Curse words and other nonsense

“What is your favorite curse word?”


Okay, that’s not very creative. But it’s so versatile! Is there a way you can’t use it? Maybe not as a preposition… And you can even add stuff to it. Fucktard. Fuckward. Fuckballs.

Other than that, I’m a fan of the more funny, nonsensical, bizarre swear words. Asshat (just imagine a top hat on someone’s butt, it’s funny), douchenozzle (why so specific?!), douchebagel (don’t ask).

I also have some not-really-swear-words that I use as substitutions.* Fudgemuffin is my delicious sounding replacement for fuck. Buttmonkey is basically your bitch who does stuff for you. Meatblanket/shield/purse/etc is a person you’re just using for some task (they’re probably also your buttmonkey).

This isn’t exactly swearing, but I also have a bad habit of saying “I pooped it out” when I mean “I finished that task/project in a very quickly, with probably reduced quality.” This probably would have been good for my twitter followers to know months ago. No, I haven’t been talking about my bowel movements.

What creative swearing or other language do you use?

*I actually never cursed until I got to college, so I had to be creative. I grew up in house where I couldn’t even say “crap” or “sucks” (even though my parents liberally swore and dropped f-bombs around me, hmph). At least it’s better now that I’m an adult. When McCain said his bear DNA nonsense on TV, I lost control and yelled “Fuck you!!” and my mom cheered me on in agreement.


  1. says

    When I read the blog post I instantly thought Potter Puppet Pals’s Wizard Swears:

    Honestly, other than fuck, shit or biatch (is that even a curse?) I barely swear in english. That being cause I’m Mexican <_< though we get pretty creative when swearing. Mostly it’s about chingado, cabron, no mames or verga. Chingado is kinda like fuck but doesn’t imply sexual act.No mames is “oh shit!, oh fuck!”and verga is just another of the many words we have for dick.

  2. says

    It makes me laugh (and hungry) when people exclaim “Cheese & Rice” instead of taking a certain deity’s name in vain.

  3. says

    Taking a page from @BPTerry, I’ve really grown fond of ‘pickledick’ in the past day.Other frequent fliers include: fuckssake, jesusfucker, and cumbucket.

  4. says

    My son likes the current round of Thomas the Tank videos, and the characters have a habit of saying, “cinders and ashes!” when something goes wrong. I love how close it sounds to actual cursing.

  5. says

    “Cheesefucker” is my personal creation. I don’t even know what it means, but I immortalized it when I yelled, “You stupid cheesefucker!” at someone that I nearly hit when they cut me off in traffic in presence of my brother.I have enjoyed the ‘freestyle cursing’ from one of the guys doing a Let’s Play of Super Mario Bros. for the Wii with his friends. It quickly devolved into ‘Who can dick the others over the most?’ and he started shouting all sorts of great curses.Some of my favorites being, “I’m going to rape you with dong shit!” and “You shitsucking smeglord!”

  6. Mus_tewoest says

    this instantly takes me back to the boondock saints

    btw my favs are and will allways be fuck crap and nondeju ( from the french nom de dieu ( meaning name of god ) but bastarded into dutch vocubalaire

  7. NUXI says

    I think considering some words “bad” is fucking stupid, especially since bitch and ass are just words for animals. If it is the intended meaning of the word that makes it “bad”, then why is making a substitution acceptable??? I think you might find this quote amusing though:”Of all the strange “crimes” that human beings have legislated out of nothing, “blasphemy” is the most amazing — with “obscenity” and “indecent exposure” fighting it out for second and third place” -Robert HeinleinShit is my favorite swear word, but I have some prefered substitutions as well. In an exclamation I like to replace the whole statement with nuts:Oh Shit -> NutsFuck -> NutsDamn It -> NutsBut if fuck is used in a full sentence, then I like to substitute frak:You’re fucking stupid. -> You’re fraking stupid.

  8. Jason says

    If you listen closely when I’m really frustrated, you can often hear me mutter, “screaming fuck!” under my breath.

  9. l.long says

    PET PEEVE>>>>>>>>FUCK is not swearing or cursing, just inappropriate language —which means that the person hearing you say FUCK does not like it and thinks your are an idiot for using it.FUCK could be profanity but profanity is not really bad as it means ‘talking about profane things (not related to g0d) such as ‘whats for lunch’.Swearing is using g0d or some higher power to make a statement both good and bad. FUCK is not swearing….FUCK U Odin is swearing. Or ‘fucking hell I swear to fucking Thor that I will kick your fucking ass!!!’ is swearing but the fuck part is not.Cursing is when the power of g0d is used to doom someone….By the power of fucking Yew-OW-Way may he cause monkey shit to fall upon your head….is cursing.So since NO one knows g0d’s name then swearing is impossible.Since magic does not work Cursing is irrelevant.And since I never say anything nice about g0d shit then I am always speaking profanity.And since I dont really care — I will use pluckin inappropriate language any pluckin time I pluckin like!!!!I prefer pluck because it sounds like fuck and many people hear the slight difference but are not sure so they tend to look slightly puzzled.

  10. says

    I have a British mum and an American, Star Wars obsessed dad, so a few of my usuals are “Blast!”; “lox and lordy” (mainly said when tired); and “bloody hell”. Other than that, I worked with kids for a while and had to cut down on my swearing (while simultaneously increasing the desire to), so the word “monkey!” because a general replacement, slipping sometimes into “monkeyballs!” if I wasn’t careful, so I soon replaced it with “gorramn it!” (ala Firefly); “pies, cheeses, crusts all maggoty”; “blistering blue barnacles in a thundering typhoon”; “monkeycheeses”, and “hells, bells, and buckets”. Now that I no longer work with kids, I mostly just say “fuck”.

  11. ArturosKnight says

    “Bloody Hell” is pretty common for me. Or “Shitfuck”, because just one or the other is not inappropriate enough. Or, ironically, when I hit my head or something, “Oh, Jay-zus, the Lord Christ our Savior” or just “Jay-zus!”. To avoid saying stuff like that, I’ve tried cursing by different deities. “Holy steel-plated panties of Athena!”

  12. mcbender says

    Definitely “bloody hell” for me, or just “bloody X” where X is the thing I’m complaining about. “Bugger” is a close second… I just like the word.I’m very much an Anglophile, which I’m sure comes through in my writing…That said, I distinctly remember one time where I mixed American and British swears to poor effect: I said something along the lines of “I don’t give a bloody fuck”, which is just nasty imagery I’d have preferred to do without…

  13. says

    My boyfriend uses “dicknose” ALL the time. I’m partial to Shit and Fuck and all the amazing variations that those two can become!

  14. says

    I don’t swear often, but when I do (injured or very angry) the word “DOGFUCKER!” comes out. Also, when I was in USCG aviation, we had a guy who hadn’t grown up using profanity, but wanted to fit in. He got very angry when we fell over laughing at “you.. you.. you piece of fuck!”

  15. the_Siliconopolitan says

    Asshat (just imagine a top hat on someone’s butt, it’s funny

    It’s also wrong. An asshat is clearly a hat in the shape of an ass worn on the head.I like “Fuckward, ho!”

  16. brantl says

    pindick is popular, as is hosebag, douchebag and scumbag. bloodclot and bumbaclot, from the Jamaicans.

  17. JesseS says

    I use ‘freaking’ in place of ‘fucking’ unless I’m really angry (I try and self-censor simply because I need something to distinguish when I’m actually righteously angry.Other favourites;”Son of a!” Said all as one very quick word so it just sounds like Sun-nuh-va. And if I’m just very frustrated “bloody fucking shit fuck”.

  18. LeAnne says

    My grandpa uses the phrase “Arfen-scarfen-arfen-barffle”. A little ridiculous, I know.

  19. Marcus says

    Watched The Fantastic Mr Fox with my kids last week. Very entertained by them using curse for curse words. As in “Oh curse, what the curse is going on”

  20. says

    What’s most interesting is, each society has its own set of curse words; they’re generally words for things considered taboo in that society.Go to Jamaica, you hear curses like “bum clot” or “rass clot” (toilet paper and tampons, respectively), in the patoise language.It says a lot about America that “fuck” is considered the biggest curse word in the English language for us.

  21. Kelley says

    I like to combine stuff as well, and asshat has become a recent favorite! Also, curses + foods are awesome. Also, cunt. Cunt is one of my favorite words. :3Favorites include:BITCHTITS! (srsly, love this one)Cuntmuffins!Pussy pies! (ok, I don’t use this one as often)AsshatI also use gorram ala Firefly. :DOk I can’t think of anymore… :[

  22. Kelley says

    Oh, and you say douchebagel, my fiends (haha) and I use ‘douchebaguette’… :3Ok, I SWEAR that’s all I have.

  23. JJ says

    Somebody I worked with used to say about the boss, “Fuck the fucking fucker”. As you say, a very versatile word. Three times in a four word sentence.

  24. says

    Borrowing from a commercial about explicatives while driving, my company adopted an official swear word: “Balderdash!”During times of disappointment or distress, the prescribed phrase is “O Shucky Darns”Yesterday, I visited a mine who personnel , after indoctrination from a motivational management seminar, regularly greet one another with the phrase “R-Plus!” (and an accompanying hand gesture involving a single finger.)Corporate America is with you, Jen.

  25. says

    Poodles, puppies, sugar . . . I just don’t like being . . normal. And besides, poodles are the most disgusting thing I can think of.

  26. says

    I use the whole damn spectrum of curse words as much as I can. Sometimes I place one in every fucking sentence. It makes my language a shitload more colorful. But I do have to agree, “fuck” is pretty bitchin’. I mean, no other damn word could be used like this. “Fuck the fucking fuckers.”And let’s not forget “The Pope Song”, damn it.

  27. says

    I mostly self-censor just so people know I mean it when I do swear, but I use damn, bitch, asshole, and fuck freely. I avoid words like cunt, whore, and n*****, stuff that singles out groups of people in a derogatory way. When I’m really angry (usually when no one is around) I list the verb forms of fuck one after the other.

  28. says

    It’s a tie between motherfucker and goddamnit. Although fuck does come up quite a bit in my language. What can I say? I’m an equal opportunity swearer. :D

  29. matt says

    I have replaced my former most common curse (goddamn) with jesusfuck. It’s more fun.

  30. eliza says

    The ones I use most have already been said, but on occasion I use “assholery” and “wankery” to refer to, well, the sort of antics that exemplify dick moves and gratuitous self satisfaction. Wankery isn’t always sexual by the way, the movie AI was pure Spielbergian wankery and I’ve heard my share of guitar wankery as well.

  31. April says

    I don’t use ‘cunt’ to swear, it’s a pretty word to me, so anyone I feel off-pissed with is unlikely to inspire cunty feelings in me. That said, a Fryism like “cunting godding fuckarse shite!” goes with all occasions.And as an Aussie I’m rather enamoured of fuckwit, turd, fukketty-fuck-fuck-fuck and arsewad. So ladylike.When I can’t swear I say pants or gorram.

  32. Anissa says

    I swear. A lot. My ex-Navy boss was mildly horrified by my language. I’ll say ‘motherfucker’ with the same inflection as ‘good morning’. All the standard American curses are liberally sprinkled through my conversation when I’m angry or just shooting the breeze with friends.Douchenozzle, assmonkey, fuckweed, cocktard, are some of my additional favorites. They all roughly mean ‘epic level of stupidity’ but douchenozzle implies that the stupid is on purpose, and assmonkey is more acting like an asshole than being an idiot.In traffic, I have been known to scream “cock-juggling thunder cunt!” (thanks, Blade Trinity) which highly amuses my mom. She called three friends to tell them what I’d just said.I also picked up what sounds like “oki ni nom” from a Filipina coworker. I’m told it translates to “your mom’s a whore!” Also fun to yell in traffic.

  33. Svlad Cjelli says

    Frak, obviously. Jesus on a stick.”För ända in i Satans gödheta helvete, och Belsebubs alla småtomtar.”

  34. says

    Cockknuckle is unusual. Try lady bastard (a nice way to say bitch when hanging out with your grandmother). And when around church people, cheesus. He is the lord of mice. And combine shitfuckshit in a blitzkrieg of angst for feelgood results.

  35. libraboy says

    Monkey, frell, assclown, drek, and my personal favorite impromptu curse word, dickmunch.

  36. Eva says

    ‘God dag’ just means ‘good day’ in Swedish, and is a polite and proper greeting word for people you don’t know..

  37. Eva says

    It’s interesting to see how many Anglosaxons usually use sexually related swear words, whereas we in Scandinavia prefer words related to religion, such as devil, hell etc. Och det var en bra kombination du fick ihop där ;-D

  38. Gwyn says

    I didn’t get to swear until college either. We weren’t even allowed to say “fart”, “pee”, etc. (I still have trouble writing those! Man, my mother did a number on me… ) I suppose I use “shit” the most, though I’ve used a hell of a lot more “fuck” since listening to the “Billy Elliot” soundtrack on a regular basis.For non-swear swearing, I use a lot of “holy crow” and “geez o’ Pete’s”, though I have no idea from where I got them. I also like using odd things picked up from various media: “great Zarquon” (sometimes shortened to “Zarq”), “shazbot”, “great barrier reef”. Or other silly things like “by God’s big toe”. I also use the Chinese “ai ya”.

  39. darkmatter says

    Oh, fuck. Easily. My favorite thing about it is that it can be inserted into the middle of words to modify them, i.e. clusterfucktastrophe (my favorite and only for special occasions) or absofuckinglutely. My other favorite curses are shit and merde (which is French for shit.) One of my friends in French class in college had a list of Canadian-French curses and I picked up a fair number then, so if I have to be circumspect I use those – Salope (curse version of bitch as opposed to “chienne,” which translates as female dog) and Salaud (bastard) are handy. I didn’t start swearing until high school, and even then it was gradual – I started with “damn” and just kept moving the lines. I’ve had a mouth like a sailor since about sophomore year, except around my dad – he HATES it when I use the word fuck.I don’t use non-swears, though, because I hate it when people say “darn” instead of “damn” or “freak” instead of “fuck.” If you’re gonna say it, just fucking say it. It’s not 1950, you’re not 12 and this isn’t Grandma’s house. There is no excuse. Words only have the power you give them.

  40. Kari says

    I’m an aspiring stand up comic, so swearing is my favourite thing in the world. Fuck and shit are staples, I do like “duckballs”…

  41. says

    Coming from Sweden, having a quite liberal view of sex (though not as liberal as the stereotype would have it), I have always found it quite hilarious how a synonym for sex is such a swear word in most English speaking countries. If someone would say the equivalent slang word for fuck (the sexual activity) in Swedish in a statement such as “Fuck you” we would not take it seriously. I mean, how on earth have you made a statement that you want to fuck someone into an insult? That defies all logic, from sexually liberal point of view at least, from any point of view where sex isn’t the ultimate evil, even… To say something is “Fucking good” makes a lot more sense though.Also, paradoxically, using the word Fuck in so many ways that you do feels somewhat morally wrong to me. Sexuality is an intimate thing, its a nice thing, it’s a thing that requires respect. I am not saying using bad language is morally deplorable, it’s that a word such as Fuck is considered and used as a bad word… I mean, in a culture where Fuck is a bad word, sex probably is a bad word. In such a culture, does the conversations about the birds and bees between child and parent include any wise words about the need for respect and communication in a sexual relationship? Do they ever mention that along with communication and respect, patience is required? How important it is to get the girl to relax and enter the equivalent state of the boys erection that is lubrication?To recap:Fuck as a word, is ok.Bad language, is ok. Fuck as bad language, is huh?

  42. says

    Assclown is an excellent one.I also recently had occasion to label someone as a “condescending cocknuts”, and often use the term “mouthbreathing fuckwit”

  43. A Student says

    We English speakers are deprived in this area. A few Anglo-Sexon words, a popular Dutch word and that’s it. In some languages like Russian, you can cuss for hours without repeating yourself. The Hungarian Alternative Dictionary (http://www.alternative-diction… is particular rich in this aspect.

  44. A Student says

    Here’s a creative English one I’ve heard. A hungover Southern soldier in WWII said, “I feel like I’ve been shot at and missed, and shit at and hit.”

  45. Lalik says

    Swearing or creative swearing pollutes your own soul and also that of the others who are exposed to it. Do such communicative methods what makes your life meaningful and useful for yourself and others? Choose better and notice how you can change the dynamics and your relationship with others?

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