Sex negativity in the media no longer shocks me, but I have to say I’m surprised who it’s coming from – Lady Gaga. Yep, apparently you can parade around mostly naked, dance around naked and make out with girls in your music videos, have songs about sex, but then still take the moral high road of abstinence.
The worse part is that it’s one of those articles that starts off very nice, then kicks you when you’re not looking:
The 24-year-old singer who’s made a career with songs that glorify carnal pleasures told London’s that she is currently under a self-imposed sex ban and that others should consider a similar posture.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this — don’t have sex. I’m single right now and I’ve chosen to be single because I don’t have the time to get to know anybody,” she said while visiting England to help promote MAC’s Viva Glam campaign, which supports global HIV and AIDS projects. “So it’s OK not to have sex, it’s OK to get to know people. I’m celibate, celibacy’s fine.”
Gaga said her celibacy is something she wants to “celebrate” with her fans, extending her oft-repeated message to her “little monsters” that they should be secure in their own skin and not shy away from being different.
“It’s OK to be whomever it is that you want to be,” she said. “You don’t have to have sex to feel good about yourself, and if you’re not ready, don’t do it. And if you are ready, there are free condoms given away at my concerts when you’re leaving!
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I wish people wouldn’t connect having sex with being a slut. I think that being a slut is more of an attitude than something you can measure (by number of partners or frequency therein). If Lady Gaga doesn’t want to have sex, that’s fine – it’s her vagina and she can do what, if anything, she wants with it. But there is something so stupid about arguing from authority against authority. She should have just said that “Do what you want. I don’t want to have sex right now, and that’s my choice. If that’s a choice others want to make, good for them, but I don’t expect people to.”Jen’s a far better role model than Lady Gaga, it seems.
I’m reminded of a Futurama quote; “What did I tell you about ending your statements a sentence earlier?”Yeah, everything she said was fine up to that last bit. Having a choice on what goes in or comes out of her vagina should be her prerogative, but shaming others over it is just assholish.I dislike the focus given to sex. Moderation in it ends with cognitive dissonance, especially when it comes to gender doublestandards. Men are expected to have a lot of sex or else they’re pathetic virgins, women are expected not to have a lot of sex or else they’re pathetic sluts. I’m not sure who its expected the men will get all of that sex from in this. Each other?
“In fact, I wish I got more sex.”We’re all in it together…
You know, I think I’ve just found my FAIL Quote of the Day. Thanks. I never liked Lady Gaga to begin with – she looks like a critter from hell on-stage, her songs are mind-numbing crap and her vocals could do with an infusion of a little thing called “talent” – but with this, she’s just dug herself in quite deep.
Also, I think that a girl who loves sex and has it all the time and yet who is also strong and independent is an unbelievably hot thing. I wonder how many guys must be flocking around you, Jen.
The cool thing is to choose for yourself, not whether or not you have sex. For me, I’d have waited for a certain girl, and not the one who I actually had sex with. If someone didn’t have that certain girl or guy, then why not have sex?!?! We all have the right moment for us, and a bunch of acceptable moments… and no one else can stand outside of our lives and dictate for us when we should have sex.
I wonder how many offers from deranged stalkers you’ll get as a result of this post…(And of course, if you do, please share the hilarity…)
I hate that this discussion is even required to recur. And recur it will. People (mostly women, to be fair) will be called sluts for the wrong reasons. Abstinence-only education will continue.A few truths that you fine citizens of the internet already know:”Sluttiness” is not connected to the amount of sex or sex partners you’ve had. I agree with Veritas that it is connected about your attitudes toward sex (and also your morality).If you use sex as a weapon, you’re a slut. If you cheat on a partner in a monogamous relationship, you’re a slut. Being irresponsible about sex also qualifies you as a slut. If you lie to get sex–guess what?! You’re also a slut.My point is this: there are tons of qualifications that can make you a slut, but having lots of sex is not really one of them.Premarital sex, casual sex and casual dating also do not make you a slut.It’s so unfortunate that this country is still embarrassed about sex.It’s also unfortunate that I am kinda starting to dislike Lady Gaga now. :-\
It’ll be interesting to see what’s “cool and independent” according to the bible of Ga when she’s had it with celibacy.
In defense of Lady Gaga… she never uses the term “slut”. And the sad fact of the matter is that MOST girls who have lots of sex with lots of different partners AREN’T doing it just because they like sex… they’re doing it because they’re pressured, because they have tons of insecurities, and because they think it’s the only way to get people (usually boys) to like them. Unfortunately Jen, strong, independent young women who are sexually aware and have a healthy appetite for it are a pretty unusual find. In fact, well-balanced, confident individuals are pretty rare all around. I fell like Lady Gaga may have been one of those girls (although obviously this is all conjecture – but it seems like most people in show biz have insecurity issues, so it seems plausible). Maybe she is just now coming into her own as a self-confident woman, who for the first time realizes she doesn’t need guys “liking” her to feel some self-worth. So she probably wants to share that with her fans, many of whom probably have similar insecurity issues. Unfortunately, people don’t always speak as eloquently and well as they think… and given the majority of her statement, I’m personally willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.
One, you can partake in slut-shaming without actually saying the word “slut.”Two, I could argue the exact opposite point. Woman I know who are insecure tend to have very few or no sex partners even if they want to have sex because they’re afraid that society will label them as slutty. Until I see actual data, I don’t think we can claim either way.And three, Gaga wasn’t just talking about multiple partners – she was talking about sex. Period. What if I want to have a lot of sex with one person? Am I still weak?
I don’t believe you’re weak at all, I don’t believe that having lots of sex means you’re either weak or strong. What I’m saying is you might be misinterpreting what she’s trying to say. And I don’t have scientific evidence, just anecdotal evidence that one sign of insecurity is that a girl has tons of sex. But again, not insecure because she has sex, has sex because she’s insecure. I know quite a few girls I went to school with where that was the case. I think whether you go celibate or you go sex probably depends on what you’re insecurities are. But I think there are plenty of women who have low self-esteem and try and make themselves feel better by getting guys to “like them” — because if someone else likes them then they can like themselves? I’m no psychologist, but I feel like that is a pretty common situation.
I didn’t mean to imply you thought I was weak, I was more referring to Gaga.While you may be right about those cases, I don’t think we can safely say that’s the most common case. And I also don’t think “just abstain!” is good advice for those girls. We need to work on their self esteem and self worth, not tell them to never have sex.
“But it’s not really cool anymore to have sex all the time. It’s cooler to be strong and independent.”I don’t really think she was addressing adults who are self assured and confident. I think she was trying to get a message to young girls who feel compelled to have sex, by the media and popular opinion.
Why does it come down to an all or nothing solution? Does she think that exercising moderation and judgment means a woman is not strong or independent? If she can’t do those things that’s one thing but all the women out there that can means they are that much stronger. She focus less on making value judgments and maybe more time speaking out for being knowledgeable about protection.
I think eleanor_riley is right. I think you may be reading a bit much into her comments. My girlfriend was raised in a very conservative christian home, and when she let loose in college, she thought that guys wouldn’t like her if she didn’t sleep with them. I think that’s the kind of thing Lady Gaga was speaking to. I don’t think she meant to paint all women with the same brush.
I agree with this SO MUCH. How in the world is doing (or not doing, in this case) something simply because someone told you to indicative of “strength”? Making your own decisions about yourself, regardless of what people think or say, is strong.
It’s the same old “don’t have sex, and that makes you cooler” abstinence-based bullshit.She’s a flash-in-the-pan celebrity. She’s a crappy over-produced singer who’s using shock to get famous.
I don’t even really understand why she needs to bother to discuss this. It ought to be an entirely private matter; if she wants to not have sex, that’s perfectly fine, but I don’t want to hear about it any more than I would want to hear about it if she DID want to have sex and wanted to share the details. As someone with asexual leanings (though I am mildly heterosexual) I don’t really understand the incessant fixation on sex and discussion thereof…This may be slightly off the subject, but the observation amused me… I’m reminded of a comment made by A.C. Grayling in the Intelligence Squared debate featuring him and Richard Dawkins, along the lines that “[people’s] religious proclivities [used to be] rather like their sex lives, they didn’t talk about it at dinner parties very much”. What this post caused me to realise is that open discussion of both religion and sex lives has increased rather in parallel – so perhaps they are still discussed equally, it is just that people are more brazen about these things in general. I’m not sure what to make of that, but I thought it was an interesting observation.Well, I’ve gone rather far afield here, and I’m not sure if I’ve done anything other than ramble meaninglessly, so I suppose I’ll stop wasting everybody’s time now.
I really love it when I see women redefining the word slut to conveniently exclude their own sexual activities while still allowing them to judge other women for theirs. Nice display of solidarity, ladies!
That makes me think of this.http://www.theonion.com/articl…More seriously, I’m unsure whether what she said was really as insulting as you make it out, or rather just inartfully phrased.
For some reason, that makes me think of this.http://www.theonion.com/articl…More seriously, I’m unsure whether what she said is as insulting as the post made it out to be, or it was just inartfully put.
First of all, I vote for not calling any woman a slut. Let’s just respect what goes on between consenting adults- even if we find it offensive for whatever reason. also, this: “But it’s not really cool anymore to have sex all the time. It’s cooler to be strong and independent.”In a slut-shaming, patriarchal culture, women can get ahead and earn point with the boys if they have lots of casual sex, but if they go too far they’re a slut. Now of course, you can only be either a slut or a madonna, so you can get back the respect you lost* (become cooler) if you rock the confident, chaste, single woman thing. *actually that might not even be true. I don’t think you can get your innocent status back after you are labeled a slut.
Why do people always need to apply reasons for other people doing things they are not.People have sex because they like it. That is true for the vast majority of people. Some people might do it for other reasons, but not most people.Come on now.
I’m old enough to remember the social rule that friends should not talk about politics, religion or sex. Let alone at the dinner table. I can confidently state that, at least in Rightpondia, the ban on talking sex collapsed first. IOW, there was a time when people gabbled about their sex lives but not about their religion. Not sure what to make of that either. I know nothing about popular culture and care less, but my best female friend in her youth was just like Laura describes. It’s possible that this Gaga individual was trying, repeat trying, to make a valid point about finding the security in oneself first and deciding how much sex to have afterwards, but hey, it’s not like pop idols have ever been able to create a coherent sentence, let along string several togetherHowever, I couldn’t agree more about her self-contradiction about whether one ought or ought not do things just because they’re cool. If I had my druthers, I’m make it so that this stupid concept, “cool”, didn’t even exist, and couldn’t be formulated.
“I remember the cool girls when I was growing up. Everyone started to have sex. But it’s not really cool anymore to have sex all the time. It’s cooler to be strong and independent.”I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I read this totally different than the pro-abstinence slut-shaming thing. I agree that it wasn’t well said; GaGa should have her talking points crafted for her (and she should rehearse the hell out of them) if she is going to support things like HIV/AIDS charities and hand out condoms.I read it through the lense of my personal experience (because, how can I not?). The moment that GaGa brought up the “cool girls”, my angle was shifted and I was thrown back to grade school/high school. In my school, girls began losing their virginity at the age of 12 and 99% of them weren’t virgins by 14. Those of us who didn’t have boyfriends, or had boyfriends briefly but were dumped for not putting out, were mocked CONSTANTLY. To that crowd sex=self worth. The prevailing notion was that you could never have a boyfriend if you didn’t fuck him by the 2nd date, you could never be loved, you could never be popular. Those are crushing notions at that tender young age and the pressure of it encouraged a lot of girls to take part in very risky behavior just for a scrap of acceptance. I recall being 14 and my older sister harassing me relentlessly – out of loving concern! – to give someone (anyone) my Vcard just so I wouldn’t die an old maid. I read GaGa saying that now its cool to be independant and not follow the “fuck him or suffer social death” trend that GaGa possibly experience (and I sure as hell did). But mine is a biased reading and I’m more than willing to admit that.I’m not a GaGa fan; but I don’t think she meant what you think she meant. I just think her PR people should grab her by the scruff and make sure these vague and possibly damning statements never escape her lips again.
Three words: The Ethical Slut.Read it.
I had the same reaction, and didn’t see why it was necessary for Gaga to do a “backhanded insult” to all the girls who don’t share her view. Why can’t the message be, “Do whatever you want, ladies!” instead of, “What I do is right and it’s the only cool thing to do.”?
I didn’t take that the same way you did because she prefaced it by saying that it was okay to do what you want. When she said, “It’s cooler to be strong and independent,” I took that to mean it’s cooler to do what you want, not what others are doing, whether that is sex or not. I think she just articulated her point poorly.
Hey! I didn’t get free condoms when I went to her concert. :(Anyway, I also think you are taking her statement the wrong way, though that’s understandable because it was poorly worded. I think in that last statement she’s more referring to herself than anyone else. And I think she’s trying to send a message to girls that are like her in that they think they need sex to have self-worth. I could be wrong, of course, but I don’t think she intended to imply that having lots of sex means you are not strong or independent.
Poor Trophy Boyfriend™.
And what’s wrong with being a slut?It’s just somebody else’s label.
I think the term slut is given out by people who simply want sex but for some reason, can’t have it, or dislike the person. Consider that people who call others a slut either A. Aren’t able to get any, B. self imposed no sex rule, C. really don’t like the person for one reason or another. Sex is natural. Teaching abstinence is okay as a side note. As in never ever allow yourself to be pressured to have sex if you don’t want it. It is your body. But most sex education among our children and youth should be about protection and education. Kids need to know that you can get aids from having unprotected sex. They need to know you can get pregnant without protection, and even with protection some times. They need to know that their body should be taken care of so you can live a longer healthier life. But telling them sex is some how is detrimental to their psyche and future sex life. Jen, good for you for deciding what to do with your own body. My wife has a similar attitude, always has, and our daughter will be raised with a healthy respect and knowlede/understanding of sex. Same as my boys.
Your first para reminds me of Dylan Thomas’ definition of an alcoholic: “someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do”. I reckon this principle applies to a whole lot of such terms. Not to boast or anything, but I think I have hardly ever uttered the word “slut”, I suspect that youngers use it much more than we did. I went to a single-sex school, so maybe that’s why, but I don’t remember it at university either, or at the workplace.
Somehow I didn’t think it went through and re-did it… sorry about the double post.
Completely agree with you here. Also, I would like to point out the double standard of men who have lots of sex with various women being seen as “independent” yet for women this would not be so.
And what exactly is wrong with being a slut?
Don’t put words in my mouth. All I said was that sluttiness is an attitude, not a numerical measurement. I issued no judgement on what it means to be slutty.As an aside, this is my 1000th Disqus post.
i think the only crime here is that Lady Gaga’s sex life (or lack thereof) is considered big news. It might do some good…Abstinence only education clearly doesn’t work…maybe Gaga can succeed where it fails.*sarcasm*I’m no psychologist, but sounds to me like Gaga just got out of a bad relationship and needed to do something drastic. She can fake it until she makes it, but in the meantime, she’ll still be prancing around half nekkid, singing to her fans that she wants to ride their disco sticks.the world is so strange.
Hmm. Having sex can make people weak and dependent… but only if they already have a tendency of being weak and dependent, so actually it doesn’t. And peer pressure – WTF? Pressured or not, I would never be able to have sex with actual people anyway, so how does it even enter the picture?
Mmmmh… I honestly think that her words have been misenterpreted. Lady Gaga has been known for being an advocate of lesbian and gay rights, and for participating in many events to promote contraceptive methods. When I saw her statements, I thought more about a declaration of independence. And no, I’m not saying that she said something g like “sex will make you weak” (because i love it), but rather that many people determine their self-steem according to their number of sex partners, and feel worthless if they are not having enough sex. So, that’s it, sex is wonderful, and we all wish we had more, but if you can’t get it for a while is not the end of the world…
“But it’s not really cool anymore to have sex all the time. It’s cooler to be strong and independent.”I know that’s why I have sex all the time – in a misguided attempt to be cool. If only I had known I was shooting my quest for coolness in the foot. /snarkI’m with Jen; that line appears to be flat out sex-shaming. If she meant “you don’t have to have sex to be cool”, that’s what she should have said. Oh, and seconding the recommendation for The Ethical Slut.
Well. There is a difference in being a slut and being sexually free. Gaga have just taken a stand, saying that SHE personally don’t have sex and that you don’t have to be all sexually-open-threesome-every-friday to be all free.Being a strong, independent woman is about being in charge of your own body, few girls know this and even fewer follow it.There are to much sex-talk everywhere nowadays anyway.
I’ve always thought that each and every woman should be free to make her own decisions. The notion that any woman owes other women any sort of “solidarity” is inconsistent with this principle.
To be honest, I also read it very differently – I thought she was talking about the kind of high school (or sometimes older) couple who would be so caught up in their sexual relationship that ALL their spare time and energy were going into it, to the point where things like jobs, grades, and most importantly, relationships with family and friends, were suffering. It’s not even necessarily having sex, it’s getting unhealthily wrapped up in a sexual relationship. If you’ve ever read or seen Twilight, Edward and Bella are the perfect example of this kind of couple – ALL of Bella’s life’s goals and dreams and important decisions revolve around her relationship with Edward, and he tries to kill himself when he “breaks up” with her, and this is after they’ve only been dating a few months! And, high school relationships are where this is the worst, and they come and go so quickly… At least, that’s my interpretation of what Lady Gaga meant – that it’s “cool” to have an identity that’s NOT based on your sexual relationships.
You know, I may be tempting fate by saying this, but I think you might’ve misconstrued Lady Gaga’s message. I think what she’s saying is that it’s basically pointless to try to follow what other people do in order to look “cool”. I think by looking “Strong and Independent”, she means people who try to “look” strong and independent, not because it’s what they really want to do but because it’s “trendy”. Make no mistake, I’m not saying this is definitely what she’s saying, I guess I’m just being a bit of an internet white knight here. ^^; I don’t feel either lifestyle is better than the other, but I don’t think Lady Gaga was trying to dismiss it either.
here here and I never liked Lady Gaga either. Well said.
Exactly right on.
why does lady gaga need to have sex? her entire public persona is one that is oversexed (and very “trashy whore”, no matter the clothing designer). kind of like my friends who used to work in the sex trade – that’s what they do for work, so for fun they wouldn’t have sex.
i thought a slut was a lousy housekeeper.
Reading this makes me very eager to have sex with Blag Hag.
Even though this topic is long past, I feel the point should be made that Lady GaGa also has a career to think about. Yes, she earns her money by shocking people and twisting their brains a little. Whether you like what she does, she’s fairly good at making her image work for her. But part of that career path is knowing where to draw the line, and I suspect she realizes (in her mutated and vague way) that if she says anything that the mainstream media could possibly construe as “hey teenage girls, go have sex!”, they will crucify her. It’s fun pretending that they’re going to burn you as a witch – up til they actually denounce you as a witch and burn you. Advocating freaky sex for consenting adults = career-enhancing. Advocating ANY kind of sex for underage girls = career suicide.
hummm…maybe ur lack of self respect and diseases
I wonder if the root of Gaga’s message is in fact “I preach abstinence to break into markets, and I sex it up to capitalise.”Sex sells (and really gets people talking no?) but its important to give the impression of a good moral undertone.
The Bible talks about sex before marriage and I think it’s best to abstain from sex and concentrate more and buiding strong relationships. Life is not about sex, there’s far more important things to do and engage in. Please put your trust in Jesus Christ and live for Him because He loves you no matter who you are.
(Bumpage)Why does our society frequently consider people who enjoy sex to be moral reprobates while people who’ve become wealthy, often through behavior bordering on gangsterism, are looked up to?
Sluts deserve a lot more respect than they are getting.
The dirty whores nobody talks about in polite society, I guess. It has the advantage of giving us a group of people to oppress and look down on, too!
I think that, in the good old days, it denoted a dirty woman., i.e., a woman who did not wash herself often enough to stay acceptably free from dirt and grime. The female version of a slob, in other words. Later on it began to acquire moral connotations (similar to the way people sometimes append the word “dirty” to the word “slut” these days), and later on it only had moral connotations.
While I see the point of just not calling women sluts anymore, I’d prefer to remove the negative connotations from it instead. In other words, a slut should be a person (of any gender) who has a lot of sex with a lot of partners, and if they are doing it safely and not hurting anybody, good for the sluts, I say!
Why is consensual sex worse than violence, you mean to ask? I wish someone would explain that one to me too.
Exactly! This usage of the term is already common in some forums and chats, where it simply means people who love sex, have lots of it, and aren’t ashamed of it. That, and it’s fun dirty-talk.