending us bizarre pamphlets, including one about how loving Jesus will somehow save you from Alzheimer’s (might save that for another post). I have to admit, I get really excited whenever I see a new letter in the mail, wondering what new crazy thing I’m about to read. After the long winter break, I checked our mailbox and was very happy to find a new one!

You know it’s going to be good when this is the first thing you see:The inside of the pamphlet is pretty boring compared to the Emo Jesus guilt trip on the cover. It’s just a bunch of Bible quotes about why Jesus is so awesome and you should accept him into your heart, yadda yadda. This would be a pretty typical, boring type of evangelism if it weren’t for the back cover, which made me laugh:Hmmm, I’m not sure which one to choose! This is way too tough. I wish I would have been given some sort of guidance. I am just a simple heathen, after all.

The whole thing cracks me up. The extensive highlighting and written instructions (as if I couldn’t get the point from one or the other); the idea that they think simply telling me which one is the right choice will make me realize the error in my ways; the even more ludicrous idea that making a simple check mark on a piece of paper has any real meaning; or the mysterious use of white out. Did they accidentally write to choose the unhighlighted one or something?Sorry, Jesus. Guess I don’t follow directions well.

Hmm, I wonder if that check mark applied to the club as a whole? Whoops, I guess I just damned almost 400 people to hell. Oh well, the more the merrier!

UPDATE: Apparently the white out was used to hide the address of the sender. But with a little sleuthing (aka a flashlight and the internet) I’ve found our sender: Fellowship Tract League. Here’s a PDF of the tract from their site. Wonder why they didn’t want me to know who they were? Somewhat tempted to send it back.

Tourist in Dubai reports rape to police; instead is arrested for “illegal sex” with her fiance

What.

A British woman who alleged that she was raped in Dubai on New Year’s Eve has had her passport confiscated and may face a jail sentence after she was charged with having sex outside marriage with her fiancé.

The 23-year-old woman, a Muslim from London, of Pakistani origin, said that she was attacked by a man who is understood to be a worker in the hotel where she had been drinking with her fiancé to celebrate their engagement during a three-day holiday in Dubai.

When she reported to the police that she had been raped, she and her partner, 44, were themselves jailed for sex outside marriage, which is illegal under the emirate’s laws. Unmarried couples are not allowed to share hotel rooms or live together, although many establishments turn a blind eye. The couple were also charged with being drunk outside licensed premises.

…Let me play the devil’s advocate before anyone else does: Yes, Dubai has the right to come up with their own laws, and as a tourist you should know what’s illegal before you go there, yadda yadda. That being said…

Never fucking go to Dubai.

The fact that this sort of misogynistic horseshit exists in the 21st century nauseates me. A woman is raped (and yes, it was raped – no level of inebriation equals consent) and when trying to get help from the police, gets sent to jail for a completely unrelated “crime” that would never have been discovered otherwise. Rape victims are often traumatized by the attack – and then she faces badgering questions about sex with her fiance? Is the law and purity of women so much more important than human compassion?

Apparently it is when you’re dealing with backwards sharia law in a predominantly Muslim country. Only religion, and the misogynist culture generated by said religion, can make consenting sex a criminal offense. You can bet if this woman wasn’t Muslim that they’d have a lot less interest in her personal life. Isn’t it lovely when honor and the rules of an Invisible Sky Daddy are more important than human rights?

This isn’t going to exactly help Dubai boost their tourism like they so hope. I’m damned sure I”ll never step foot in a country with such archaic laws – I’m not inclined to go to jail or fund their ignorance.

Merry Christmas! Excuse my hives

Merry Christmas, all of my fellow atheists! I hope your holiday is filled with fun, family, good food, and gifts, and lacking annoying music, icy roads, and cantankerous religious relatives.

Apparently my Christmas present this year is a nasty full body rash. Hooray for mononucleosis combined with antibiotics! The effect is super common – it happens more often than not – but it still makes me cranky. You know how your skin looks when you accidentally fall asleep on textured fabric? My entire body (and face) looks that way, but in hasn’t gone away. Absolutely lovely for the many family photographs that will likely ensue today. And top of making me look like a leper, it’s just started to itch like hell.

I’m convinced God hates me. Every Christmas something seems to be wrong with me. I’ve had a broken foot, chicken pox, bad colds, and now mono on Christmas.

Mark: It’s because dirty little heathens shouldn’t enjoy Christmas like the people who worship the lord and savior of mankind, Jesus Christ Blessed Be His Name.
Me: But most of those things occurred when I was little D:
Mark: God knows AAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL! He was pre-punishing you.

Bah humbug!

Welcome home; have some religious pareidolia

I’m back home for the holidays – home being Northwest Indiana, which is effectively part of Chicago. This area is way more liberal than West Lafayette, so it’s always a bit of a relief…but that doesn’t mean it’s completely void of religious wackiness. For example, here are two short articles in our local newspaper, both titled “Christmas miracles?”:

JUDY FIDKOWSKI | THE TIMES Jason Amaya, 19, of Lake Station, holds a Cheeto that, to him, resembles Our Lady of Guadalupe, a celebrated Catholic image of the Virgin Mary.

JEFF BURTON | THE TIMES Last month, Renee Sperka noticed a unique spot on the wood paneling in the basement of her Hammond home. She and many of her friends believe it resembles the image of Jesus Christ.

Come on, wood paneling and a cheeto? Those have totally already been done before. You think the lord would be able to come up with more creative ways to reveal himself.

Christmas miracles? …I think the answer to that is “No.”