[Lounge #404]


baby_otter

This is the lounge. You can discuss anything you want, but you will do it kindly. That critter to the right is a baby river otter, recently born at the Portland Zoo.

Status: Heavily Moderated; Previous thread

(Oops, I almost portcullised a long personal comment by mildlymagnificent that is now left dangling all alone on the previous thread. You might want to take a look at it.)

Comments

  1. rq says

    mildlymagnificent !!!
    I hope all shall be well with mrmagnificent; I hope you are well and recovering from your efforts; I hope the medical establishment establishes the problem to avoid repeats in the future. I’m glad he’s (generally speaking!) ok.
    And I will certainly take your advice to heart.
    *hugs* if wanted, *flowers&chocolates&get-well-cards* for mrmagnificent!

  2. lexie says

    rq – I’m glad the cat’s home

    Mildlymagnificent – I hope everything will be ok with mr. magnificent. My thoughts are with you, I’m hoping you’re ok. Hugs and chocolate for you.

  3. Ogvorbis says

    [TRIGGER WARNING, as requested]

    Hugs, chocolate, bacon and alcohol to broboxley, Dalillama, sgbm and Crudely Wrott. Be safe.

    but the cost of that is too damned high

    The cost of honesty?

    It was not “an easy way out”, it wasn’t even a choice.

    But I hurt others, or helped him hurt others, to avoid pain. That is a choice (a shitty one, but still a choice).

    And yes, I know that is depression talking but, right now, that is the believable shit.

    As you told us, his job was to “make you a man rather than a girl”—to his definition of manhood.

    I think he failed.

    I sincerely hope your getting professional help with these memories.

    I have someone that, if things get too bad (I (fifteen or so years ago) attempted suicide so I do have some idea where that line is), I can tallk to. I am just scared shitless of talking to anyone about this outside of the pseudonymous presence on line. I know what I did. I suspect what I did. And this is shit that is beyond the pale of acceptable.

    I have no doubt that he suffered the trauma of child rape, but I also remember the Satanic ritual abuse thing of the 1980s, which produced extremely vivid false memories for the victims

    My memories fit together fairly seamlessly so I really do think I did what I remember.

    Don’t ever feel you were a coward. You did what you could to keep yourself safe in the best way you knew how. You were the only person who knew what to do to protect yourself, and any decisions you made were the right decisions for you and your safety and wellbeing.

    This is the hangup I’m having right now. I got blindsided by some new memories — memories of helping to introduce another child to hell, memories of recruiting new scouts — and, though I know it was his fault, I still feel like I participated far too willingly and enjoyed things too much and failed to treat others as people. And yes, I know that is depression talking and it’ll take a day or two for me to balance reality.

    It might be possible that you are unconsciously adding elements in order to punish yourself?

    I don’t think I’m adding anything, but I do agree that using me (and S, S and V) to bring others in was definitely a major power trip on his part.

    And he tried to make you be like him, and he fucking failed.

    He did. I hope he did. Screw that. Based on the last thirty or so years, he did fail. I am not him. I am not a predator. He tried to make me one and I am not!

    Take that, depression. He failed, not me!

    Thanks for letting me talk this through on line. I really don’t think that there is any way I could do this in meat space. Too scared of being scared.

    =========

    Mildlymagnificent:

    That is both scary as hell and good. I teach CPR/First Aid where I work and you are a hero for taking action and overcoming your own fear.

    I hope he recovers quickly.

    And there are AEDs available for homes — just make sure they stay charged.

  4. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    mildlymagnificent:

    I’m wishing you and mrmagnificent the best. Thank goodness for you and the others who did what needed to be done.

    *

    Sorry, rq. I feel really stupid now.

  5. lexie says

    Is there anyway that trigger warnings can be added on after comments have been posted because if so I think Ogvorbis’s comment #3 needs one. I hope I’m not just overly sensitive but I would have appreciated one.

  6. rq says

    Parrowing
    Please don’t! Because of the cheesecake?? Please don’t! Unclear joke on my part. It’s ok! I’ll eat the cheesecake! I really will!!!! All of it!
    Thank you for your help!

  7. lexie says

    I really like most of your comments Ogvorbis, but I haven’t read any with trigger warnings since I read one early in my lurking and discovered I really couldn’t cope with yours, I’m sorry but I just can’t cope with reading your stuff on that at the moment. Anyway I didn’t read too much of that one at 3 but I’m probably going to continue not reading your triggering stuff, again sorry I feel weak because I can’t deal with it but I just don’t know how to. I just wondered if it was possible to add a warning but I assume it isn’t. Even though I don’t read your triggering stuff, given all the comments in response to you I figure you are going through tough times at the moment with memories so I offer hugs and/or chocolate if you want it.

  8. Ogvorbis says

    lexie:

    I normally do remember to add trigger warnings. Specifically, so that any who, for what ever reason, don’t want to go there don’t have to. I am very sorry that I forgot to include it. Stay safe. Hugs to you. And hugs and chocolate are always welcome.

  9. opposablethumbs says

    He did. I hope he did. Screw that. Based on the last thirty or so years, he did fail. I am not him. I am not a predator. He tried to make me one and I am not!

    Take that, depression. He failed, not me!

    YES!!! Go you, Ogvorbis. He failed, utterly, miserably, abjectly, to make you like him. From everything I’ve read of you, you are about as far from being like him as it’s humanly possible to get. You help people, you’re supportive, you help educate strangers, far from tearing people down you build people up. For all the imperfections I guess you must have, like every single human being on the face of the planet, you are part of what sounds like a great family. He failed all right.
    .
    Best wishes for mrmagnificent and for you, mildlymagnificent. That must have been a hell of a traumatic shock. Hope he’s ok and recovers well and quickly.
    .
    Hope that you get the (legal, financial, medical) help and advice you need, Tony and Crudely. And a job for Dalillama. I wish there were something I could actually do.
    .
    Almost finished Altmeyer’s The Authoritarians. It’s excellent.
    .
    Glad the SEAC is back inside, rq!

  10. Pteryxx says

    Ogvorbis and lexie, I sent in a request to add a trigger warning to Oggie’s #3.

    *offers anklehugs to you both*

  11. lexie says

    I know you do, I’m sorry if I was picking on you after all everyone makes mistakes and I shouldn’t be mean. Thanks for the hugs.

  12. mildlymagnificent says

    Thanks everyone. He’s behaving “badly” with all the neurological observations – which certainly indicates that some things are functioning OK but I can’t pretend I’m not worried sick. I’m still too exhausted – it’s not just the up all night thing 2 nights ago, sitting around either next to him or in the ICU waiting room for hours on end is tiring all on its own – to take everything in properly. And I should be in bed now if I’m to do it all again tomorrow. (I’m catching up on a few cigarettes – the non-smoking on hospital grounds rule extends all the way to the top floors of the carpark as well as the street. So I don’t do the as-good-as-a-mile round trip with my joints killing me every step.) At least I’ve now got some sooper, dooper extra zing codeine which has eased the ache in the hips a bit – those long hospital corridors were taking a lot out of my overstressed joints.

    Ogvorbis. Don’t know why I thought of this, but it’s worth considering. Your memories are giving you glimpses of individual events and actions. It occurred to me that you’re not yet able to *see* the whole network of actions and people the way you might have been able to if you’d had the ‘view from nowhere’ or a systems analyst point of view. You might be resisting the likely reality that you’re beginning to unravel or “map” how others cooperated, knowingly or in your own childish way, in getting you and others involved in the first place. Your involvement didn’t just happen, it was engineered in the same way as you later saw how you and others were invited or persuaded or tricked into inviting, persuading or tricking others into the group.

    Somebody yesterday suggested you might be trying to avoid the feelings of vulnerability and helplessness appropriate to the little boy you were. Maybe this horrible feeling of responsibility you have is your own path to sidestep or avoid something worse – worse to the man you are now. You might prefer to feel in control, even if it makes you feel desperately guilty and awful, than deal with powerlessness. It’s worth considering that this is a stage you have to work through before you get to a bigger picture that puts the little boy you once were into his rightful place. One of no power, no control, no way out of the maze he was placed in.

  13. lexie says

    Thanks Pteryxx.
    .
    I love the horde. I’m so used to being told I’m just being overly sensitive, or stupid or I just need to get over it and being understood like this is something that never happens to me. So thanks, I’m sitting here shaking and crying but thanks for being so understanding.

  14. rq says

    mildlymagnificent
    I hope you get some rest, and I hope things look up tomorrow! *morehugs&morechocolate*

  15. Pteryxx says

    lexie: it’s okay, you’re right to remind us to put trigger warnings, which I also have forgotten to do while in the throes of being affected by what I’m writing (or responding to). IMHO we should be working to make trigger warnings a habitual part of etiquette, like addressing others by name so they can find relevant posts. I’ll also try to be more careful. Thanks for bringing it up.

  16. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Ogvorbis
    Damn right, you tell that depression to take its lies and send them packing! *hugs* to you.

    mildlymagnificent
    I can’t imagine how scary that must have been. Giving CPR is hard even when you don’t have physical limitations. It’s a little scary for me to help treat a “code blue” when it’s not someone I love. You are amazing. Here’s my hope for a full recovery for mrmagnificent.

    As a sidenote, I’m glad you got a professional, competent emergency response team.

    Take care of yourself.

    lexie
    You are not oversensitive. I’m sorry you ran across something that was to tough to take in at that moment. *chocolate* or *hugs* are over here, take them as you wish.

  17. lexie says

    Mildlymagnificent – I hope you get some rest and the mr. magnificent is ok.

    Pteryxx – thanks, I agree with you but like I said normally I’m just accused of being overly sensitive and sometimes I don’t know if they’re right or not, stuff shouldn’t still affect me like this.

    Portia – thanks for the hugs and chocolate but mostly thanks for being reassuring and telling me I’m not being stupid.

  18. birgerjohansson says

    mildlymagnificent,
    My employer, Västerbotten County (which is the health care provider in the region) has compulsory training about what to do if someone collapse and lack a heartbeat. We also have those electric whatchamaycallthems hanging in every vestibule.
    You did well to keep him alive, it must have been exhausting even if the ambulance arrived quickly.
    — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
    “-Hey, cops, I’m wanted for murder!”
    “-Go away!”
    Out-of-hours police turn away murder suspect http://www.thelocal.se/46286/20130219/
    -Budget cutbacks of police is not very clever.
    — — — — — — — — — — — —
    Sweden: Foreign name = No job interview! “CV name-change leaves foreign student reeling” http://www.thelocal.se/46022/20130205/
    — — — — — — — — — — — — —
    Newt transcriptome offers insight into tissue regeneration http://phys.org/news/2013-02-newt-transcriptome-insight-tissue-regeneration.html Not the serial divorcer, the *good* newts.
    — — — — — — — — —
    The Great “Do Bears Hibernate?” Debate
    Delayed implantation? That would definitely be useful. http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/animal_forecast/2013/02/do_bears_hibernate_polar_bear_black_bear_grizzly_bear_sex_and_torpor.html
    “Their sleeping patterns are weird. Their sex is weirder.” -

  19. carlie says

    My goodness, mildlymagnificient! You’ll have to upgrade your ‘nym to prettydamnedmagnificient. Glad you were able to keep things in control.

    Tips that I’m sure everyone already knows: proper compression speed is to the BeeGees song “Stayin’ Alive”. Also, compressions are much more important than rescue breathing.

    I’m only partly dead today. Been up since 3. Still no energy and feel like crap, but the fever is down. Now to fight myself to do all the work from home that still needs done even though I’m not there.

    Found out this morning my union is close to a deal with the state. It will divest me of a little more than two weeks of salary for each of the next two years (under the euphemism “deficit reduction plan”, although it will increase my personal deficit), raise insurance premiums, and eliminate the chance of a cost of living raise. But I guess I can’t complain given the alternate possibilities. Hooray for pay cuts?

  20. Ogvorbis says

    REmembering this time (sorry for forgetting in #3)

    TRIGGER WARNING

    Maybe this horrible feeling of responsibility you have is your own path to sidestep or avoid something worse – worse to the man you are now. You might prefer to feel in control, even if it makes you feel desperately guilty and awful, than deal with powerlessness. It’s worth considering that this is a stage you have to work through before you get to a bigger picture that puts the little boy you once were into his rightful place. One of no power, no control, no way out of the maze he was placed in.

    This is very possible. I am, when I deal with other people (other than close friends and family) a control freak. When I give a tour to a group of visitors, I am in control — where we go, what I choose to talk about (I could talk, non-stop, for eight hours and not exhaust the interpretive possibilities in our locomotive shop), even visitor input is under my control. When I ask questions, I have carefully prepared the visitor so that there are only a couple of different answers available to my question — and those answers all lead to my next subject. I’m a slob (my desk has to be shoveled off about every other month) but when it comes to dealing with people who may be dangerous, who may be disruptive, who I don’t know, who I don’t know well, I either find a way to put myself in control or retreat. Which works well with my job. Or when I do security at a fire.

    I have this view of myself as being in control of who I am. And this is important to me. If I am in control, I can continue to pretend to be who I want to be. I live in fear that I will lose control of who I am, lose control of the fiction I have constructed in and around me, and discover that I really am my abuser. Being powerless scares the shit out of me on so many levels.

    Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am giving my 8 to 10 year old self more control than I actually had back then. But the alternative, powerlessness, is even more frightening.

  21. Pteryxx says

    *TW for control issues*

    Ogvorbis: in my humble opinion, and with consideration of my own problems as a survivor, I’m not sure considering oneself in control is all that great a deal when it comes with this much self-blame.

  22. Ogvorbis says

    *TIGGER WARNING*

    Pteryxx:

    I sort of understand. But I am scared that if I am not in control, I won’t be who I pretend to be. And if I’m not who I pretend to be, what if I am my abuser? If I am in control, I can keep up the pretense of being a good person. Of course, I have been pretending to be a good person for so long now that it is an ingrained habit so if I wasn’t trying so hard to be in control of pretending to be good, I’d probably still be the person I want to be. But what if I’m wrong?

  23. dianne says

    Mildlymagnificent, “frightening” is too weak a word for what you went through! You pulled it off really well, though. Best wishes and hopes for Mr. Magnificent! Unfortunately, this is one of those situations where only time will tell what the outcome will be, but speedy CPR and defibrillation improve the odds greatly.

  24. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Mildlymagnificent, your nym needs to be adjusted, to drop the “mildly.” Best of wishes to Mrmagnificient for his recovery.

    Crudely Wrott, if you do not want to set up PayPal (and that’s fine), then maybe what would be workable is I dust off my PP, people send me money, and then I mail you a check/do an EFT to your accounts? Would that work?

    *hugs* to Oggie.

  25. dianne says

    Sweden: Foreign name = No job interview! “CV name-change leaves foreign student reeling”

    I remember a study on this subject a few years ago. (Actually, more than a decade ago, now that I think about it, but the results haven’t changed.) Anyway, the authors sent applications to medical schools which were essentially identical except for the name. One had a British sounding name, the other an Indian or Pakistani sounding name. Guess which ones got called for interviews more often? (Naturally, at this point, the “applicant” wrote them and declined the interview. No one got denied a place in med school due to the theoretical candidate taking their place.)

    So, what did the medical establishment do when these results came out? Reprimanded the authors for “fraud”, of course. Because what’s more important here: the fact that candidates are being denied education because of their race or the fact that a mild and harmless deception was used in the study?

  26. dianne says

    Many hugs to ogvorbis! I’m sorry you’re still having to deal with this abuse, but glad that you are dealing with it.

  27. Ogvorbis says

    I’m sorry you’re still having to deal with this abuse, but glad that you are dealing with it.

    I’m still not sure if I am actually dealing with the memories, or just finding ways to reclassify them so I don’t have to deal with them now.

    I do feel better than I did yesterday/last night, though. Waiting for the other boot to drop is always stressful. And, with the number of boots that have dropped, I think there may be a cowboy millipede hiding out in my brain.

  28. Pteryxx says

    *MOAR TRIGGER WARNING*

    Ogvorbis: control isn’t as important to my identity as it is to you, so I can’t say I truly understand what you’re struggling with, but at least I can say that abuse just doesn’t work that way. Survivors don’t get turned into predators just because they’ve been abused; that’s a pernicious myth, one that your abuser specifically tried to inculculate in you. And it’s an insult to the innumerable survivors who are good people, such as Gavin de Becker and the trusted survivors of the Horde, including you. You’ve displayed so much growth in awareness and compassion over the last couple of years; you’re one of the folks here that I most admire.

  29. Ogvorbis says

    Pterryx:

    I didn’t mean to imply that survivors get turned into predators just because they’ve been abused. I am very sorry that my writing implied that and I am very sorry for making that implication. I am sorry I insulted survivors. My bad.

  30. glodson says

    mildlymagnificent– Best wishes to mr, and here’s hoping for a speedy recover.

    Katherine: I can’t help but think of this when people talk about Life of Brian. I have seen the debate as well, it has been awhile. It is amazing to see two people act like children before the wit and intelligence of the Pythons.

    ….

    I read a brief thing on prayer this morning over at JT’s blog, and thinking about some of the hardships I’ve seen recently that others have suffered and are suffering, I realized that prayer is just a really shitty way of wishing people well while having a false sense of accomplishment. Every day, I find a new reason to appreciate my own atheism.

  31. Matt Penfold says

    I remember a study on this subject a few years ago. (Actually, more than a decade ago, now that I think about it, but the results haven’t changed.) Anyway, the authors sent applications to medical schools which were essentially identical except for the name. One had a British sounding name, the other an Indian or Pakistani sounding name. Guess which ones got called for interviews more often? (Naturally, at this point, the “applicant” wrote them and declined the interview. No one got denied a place in med school due to the theoretical candidate taking their place.)

    That study, and others, have probably had an effect since now it is considered good practice within the NHS (and in other government organisations) to remove personal details from job applications before passing them on to those who will decide who to call for interview. It is not a perfect solution since if the applicant studied abroad it might well be possible to work out their likely ethnicity (attending medical school in India for example, is likely to mean the person is Indian).

  32. Pteryxx says

    *STILL TRIGGER WARNING*

    Oggie, I should probably be the one apologizing for not making it clear in my comment. It’s your abuser’s lies that I take issue with, not you for struggling with them. You are not him; you are your own person, scars and all, and many people care about you here. It’s not your fault and it never was.

    I’m sorry for pushing you and being so blunt about it. You deserve all the *hugs* I could offer.

  33. thunk, new years, new dreams says

    Yes. Hugs, ogvorbis. all the hugs.

    Mildlymagnificent: Dear FSM, you saved a life. I’m proud of you. You get to advance a rank or three, making you quitemagnificentindeed.

    Hi pteryxx, and the rest of ya.

  34. Ogvorbis says

    TRIGGER WARNING

    I should probably be the one apologizing for not making it clear in my comment.

    No, you were clear. I was not. When I spoke of my fear that if I relaxed my control of who I pretend to be that I would find myself an abuser was not, in any way, shape, or form, an intent to imply that victims always become predators. Honest. It was poor writing on my part and I apologize profusely for making that unwarranted connection. It was not my intent, but that is what I wrote. I am sorry.

  35. Pteryxx says

    *TRIGGER WARNING*

    Ogvorbis, I wasn’t fast enough to post… I was about to write that you don’t owe me a response or an explanation. I think this fear that you have comes directly from the lies and manipulation this awful person put you through. YOU made no such implication about all survivors; you were only talking about yourself and your own fears. I’m the one that drew the connection. I was trying to help you, but intent isn’t magic when I do it either, and I’m very sorry. Please don’t beat yourself up any more over what I said. I’m angry at him, not at you.

    I’ll say again, and hope it’s quick enough this time, you don’t owe me anything, least of all an apology. Please take all the hugs. I’ll leave the topic for now.

  36. cicely says

    It is so distressing to care so much about y’all, and not to be able to help.
    :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

    Wait, there is a Commune Bong? This joint is looking better every day.

    “This joint”. *snortle*

    rq: Glad to hear that DamSEAC is safely incarceratedhome. Bacon and heat—a powerful combo!

    *hugs* for mildlymagnificent, with extras for Mrmagnificent, delivery when appropriate. CPR “How To”—got it. Knowledgable people: is this “How To” video a good one? It looks good to me, but is there anything that needs to be noted, or added?

    -

  37. ImaginesABeach says

    It’s been a good 8 weeks since I have been *not* loungerupt, and a good 6 weeks before I anticipate being able to stay caught up. I’m desperately hoping that nobody has had anything bad happen (other than MagnificentlyMagnificent’s recent rescue of the Mr).

    I’ve been accumulating cold-weather wear in case JAL is able to make a break for a colder but safer locale. Is that still a possibility?

  38. Matt Penfold says

    Ahh… this is why I’m going to Hell.

    Something about Pistorius was on the TV. The sub-heading said “Olympian runner is a flight risk.”

    My immediate thought, “No he’s not. Just take away his legs.”

    Brings to mind how the Germans tried to stop Douglas Bader from escaping.

  39. Beatrice says

    mildlymagnificent,
    Best wishes to mister. I’m hoping for a speedy and fully successful recovery.


    Ogvorbis,
    *hugs*


    Katherine,
    Damn, but that case sounds weird. His version of events is ridiculous.

  40. Matt Penfold says

    Damn, but that case sounds weird. His version of events is ridiculous.

    I think he is one of those responsible gun owners we are always been told about.

  41. Beatrice says

    The way it was reported here, he claimed that “he never wanted to kill anyone, he was just shooting at (what he thought was) an intruder”.
    Maybe that was just a case of lost in translation, but it sounded like either doesn’t realize what bullets do, or the intruder that wasn’t there wasn’t even worth being considered a human being at all.

  42. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Beatrice
    yeah, I’m mystified by the whole thing too. Even if it was a burglar, he wouldn’t have had a justification for shooting because a person behind a door can’t really be threatening you, can they? Not that I know what South African law says on the subject, it just strains credulity that that is his defense.

    ImaginesABeach
    Hi! Welcome back.

  43. Hairhead, whose head is entirely filled with Too Much Stuff says

    Beatrice: South Africa is an extremely violent place. Burglars there regularly rape and murder everyone in the places they break into. Paranoia Pistorius’ particular area is common. As for shooting through the bathroom door, completely disregarding the possible person behind there — it happens all of the time in gun-owning societies. Just google how many Americans murder family members in the night, family members who just got up to drink water or take a pee, and who were murdered by an eager, paranoid gun nut.

    mildlymagnificent: Kudos, congrats and all that! The last time I took CPR training, I was told that the IDEAL rhythm for compressions is the Bee Gees “Stayin’ Alive”.

  44. cicely says

    Ogvorbis: I’m sure he failed to make you a MiniMaggot—or you would not lose a minute’s sleep over all of it, or feel the slightest remorse. That’s how you can tell the difference!
     
    Also: Fuck Depression!

    I’m currently watching the 1979 BBC Debate about The Life of Brian and it’s hit me.
    They haven’t changed their arguments in over 30 years. Seriously, I heard “you’d never do this sort of film about Mohammed.”

    I remember it well, live.
     
    Another thing that hasn’t changed: back then as now, a huge number of those protesting something like that for religiously-based reasons, have never, and never intend to, watched/read the “blasphemous” item—but their minister told them what to think, and they are good little parrotsheep, and just mindlessly follow their lead. Add that to selectively remembering anything that corroborates this view (in church circulars, or word-of-mouth scuttlebutt, or these days on Teh Webz) while completely disregarding anything that doesn’t, and bingo! a pitchfork-wielding mob is born! (Somewhat-metaphorically speaking.)

    *hug* for lexie. You can only bear what you can bear, and we all have different “breaking strengths”.
     
    Hell, if I had to feel shame everytime I can’t bear to read something someone’s posted here, you’d all be constantly having to talk me into putting down the knife!

    *moar hugs* for mildlymagnificent, and my best hopes. Badly behaved but breathing is good.
     
    Also alliterative!
    ;)

    “Because the Internet is a wonderful, horrible place, you can purchase baculi online, where they are marketed improbably as Mountain Man Toothpicks.”
    I *snortled*.

    carlie: Glad you’re feeling less wretched…but what is this “cost of living raise” of which you speak?

    (Not clear on what requires a TRIGGER WARNING, but since this attaches to an actively WARNED series of comments, consider it provisionally WARNED as well.)
    Ogvorbis: From one self-control freak to another—I (think I can) see where you’re coming from. It’s the reaction from the no control of childhood, which has been so abused, just as surely as your physical person was, and your emotional “self”. If that word-string makes any sense.

    Of course, I have been pretending to be a good person for so long now that it is an ingrained habit so if I wasn’t trying so hard to be in control of pretending to be good, I’d probably still be the person I want to be. But what if I’m wrong?

    If you were wrong, the symptoms (your behavior, your attitudes, everything that comes through so clearly in your posts) would be completely different.
     

    And, with the number of boots that have dropped, I think there may be a cowboy millipede hiding out in my brain.

    There’s one of those symptoms nowhumor. The awareness and compassion that Pteryxx cites are two more.

    ImaginesABeach: *pouncehug!*
     
    Are you familiar with Crudely Wrott’s situation (here)?
    -

  45. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    The thing that’s most glaring about the debate over Life of Brian was that one of the people came into the movie late, thus missing the opening sequence that clearly positions Brian and Jebus as different people (not that Brian attending the Sermon on the Mount as a spectator doesn’t also indicate that) and proceeded to blather on about how plainly Brian = Jebus.

    Many of these talkers cannot even be bothered to verify basic facts.

  46. says

    @cicely:

    Yea. I’m gonna write a post later on my blog about it. I’ll link it when I’m finished – but since I’m at work, they’ll more than likely frown on my doing blog posts while at work.

    @Esteleth:

    It was funny, though, cause… Palin (I think?) even mentioned that Jesus was in the movie played by another actor. The one gent who was getting angry over the crucifixion scene insisted they were mocking Jesus’ crucifixion, and Palin told him “no, if we wanted to do that, we would’ve got the other actor to do it, he was there.”

    Palin’s earlier mention (echoed by Cleese) was that people are stuck in their beliefs and alter reality to fit their beliefs if contradictions are presented. That gentleman (not the bishop) clearly was a walking example of that statement.

  47. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Interview went well. I gave some good answers and I feel good about my performance. I made it into the top 25% of the pile of applicants in order to get an interview. Or higher, if my friend the office manager is to be believed. (She is). I will find out late next week if I get a loosely-defined “call back.”

    Now I’m gonna have tasty Mexican food for lunch with S.

  48. cicely says

    Portia: Excellent news! All tentacles will be crossed on your behalf.
    :)

    iJoe: I find that it works best if you start with a solidly-frozen fish; then dip it in a thin coating of quite diarrheic shit, and freeze again. Then you apply the outer shit coating of thicker shit; ship deep-frozen and packed in dry ice, and serve.
     
    I usually go with a forehand swing, but ymmv.
    :D
    -

  49. Nepenthe says

    Ogvorbis

    (Prelude: It helps me sometimes to reason with my depression, as in the following script: Brain: You are the worst person in the world! You are a really bad person! Nepenthe: Brain, that’s ridiculous. Even assuming I’m a bad person, I’m still in line behind all the serial killers. I don’t even talk in the theatre! Plus, people who I think are good people tell me that I’m a good person, and they aren’t all lying. So shut up. Brain: *continues yammering, but that’s what it does*

    If this sort of thing does not help, please skip the following.)

    You can’t pretend to be a good person. “Goodness” isn’t something intristic; it’s something you do. If you’re successfully “pretending” to be a good person by doing good things and not doing bad things, then you are a good person.

    As far as I–or anyone here, I imagine–can tell, you’re a person who does good things and avoids doing bad things. Ergo, you are a good person. QED The persons who abused you could not possibly change that; you’ve chosen to be a good person, and you are.

    TMI: If anyone needs shit to dip a sea bass or other fish in, my cat is massively ill. I’ve had to lock her in the bathroom so that she doesn’t smear feces on every surface in my apartment. She has stopped howling now, after 18 hours. And this all started immediately upon reaching the vet, who was male this time and she hates men. Has anyone had this happen with their cats, where stress caused horrible diarrhea, but they were okay eventually?

    I have a sad. The furball has FeLV and every twinge makes me worry that time’s up for her. *sigh*

  50. cicely says

    Aaaaaand, our AD&D campaign is probably going to have rocks fall on it. Saturday. Weather permitting.
    :(
    -

  51. rq says

    Portia
    Hooray for the interview!

    Improbable Joe
    I’m glad about the cat, too – temperatures dropping tonight to -18 (C) (!!!).

    cicely
    It’s either the heat, the bacon, or the super-sensing kitty-weather sense (see above re: overnight temperatures). But the cat seems pretty satisfied to be back inside. He could make the effort and wash himself, though. Those are some filthy little paws!

    Katherine
    I must be a bad person, too. I snortled at your initial comment about Pistorius.

    He reminds me, in a vaguely-related sort of way, about the man who, two years after receiving the national award recognizing extraordinary bravery (he saved two people who fell through ice from drowning in winter), stabbed his ex and daughter to death. :/ People are bad, people are good. Sometimes all in the same package.

    *morehugs* to Ogvorbis, since all the good things are being said, and I can only nod along – you are a good person, it was not your fault, having no control is frightening but sometimes it’s the truth, and children shouldn’t be judged according to adult awareness. You are excellent people and I admire your strength in working through these things.

  52. a_ray_in_dilbert_space says

    Re: Oscar Pistorius.

    My wife doesn’t understand his defense. He doesn’t have a leg to stand on!

    [rimshot]

  53. cicely says

    House-sized rocks.
     
    Though I’m sure that the Horses and the peas will find a way to take advantage, quicker than you can say, “Violent exothermy!”
    -

  54. Ogvorbis says

    Nepenthe:

    Sorry. Sometimes it is easier to believe me than me. I really do feel like I pretend to be a good person. I stop and think about things — what would a good person do? what would a bad person do? — and choose to act like I am good.

    having no control is frightening but sometimes it’s the truth, and children shouldn’t be judged according to adult awareness.

    I am just afraid that if I don’t have control over who I am that I won’t be who I think I should be. I understand that I was not in control when I was a child and in cub scouts and was being abused so I conflate (?) not being in control with doing bad things to other people which means that if I am not in control I won’t know who I actually am and if I don’t know who I am I may actually be someone I don’t want to be.

    [Meta]

    If anyone here is an English teacher or editor, I really apologize for what I have been doing to some of my sentences.

    [Meta]

  55. cicely says

    Arguably, my grief for a suiciding campaign should be categorised under ‘Imaginary World Problems’.
    -

  56. a_ray_in_dilbert_space says

    Ogvorbis,

    You know, I never knew an asshole who lost sleep over worrying whether he was an asshole or not.

  57. Cannabinaceae says

    Hey, Dalillama, Schmott Guy, I checked out ARMA – they appear not to have any groups in Maryland at this time. I’m not serious enough to pursue organizing a group on my own, and besides, according to their own literature I’m probably some sort of poseur who would not express the proper idealogical purity.

    But hey, thanks: it was an interesting read. There are a few asian-style martial arts facilities nearby that I could sort of imagine possibly joining, but none of them advertise kendo specifically. There do appear to be sword related subdisciplines of judo, etc., but I’m not really interested in asian martial arts. I’m more into the idea for simple exercise, escapism, and the fantasy that I could someday volunteer as an extra in a swashbuckling movie, as some sort of anomalously old guy in a battle scene.

    Say, I always assume that by the time anything hip or modern crosses my eyes, everybody I know has already been bored by it, so I assume that most folks here, who would be interested in such things, has read this excerpt from a Slashdot interview of Neal Stephenson. Navigate down to question 4: In a fight between you and William Gibson, who would win?.

  58. Cannabinaceae says

    Note to self: preview and correct spelling and grammar errors before adding an anchor tag. The borkedness of preview with anchor tags causes me to go “ghaaah” and press submit just to make it go away.

  59. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Is there any way to get PZ and/or Chris to peek at the “I am asked a question about commenting” thread? Lee Coye is still blathering about how sexism is not a thing.

  60. says

    So, reason 2 that I’m going to Hell:

    This morning a person from another section questioned if we had a PowerPoint presentation on my personal area of responsibility. I have one. I queried whether or not I could give the presentation, seeing as it was my (and a colleague’s) presentation, and there were lots of technical parts that might require answers, and since I’m the subject matter expert, it might be a good idea to let me give the presentation so the poor guy giving the briefing doesn’t stand there and look like a lump.

    Long story short, they decided to make their own presentation. My boss, perhaps a bit charitably, asked me to send the presentation anyway.

    So I did.

    Without any notes.

  61. says

    Ogvorbis
    Potential Trigger Warning

    This is very possible. I am, when I deal with other people (other than close friends and family) a control freak.

    This is not an uncommon response to a variety of traumatic experiences, for largely the reasons you enumerate “That time I had no control and horrible things happened. I’m going to be in control of everything I can, so it won’t” And there’s an important truth there, although it’s mostly not completely rational (there’s so many aspects of life that really are beyond any individial’s control): You had no control over what happened when you were a child. No child does. I did some looking into it, and as far as I can tell, there was no acknowledgement by the BSA that sex abuse was a problem until 1988. At the time you were in scouting, there was literally nothing you could have done, because the entire system would have taken his side. That’s horrific in its own right, of course, but beyond your control.
    End trigger warning.
    mildlymagnificent
    Way to save a life there. Best wishes and I hope mrmagnificent makes a full recovery.

    Beatrice

    The way it was reported here, he claimed that “he never wanted to kill anyone, he was just shooting at (what he thought was) an intruder”.

    Yup, that’s what practically everyone says after the accidentally kill a family member returning home at night. This, along with Trayvon Martin, Jordan Davis, etc.ad nauseum , is why we need to just start taking people’s guns the fuck away; clearly these people can’t actually determine with any reliability whether they are under threat, therefore they should not have access to lethal means of defending themselves. (Yes, I know Pistorius was in SA, not the U.S. My point stands)
    rq
    Yay for the return of cat.

    Nepenthe
    *hugs* Hope your cat feels better soon.

    cicely
    That alway sucks.

    Cannabicinae
    It might still be worth asking around with the SCAdians, then. I did rapier fighting with a SCAdian instructor for a while, but it wasn’t affiliated, and no one wore costumes, just safety gear. There’s also possibly an Olympic fencing studio in town somewhere, although that’s a fair bit more stylized.

  62. dianne says

    Excuse me for wandering in here threatrupt and complaining, but…just came back from a meeting in which we were asked whether we could stop performing a particular procedure for certain patients. In order to save money. Because the dean may not make his bonus this year. The answer was variations on the theme of NO!!!

  63. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    The left-hand sidebar on FTB takes up more than a quarter of the screen,

    That depends on your resolution.

    It’s ugly, too.

    perhaps.

  64. Ogvorbis says

    . . . although it’s mostly not completely rational. . .

    I have never claimed that I am being rational about this. ; )

    I know that my feelings of guilt, worthlessness, control, responsibility, etc. are not rational. All I can do, right now, is ride the waves of emotion through this particular rapid and come out into the flat water on the other end and bail out the boat.

  65. rq says

    Improbable Joe
    At least now you know you’ll have to put it back together.

    Cannabinaceae
    re: Neal Stephenson vs. William Gibson
    Whatever Neal Stephenson says, I believe William Gibson would win handily in a fight. But I’m biased, since I read Neuromancer at an extremely impressionable age, and have compared a lot of novels to that one (and found them wanting). I did enjoy Snow Crash, quite a lot. But it wasn’t Neuromancer, not by a long shot (and I know, it shouldn’t be, comparing isn’t fair…).
    I forget where I read it, but I really do agree that that novel has one of the greatest opening lines ever.

    +++

    Anyhow, early night for me. Good night to all, good luck, and *hugs* where needed and/or wanted!

  66. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Technically, that is correct, jose. The modern definition of “queen” meaning either “wife of king” or “female monarch” is a new thing.

  67. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    In fact, the OED informs me that queen derives from the Old English quān “wife.” Quān was also spelled cwēne, and – perhaps not coincidentally, the spelling quene was one of the documented spellings until the 1600s.

    Incidentally, the first woman to claim the throne of England did not use the title “queen” – she was granted by Parliament and used the title “Lady of the English.” This was in 1141. Of course, she was ultimately pushed out (but, eventually, her son became king). The next woman to claim the throne was Jane Grey, who ultimately lost to Mary I, who was proclaimed as “Queen of England” in 1553.

    During which time, of course, the language had shifted from Middle English to Modern English.

    Of course, the OED does document “queen” being used to refer to “female monarch” back as far as the 900s, but it is arguable how widespread and accepted that usage was.

  68. says

    Ogvorbis

    If anyone here is an English teacher or editor, I really apologize for what I have been doing to some of my sentences.

    Don’t worry. After I read de Botton your sentences seem brilliant.

    esteleth
    Squeee for rubber duckie

    The modern definition of “queen” meaning either “wife of king” or “female monarch” is a new thing.

    Queen Elizabeth I begs to differ

    But while “wife of a king” is technically correct it is also true that it’s the more patriarchal one of the possible answers

  69. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Gilell, Elizabeth I was (1) not the first Queen of England (nor, for that matter, the first Queen to use the title Queen), and (2) relatively (linguistically speaking) modern.

    Just sayin’

  70. Ogvorbis says

    After I read de Botton your sentences seem brilliant.

    Ah. I always wondered about the phrase, “Damning with faint praise.” Now I grok in fullness : )

  71. ImaginesABeach says

    Thanks, cicely, for pointing me toward crudely wrott’s thing. It sounds like the “how do we provide horde-funding” question is pending – I would really appreciate it if someone who has my email address would shoot me an e-mail if there is a resolution.

    crudely wrott – probably tomorrow I will send you an e-mail. The subject line will be your ‘nym, and my e-mail address starts with the letter “c”.

  72. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Thanks, Joe, rq, and cicely. It’s good to feel good. I managed to work a lot of my strengths into the conversation. Including my volunteer firefighting when she asked if I would be willing to wake up in the middle of the night to a cop asking whether he could legally conduct a search.

    And now I want a nap. Damnit, work to do. See y’all later.

    Lunch was good, but only because I had queso fundido and avocado. My actual entree was meh. I think they used kraft singles. : p

  73. silomowbray says

    Right after I read Chris Clarke’s post on the use of the word “moron” (among other ableist slurs), I came across this remarkable animation narrated by poet Shane Koyczan, a fellow British Columbian.

    For whatever reason I don’t cry easily, but by the middle of the animation I had tears running down my face. So I had to share. Although please be aware that it might bring up some pretty painful stuff.

    If you don’t think you’re beautiful, get a better mirror.

  74. Ogvorbis says

    If you don’t think you’re beautiful, get a better mirror.

    But I am the mirror I hold up. I don’t have a better mirror — only a broken one.

  75. Cannabinaceae says

    Damning with faint praise example: “Ah, Saint-Saens. The best of the non-genius composers”.

    I used to have a funny example of praising with faint damns, but I’ve forgotten it.

    Stephenson’s Cryptonomicon has been in my “Top Five novels,” since the first time I read it, along with Herbert’s Dune and Kesey’s Sometimes a Great Notion. Neuromancer has been in and out, along with RGB Mars, LOTR, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, and others. I see Snow Crash and The Diamond Age as Stephenson’s practice novels. Bruce Sterling is kind of meh for me, although I really enjoyed Gibson/Sterling’s The Difference Engine, which has been in-and-out of my Top Five as well.
    W.U. has almost completely different novelistic tastes than I (although we both love the Mary Russel/Holmes stories and enjoy reading Dick Francis); however she loved Cryptonomicon. She did have a hard time getting through the incident of the Galvanic Lucifer – mainly because it is so funny that she would burst out laughing halfway into every sentence and have to start it over again. I think it might have taken her three nights of pre-sleep reading-in-bed to get through that one section. The mattress earthquakes kept waking me up even when she managed to stifle the actual guffaws.

  76. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Ah, that’s what I like to call a complisult. Best I ever heard was “Portia, you look like you got dressed in the dark. But you’re the only one who could pull off that look!”

    …yeah we’re not friends anymore.

  77. says

    Wow, holy shit… how long? 90 minutes, give or take? Two hours? Since I started tearing apart my amplifier, and I have to tell you they built things weird in 1991. The front cloth is held on by like 200+ little staples, for instance. And I cracked most of the knobs pulling them off. This is going to be so much fun!

  78. David Marjanović says

    O hai!
    If anyone’s wondering why I’ve fallen off the face of the Internet, it’s because I’ve been working nonstop (in the extreme case – yesterday) on a manuscript plus its cover letter and now also on the page proofs for the previous manuscript! Qapla’! =8-)
    Seriously, spending a day rearranging branches on time-calibrated phylogenetic trees in Illustrator is awesome. You should try it.
    kthxbai

    …wait a minute. I wanted to dump a whole bunch of links. Part 1 of 2:
    Pull the pork from the Pentagon
    Representative (R-TN) made ambiguous, likely misogynist remark
    Democratic Members of Congress have written a letter to Obama, saying they’ll “vote against any and every cut to Medicare, Medicaid, or Social Security benefits – including raising the retirement age or cutting the cost of living adjustments that our constituents earned and need”; be a citizen supporter
    John McCain’s very, very reasonable explanation for why Republicans filibustered Chuck Hagel: it’s petty revenge for him no longer supporting the Iraq war, and they’re proud of it *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
    WalMart’s vice president of finance and logistics says “February MTD sales are a total disaster” while profits soar out of sight, reaching 10 digits. The article goes on: “Don’t count on the geniuses running WalMart to figure out the problem anytime soon.”

    If you don’t think you’re beautiful, get a better mirror.

    Heh. Wouldn’t do anything for me – I have literally no taste in men, self included. :-)

  79. David Marjanović says

    Part 2 of 2:
    What’s up with the NRA? Does it, like, get donations from every sale of a gun? Pretty much, yes. Seriously, they’re reaching Berlusconi levels of ridiculosity.
    Brand names often differ between countries; here are some that differ between the US and elsewhere. Quite the eye-opener. And sometimes the same names are used for different things in different places – Mars bar isn’t everywhere what you think it is.
    18 ways your office job is destroying your body.

  80. David Marjanović says

    the OED does document “queen” being used to refer to “female monarch” back as far as the 900s

    Wow. The English queens of that time most definitely didn’t wield any power (officially at the very least), they were really just the kings’ wives.

    Squeee for rubber duckie

    Thirded ^_^

  81. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    David, the “queen as female monarch” usage in the 900s were things like commentary on the Amazons and the like. ‘Course, the Amazons did not actually exist.

    As far as I know, the first wife of a English king to carry the title of “Queen” was…Matilda of Flanders.

    Which is to say that the tradition of giving the king’s wife a special title of her own (rather than simply referring to her as the king’s wife) was a thing the Normans imported.

  82. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    mildlymagnificent – I wish Mrmagnificent a speedy recovery. And *lots hugs and chocolate* for you. What you did was amazing. In the midst of everything going on, remember to take care of yourself too.

    Ogvorbis – *more hugs and chocolate*

    carlie – *hugs*

    ImaginesABeach, a_ray_in_dilbert_space, and David Marjanović – *pouncehug*

    Portia – I’m glad your interview went well. Now you have to wait. That’s the part I’m so very bad at.

    Nepenthe – I’m sorry about your cat. *hugs*

    cicely:

    Arguably, my grief for a suiciding campaign should be categorised under ‘Imaginary World Problems’.

    ♥ As a DM and player, I spend a lot time worrying about Imaginary World Problems. :D

  83. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Thanks, Hekuni Cat.
    Thankfully, it will only be about a week of waiting.

    `-`-`-`-`

    I feel sort of self-involved and non-chatty today, I’m sorry for that folks. I’ll be back at full speed maybe tomorrow.

  84. David Marjanović says

    18 ways your office job is destroying your body.

    Though one of them… skin damage for taking “laptop” literally… WTF? Skin damage?!? Do these people have no sense of pain at all?!?!?

    *pouncehug*

    ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

    I’ll read up on mrmagnificent.

  85. birgerjohansson says

    “The Life of Brian”
    Hahaa, Norway banned the film. Since there is a bit of tongue-in-cheek rivalry between Norway and Sweden, the film was advertised as “so funny it is banned in Norway”.
    .
    — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
    Yesterday, I got a BIG (easy to see and use even if you have poor eyesight) universal TV remote for my 85 year old mother, important since she cannot get around on her own.
    When I had finally managed to program it, it turned out the missing unit had been found by the nursing home staff. But this is even better, because if one goes missing, the other one can be used (although I spent two days working out how to program the new thing and literally got a 24-hour headache).
    .
    Today I went over to an old lady that has adopted 12 cats with three bags of some special veterinary-grade cat fodder. Having performed these good deeds, I have decided to just be a total bastard the rest of the week.
    .
    I took a peek at Dispatches From the Culture Wars. The Detroit Police Department is the most incompetent and corrupt institution in….er…whatever region Detroit is in. They left 12000 rape kits untested. A few hundred have since been teted with donated money. At least one rapist commited murder during the many years the kits remained untested.

  86. Cannabinaceae says

    Esteleth: Tiptree, no, though she is on my list; LeGuin, yes. The Dispossessed is in-and-out of the Top Five, usually in the Top Ten if I had a Top Ten. Always recommended to anybody who asks for skiffy suggestions “not of the proton blaster type”. Loved Earthsea as a youth. I do also like the “Miles Vorkosigan” saga of McMaster-Bujold. I do try to keep up by reading Analog but I’ve been falling behind lately.

    Y’all know that Stan Schmidt has retired as the editor of Analog, yes?

    The authors I most look forward to these days are Charlie Stross and Alastair Reynolds. Miéville seems kind of irregular to me, though I do like his imagination. I wish Pullman would finish The Book of Dust.

  87. says

    rq:

    Also, small piece of good news: the SEAC is back behind bars home.

    Awesome. The little guy is back with his family :)

    ****

    Beatrice:

    Well, there was that thing that happened in an elevator in Dublin, that triggered the forming of DEEP RIFTS.

    I only knew the big key points of all of that. I never knew it was in Dublin. In fact, I have never read any of the ensuing bullshit stemming from “guys don’t do that”.

    ****

    mildlymagnificent:
    I agree with everyone here. You are *beyond* magnificent.
    I also agree with getting certified to give CPR. I learned it 16 years ago in high school and have forgotten everything. I need to re-learn that.
    I am glad you were there for Mr. Magnificent. I am also glad that he received great care and that you were pleased with the responders.

    ****
    lexie:

    I hope I’m not just overly sensitive but I would have appreciated one.

    No one should be shamed for being sensitive to anything. Additionally, no one has the right to tell someone else they are being too sensitive.
    So in a nutshell: No. You are not being overly sensitive. You are being you, and responding in the way that *you* do, and there is nothing wrong with that. Trigger Warnings are important, and I will do my part to make sure I include them where necessary.

    ****
    Portia:
    So glad the interview went well.

    ****

    Nepenthe:
    Hugs, for your kitty. So sorry.

    ****

    I have been having to spray down my cats and dogs routinely for fleas. One of my cats, Cassie, has -twice now-foamed at the mouth briefly. It hasn’t lasted long, but it worries me that she’s licking the flea spray. Kayta hasn’t foamed at all. I have been making sure not to spray anywhere near their faces. I think she just doesn’t like being wet at all (I haven’t even sprayed her that much, just lightly. Then I’ve worked it into her fur and skin with my hands). It is so worrisome watching her foam at the mouth :(

    ****

    dianne:

    Excuse me for wandering in here threatrupt and complaining, but…just came back from a meeting in which we were asked whether we could stop performing a particular procedure for certain patients. In order to save money. Because the dean may not make his bonus this year. The answer was variations on the theme of NO!!!

    Arggh!
    Human lives come *before* fucking bonuses. I am glad it was a chorus of NO.

    Aaaand I am caught up.

  88. says

    My partner offered to send me to the WIS conference, including buying me a room which has either a king sized bed or a pair of twins at the conference hotel. As long as they don’t mind my drunken snoring, I’m happy to share the room with someone, if anyone is going and has not yet booked a room.

    I fully intend to get tipsy every night I’m there (so I hope whomever may be interested in sharing does not mind the snoring and tipsy me). I don’t mind sharing with nearly anyone, and will generally try to be as accommodating as possible. It’s possible I’ll be up very late and I’ll try to come in quietly if I do.

    There is no additional charge for more occupants according to the hotel, so I could share it gratis in order to help someone get there (donations of liquor and food are never rejected, but aren’t necessary.)

    I have the hotel room a day before the conference starts and through to Sunday morning, so if it gets someone a better price to fly in early (it did for my booking), I’ll be there Thursday evening.

    Please reply at g33kycarrie @ gmail . com if interested.

  89. ChasCPeterson says

    cats always lick themselves; there’s the stuff for dogs and the less toxic shit for cats–you gotta use the special cat stuff and not the dog stuff for cats. (maybe you knew that already? It should say on the spray label.)

  90. Crudely Wrott says

    . . . as I continue to be amazed and heartened by the Horde . . .

    Esteleth @32 asked me:

    Crudely Wrott, if you do not want to set up PayPal (and that’s fine), then maybe what would be workable is I dust off my PP, people send me money, and then I mail you a check/do an EFT to your accounts? Would that work?

    Yes. That would be most expedient. You see, I started the process to establish a PP account over a year ago but never completed the final steps. I have this distrust of the security of the InnerTubes and while I know that lots of people do commerce in the digital world I also know that there is an evil element out there that steals people’s money. More importantly, my access to the Web right now is through an unsecured server and so I choose not to do things like on line banking or shopping.

    Your idea sounds like a perfect solution. Please email me at the address that appears in my post on the last Lounge thread, comment #682, to exchange details.

    Thank you for your suggestion and deep, DEEP, HEARTSWELLINGLY DEEP thanks to you and all of this wonderful Horde for simply being the kind of people that you are. Sometimes, when reading what is said here I feel as though I were among giants. The neat thing is, I don’t feel small by comparison, I feel large, too. That’s what happens among honest and compassionate folks. Everyone is lifted and grows.

    **

    By the way, for those of you who helped me through the loss of my mother a couple of years ago, Saturday will be Helen’s 87th anniversary of birth. She lives in the hearts and memories of her children and their children. I have come to acceptance of her leaving by way of remembering the lessons she taught (which cover so wide a field) and by doing my best to emulate her and display in myself the qualities that she instilled in me. (I even say “Whoopee!” after I sneeze, which is one of the inscrutable traits that she had (I suspect a little thrill went through her upon sneezing; I get that, too) snicker ;^> ). And, to boot, I had the additional advantage of two fathers; one biological and another who took me as his own son when he fell in love with Ma after her divorce. I am thus thricely blessed.

    I await you communication, Esteleth. Again, mega-thanks to you and all who are willing to help. I really need it right now. I promise that when I am able, later, to pay it forward I will give you and the Horde credit when I do. The better to infect the innocent among us. *twirls mustache like Snidely Whiplash*

  91. glodson says

    Nepenthe: I am sorry about your cat. Our long time cat died just this last December. My wife took it hard as he was with her before she even had met me. I hope your kitty recovers.

    Portia: Glad the interview went well!

    Hekuni Cat: I haven’t played D&D with people in years. Sadly, my most recent D&D experiences have been on the computer. Funny that it gets mentioned as I’ve dived back into the Torment game released about 15 years ago.

    Tony: About Lee Coye…. I think he’s just trying to out last, be the winner by default since reality doesn’t back him up.

  92. mildlymagnificent says

    just came back from a meeting in which we were asked whether we could stop performing a particular procedure for certain patients.

    I can understand how some costs might build up enough to worry the dean’s wallet. (And I’m so, so worried about bonuses for non front-line staff. You can’t imagine how much it concerns me.)

    It’s obvious that all the intensive care stuff and the more than one to one staff ratio in the area is pretty expensive. And then they had to turn off the machine that was cooling mr down once they decided it was time to get his temperature back to normalish, but they didn’t remove the pads and tubes that were attached to him. Each set of pads cost $1000+. So they’re leaving them on until the maximum time allowed for the sticky goo to keep working just in case he needs cooling again because of the infection. I dread to think how much an American hospital would charge for those.

    And someone with a big folder turned up yesterday. Wanted to ask a few questions about his status. Question one. Is he a public or private patient? I said “Public.” She said, “Fine.” Ticked a box on her form and went away. Apart from the annual ambulance subscription, this whole thing is costing us ….. nothing.

  93. opposablethumbs says

    The product we use at the moment – Frontline, iirc – comes as a liquid that you apply with a dropper directly to the skin (parting the fur with your fingers to get down to the skin) – they recommend applying it in four or five blodges along the spine, so it’s about as un-lickable as one can manage with an animal as flexible as a cat (though we have a dog, anyway, so ymmv). You could probably put quite a bit on the nape of the neck, where even an Exorcist-type cat can’t really lick. Just thought I’d mention that in case it’s of any help with the foaming-at-the-mouth problem.

  94. says

    Cats and flea ointment

    We use the stuff that runs down the spine, and stop short of where they can actively lick, and it seems to work just fine.

    Crudely, I’m glad to see you’ve worked out a way to accept assistance. I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to help, but I’ll send what I can and probably a follow-on amount as needed.

  95. says

    Chas:

    cats always lick themselves; there’s the stuff for dogs and the less toxic shit for cats–you gotta use the special cat stuff and not the dog stuff for cats. (maybe you knew that already? It should say on the spray label.)

    Yeah, I did know that.
    The thing is, the product I bought said it was for cats *and* dogs.
    I think the best thing to do is stop using the product on my cats.
    I feel like shit thinking I’ve contributed to making one of my feline companions unhealthy.

  96. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Plz to be checking your email, Crudely. I will be contacting you from my nym at the google.

    All, I will be collecting donations for Crudely. I accept PayPal (linked from the email address I just referenced) and mailed money. People in need of my snail mail can email me.

  97. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Another possible benefit of this job: if I gets it, I’ll be in a much better position to contribute to the Horde fund.

  98. carlie says

    I still feel rotten. Blech. So I’m curious – am I the only person who, when sick, spins out a tale in my imagination worthy of any soap opera about how sick I could get? Since I’m too sick to do anything useful, my feverish brain just lays there and goes wild. “It’s probably pneumonia. By tomorrow night we’ll have to call for an ambulance because I can’t breathe, and then there will be so much fluid built up in my lungs that I’ll have to go on a ventilator, and then my body will fight the ventilator so they’ll have to put me in an induced coma until my lungs clear, which will take weeks because it will be viral and not bacterial, and I’ll miss Child 1’s play and Child 2’s stripe test and then I won’t be able to talk for days after it comes out and it will all be SO TRAGIC.” Good lord.

  99. glodson says

    The Gun Thread is full of good old gun nut stupidity.

    Enjoy, for as long as you can. Frankly, I’m exhausted from attempting to reason with gun nuts. Produce a study that shows that owning a gun greatly increases the odds of gun violence being done in your home to someone living there? Ignored.

    I won’t spoil the thread for you.

  100. says

    glodson:
    In the time I’ve been here, gun related threads have shown up a few times. I imagine the thread isn’t likely to be too much different than other ones.
    Rather like the feminism threads.
    (i.e., nonsensical arguments presented, with little relation to reality, and those on the non progressive* side do not change their minds)

    *Here, I associate progressive with valuing human life, and guns are designed to kill, sooooo….

  101. glodson says

    The thought that occurs to me is that these gun nuts seem to see a certain type of human as sub-human, the perceived threat. They think nothing of gunning down this hypothetical person. Someone in the thread, I can’t remember who, noted an overlap of racists and gun nuts.

    There’s an intersection here of people who would rob others of their humanity in their own minds to justify a world-view. I think this is the same process we see in anti-feminists, as you mention, but some fundies and bigots as well. Not all follow this arc, but the ones that scare me seem to.

  102. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Pardon me. I came home from work and shotgunned a beer.

    Imma be over here, marveling at the shinies.

  103. thunk, new years, new dreams says

    WIS: I wish I could attend. Being a minor definitely limits my transport/lodging/being away options.

    Crudely: Dang it, I am going to somehow send money your way. I promised myself to give alms.

  104. says

    John:

    * Says something about me.

    It says that you bought a Yamaha CA-410 amplifier in 1978, no? Is it supposed to say something else?

    ****

    Esteleth:
    shotgunned a beer? I hope it was good :)

    ****
    glodson:

    Someone in the thread, I can’t remember who, noted an overlap of racists and gun nuts.

    It may have been Illuminata, who made several good points that were lost on Christopher.

    The thought that occurs to me is that these gun nuts seem to see a certain type of human as sub-human, the perceived threat.

    I think there is an element of this in that gun nut mentality, but I think it goes deeper than that. I have a little buzz right now from wine, so I won’t try to speculate any further.

  105. ImaginesABeach says

    Can I just say how happy I am that thunk is still around? I was getting worried for a while there. There were a couple of meteorological events that occurred without thunk’s input.

  106. says

    Katherine Lorraine

    Ahh… this is why I’m going to Hell.

    Something about Pistorius was on the TV. The sub-heading said “Olympian runner is a flight risk.”

    My immediate thought, “No he’s not. Just take away his legs.”

    *giggle-snorf*

    See you on the bus?

  107. Pteryxx says

    Esteleth: thank you, again, for being the go-between. (I might be tapped for this month but y’know, someone in March will need SOMEthing…)

    thunk: is carpooling an option?

  108. lexie says

    Cicely – thanks for the hug

    Portia – good luck for getting the new job

    Esteleth – squee for tea duck (glad to have discovered someone else in the world thinks it’s cute – I have one too)

    Nepenthe – I’ve seen some cats get diarrhoea after being particularly stressed, hopefully xe gets better in a 24hours. Also good for you for caring for a cat with FeLV. If you ring your vet can’t they schedule your appointments with a female vet?

    Tony – Thanks for being understanding. I just feel weak when I can’t cope and normally people’s reactions make me feel worse not better, I was so happy about how understanding everyone here was. I’m normally ok with triggering stuff but Ogvorbis’s stuff gives me nasty flashbacks and make me all conflicted and confused, so I’m just going to not read it until I feel stronger. I know I shouldn’t feel so guilty and that trigger warnings exist for a reason but the world seems just to tell me to get over it, I feel stupid for not being a stronger person that I can’t even cope with reading something and I feel so weak since there seem to be so many strong survivors here.

  109. says

    Tony, I’ve only rarely been able to figure out what the fuck John Morales is on about. Is it a friendly dig? Is it a mean-spirited dig? Is it mostly a free-association semi-non sequitur?

    John, are you trying to say that you’re really old, really cheap, that you were pretty modern-thinking for 1978? Or that you take really good care of your stuff, or that you’re afraid of/dislike/dismiss tubes/valves, or that you’re European/Australian?

    Because as a semi-non sequitur back at you, Metallica’s James Hetfield uses an ancient solid-state Roland Jazz Chorus amp as his main clean tone. No valves.

  110. says

    lexie:

    I know I shouldn’t feel so guilty and that trigger warnings exist for a reason but the world seems just to tell me to get over it, I feel stupid for not being a stronger person that I can’t even cope with reading something and I feel so weak since there seem to be so many strong survivors here.

    You’re right. There is no need to feel guilty.
    When it comes to being faced with denying your feelings and accepting what society says is “correct”, I say fuck what the world says. These are *your* feelings. This is your life. That is important.
    Please, do not ever feel stupid for not being as strong as you think you are expected to be. We all are capable of handling-or not handling-different things to different degrees. No one is better or worse than anyone else for not being able to handle a particular subject. Nor should you-or anyone else-be shamed for not being able to deal with a certain subject. I know the world at large may try to make you feel guilty, but I hope you know that here, at least, we will NEVER do that to you.
    Here, you are welcome to feel how you feel.
    Here, you are welcome to express your emotions on your own terms.
    Here, you will not be shamed for being who you are.

    (I haven’t said it lately, but I love this place and I deeply appreciate of all the people who contribute to making this place so wonderful)

  111. Nepenthe says

    lexie and Improbable Joe

    That’s comforting that cats can do that. My family is all like “She’s gonna die!1!” and giving me the “you can’t hold onto her and be selfish if she’s in pain” lecture and I’m like “she’s only been sick for a day! She’s still eating and moving around and stuff! She doesn’t want to go on the cart!”

    We usually see female vets, but Dr. Dawn wasn’t available so we saw Dr. Tom instead. In retrospect, I should have been less concerned about the bald patch on her rump (what we initially went in for) and more concerned with seeing a vet that wouldn’t scare the shit out of Her Fuzziness in a literal sense.

    *Hands Tony the chipped dinner plates* Here, these keep sneaking to the top of my dish pile and annoying me anyway.

  112. John Morales says

    Tony:

    Is it supposed to say something else?

    Yeah. It’s still working, so I haven’t had to replace it.

    Since I haven’t had to replace it, I haven’t.

    (Also, I don’t buy new clothes until the ones I have are no longer functional)

  113. Pteryxx says

    Lexie: even us survivors aren’t that strong all the time. When some of us *cough* need to go silent and get away from a topic that’s gotten too painful, it’s easy not to notice that we’re missing. ;>

  114. says

    I’m contemplating applying for this; 1-2 articles should be doable, but I’m currently blanking on ideas that aren’t super-generic ones. should I try anyway, and hope something more unique pop into my head?

  115. John Morales says

    Improbable Joe:

    Is it mostly a free-association semi-non sequitur?

    Yes.

    (Mostly, I was amused by your insinuation that 1991 tech is somehow quaint)

  116. Rossignol says

    Esteleth – That ducky is my new Favorite Thing.

    Re: Guns – I once had a similar discussion with a friend of mine. I said that in the (now increasingly unlikely) event that I ever purchased a rifle I would keep the bolt locked in a completely different safe, in a different room from the rest of the gun. In response to this he said he keeps his shotgun loaded with slugs specifically so that it is as lethal as possible in the event of a home invasion. I really think it’s just a power fantasy.

  117. thunk, new years, new dreams says

    Imaginesabeach: I promise to stick around more when active weather is a thing, okay?

    Tony, nice to meet you here too. I’m sticking around on A+ more though recently.

  118. Crudely Wrott says

    Esteleth, you really shotgunned a beer? Whoa! Tears of mirth on my cheeks. It’s been ages since I did that.

    Tell me, did you down it in under seven seconds? That’s my record for a sixteen ouncer. Circa 1971.

    My, it’s been a long time. I guess that some traditions only enjoy occasional celebration. It’s nice, from time to time, to know that there are still people who uphold the dignity and charm of traditions that at one time, or even still, hold meaning for me.

    Hope you were sitting down.

    *continues to chuckle uncontrollably . . .*

  119. lexie says

    Tony – :) Thanks so much for that. I suppose I had seen you guys all behaving really well and never shaming anyone before and I don’t really know why I didn’t expect it would extend to me but somehow I still think that I’m just being silly and I’ve never really experienced sympathy for when triggering events leave me a crying shaking mess (normally I just get told to get over it) so kindness and understanding is not what I expect. Part of it is that I do still feel ashamed about ending up in that state, everyone tells me I am just being too sensitive so I kind of absorb that message. I feel stupid that after years reading a couple of sentences can send my mind back to a place I have determinedly built mental walls around and turn me into such a mess, my brain thinks that surely I should be able to cope better by now. I love that I found this place, you guys are awesome.

    Nepenthe – I hope kitty is better soon. Is she still drinking? If so is it sufficient? If the diarrhoea doesn’t improve after 24 – 48 hours after the stressful event I would ring your vet.

  120. lexie says

    oops sorry Nepenthe that was not supposed to be entirely bolded, I just meant to bold your name. Sorry.

    Must remember to preview
    Must remember to preview
    Must remember to preview…

  121. Nepenthe says

    lexie
    Thank you.

    She’s still drinking, I think. I’ve been checking her every time I go in and doing the skin tenting test to make sure she’s not dehydrated. I talked with the vet a few hours ago and he’s told me to take her off food (oh, the look of betrayal when she discovered the dish was not there!) and to check in on Friday. Seems like he understands the hyper-anxious furparent of a special needs cat thing that’s going on here. *sigh*

  122. Crudely Wrott says

    Whoa. re: Christopher @ 161,

    Man, when I read the words spoken by the likes of Triggerman, Detroit, Young Stunna and Cool I start to see that my predicament is so much more benign than theirs.

    My pain is merely physical and recent. Theirs tears and runs havoc through their entire lives, their entire mentalities. Oh, how it must hurt to be them. Or, maybe, to them, it seems perfectly natural to say a prayer before popping that cap. Shit. That this is actually happening in the midst of us all. I am at a loss for how to react.

    Damn the church and damn the preachers who push forgiveness! Religion does, or at least has the looming potential to, ruin every thing. We need to lose it. But that’s a big job and it’s going to take a long time. My best advice? Teach your children well; teach them inter-dependency, that they are their own best hope. That they and they alone will solve the problems that plague humanity, that they and they alone will climb the mountains that challenge society, that they and they alone (well, with a little help from Mom and Dad and from those who have gone before and left their advice behind which lies conveniently at hand in libraries and on these very InnerTubes) will pave the road to the future.

    Listen! Forgiveness only exists between people! Spooks can’t do it!

    grumble grumble grumble

  123. lexie says

    I’m glad that she’s not dehydrated. Taking her off her food is probably best for her, even though she now thinks that your an awful cat person. Your not really being a hyper-anxious fur parent particularly since your cat has a serious medical condition. Trust me there are a lot more hyper-anxious fur parents in the world. I may only be a vet student but I have seen a lot of people bring animals in to the vet because their pet has vomited once or is just a bit off colour, so your response seems reasonable and sensible to me. Plus I know all vets don’t feel this way but I’d rather have all my clients be hyper-anxious and bring the pet in when it isn’t really sick than see any more people bring pets in which are seriously ill/injured which have been left for a long while.

  124. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    For those who don’t think patriarchy is still alive and well, while renewing the City parking stickers, one car is own solely by the Redhead, and two are jointly owned. (The Redhead brags she still has her first car, first husband, and first house.) Guess who signed for the two jointly owned cars. Their hair color is bald…

  125. Crudely Wrott says

    Nerd, I still have my first belt buckle. Top that!

    (It was handmade to my father’s order. He gave me a livestock brand when I was six years old and along with the brand, the Flying X, he gave me the buckle which features the brand in gold. It has the makers name on the back and there is none other like it. It’s a singular thing, unique and no copy exists anywhere. I no longer own the brand, but I still have the buckle. It has the scratches on it that got there the time that I almost fell off a cliff; I balanced on that buckle for a few heart stopping moments, my body hanging over eternity. As you can plainly tell, I didn’t fall. Life is so full of delicious memories, innit?)

  126. says

    cicely

    You didn’t realize Springfield is the home of not one but two major christian denominations? And their home seminaries? :P The Assemblies of God seminary isn’t as bad, from what I’ve heard, relative to the Independent Baptist one.

    RE: getting care from medical students
    I once had a very strange, thankfully short condition, which the doctor I saw at an Urgent Care clinic told me was called “Hairy Tongue” and was basically all the top layer of skin cells on my tongue dying off at one time suddenly, instead of sloughing off however skin normally does, unnoticeably. The skin turned white, and then got stained brown from eating and drinking, and my tongue swelled up, and then hurt from rubbing on my teeth while swollen. I was almost mute not from pain but from being completely incomprehensible – people could get used to it and figure out what I was saying, but people hearing it for the first time tended to stare in disbelief and ask me where I was from. It only lasted a couple weeks. But what was funny was after the doctor explained to me what was going on and that it was temporary and not dangerous but also basically untreatable, he asked me if I minded if his intern came and looked at my tongue because apparently the condition is fairly rare to see in a doctor’s office and she might not get another opportunity to see it live before running into it on her own. Then he gave me a discount on the visit, since he couldn’t do anything for me, which I have never before or since had a doctor seem to care about at an Urgent Care clinic. :)

    Esteleth
    I just bought a book by Tiptree, Up the Walls of the World, and I’ve read several by LeGuin. The Left Hand of Darkness and The Word for World is Forest and one more I read recently that I liked a lot but can’t remember the name of stick out to me.

    Joe
    You know, we (at my job, fixing laptops) would refuse to fix something that had urine it. We don’t have to deal with anyone’s biological material, including bugs and pee and vomit. I will have to fix the one that got milk spilled on it, probably tomorrow after they finish quoting the damage. :( The customer has insurance so unless the damage is so bad they want to give them a new one (and it didn’t look like it to me), I’ll have to replace everything that got spilled on. Just the couple minutes it took to inventory the unit had me all grossed out.

    Cannabinaceae
    Oh, yeah. I think The Dispossessed was the LeGuin I couldn’t remember the name of. And it’s upstairs somewhere so I couldn’t look at the bookshelf from where I’m sitting. I agree on Mieville; I’ve had trouble finishing some of his, and usually an unfinished book haunts me so it has to be seriously dragging to not get finished. Still, Railsea sits on my bookshelf not even half finished, and doesn’t bother me at all.

    What about Shari Tepper? Octavia Butler? Kage Baker? C.J. Cherryh? Patricia McKillip? Tepper sometimes gets a bit preachy and she seems to buy into some gender essentialism in her more feminist novels, but I really like her imagination and some of her worlds are just too strange and different to ignore. My favorite ever I think is one I discovered recently, a trilogy about Marianne, (i.e., Marianne, the Magus and the Manticore is the first one). They are out of print and somewhat hard to find. I really liked how the events of the books changed Marianne’s character from book to book, and the way you don’t know at the end whether defeating the antagonist may have made her into the villain instead. I always think of Kindred by Octavia Butler when people talk about the default white problem in novels, because she has protagonists who don’t explicitly up front identify themselves to the reader as non-white and she lets you find out as the story goes along – and Kindred was the one where it really hit me and made me notice how I was going along with the default white description if not otherwise specified. I loved Kage Baker’s imagination, especially in the Company novels. And I find Cherryh’s women strong, complex, often conflicted – I really like Cyteen and Regenesis, where the character who dies at the end of Cyteen has her personality impressed on a clone of herself in Regenesis and the second version of the protagonist has to grapple with what exactly it means to be the legal successor of someone else’s life, someone who feels a lot like herself but also a lot like a parent. And I’ve recently discovered Patricia McKillip. Her books have these soft pastels flowery covers that are done in a odd, old-fashioned sort of way; if I had to guess from the cover I would assume they were more like a Jane Austen than the fairly plain speaking but far reaching imaginative fantasies that they are. So far I think I like Bone Plain best.

    oK, I’ll stop. I could keep going…for a long time. I really love books.

    carlie
    I do something like that. It seems to establish a baseline of what’s the worst thing that could happen, and then give me some framework to consider what actually is happening. When I’m depressed or really feeling awful, I can sometimes talk myself into thinking bad things will really happen like I’m thinking about, and being really afraid, but usually it’s just a story I’m telling myself to see how bad I can make it up to be.

  127. John Morales says

    Hm. WolframAlpha can plot the first (cloverleaf) but not the second.

    (r=1 is just the unit circle)

  128. Crudely Wrott says

    Perhaps because I am not a mathematician but, Thunk, (and welcome back, by the way, nice to know you’re still knocking about) Wolfram Alpha couldn’t parse it. Can you restate your proposition?

  129. thunk (r=1, -3sin(3θ), ±9/2sec(θ)) says

    it’s four polar equations, sorry
    r=1
    r=-3sin(3t)
    r=(9/2)sec(t)
    r=-(9/2)sec(t)

    All four should go on the same plane.

  130. says

    deborahbell, I wish I could refuse to repair my own amp, and refuse to clean my own house. Not exactly an option yet. In the plus column, I’m ripping off the back pieces of my amp and fabricating a single solid piece that will cover the entire back, so no cat can climb in and piss inside my amplifier again.

  131. John Morales says

    thunk, next obvious step is to go 3-D by using cylindrical or spherical coordinates. ;)

  132. Cannabinaceae says

    Shucks, I keep trying to remember to read some Octavia Butler. I started with Downbelow Station once (C. J. Cherryh), but got distracted and never picked it up again (this happens semi-often with me – has nothing to do with the book, usually: happened three times with Sometimes a Great Notion and now I’ve re-read it twice).

    I like Miéville’s Bas Lag books. I also read Kraken, which was OK, and Un Lun Dun and The City & The City, which were also OK. Still, I think he’s actually getting worse rather than better. I have no desire to read Railsea but am tempted by Embassytown.

    Speaking of cattle brands, Irons in the Fire by John McPhee is amazing. Wild west cattle rustling in Nevada in today’s day and age? Dava Sobel’s Longitude is also an amazing read. I couldn’t wait to get to Greenwich many years ago when we visited London, just to see some of Harrison’s clocks in person. Almost wept. (Did weep many years before that at Kitty Hawk seeing O and W’s handmade propellers and motors).

  133. says

    Joe
    Ah, yeah I guess. There’s one cat here, belongs to a roommate, he takes care of cleaning up after her, other than vacuuming the common areas which doesn’t happen very often. Other roommate who owns the house has a decade or so of accumulated stuff just everywhere. He doesn’t really clean at all, except every once in a while when he decides to move everything in the living room to the garage or something. Every once in a great while a small amount of stuff gets sorted out and given or thrown away, but since it’s not mine, I can’t really do anything about it. so…clutter. Everywhere. Drives me mad and makes me kind of just ignore the house including things I could do something about like dishes or laundry.

  134. Crudely Wrott says

    Hoo boy. More to worry about.

    The manager just called and said that the owner of the motel where I live has said I gotta come up with the money tomorrow. I told the manager, who is really a sterling guy and well disposed towards me, that it may take a day or two to have the cash. He is willing to cover me for that amount of time.

    Damn this situation. Only myself to blame. I should have done something earlier but I didn’t. I feel so foolish.

    Esteleth has volunteered (and a humungous hug for her) to act as a clearing house for anyone who is moved to offer a couple o’ bucks. To all of you who do so, and to those of you who would like to but can’t, I send my love and all kinds of USB transferable goodies. Take your pick and send the others on down the line.

    Gee whiz, folks. I can hardly believe this is happening. First, my rebellious spine and now this, the willing Horde who would give to someone as unknown as I. This is as close to a miracle as I’ve ever seen, including that time I didn’t fall over the cliff.

    I just hope that I don’t fall over this one. If I disappear from this forum in a day or two you’ll know that I have. Appeals are out to family members as well. I think something good will happen in all. I just hope that I haven’t painted myself into a corner. I may have. Time will tell. Deeply felt thanks to all of you who care and would help. Honestly, this is not only the most rational place that I know of on the internet but it is also the most compassionate. I am astounded.

  135. says

    Funny story about cleaning:

    A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I were watching Hoarders on the TV. I said my normal, “I swear, I could be one of those people if I’m not careful” like I do every week. My wife pauses the TV and looks at me and says “Bull-FUCKING-shit Joe! You made me wait to start watching this so you could run the carpet cleaner in the bedroom!” Which is true…

  136. says

    Cannabinaceae
    I did that with Downbelow Station too. I think it’s hard to get into if you don’t know something about the universe it’s set in; I was a lot more interested in it after I read Cyteen and Regenesis. They are set in approximately the same time in the same universe, but on the other side of the war that is starting or maybe ending in Downbelow Station.

    Is Bas Lag the world that The Scar was set in? Those were the ones I liked so much. I thought Embassytown was good. I agree on the others, just ok, hard to get through. He seems to have a railroad thing going – Iron Council is also hard to get through, hard to see the point of. While still having well drawn characters that frustrate you by wandering out of the story or being hard to relate to.

  137. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    The only Octavia Butler I’ve read is her Xenogenesis series, which is good in a deeply creepy way, and her novella “Bloodchild.” Which is creepy-horrifying like a pack of Reavers who tell you that they love you.

    Le Guin is great. My favorite of hers is a novella, “The Matter of Seggri.” Even though by the second or third paragraphs I realized where she was going and what her Point™ was, it was eminently readable. And yes, I cried. The Disposessed is great, as is The Left Hand of Darkness. I have a collection of her short stories, which contains a truly great short story, “Old Music and the Slave Women.” Also, “The Birthday of the World” is tragic and horrible in a deeply beautiful way. Basically, *fangirl flail* over Le Guin.

    Honestly, though? There’s a brief sequence in The Disposessed that hits me at my core. The main character, Shevek, meets a woman from Earth. Here is how she describes Earth:

    “My world, my Earth, is a ruin. A planet spoiled by the human species. We multiplied and gobbled and fought until there was nothing left, and then we died. We controlled neither appetite nor violence; we did not adapt. We destroyed ourselves. But we destroyed the world first. There are no forests left on my Earth. The air is grey, the sky is grey, it is always hot. It is habitable, it is still habitable, but not as this world is. This is a living world, a harmony. Mine is a discord. You Odonians chose a desert; we Terrans made a desert…We survive there as you do. People are tough! There are nearly a half billion of us now. Once there were nine billion. You can see the old cities still everywhere. The bones and bricks go to dust, but the little pieces of plastic never do – they never adapt either. We failed as a species, as a social species. Well, we had saved what could be saved, and made a kind of life in the ruins, on Terra, in the only way it could be done: by total centralization. Total control over the use of every acre of land, every scrap of metal, every ounce of fuel. Total rationing, birth control, euthanasia, universal conscription into the labor force. The absolute regimentation of each life toward the goal of racial survival. We had achieved that much, when the Hainish came. They brought us…a little more hope. Not very much. We have outlived it…We forfeitetd our chance for [utopia] centuries ago, before it ever came into being.”

    The Disposessed was written in 1974.

  138. says

    Joe
    I’m not a hoarder, not at all. I hate clutter and useless stuff, and given a dilemma between tossing and saving for some use, my vote goes to toss nearly every time. I enjoy throwing things away, like actually feel good when I do it (or donate, whatever, getting rid of is what feels good). My family were all pack-rats, mom dad and sister all three of them, and roommate seems to be as well. He always talks about how he wants to toss it all, but you start actually trying to get rid of something and it’s a different story.

  139. says

    Esteleth
    ah, yes, I remember that. That wasn’t what struck me about it, but I remember that being a scene that made me think. The descriptions of how Odonian society worked – and how it was supposed to work, and where the differences were, and what their ideals were, and the interesting way they realized some of them and not others was what fascinated me about the book.

  140. Cannabinaceae says

    Yes, The Scar is a Bas Lag novel, occurring just after Perdido Street Station though not exactly a sequel. I agree with the railroad thing vis-a-vis Iron Council and my not wanting to bother with Railsea.

    Anyway, g’night.

  141. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    What gets me about that scene is that I cannot for the life of me imagine a practical way that humans will not go there. That is, as far as I am concerned, our future.

  142. Tapetum, Raddled Harridan says

    Rossignol – I know one person who keeps a loaded shotgun for home defense. He keeps it loaded with rock salt rounds – which turns out to be highly fortunate, as it actually did get used in a home invasion. The invader got it away from him, and shot him in the chest at point blank range.

    It worked as home defense too, since when he climbed back up snarling, because it hurt so damned much, the dude who’d shot him fainted and was tied up, while our friend called 911. If he’d loaded for lethality, it would have been a tragedy instead of a painful incident that turned into a favorite funny story.

  143. Portia, who will be okay. says

    lexie
    I cosign everything that Tony and others have said about being triggered and it not being stupid or silly or any of that. I’d also like to let you know I think there’s strength in knowing your boundaries and what’s good for you and what’s not. I ultimately felt strong when I fled in terror last week from a scary, triggering situation. It takes strength to take care of yourself. And you’re doing that. *hugs*

    Thanks to everyone for the job well wishes. I’ll keep you posted.

  144. says

    Esteleth
    Yeah, I figure we probably will, if we survive at all. I’d been a few round with Shari Tepper’s ideas on the subject (i.e., The Family Tree, Singer from the Sea, The Gate to Women’s Country, The Companions; or for that matter, Isaac Asimov’s Robot novels which I read as a teenager) though, so when I read that scene in The Dispossessed, I was thinking as I remember it about how the described authoritarian society of Earth that was necessary for human survival on earth was so opposite to what the Odonians had tried to create, and how it would be anathema to them (and to me, honestly) but would it better for everyone to die instead?

  145. says

    Joe
    Ah. Well I have difficulty getting through non fiction books. It either takes months (sometimes years) or I have it assigned for a class and I read it because it’s homework. Novels I read because I don’t feel sane if I’m not reading. I read while I’m walking, while I’m doing housework, bathing, eating, crocheting, cooking – I don’t try to read while driving and I can’t figure out how to read a book while making a bed. Otherwise, the books go everywhere. I would probably try to read while fixing computers if we didn’t have to keep an ESD safe workspace (no paper or other static discharge causing materials). Not having anything around to read, or getting really close to being out, makes me feel edgy and anxious, and times in my life when I’ve stopped reading novels for a while have been times when my speech and vocabulary suffered, my thinking was slower, my ideas less interesting – I think of them as seeing the world in less than living color and prefer to avoid repeating them. Hopefully.

  146. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Deborahell, I cannot remember if you said you’ve read Le Guin’s stuff on the Yeowe/Werel dual system (Planet of Exile and “Old Music and the Slave Women.”) Truly amazing. Depressing a shit (if there’s any “message” it is “slavery is totes bad, here let me tell you just how bad!”) but amazing writing.

  147. says

    Jesus, Esteleth!

    Honestly, though? There’s a brief sequence in The Disposessed that hits me at my core. The main character, Shevek, meets a woman from Earth. Here is how she describes Earth:

    “My world, my Earth, is a ruin. A planet spoiled by the human species. We multiplied and gobbled and fought until there was nothing left, and then we died. We controlled neither appetite nor violence; we did not adapt. We destroyed ourselves. But we destroyed the world first. There are no forests left on my Earth. The air is grey, the sky is grey, it is always hot. It is habitable, it is still habitable, but not as this world is. This is a living world, a harmony. Mine is a discord. You Odonians chose a desert; we Terrans made a desert…We survive there as you do. People are tough! There are nearly a half billion of us now. Once there were nine billion. You can see the old cities still everywhere. The bones and bricks go to dust, but the little pieces of plastic never do – they never adapt either. We failed as a species, as a social species. Well, we had saved what could be saved, and made a kind of life in the ruins, on Terra, in the only way it could be done: by total centralization. Total control over the use of every acre of land, every scrap of metal, every ounce of fuel. Total rationing, birth control, euthanasia, universal conscription into the labor force. The absolute regimentation of each life toward the goal of racial survival. We had achieved that much, when the Hainish came. They brought us…a little more hope. Not very much. We have outlived it…We forfeitetd our chance for [utopia] centuries ago, before it ever came into being.”

    The Disposessed was written in 1974.

    That set my fur on end!

    Unfortunately, I see humanity running, hell-bent, towards making our still-saveable Earth into just such a wasteland.

    Way I see it, the species as a whole needs to re-learn a lot, like connecting to the Earth, the knowledge that ALL life is intertwined, and how to live with and support each other instead of fighting each other.

    I know — I’ve a better chance at winning the lottery than I do of ever seeing world-wide peace.

    I can dream, dammit!

  148. says

    Esteleth I don’t think I’ve read those yet. I discovered Le Guin recently and so I’m still working through her bibliography. I’ll look for those next from her. :)

    Yeah, Kindred (Octavia Butler) was like that some, on the slavery issue.

  149. glodson says

    Okay, I have the most recent gun thread open in a new tab, unread so far. And I’m going to predict that a gun nut is going to defend the right of person to blow off his genitalia, but say that no responsible gun owner would ever do that. By the 15th comment, at least.

  150. glodson says

    …And wow, two of the recent gun nuts showed up much earlier than I expected. I am always impressed how gun nuts make the most convincing arguments as to why we shouldn’t let anyone have guns.

    Goddamn, this new gun thread is getting really dumb really fast.

  151. cicely says

    If anyone is in contact with Algernon, say hi.
    She hasn’t been around in a long time.

    Say hi from me, too?

    ImaginesABeach:

    I would really appreciate it if someone who has my email address would shoot me an e-mail if there is a resolution.

    I will not only try very hard to remember, I will also stick a post-it to my monitor to that effect!
    :)
    In fact, I just now did that very thing.
    *ahem*
    You’ve got mail!”

    A Marjanović!
    *pouncehug* & *chocolate*

    The problem with putting the Advantage™ on the back of a cat’s neck is that if you have two cats, they may give each other a hand (with their tongues).

    Tony, you keep your china-hurling hands away from my late mother-in-law’s good dishes!

    Jadehawk: Can you write something up, then decide whether you think you should enter it? Less pressure.

    deborahbell: Evangel is quite bad enough! I’m aware that there are little bible colleges everywhere in this general area, but none with the same…notoriety? Like fame, only negative. (I’d say “infamy”, but as we all know, being infamous is what happens when you are beyond mere fame.) Don’t believe I want to know about a “worse” option!

    Stross, Pratchett, and Cherryh, not necessarily in that order.
     
    The thing about Cherryh’s Alliance/Union books is that they do a good job of demonstrating a saying that I think came from Heinlein’s Time Enough For Love—that your enemy is seldom a villain in his own eyes. It especially shows in the difference between the way the Fleet sees itself (particularly at the beginning!) and the way the Merchanters and Union see it.

    The Left Hand of Darkness was more-or-less my intro to thinking about gender and culture; before, like most people (I think), I just unconsciously accepted The Way Things Are as being as automatically “right” as gravity. And I also very much like The Lathe of Heaven—which, sortakinda, has a bearing on (my perception of) the Horde—we get by with a little help from our friends.
     
    Ah, here we go:
    “Jor Jor, please forgive warranted interruption. You are human capable of iahklu as previously noted. This troubles self… We also have been variously disturbed. Concepts cross in mist. Perception is difficult. Volcanoes emit fire. Help is offered : refusably. Snakebite serum is not prescribed for all. Before following directions leading in wrong directions, auxiliary forces may be summoned, in immediately following fashion: Er’ perrehnne !…If desired. Speech is silver. Silence is gold. Self is universe. Please forgive interruption, crossing in mist.”
     
    Er’ perrehnne.
    -

  152. says

    I just don’t understand the point of most of the gun thread arguments. It all gets so… extreme? And most of it boils down to “you can’t have a perfect solution, so let’s do nothing” and “rights!” and the fact that even with training most people have no business carrying or even owning a gun. Just dumb.

  153. glodson says

    cicely

    I would also recommend Pratchett.

    Unless you are talking about a different author than I am thinking of, but the Discworld books are great and wonderful reads for any fan of fantasy and humor.

  154. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Terry Pratchett is full of win. If you’re going to read the Discworld books (and please do!) I’d suggest picking a mini-series and starting there. Like, pick up Guards! Guards! to get you into the Watch books, or Mort to get you into the Death books.

  155. says

    Improbable Joe, I have whittled away at several gun nuts’ arguments, and once I point out the BS aspect of their first arguments, they always fall back on one thing:

    Society is about to collapse into violent anarchism and they need to defend themselves from rampaging hordes who want their stuff. Usually they reveal the rampaging hordes they imagine to be, unsurprisingly, “other” in some chromatic way.

    I guess the exceptions to that last bit are those worried about zombies or something.

  156. glodson says

    Yea. That’s why I’ve given up on arguing the point. You can’t even keep the gun nuts on the actual argument. They can’t wait to hit you with irrelevant facts about guns. You know, instead of citing actual facts relevant to the argument.

  157. glodson says

    For any fan of Discworld: L-Space.

    The annotated files are great, and rather good for the older books.

    And I often read the copy of “Where’s My Cow” to my little girl. She’s already got her first Discworld book. Sorry, big fan of the Discworld, as you might can tell from the nym I stole. (And slightly misspelled many years ago.)

  158. cicely says

    The Discworld books are my go-tos for reading when feeling down. There’s plenty of humor—but plenty of meat, too.
     
    Or eggplant. Whatever you fancy.
    -

  159. glodson says

    Eggplant can be great. I can make a really good Eggplant Parmesan. But I fucking hate Eggplant Wizards.

    And now no one has any idea what I’m talking about.

  160. says

    It is weird, because I feel like I can argue for my own personal gun ownership and gun carry, back when I open carried a loaded handgun on my hip most of the time… but those were specific arguments based on my specific circumstances that I could back up with crime statistics for my area and personal experience that would at least make my decision to carry understandable on some level. Not these weird vague “FREEDOM!” and “RIGHTS!” and No True Scotsman Packing Heat fallacies.

  161. says

    I’m asked if I wanna get together. I say yes.
    I set my alarm to wake me after 3 hours sleep (which ain’t good for me).
    I wash the necessary clothes to rid them of cat hair, take a shower & shampoo and fuss with my hair (takes time, the crap goes down my back).
    I juggle meds and etc. to make my stomach allow me to leave the house.
    I call at the designated time and leave a message.
    Hours later still no response.

    Fuck it. People have lives (apart from me) I know… but I typically have to dose myself up with stomach meds and prepare for hours to have maybe a 30% chance of being able to make it out to the grocery store, and that’s WITH sleep.

    I think I have to give up pretending to be able to be a person who can have a friend.
    All it does it make the shit that is a burden to me and make it also a burden on others.

    Strangers on the net with common interests (history, hiking, whatever) find out I can’t drive and kindly offer to take me to local things I’ve been wanting to see, and I have to say no because I never know even up until the last minute whether I’ll be able to leave the house (or the fucking bathroom for that matter.)

    Yes, I’m whining. Sorry.

    I’m fucking tired of this shit. I don’t want to be this useless person that I am.

  162. Akira MacKenzie says

    Just saw this on Yahoo:

    http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/fox-news-co-host-under-fire-rape-remark-203159297.html

    OK, maybe it’s just my paranoia talking, but I’m a little suspicious about this. You have one of Fox’s “token” liberals say something abominably stupid about rape and have the two conservativem hosts swoop in to decry the dirty alleged-leftist’s misogyny? Granted, just because Beckel is supposed to be a liberal doesn’t make him immune from being a sexist. However, given Fox’s history, I’m smelling a cheap attempt to rehabilitate conservatism on gender issues after its recent brushes with rape-apologetics while trying to tar liberals at the same time.

  163. glodson says

    Jafafa Hots

    Don’t apologize. I don’t think you did anything bad, or wrong. Life was getting to you, and you needed a place to vent. I think many understand that feeling. I hate that I can’t really help other than the sympathize and offer some sort of support. But hell, I would rather you get it off your chest than bottle it up. If that makes sense. It might not, I’m kind of tired.

    Akira MacKenzie

    I doubt it is a ploy. It is just that Fox hires people with no integrity or shame, and that’s how they produce the news. As you note, we all know progressive people who have a shocking tendency to making rape apologists remarks. But of course they will try to smear the liberals with this.

    When has logic and reality ever mattered to Fox?

  164. mythbri says

    I donated 12 inches of my hair to Locks of Love today. This is the third time I’ve done it. My head feels about 5 pounds lighter. ;)

    I do it to remember the people I know who have died of cancer.

  165. cicely says

    Jafafa Hots: *hug*
    It was shitty of whoever was on the other end of the arrangement to bail on you without warning. I’m sorry they treated you so callously.
    -

  166. vaiyt says

    My diploma is being held up by college because I owe them like 100 hours of complimentary activities.

    I feel fucking miserable, and I may have ingested more alcohol today than in my whole life so far. (it was vodka, even, which I hate). Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to get drunk.

  167. says

    I recognize most of the SF authors being bandied about, read many of them. But haven’t seen David Brin mentioned yet. I loved “Startide Rising” and “Earth” in particular, but haven’t read his latest yet. Saw him on two panels at the Chicago Worldcon this summer. He’s not a retiring guy :-) Has interesting things to say in his blog as well.

    I used to read books — many books. I got half way through Zeno’s and just kind’a stopped. Not that I think it was Zeno’s book in particular (though I did spend a lot of time flipping to the genealogy page to keep who’s who straight); just stopped for no reason, perhaps attention, who knows. Wish I could regain the oomph to restart.

    Top X lists: my son keeps asking about my top/favorite X, Y or Z. And I’ve never been able to come up with such lists. I don’t just don’t seem to have capacity for a “favorite”. I have things I “like” but no “favorite” or top N. Odd. Do people really have top 5/10 lists running around in their heads?

    carlie, sympathy for the illness. My wife just went to bed feeling super ill — rebound from the two day respite. January and February tend to be miserable around our household. Spawn, was having a good day for once.

  168. cicely says

    Brin’s Startide Rising and The Uplift War are indeed made of Awesome.

    I don’t read nearly as many books as I used to—because I’m reading on Teh Webz.
    -

  169. Crudely Wrott says

    Speaking of which,

    What was the title of the David Brin and Greg Bear novel about a cohort establishing a beach head on a comet with the intent of keeping it from hitting the Earth? I’m wracking my brain here. In the end they actually pulled it off while opting to not return to Earth. They found that the comet was alive and they sort of melded with that life. If I am remembering correctly. Memory is a funny thing.

    The last time I read a new SF novel from front to back was Brin’s Moving Mars. Funny that I don’t read much these days off of paper. It’s mostly off of softly glowing phosphors. I should do something about that. Like having the power cut off.

  170. cicely says

    I should do something about that. Like having the power cut off.

    Nonononono! If you cut off the power, you couldn’t be here.
     
    Which would be a Bad Thing.
    -

  171. Crudely Wrott says

    On my bedside table lie two paperbacks. Bradbury’s I Sing the Body Electric and Campbell’s Myths to Live By.

    The Bradbury I plan to reread in the future. The Campbell I am just a couple of chapters into. Though Campbell has lain unopened for a while I do want to see where he takes belief and ritual. Since so many others think that such is important. I gave up on those some time ago yet there are people close to me that I love and scholarly and informed insight into why they are the people they are could prove useful.

    What I’d really like to do is have a full library of Asimov’s essays. The ones in which he addresses the real world, the one we live in. Then I could share with my grandsons and feel as though I was well informed. Those two rascals are information sponges. They love to learn. (Even if they don’t know it!) I owe them the best I can give.

  172. Crudely Wrott says

    @cicely:

    I can’t. The management has a lock on that. I was being facetious, don’t you know. Though, I have read by lamplight on occasion. And a time or two by firelight.

    Now, if I could only find a place sufficiently removed and with fuel at hand . . .

  173. says

    Crudely Wrott, Heart of the Comet. John Morales, by Benford and Brin. </pedantry> Weird book, especially the bit where (rot13) bar bs gur nfgebanhgf tbrf bss naq gheaf vagb fbzr flzovbgvp zhgnag jvgu gur yvsr-sbezf jvguva gur pbzrg. Your mileage may vary.

  174. Crudely Wrott says

    That’s it, John! Thank you. The wiki link refreshed my memory and I had a moment of full recall. Got a tad dizzy too what with all the returning recall.

    I really did enjoy that book. My kind of SF. Hard and Human. Thanks again.

  175. says

    Crudely, Moving Mars didn’t ring any bells with me, so I looked it up: Greg Bear. I’ve read at least one of his other books, but somehow they never really resonated with me. I think the comet book you’re talking about is by Brin & Gregory Benford Heart of the Comet, though I’ve never read that book either.

  176. Crudely Wrott says

    Urk!
    Yes, Xanthe. My mileage dropped to zero right about (rot13).
    Sorry that I am not multi lingual.
    Ces’t la vie.

  177. Crudely Wrott says

    Yes. Moving Mars was not by Brin and Bear. It was indeed by Brin and Bedford.

    I should have done a little sleuthing first. I was trusting memory and, as I’ve said before, memory is a funny thing. Always up to little tricks.

    Thanks to those who have offered corrections.

  178. Crudely Wrott says

    Thanx for the translator link, Xanthe. A good summation of the plot. That I do recall accurately. Now, could you link me to a translation of your #248?

    One of my memorable reads, in the vein of hard SF, was Clarke’s The Moon Like Dust. A ship lands on the Moon and soon is swallowed by an avalanche of moon dust. Only so much oxygen, only so much water, only so much power. It is really an adolescent adventure tale but I’d read it again just to admire the resourcefulness that Clarke gives the crew. An easy read that makes you feel you are on the Moon. To me, that sense of transport, being in another place, is one of reading’s greatest pleasures.

  179. Rossignol says

    Y’all have inspired me to reread Left Hand of Darkness.

    Also for anyone considering picking up a Pratchett series, I recommend the Tiffany Aching series. Maybe a bit young adult-ish but certainly worth reading at any age.

    mythbri – I’ve done that! It’s a strange sensation, for sure. Your motivation sure is more noble than mine was (I was just tired of my hair).

  180. chigau (違う) says

    John Morales
    *har*
    No. Internet issues.
    I think I just shut down and read a book.
    nitenite all

  181. chigau (違う) says

    OK
    not really done
    Because the protagonist is a child, doesn’t mean the book is for children.
    I would not recommend the Tiffany Aching arc to anyone under the age of 25.
    now bed

  182. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    Pardon me. I came home from work and shotgunned a beer.

    Seems like overkill; I’m sure a pistol would have done the job just fine.

  183. rq says

    Good morning!
    I see books are being tossed about once again.
    A few notes:
    Downbelow Station was CJ Cherryh’s first non-fantasy book that I read, and I loved it. The first book I picked up by her was Fortress in the Eye of Time, and while I rarely get through the whole series anymore, I have re-read that book until it is falling apart, literally. I don’t know what I love about it, but I do. Same with Downbelow Station. There is something awesome in that book, and I can’t put my finger on it. I also felt very much emotionally attached to Hellburner. When I finally did read Cyteen and Regenesis, they impressed, but not as much.
    – I think deborahbell mentioned buying Beholder’s Eye? Read it a long time ago, and just wanted to give it a quick thumbs-up. I remember enjoying it.
    – LeGuin, obviously, is a bit of a genius. Left Hand of Darkness was my first introduction into her writing, and I fell in love. A bit later I read Lathe of Heaven, which was different from her usual gender-issues books that I’d read, and I loved it in a whole different way. Another re-readable book, thoroughly so, especially for the message… Er’ perrehnne, indeed!
    – Never got into Pratchett, but on a related note, two nights ago Husband and I turned on the TV only to see Terry Pratchett’s Going Postal being shown on TV. Guess who was transfixed faster than I was – yes, that’s right. Now he can’t wait for episode 2 (I enjoyed it, too – I just hadn’t expected him to enjoy it that much!).
    – Loved David Brin’s Uplift novels, but I loved Sundiver even more. Heart of the Comet took a weird turn (I blame Gregory Benford ;) ), but Earth, for all its weird-weirdness, was a delight. Thinking about this, I realize how many of my books I’ve left behind and how much I’d love to re-read them with today’s eyes.

    +++

    It’s nice to walk into our room and see Cat curled up on the bed, as if nothing ever happened.

  184. rq says

    Azkyroth
    Clearly the beer was running rampant and deserved everything it got.

    echidna
    O! Yes! When I read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, I was shocked at how different it was from the movie, but I liked it much better. I’ve only read a few other of his books and stories, but I like his style.

    And if I’m mentioning favourites and the like, I have to throw in Neil Gaiman’s first novel Neverwhere, which hooked not only me onto his writing, but all of my siblings, too. Incorrigibly, irrevocably.
    That was a good book.
    And Ray Bradbury’s October Country and, of course, Fahrenheit 451. And I just love his stories about the Elliott family and all its quirky characters – Uncle Einar being the one most prominent in my memory, mostly due to that one story about him wanting to fly. I think there was a whole book about them (ah yes, I see it was called From the Dust Returned).

  185. says

    I agree with the recommendation of Neverwhere, and also the various Pratchett recs. I also have quit enjoyed Wen Spencer, Steven Brust, and Eric Flint, among names that I’ve reread recently.

  186. Crudely Wrott says

    I read aloud a signifcant portion of Heinlein’s Time Enough For Love to a girlfriend some years back. Mostly the part where it was discussed how L. Long was going to go on living. While I’m certain that RH got some of the details wrong, I am certain that at one point, two people wept and held each other just for the beauty of it all. For the delicacy of the balance of life. For the joy of it all. For that I am ever grateful.

    I shall continue to read SF until I die.

  187. mildlymagnificent says

    This is not about reading books but meta looking at what’s being read and by whom. Having a serious problem with my hands I can only handle the small size paperbacks and not too many pages if I’m reading in bed. And for go-to-sleep reading I stick with cheap and cheerful murder mysteries, really cheerful, humorous ones sometimes – though I do draw the line at some of the worst authors. I still laugh at one vivid memory. 20 ish years ago, mr had gone to bed before me as usual and his book was lying on my side of the bed, so I had to remove the “Essays on Plato” that he was ploughing through at the time. I put on my jammies, sat on the bed and turned to my bedside table and practically fell off, laughing so hard.

    Right alongside Essays on Plato was my literary masterpiece of the week Don’t Point That Thing At Me.

  188. says

    Jafafa:
    You are not a shitty person. It sounds like the person you were supposed to hang out with was quite inconsiderate. IME, sometimes there is a valid ‘shit happened becuz life’ and hopefully that is the case here. Otherwise it is callous. But no matter the reason, that does not reflect on you as a person.
    ****
    Vaiyt:
    100 hours? Geez. Sorry your diploma is being held up. There is no other way to acquire it than by completing those hours I take it.

    ****
    You folks love this Discworld series. I have seen it mentioned multiple times over the years. I think I am similar to Joe. I want to read, and have read, but my attention span shifts easily and quickly. Short stories (anthologies for instance) are much easier for me to get through. The last book I read in full was Richard Matheson’s I AM LEGEND (in preparation for what turned out to be an abominable Will Smith adaptation bearing little resemblance to the book), which I quite enjoyed.

  189. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    rq:

    Thanks, sorry for misunderstanding. I realized you might have been joking, but I also thought that maybe I was putting too much pressure on you to make what might already be a tough decision.

    *

    Can anyone offer any advice re: mental health and workplace rights (US based question, specifically NJ)? I’ll explain below but I have next to no idea where to even start.

    My brother is interested in applying to work at a large chain retailer I used to work at. He is coming out of a period of serious agoraphobia (Up until a few months ago he had literally not stepped outside even once for over two years.) and social anxiety (He refused to be in the same room as anyone who was not an immediate family member, to the point of remaining in his room for weeks at a time when others came to visit. If he ran into someone unexpected accidentally, the rest of his day was ruined.). He has told me that he was (and still is, sometimes) experiencing severe depression. However, he has not been diagnosed with anything and doesn’t seem to have any desire to be. As I said, he’s slowly coming out of this period of near total isolation and is interested in finding a job, among other things.

    Because he’s applying at my old workplace, I have a pretty good insight into the culture at this place and the things that are required of employees. I consider the environment to be pretty toxic and I think working there exacerbated my depression and anxiety. I don’t have a good reference point, however, to compare this place to other stores, so for all I know it’s a better place than most. I do know that most of the policies that contributed to the poor work environment were chain-wide, so even if my brother could manage transportation to another store in the chain, things would likely be just as bad.

    I don’t know if there are any non-discrimination laws that pertain to mental health. If he were to bring any of this up during the application process, would he be essentially giving up the job? I assume so, because they could always just say they didn’t hire him because they didn’t like that he doesn’t have any prior work experience at his age. How can he explain that the reason he doesn’t have anything on his resumé between the ages of 19 and 22 and no prior work experience is not because he just didn’t feel like doing anything but because of his anxiety (they hired me with no previous work experience, but I was 15 at the time)? I know that he would much prefer working with as few customers as possible, so does he have grounds to request that he work in the warehouse and not ever be forced to work register (even though the store’s policy is that all employees are expected to work register when the store is busy)? Can he request a consistent schedule, for example one that doesn’t force him to work until 2 am some nights and then come back at 7 the next morning, even though other employees have to do that (and yes, this does happen)?

    Of course, is not necessary that my brother limit his search to this one chain. However, this is already stressing him out and I think he feels safer with this store because I worked there. I don’t want to tell him to search elsewhere yet because, as I said, I don’t know if anywhere else would be any better.

    Please excuse the wall o’ text.

  190. says

    Good morning
    I’m the worst mum in the world for making the kid get dressed herself.
    Better call CPS…
    Also, can you hear that? That total lack of Winnie the Pooh and assorted stuff? Yeah, she’s back in kindergarten, maybe I can get some thinky work done today.

    Crudley
    I remember the wondeful text you wrote about your mother’s funeral

    Esteleth
    There should be something in your paypal.

  191. Crudely Wrott says

    Giliell, you are a jewel. I count you among my treasures. So kind and thoughtful for you to remember.
    And I can’t believe I’m still awake at this hour. Must be anticipation.
    I go to bed now. Good night, lovely Horde. Tomorrow just might be . . .
    . . . a big day.

  192. birgerjohansson says

    “Downbelow Station …{snip)… I think it’s hard to get into if you don’t know something about the universe it’s set in”
    I certainly had that reaction; after Downbelow Station I read no more of her novels.
    .
    Sheri S. Tepper: Very uneven.
    .
    -Pratchett stands alone among humorists. Occasionally some Brit is lauded as “like Pratchett” but it simply is not true. Tom Holt is a decent author, but Pratchett he ain’t.

  193. rq says

    Dalillama
    Thanks for the info, I will look it up!! (If written by Gaiman himself, definitely sounds promising.)

    Parrowing
    It’s ok. I should have been more clear. Cheesecake is a weakness of mine (seriously, a weakness – it’s one of the few foods I’ll eat too much of just because I like it so much, to the point of eating way too much).
    The decision, at any rate, will hinge on costs and also current finances. Having cheesecake on the other end is simply a bonus. ;) Don’t worry, I’d much rather have cheesecake as incentive – it will make sure that I actually think it through and don’t give up on making these plans because of small hang-ups. ;) (In other words, you’re actually helping.)

    Giliell
    If I call CPS on you, you’ll have to call CPS on me, for making Middle Child eat his breakfast on his own using a dangerous, sharp object (he can handle a fork, ok?).

  194. carlie says

    Parrowing, it sounds like a chain retailer is the absolute worst fit for a job for him – is there a specific reason he’s chosen this one? He seems better suited as filing/clerk kind of job for a smaller family-run business.

  195. says

    Rev. BigDumbChimp @89:

    Me: The left-hand sidebar on FTB takes up more than a quarter of the screen,
    BDC: That depends on your resolution.

    Do you mean the magnification? With a widish screen on my desktop. at the recommended resolution of 1920 x1080, the ratio of FTB test to ugly sidebar is always about 3:1. This was not a problem for me when the sidebar was on the right (and smaller, I’m sure.) These aging eyes need higher magnification than they used to, and the sidebar on the right could get pushed off the screen with no loss to what I’m trying to read. But with big ugly sidebar on the left, that doesn’t work.

  196. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    Glad to hear it, rq :)

    *

    carlie:

    I agree. Unfortunately, I think it’s taken him everything he has to even express interest in this job to my parents (he is living with them and relies on them for transportation). I don’t know if he has the spoons to conduct a job search and I think he feels just barely comfortable enough with the idea of working there that the process is moving a little bit (he picked up an application). Anything else will likely be too much of the unknown for him, at least for now.

    I don’t mind suggesting other options to him. I just don’t know what he can expect and whether he ought to ever tell whatever employer he ends up having about his anxiety. It would be great if employers were expected to take mental health seriously and treat their employees accordingly, but I just don’t know if that’s a reality. And honestly, I think my parents are ill-equipped and not sensitive enough to offer him useful suggestions, or to take him seriously if he says he can’t do it anymore.

  197. Ogvorbis says

    Happy Friday.

    I love all of you and appreciate the support.

    Damning with faint praise example: “Ah, Saint-Saens. The best of the non-genius composers”.

    Hey. I like Saint-Saens.

    Which, come to think of it, would fit.

    Nevermind.

    ==

    iJoe:

    See? If you had an Apple went totally acoustic, this would never happen.

    ==

    When some of us *cough* need to go silent and get away from a topic that’s gotten too painful, it’s easy not to notice that we’re missing. ;>

    Hugs to Pterryx.

    I understand.

    (Mostly, I was amused by your insinuation that 1991 tech is somehow quaint)

    Well, it is from, like, last century and all.

    I still think that I’m just being silly and I’ve never really experienced sympathy for when triggering events leave me a crying shaking mess (normally I just get told to get over it) so kindness and understanding is not what I expect

    lexie, I am very sorry I triggered you. One of the scary and insidious things about triggers is that I never know exactly what will trigger me. I know certain smells trigger me. I know that certain combinations of things from my past trigger me. But not always. And sometimes, something will come out of left field and trigger me. Anyway, hugs to you.

    I feel stupid that after years reading a couple of sentences can send my mind back to a place I have determinedly built mental walls around and turn me into such a mess, my brain thinks that surely I should be able to cope better by now.

    I hear you. I keep feeling like I am weak (unmanly?) because I allow this shit to get to me when, in reality, I have little control over it (which triggers something else). Be safe and take care of you.

    The Discworld books are my go-tos for reading when feeling down. There’s plenty of humor—but plenty of meat, too.

    Ditto. Just finished Night Watch.

  198. strange gods before me ॐ says

    culch,

    This was not a problem for me when the sidebar was on the right (and smaller, I’m sure.) These aging eyes need higher magnification than they used to, and the sidebar on the right could get pushed off the screen with no loss to what I’m trying to read. But with big ugly sidebar on the left, that doesn’t work.

    I made a “sidebar on right” script: http://pharyngula.wikia.com/wiki/Greasemonkey

  199. Tapetum, Raddled Harridan says

    Parrowing – I agree with carlie. A small specialty (non-retail) business would probably be the best fit for your brother. A lot of those barely deal with the public in person – I worked for a real-estate appraiser once, where I think we saw one stranger in the office in two years. Generally we got faxed orders from realtors for new appraisals, and occasional phone calls. In a bigger business, a file clerk type job would probably be a good bet – much more dealing with paper than with people.

    (Bonafides – I have worked as a temp in at least four major cities, so I’ve worked in terms ranging from a few days to several months in virtually every type of company imaginable from newspapers to universities to giant banks to mom-and-pop a/c repair and truck driving schools.)

  200. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    very ugh

    Have spent the last three days collecting logs, running reports, taking screen shots and making up and writing down procedures that I normally just do in my head.

    All of which will be scowled at and scrutinized to within a mm of the frail edge of my sanity.

  201. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    It’s almost as if I should go to the proctologist the week before just to prepare myself.

  202. lexie says

    Parrowing – I hope that you brother does find a job with a sympathetic employer or at least somewhere he can work which isn’t too bad for his mental health

    Ogvorbis – It’s not your fault how I reacted, so there’s really no need to apologise. I just realised I’ve written an essay and it was somewhat therapeutic for me so I’m not deleting it but it’s probably just a lot of waffle so you might want to stop reading. Some things I know often set me off but sometimes it comes out of the blue, last night was probably a combination. Thinking back over it I don’t think that what you wrote was that bad (I’m not re-reading it at night again to find out though), it just felt like something tripped a switch in my mind and suddenly I was 10 standing there again in that place of my nightmares. Each time I think I have that path and that building imprisoned behind a barricade and then something and my walls come crashing down again. Even though it’s horrible that I know other people have the same flashbacks I suppose in a way it makes me feel a little better that I’m not the only one who can go from normal sane person to shaking crying scared mess after some small thing. The world seems to send out the message that I just need to forget/”get over” (I hate that phrase) what happened and focus on the future and that I’m just dwelling in the past/feeling sorry for myself, and so I so often feel alone and like I’m just silly and weak for not being able to “get over” it and I end up feeling guilty for when words or places or plants send me into this sobbing shaking mess state. Luckily as I’m not male I don’t have an extra heap of societal pressure telling me that I can’t be emotional, so instead I fit the stupid hysterical overemotional female stereotype to a t which I do feel a little guilty about perpetuating that stereotype as it lets down other women but at least no one tells me that my gender forbids me from crying. Reading stuff from people here has been good for me because even though you all seem so much braver than me, I at least now know that I’m not the only person who has these feelings or can find seemingly innocuous things so totally overwhelming. In my real life I can never talk about these things with people and because of this I don’t know what’s normal. I am so happy that I found this place and that I am now talking to you guys because this is an outlet that I wouldn’t otherwise have. Anyway I’m sorry for writing this essay if you’re still reading.

  203. lexie says

    I’ve got orange syrup cake to contribute to the pyjama party (lounge) tonight, so please take some if you need it (or just want some).

  204. Ogvorbis says

    POSSIBLE TRIGGERS — AT THE VERY LEAST, SOME EMOTIONAL STUFF

    lexie

    It’s not your fault how I reacted, so there’s really no need to apologise.

    I understand. I react to things that people write and, though I know they are not aimed at me, I still, sometimes, feel a little cheesed off at what was written because it triggered me even though what was written was, to a normal person, completely innocent. No one can know what will set me off; I do not know what will set others off. That said, I still am sorry that I triggered you. I know how scary it can be.

    Each time I think I have that path and that building imprisoned behind a barricade and then something and my walls come crashing down again.

    I feel for you. I really do. You have my sympathy. Mine was buried behind walls for more than 30 years. When the wall started to crumble, so did I.

    I’m not the only one who can go from normal sane person to shaking crying scared mess after some small thing.

    Caine wrote, in another thread, “We are legion!” And, sadly, she is right. Physical, sexual, emotional abuse, assaults, rapes, you name it, have hit, at a rough, pulled-out-of-my-arse guess, more than half of us on this blog. Many of us have triggers and we don’t always know what they will be. Or even what the trigger was. Hugs.

    I so often feel alone and like I’m just silly and weak for not being able to “get over” it and I end up feeling guilty for when words or places or plants send me into this sobbing shaking mess state.

    I think that I spent thirty-plus years trying to ‘get over it’ and, for me, it didn’t work. ‘Getting over it’ means ignoring it, walling it off, putting it aside. And it will find a way to come forward. For me, that wall appears to be a wall of lies that I told me about myself. And as each lie has been exposed to me, a version of reality has appeared which, while not the truth, is at least more compatible with who I am and what happened. Caine is older than I and she has not ‘gotten over it.’ I keep thinking I am ‘getting over it’ and I don’t. I doubt any of us get over it, we just learn to live with who we actually are. Which is scary as hell.

    Reading stuff from people here has been good for me because even though you all seem so much braver than me, I at least now know that I’m not the only person who has these feelings or can find seemingly innocuous things so totally overwhelming.

    I don’t know if it is bravery. I certainly do not feel brave. I feel like I have been a coward and am still a coward. Part of why I have shared my story (the different versions that have been ‘true’ at each stage of my discovery) is anger, not bravery. I read someone blaming victims and I personalize it as a way of expressing my anger. I read someone expressing doubt as to the veracity of a survivor’s pain and I personalize it to express my rage. Maybe, sometimes, bravery is just being so angry that the consequences cease to matter?

    In my real life I can never talk about these things with people and because of this I don’t know what’s normal.

    I have never told another human being what happened to me outside of this pseudonymous safe area. I am so afraid to actually discuss this in real life, in physical space. Why? Probably shame that I let this happen, fear that I will be blamed, guilt for what I did to others, the normal shit that many of us carry. The same reasons I said nothing back then.

    I am so happy that I found this place and that I am now talking to you guys because this is an outlet that I wouldn’t otherwise have.

    This place is amazing. The people here are relentless, uncompromising, brutal, honest, and, most important, caring and compassionate. And I love them (not the way I love Wife, but you know what I mean).

    Anyway I’m sorry for writing this essay if you’re still reading.

    Please don’t be sorry for being honest about your feelings. You are a caring person who is frightened. I wish I could do more for you than commiserate. Safe hugs to you, lexie.

  205. Portia, who will be okay. says

    *sympathetic shoulder pat* to Rev.

    *hugs* to lexie and Ogvorbis

    Jadehawk
    I say go for it.

    rq
    I think I forgot to say “Hooray!” for kitty being home : )

    Parrowing
    I haven’t looked it up, but the only thing I can think of that might compel an employer to be accommodating of mental health issues is the Americans with Disabilities Act, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of such a requirement. I’m sorry your brother is having such a struggle. I hope he finds a good fit. It’s impressive that he is taking such a big step.

    Good morning everyone!

  206. Ogvorbis says

    Addendum to #291:

    TRIGGER WARNINGS (BIG ONES)

    (Maybe I should just add that to my pseudonym?)

    When I wrote that I have told my story here because of rage and anger, I don’t mean at the horde. My rage and anger is directed at those who minimize rape. Or wonder how many drinks a woman can have before she is too drunk to assent to sex. Or blame survivors because, well, all one needs to do is take precautions. Or tell survivors that you being there helped cause the rape. Or claim men cannot control themselves when a potential victim is dressed like that. Or claim that we are getting too emotional about the whole thing. Or deny that there is a rape culture. Or wonder why survivors even bother to survive. Or decry the existence of age-of-consent laws. Or use the ‘bitchez lie’ lie. Or the myriad other ways that rapists, and their enablers, promulgate a culture accepting almost all rapes as a normal part of life. These are not triggers for bad memories, flashbacks, or panic attacks. For me, these are triggers for rage, anger, and witnessing through my personal experience to show that these ideas really do hurt people, that they are not ideas existing in an academic vacuum. That is the anger and rage that led me to not just remember what happened, but write about it.

  207. lexie says

    Ogvorbis – hugs, more hugs, more hugs, chocolate and cake for being so kind and caring. Maybe some of the bravery comes from anger but I admire so many of you guys for being able to talk about stuff and for biting the heads (metaphorically) of the jerks who try to take us down. In my real life I often just feel like a scared little girl and shrink into a corner, and so far my online persona seems to be identical. Anyway whether it’s anger, bravery or anything else I think it’s awesome and you guys have made me feel like I’m not alone, not stupid for not being stupid for not coping sometimes and given me a whole heap of courage. I feel for you so much about not being able to talk in real life as I feel so similar. While coming out about stuff in real life should be the same as talking about it here where everyone is sympathetic, kind and understanding and even though talking hurts you do end up feeling a little better, I know that it wouldn’t be. Hugs for you and I feel for you. I know what you mean about loving the people here. The horde gave me so much even before I delurked and since I’ve been dipping my toe into the comments here I have been so amazed by everyone, so many people have similar experiences to mine or even if not are sympathetic, kind and caring. I see the jerks I meet all the time in real life but here I don’t feel threatened by them because the horde seem to eat douchebag entrails for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I just wish real life was even half as good as here is.

  208. Ogvorbis says

    lexie:

    Hugs back.

    And

    the horde seem to eat douchebag entrails for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

    may have just cost me a keyboard.

  209. Portia, who will be okay. says

    The women’s bar committee is having its quarterly luncheon today. The topic of the program is:

    WOMEN’S BAR COMMITTEE LUNCHEON
    BUSINESS ETIQUETTE
    MIND YOUR MANNERS SCHOOL OF ETIQUETTE AND CHARM:

    *vom*

  210. carlie says

    Hi, Tapetum! Good to see you!! :)

    Parrowing – could he do volunteer work somewhere as an ease-in? I’m thinking that most orgs need people to stuff envelopes and the like, at least occasionally, or have library rooms that need organizing and staffed, etc. Something that’s quiet, not a whole lot going on, low-stakes, and that will get him used to being out with people and get him a good reference for going for a paying job later.

  211. lexie says

    Ogvorbis
    .
    TRIGGER WARNING – More emotional stuff
    .
    I know what you mean about being furious about victim blaming. Victim blaming is a large part of the reason I don’t talk about it, because nothing suggests that struggling, crying and feeling desperate and alone would be worse than being harassed, disbelieved and mocked in public.
    .

    Or claim that we are getting too emotional about the whole thing

    QFT (not that the rest of it isn’t too but this particularly resonated as that’s why when I’m already having a flashback sobbing and shaking I end up worse because I feel guilty for being too emotional)
    .

    Or wonder why survivors even bother to survive

    I’ve wondered why I bother to survive, if things wouldn’t have been better off if I didn’t bother to keep on surviving. I assume this isn’t what you mean?

  212. Ogvorbis says

    Or wonder why survivors even bother to survive

    I’ve wondered why I bother to survive, if things wouldn’t have been better off if I didn’t bother to keep on surviving. I assume this isn’t what you mean?

    *TW*

    About 15 months ago, when the Penn State child sexual abuse scandal was first hitting the fan, one of my co-workers asked, aloud, “How can those boys who were raped even live with themselves? They’d be better off just killing themselves than living with that.”

    I walked out of the room and talked to no one for the rest of the day. Was really shook up.

    /*TW*

    why does that cost you a keyboard?

    The phrase ‘douchebag entrails’ made me laugh while drinking diet soda.

  213. rq says

    lexie
    *somanyhugs*
    I think it cost Ogvorbis a keyboard for the same reason it cost me one. The danger of reading something funny while drinking. :)

    Ogvorbis
    I admire you. A lot. But here, all I can offer are these virtual *hugs* and a bottle of something strong.

    Portia
    You should go and be belligerent and misbehave-y.

  214. Portia, who will be okay. says

    *TW*

    About 15 months ago, when the Penn State child sexual abuse scandal was first hitting the fan, one of my co-workers asked, aloud, “How can those boys who were raped even live with themselves? They’d be better off just killing themselves than living with that.”

    Holyshitballs. People are despicable.

    lexie
    yeah. : / Networking opportunity.

    rq
    That got a laugh out loud out of me. …guffaws aren’t ladylike, are they? ;)

  215. Ogvorbis says

    Holyshitballs. People are despicable.

    No, just privileged.

    =======

    I just triggered myself over on the Zen Buddhist thread. Fuck, I hate this shit. My dream of a perfect day? Making it all the through without triggering myself.

  216. rq says

    Portia!
    No, they most certainly are not! But you should go and guffaw at everything. Slouch, too. ;)

  217. opposablethumbs says

    The Discworld books are my go-tos for reading when feeling down. There’s plenty of humor—but plenty of meat, too.

    Ditto. Just finished Night Watch.

    ditto ditto (though I haven’t just finished Night Watch)

  218. lexie says

    Ogvorbis – I’m sorry that happened to you, that must have been really really tough to cope with. Even more hugs. I’ve heard people say that shit too and I assumed that was what you meant but just thought I’d check because sometimes I think I know where people are coming from and then I get shocked.
    .
    Ogvorbis & rq – oops sorry? I hope the keyboards recover from their undesired adventures with liquids.
    .
    Portia – :(. If it’s a networking opportunity then I assume you can’t shout at politely inform the cupcakey douchebags your respected collegues that this stereotype and patriarchy reinforcing complete and utter waste or time topic is probably not appropriate and is silly and actual reduces your worth as intelligent women; and instead have to sit there and shut up so that your networking is not totally ruined. If so good luck for surviving it without exploding due anger induced by ridiculous stereotypes and nonsensical “manners” and “etiquette” which certain elements of society think matter more than actually being a decent human being.

  219. lexie says

    Ogvorbis – I’m sorry that you got triggered by the Zen Buddhist thread. Hugs to you, you have my sympathies.

  220. Ogvorbis says

    I’m sorry that happened to you,

    Thanks.

    that must have been really really tough to cope with

    I spent 30+ years not coping with it. It’s only been the past two years or so (since Rebecca Watson dared to say, ”
    Guys, don’t do that”) that I have been learning to cope. Or trying to learn to cope. Not sure I have arrived a coping yet.

  221. Portia, who will be okay. says

    lexie
    Thank you. Just having some kindred spirits to understand the frustration helps immensely. I told S the topic and he said: “”they should have that for men….. women already have manners. it’s the guys who are rude idiots.” I explained that this is because women are socially penalized for not being meek and deferential. No response… *sigh*

    rq
    You know what I just realized? I was calculated what I could eat the most lady-likely when choosing from the four menu options. Now I wish I’d gone with the burger… (Which is an odd thing to have on the menu of a Proper Lady Manners™ lunch!)

  222. lexie says

    *monotonous chant* I must remember to preview, I must remember to preview, I must remember to preview

  223. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Og
    hugs and bunnies and soothing songs. I’m sorry you were triggered : (

  224. lexie says

    Ogvorbis – I’m not sure what coping is as it seems so distant to me (I suppose when I think of coping I want more time as a sane individual, less time as a blubbering mess and more confidence to be able to talk about stuff and stand up for myself) but your aim of trying to learn to cope is admirable and I really really hope that you get to a better place than the one you are in now.
    .
    Portia – call me suspicious but I think that sometimes people who fetishise bizarre social conventions over actual human interaction etiquette teachers put things like that on menus to 1. check if people go for the ladylike items and/or 2. catch you out when you actually try and eat your food as there are certain foods which it is very difficult to eat in a ladylike manner.

  225. says

    rq,
    Ah, Sundiver is considered part of the Uplift series (as first of the first trilogy), though it is set on Earth, unlike all the others. It provides a bit different, though consistent, perspective on the way that Universe works. I like it, but I thought Startide Rising as his 2nd novel was a better work than his first.

    Earth, for all its weird-weirdness, was a delight

    Yes, it was. I suspect that his new book Existence is similar in vein, which is why I look forward to reading it when I can oomph my way back into reading books at all.

    [/moving beyond simply naming book into critique]

  226. Portia, who will be okay. says

    lexie
    You’re right…the patriarchy personified is diabolical like that. I suppose the club sandwich was a middling choice, then, between the angus burger and the Caesar salad.

  227. rq says

    Portia
    Burger!Burger!Burger! What will you be having instead?
    I do agree, that they should have one for men… Isn’t that called a sexual harassment workshop? /snark&sarcasm
    (I know. Aggressive men = hooray!, aggressive women = *hemhem* lessons on etiquette needed! I’ll happily puke on that along with you.)

    lexie
    Is that true, about the foods? I’ve never been to an event like that.
    But it certainly sounds silly enough (they have workshops here on similar topics, but I’ve never had to attend one in a professional setting).
    Or it would be silly, if it wasn’t so ingrained and pernicious in society. :(
    *hugs*

    Ogvorbis
    *extrahugs*

  228. rq says

    dontpanic
    You are so right about Sundiver. For some reason I’ve always kept them somewhat separate in my head (I think because of the difference in location and focus). Because I would agree, Startide Rising would be my favourite Uplift novel… But now it turns out Sundiver is as well!
    I did not know about his new book; thank you for letting me know. The title alone, knowing Brin, is intriguing.

    Portia
    Club sandwiches can also be pretty tricky to eat (I always end up with lettuce all over the place…), but it’s smaller than a burger…

  229. lexie says

    Portia – I get suspicious of things like that as I have noticed that if I or my siblings have anyone over for dinner the food served normally contains peas because my dad wants to check if they spend forever putting them on the back of the fork or if they scoop them with the fork like a barbarian/person who actually wants to eat. Club sandwich seems like a reasonable choice.

  230. Portia, who will be okay. says

    rq
    hahahahah I love that bit about what a manners workshop for men is. That’s an excellent point :D

    you’ve made me smile at the exact moment I needed to.
    I’ve recently started trying to help my daffy asshole of a grandpa sell his house. I’ll call him L. His former attorney on the matter is the new states attorney in the area. Yes, for those keeping track, that would be the man who interviewed me for the new job yesterday. So today, I have to talk to him on the phone and apologize for my daffy old self-absorbed demanding crank, L, calling him for advice even though he’s not a client anymore and he doesn’t give all the facts and he’s….gaaaaaaaaah. I’m so frustrated right nwo because even though L has said he wants me to be his lawyer with this, he’s calling everybody and their brother (yes, brother, because he values men and their opinions, I’m jsut at stupid little girl) for advice and then teling me what they say and I should it the way they say and the buyer is trying to take advantage of him, and this is the other person’s fault and that’s the other guys fault and the real problem is NOT the architect’s fault, even though it IS, HE JUST WON’T LISTEN TO ME.

    Wow that was a long sentence. The lack of punctuation reflects my lack of patience with this shit anymore, so I apologize for how hard that was to read. But I’m leaving it, ha.

    It’s his 92nd birthday. So I’m not going to scold him today. But boy he is in for it tomorrow. : p

  231. Portia, who will be okay. says

    To answer the question that comes to my mind daily: I’m continuing to help with this for my mom’s sake, since she is his primary caretaker (along with her husband) and it makes it easier for her if I handle it. Unlike L, my mom is really grateful and understanding of my frustration.

  232. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    On a whim, I decided to buy store-brand Greek yogurt rather than the Well-Known Brand Greek yogurt.

    …I think I regret this choice. So even though it is 90¢ per 8-oz cup, I’m going to go back to paying $1.25.

  233. Ogvorbis says

    I’m not sure what coping is as it seems so distant to me (I suppose when I think of coping I want more time as a sane individual, less time as a blubbering mess and more confidence to be able to talk about stuff and stand up for myself) but your aim of trying to learn to cope is admirable and I really really hope that you get to a better place than the one you are in now.

    I tell you what. If I ever actually figure out how to cope with this, I’ll let you know (and vice versa). If I led you to think that I am actually coping, sorry. I still have a long way to go to achieve coping. Or managing. Or living with it.

    TRIGGER WARNING

    I triggered over on the Zen Buddhist thread when Kevin (not your fault, Kevin, do not apologize) said that he and others knew what was happening to the one the predator culled out of the herd and I had never thought about what those who weren’t picked thought — relief? jealosy? I have no idea. But it hit me from left field. So no, I really don’t think I am coping with this. More riding down the rapids in a canoe with no paddle just hoping to reach the calm water still in the boat.

  234. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    Thanks, Tapetum, lexie, Portia, and carlie

    That’s a really good idea, carlie, I’ll suggest that to him.

    Portia:

    Blegh. I was hoping there’d be more than that. Thanks for letting me know :). And props to you for putting up with your grandpa!

    *

    lexie:

    …I fit the stupid hysterical overemotional female stereotype to a t which I do feel a little guilty about perpetuating that stereotype as it lets down other women…

    There’s no need to feel guilty and you’re not fitting a stereotype. Grrrrr to those gender essentialists who push people into feeling that they’re damned if they do and damned if they don’t. I hate that you’re the one who ends up feeling guilty when you have not done a thing wrong. *safe hugs*

    *

    Safe hugs to Ogvorbis.

    *

    Apparently I’m about to be quite unladylike because it’s burgers tonight. With cheese. And bacon. And BBQ sauce. And onion.

  235. Ariaflame, BSc, BF, PhD says

    What I think of as comfort or go to books:
    Neverwhere is one, I enjoyed the BBC mini series and am looking forward to the radio serial based on it that is coming out soon (with Benedict Cumberbatch!)
    Nearly anything Terry Pratchett is another. Though I do recommend starting at Guards! Guards! or Mort. Or possibly Equal Rites. Or the Tiffany Aching books. I re-read those recently, and Dodger, and Nation, and Maurice and his Educated Rodents. I got the World of Poo for Xmas from my parents.
    Lois McMaster Bujold’s Vorkosigan series. Though I also liked the Chalion fantasy series, and the Sharing Knife. Well written characters. Enjoyable stories. It was not for nothing that some of them won Hugo and Nebula awards.
    Sharon Lee and Steve Miller’s Liaden Universe. Which I found via the Bujold mailing list when I had time for such things. Character driven space opera with interesting clashes of cultures, a dash of Heyer and definitely some cats. These are the books I will buy in eARC format because I can’t wait.
    Barbara Hambly – Not all of them, I didn’t like the Rainbow Abyss double at all, but the Silicon Mage series / world I liked a lot and I adore Bride of the Rat God.
    Freedom and Necessity by Emma Bull and Stephen Brust. Probably fits into alternate or hidden history, with a smattering of secret societies, politics, philosophy, Chartists and Engels. Epistolary novel which took me a little while to get into but once I did, oh yes. Written mostly by the 4 major characters writing to one another. And I am still hankering for an ebook version because my paperback is getting very battered indeed.
    Connie Willis – To Say Nothing of the Dog etc. Though there are some of hers that I find less comforting than others.
    I’ve tried Brin but he didn’t stick.

  236. says

    Something lexie said about having no one to talk to IRL about personal issues made me think about friends, and growing apart and moving away (you were just the catalyst for this train of thought, btw). I realized how tough it can be for people who have no support network and how doubly tough it must be for people who move to new places and no NO ONE. Then it hit me…apart from personal choices and Internet access, those who participate here can move anywhere on Earth, and always have US. Not meatspace, physically huggable peeps, but this space…thesr people…can be there as long as you desire.
    (Another part of this realization is that E, one of my roommies and extremely close friend started dating someone recently and they have hit it off wonderfully. While I am largely happy for him, there is a part of me that misses my best friend. I almost never see him. On a crappy day like Monday, I really wanted to talk to him in person…but he was unavailable. I also have this nagging feeling like E is trying to leave me behind-despite reassurances from him that this isnt the case-in part because I have not even met his BF. He has always introduced his BFs to me and a few other close friends. This time, no. I know he owes me nothing and is obliged to do only what he deems necessary. Intellectually I know that. Emotionally, I feel like I am losing my best friend. And it hurts.)

  237. says

    Esteleth, you’ve got to be careful. Certain things are OK to buy generic/store brand/bulk, and other things aren’t. Cheese and dairy are often hit and miss.

    I made the mistake of buying sauces at the local hippie store rather than at the chain grocery store. Just terrible tasting, nearly ruined dinner last night. “Gluten free” is code for “tastes fucking horrible, pour it down the sink!”

  238. thunk (r=1, -3sin(3θ), ±9/2sec(θ)) says

    hia everyone.

    sorry, og. You’re getting there. Even if it will take you a while. *hugs*

    And of course, everyone, be as ladylike or not as you wish. I won’t begrudge you anything.

  239. says

    “Gluten free” is code for “tastes fucking horrible, pour it down the sink!”

    My wife told me that the gluten free brownies one of her students brought in last night screamed “tough as bricks”. She offered me one, but then growled when I made a move for it … because, well, brownies. I was tempted to try one of crumbs I found this morning, but was afraid it might be noticed.

  240. says

    don’tpanic,

    I’m guessing that people can COOK gluten-free and come up with tasty things… although I’ve never been sure exactly why. I get the feeling that the whole gluten-free thing is more hype than health. Sort of like people who confuse “allergic to” with “I didn’t like it that one time when I was seven years old.”

  241. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    GARRRRRR *explode*

    Seen on Facebook: “What the hell India? So many sad cases of sexual assault ending in murder, and why exactly does it take so long to do something about this? I hope women are smart enough to arm themselves over there if their own government cannot protect them from the evil of men who think they can do whatever they please.” (emphasis mine)

    There is so fucking much wrong with this. I would say I would have expected better from this person, but this is not the first time she’s posted victim blaming shit. As if that’s not enough, she’s got to add in some racism.

  242. Ogvorbis says

    iJoe:

    Many people (my brother-in-law included) tend to conflate allergy with intolerance. If eating a certain food gives him an upset stomach, or the runs, he claims he has an allergy. Many, if not most, of us have an intolerance to gluten — it can be difficult to digest. I know that if I eat too much bread, pasta, or other glutinous high-protein wheat products, I will experience some indigestion but I know that does not man that I am allergic to gluten. I am also intolerant of raw cabbage and a few other foods. Doesn’t mean I can’t have it, just need to watch the amounts. But not digesting it smoothly does not mean one is allergic.

  243. rq says

    Improbable Joe
    The gluten-free thing becomes actual when you (or someone close to you) has celiac disease. Then it becomes a pretty obsessive thing.
    One of Eldest’s best friends has it, and the poor guy can’t eat anything regularly-store-bought, because it has all kinds of wheat extracts. No candy, no chips, nothing – it all has to be carefully selected, organic, bio, eco, gluten-free stuff. His mum is at her wits’ end in this country sometimes, because outside of (extremely expensive) specialty shops, it’s really really hard to cook anything besides rice and potatoes, and those get boring. When Eldest has his birthday parties, I try to make a cake that’s gluten-free so that he can have some (I make sure to check ingredients lists with his mum), but he usually refuses anyway because he’s used to it. It makes me so sad.
    And for other people, it is a health thing, even if it’s only a reason to think of other foods (like vegetables) instead of chowing down on yummy, easy pastries for the 982479823rd time.

    Parrowing
    You rebel, you. (Sounds delicious!)

    Ariaflame
    Thanks for the heads-up re: Neverwhere and Benedict Cumberbatch. I can’t see anything abd happening to that particular arrangement. ;) ♥

  244. Pteryxx says

    *offers moar hugs for Ogvorbis and Lexie*

    —-

    *TW for discussion of triggering*

    For what it’s worth, after several years of dealing with my own situation, I’ve gotten to where most of my triggering situations only result in a few hours of frozen hyperawareness, on average. Some triggers aren’t triggering at all anymore… I no longer react to cars that look like the one my abuser drove, for instance. It also helps to consciously monitor my own state, choose when to back away from topics like this one, and practice coping mechanisms like making relaxation techniques a habitual response when something hits me hard. I gather that PTSD doesn’t go away, but it can be more or less manageable, the same way that other chronic diseases can be manageable – but instead of monitoring one’s pain or diet or mobility, it requires monitoring one’s state of mind, self-talk, and focus.

    Our culture also fetishizes being tough and strong and unaffected, and conflates bravery with lack of fear. (There’s a big dose of manliness in there too.) However, where PTSD from horrible experiences is concerned, being all armored up and fearlessly charging onward often can be a manifestation of a response to trauma. Burying the experience and ignoring or trivialising it looks effective, and may help the person remain functional in the short term, but it comes at a cost.

    Y’all can see me doing it here, by my writing in blunt analytical terms instead of warmly empathizing and offering support, as I’m sure other folks will have done by the time I manage to post this. I care deeply about you, Ogvorbis, and Lexie and so many others here, but I can’t always take that approach and still remain functional enough to get a coherent message out. I still hope posting this mess might be helpful to you.

    (postscript for further consideration: I haven’t read the Zen thread at all, because I know I’m already pushing my limits. Would that be wisdom, or cowardice? If I dived into it now to be a warrior against rape culture, would that be brave, or foolish? I hope this helps point out just how problematic the concept of ‘bravery’ can be.)

  245. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    Crudely Wrott:

    By the way, for those of you who helped me through the loss of my mother a couple of years ago, Saturday will be Helen’s 87th anniversary of birth. She lives in the hearts and memories of her children and their children.

    ♥ I am very grateful that you shared Helen with us. And *hugs*

    glodson:

    I haven’t played D&D with people in years.

    If you live in northern Virginia or other nearby states, I happily invite you to join us. I am currently involved in four different campaigns (two as DM, two as a player). Which campaign is active depends largely on who is in the country and available.

    carlie – I really, really hope you feel better soon. *hugs*

    Portia – Good luck dealing with your grandpa. *hugs*

    Ogvorbis – *hugs and chocolate*

    Tony – *hugs*

  246. glodson says

    About the gluten thing: there’s good reasons for some people to be gluten free. But some people are in it more for bad reasons. Like weight loss or even to treat autism. I am not lying about the last one.

    Of course, like stated by rq, there’s really good reasons for some people be on this diet. And maybe by paying attention more to their diet, some weight loss can be had (but that is likely more a function of being aware of what they are eating and more careful about how they eat than the diet itself). But I think there’s lots of bullshit out there, I know that Oprah went gluten free for a month once as a part of a “cleansing” diet.

  247. says

    Tony
    Sorry for your personal troubles, I hope that things with E come together again son. Regarding recreational reading and Pratchett, many of the novels are only about 200 pages, s-3 short stories worth.
     
    I would also second the recommendation that people start at Equal Rites, Mort, or Guards, Guards. The first two contain a whole lot of jokes that rely on the reader being familiar with the works of Fritz Leiber, Michael Moorcock, Robert Howard, and other old-school sword and sorcery. IME, if those aren’t someone’s cup of tea, they don’t like the first couple of Discworld books at all, even if they really enjoy the rest of the series.
    Ogvorbis
    *hugs*

    Doesn’t mean I can’t have it, just need to watch the amounts. But not digesting it smoothly does not mean one is allergic.

    Although a sufficiently severe intolerance is a good reason to avoid it entirely, even if it’s not an allergy per se.
    Lexie
    safe *hugs*; as others have said, there’s no shame in being triggered.
    Portia
    Sympathies for the situation with your grandfather. Also second the gagging at the title of the luncheon.

  248. Pteryxx says

    rq: re gluten-free, try Asian groceries? Almost all dry rice noodles, rice paper wrappings (for egg rolls and wontons) and such are already gluten-free, and much MUCH cheaper than the fancy gluten-free versions of wheat-based Western foods. Just watch out for soy sauce as it’s often made from wheat flour. Soy-only soy sauce is easy to find though.

  249. glodson says

    Hekuni Cat

    Ahh, thanks! But I live in the state I like to call Fucking Texas. Rick Perry is all the reason I need to call this state that.

    Seriously, that was cool that you did extend the invitation.

  250. rq says

    glodson
    I hadn’t heard the gluten-autism connection… Scary stuff!
    And you’re right, cutting out gluten for a lot of people isn’t so much the lack of gluten but the attention to diet in general (this is why going gluten-free worked for my sister, at any rate…).

  251. says

    You know…

    I was just thinking about allergies and health stuff, and how much of that is wrapped in privilege. When you’ve always been poor (like me!) “allergies” usually means “anaphylaxis” and everything else you sort of ignore/deal. The idea of managing your health beyond fixing catastrophic damage is foreign to me, so the sort of micromanaging that I see people doing with “gluten-free” and antioxidants, and “nutrition” all seems… well, you might as well be talking about the care and feeding of unicorns, from my perspective. Boxes of mac and cheese were 8 for $1, and you could get a big mess of hearts and gizzards for a couple of quarters per pound. Sack of apples or oranges, frozen/canned vegetables, and you don’t worry too much about the flavor or nutrition, you’re just hungry and need to eat something.

    I mean, celiac disease is a real thing and a real nightmare for the people who have it. rq I’m totally not dismissing it AT ALL. In fact, my irritation about the gluten-free fad is actually sort of in defense of people with real issues, and how those real issues get co-opted by people who are just whiny and spoiled and a little too self-involved for their own good. I’m talking about folks who conflate occasional mild heartburn or the rare case of the shits with food allergies. I’ve been rushed to the emergency room with a bad anaphylactic reaction before, and I know other people suffer from vomiting, explosive diarrhea, and agonizing stomach cramps when they eat certain foods, so when people say “food allergy” when they mean “my farts were extra stinky” I get a little bit irritated. I’ll bet you do too.

  252. Ogvorbis says

    Like weight loss

    Wife and I aren’t watching out gluten, but we are watching our carbs like a hawk. And I’m down about 20 pounds since the beginning of the year. About 80 more to go.

    Although a sufficiently severe intolerance is a good reason to avoid it entirely, even if it’s not an allergy per se.

    Never said otherwise.

  253. rq says

    Pteryxx
    No such thing as an Asian grocery in this country. :( Large-chain grocery stores seem to be opening up health-food sections, though, including more international options, so things are looking up. But it’s still a matter of all this stuff being about 3x as expensive as ‘regular’ food.

  254. Ogvorbis says

    rq:

    You might (and this depends a lot on import/export laws) be able find some of the products on line?

  255. Beatrice says

    A drop-in comment:

    I just looked through 5 different stores and none of them had riccotta. This cheese forsaken country doesn’t have cheddar (?!), and riccotta is becoming hard to find now too.

    /firstworldproblems

  256. says

    Parrowing
    Your brother should not take that job. Whatever they might (and that’s a big might) promise about not putting him on register, they will do so, probably when the store’s at its busiest, which is the worst time for him to be there. If he hasn’t got a diagnosis from a medical professional, there are absolutely zero protections, and even if he has, the protections are much more limited for mental health issues. He will not be able to cope, and if your parents are going to give him shit about that fact, he’s much better off starting somewhere more low-key.

  257. glodson says

    rq

    This was the first I heard of it as well. I knew there were good reasons for adopting the diet, but I also had this nagging feeling that many adopt a gluten free diet for bad reasons. I don’t know the rates for the problems which make having such a diet necessary, but I knew that I encountered way too many as a waiter, unless the problem was of pandemic proportions.

    So I did some quick reading, and found that. It should go without saying that studies debunked that.

  258. Beatrice says

    Hm, my comment almost strangely fits into the conversation, at least the “some perfectly regular products are hard to find here” part.

  259. glodson says

    Beatrice

    I’ve had that problem a few times. One time, we went to several different stores trying to find ladyfingers while in El Paso. And for some reason, I cannot find alfalfa sprouts.

  260. Crudely Wrott says

    Some days are almost worth simply sleeping through. Today, for instance.

    Went to sleep at a little before four AM. Woke up a quarter to twelve. Got on the phone to try and call a doctor who was suggested by the local hospital’s web page; phone service suspended for non payment.

    Used house phone to call said doctor only to find out he’s not a doctor. Only a lab technician. He suggested a local clinic. Called them. Got a voice menu. They close at noon today. Looked at clock. Ten after.

    Called hospital. Explained my condition. Again. Was told I would need to have my doctor give me a referral. What? I need a doctor to be seen by another doctor? Like credit?

    Then my internet connection failed. Called office to reassure manager that I should be able to pay a weeks worth of rent tomorrow (all hail Esteleth) and ask him to reset his server. So I can type this rant.

    Sorry to be so sour. I just seem to be a small knot of misery floating in an empty universe. I think I’ll go get some kind of comfort food a little later this afternoon. Sometimes little things mean a lot.

  261. carlie says

    Thank you, Hekuni Cat and others! I had to come to work today for a couple of meetings (I’m between meetings now). I started to spike another fever, so I’m sitting at my desk in a t-shirt and with a fan on (It’s 15F outside), and a coworker just gave me some cold medicine so that should kick in shortly. I should have thought about super-disinfectant mode at home days ago to try to keep Child 1 healthy until his play in two weeks, but starting today will hopefully at least keep the load down to levels his immune system can manage. I went out and bought all the antibacterial products we normally eschew.

    On gluten-free: I was at a science fair recently where two kids did a taste test with gluten-free foods because one of them had been diagnosed with celiac and the other was his best friend and ate over at his house a lot. There was only a slight preference in their sample for gluten-containing cake mix, and a preference for the gluten-free pretzels (which makes sense, since gluten provides for fluffiness and that wouldn’t matter for dense foods).

  262. Beatrice says

    Dalillama,

    No, but I’ll give some second-hand advice anyway.
    If you lie, don’t overdo it. Only embellish as much as you know you can get ahead of the boss, so that they don’t realize you are figuring it out as you go.

    Um, yeah, don’t listen to me. I work nearly for free because there’s nothing else. And I think my resume sucks.

    —–
    Oh, I remember now. Rev. mentioned audit today. We’ve got one here too. I started working two months ago. I’m the one who has to deal with the documents and most of what the auditors want…. wtf? I don’t even understand half of the requests.

  263. Crudely Wrott says

    Wow. Laura Bush goes on record in favor of same sex marriage. Then does a back flip when a public message shows her speaking her mind. Demands that footage be removed. On MSNBC right now.

  264. says

    And for some reason, I cannot find alfalfa sprouts

    I found that lots of places stopped carrying them or cut back after a series of semi-regular food recalls on them in the last few years.

    Crudely, best wishes.

  265. Crudely Wrott says

    Dalillama, thank you. That’s the first kindness I’ve had today. With luck and pluck it won’t be the last. One hopes.

  266. says

    Good evening
    So, for about 10 hours I had two healthy kids. Now the little one is down with a temperature.*sigh*
    But today #1 voiced a first “what I want to become when I grow up wish”: a rabbit scientist
    *squeeeee*

    Assorted hugs for Ogvorbis, Crudely, Portia and everybody else

    re: gluten-free
    Many people who don’t know fuck buy gluten free stuff around here because they somehow believe it’s healthier (search me). Blessing for thoe who actually suffer from celiac disease because it means the market becomes bigger.

    And talking about health, my magical uterus tells me I should schedule my next blood test a bit earlier. But i won’t complain since I can just phone them and make the appointment and not worry where to take the money from three weeks early.

    But I’m going to complain about having to hang up the laundry and it’s freeeeezing

  267. glodson says

    dontpanic

    Wow, thanks. I’ve been wondering about it. We just don’t usually need them, so I forget about it until the next time I don’t find them.

  268. Crudely Wrott says

    @Imagines a Beach,

    Just read your email. Wow. Lots of info. Will start calling numbers in a minute or two.

    Thank you so very much for taking the time to assemble all that information for me.

    You, and so many others here are just so sweet and wonderful. I feel like I’ve stepped into another world.

  269. says

    Giliell:

    Many people who don’t know fuck buy gluten free stuff around here because they somehow believe it’s healthier (search me). Blessing for those who actually suffer from celiac disease because it means the market becomes bigger.

    That’s an angle I hadn’t considered, sounds like a good thing overall even if it is just a fad.

  270. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    Yeah, you’re right, Dalillama. I know from experience that they have no problem lying. Thanks for putting it that way and to the others who recommended he do something else, because I feel better now about trying to talk him into going in another direction.

    *

    Sorry to hear about your day so far, Crudely. Hopefully these coming calls will turn out better. *hugs*

  271. Pteryxx says

    Crudely: are you willing to tolerate dial-up to have constant internet access? If so, I recommend toast dot net, which I keep an account with as a backup – they have phone numbers for local access all over the US, even in rural backwoods areas. That way it’s useable for free from any random hotel room with a phone jack, whether or not the hotel has expensive or unuseable wireless service or none at all – you just need to call or check the Toast site to get the closest local (not long-distance) access number. Also they have real people answering phones and I’ve had nothing but excellent customer service from them, even with no credit card and the cheapest 10-bucks-a-month service plan. I’d recommend them to anyone whose living situation is uncertain… sure it’s dial-up, but IMHO it can be worth it to have internet, email, and Horde access guaranteed no matter where I end up on any given night.

  272. says

    If we’re recommending fantasy or Scifi authors, I’d like to add Greg Bear (though his novels do have some issues with women).

    I’d also recommend Joan Vinge (especially her interstellar police novels), Angela Carter (but prepare for serious weirdness and surreality with her), Kage Baker, Jim Butcher, Mary Gentle (she’s hard to get into, but fascinating when you do), Caitlin Kiernan (she’s hit or miss, but when she’s on, she’s REALLY on), Andre Norton, and Walter Jon Williams (some issues, but one of the original cyberpunk authors, also some issues with women in his work).

  273. Cannabinaceae says

    Some excerpts from an abstract of a paper nailing the (in)famous ENCODE paper:

    “Thus, according to the ENCODE Consortium, a biological function can be maintained indefinitely without selection, which implies that at least 80 – 10 = 70% of the genome is perfectly invulnerable to deleterious mutations…”

    “…absurd conclusion…”

    “…failing to appreciate the crucial difference between “junk DNA” and “garbage DNA,”…”

    and, finally:

    “…The ENCODE results were predicted by one of its authors to necessitate the rewriting of textbooks. We agree, many textbooks dealing with marketing, mass-media hype, and public relations may well have to be rewritten.”

  274. Crudely Wrott says

    OK. Just left an email at another local clinic. Was a sincere, if laconic, appeal. The boilerplate say that I should get a reply “soon”. I’ll wait.

  275. Crudely Wrott says

    @ Pteryxx,
    Hey, thanks! That’s a really good back up. I’ve made note of it.

    Now all I need is a wire long enough to reach from the PC to the phone jack. Hmmm. Looks like about twenty five feet or so . . . need to scrounge around in my storage unit.

    Really. Thanks.

  276. says

    Nice handle Thanks. Just imagine it in “large, friendly letters” when you read it.

    Yes, for those w/ celiac disease having a bigger market is good and I don’t begrudge them that. I could do without the (generally) woo-woo tie-in w/ autism though (bad science, bad for those who want real progress on that front). Apparently there are those who do suffer spectrum-like symptoms due to intolerance/allergy to gluten, but for a while lots of high profile people were selling it as a sweeping “cure” (when in fact it only ‘cured’ some small percentage, i.e. those wrongly classified). Grrrrr…

  277. says

    T has Celiac’s Disease. She found out in her 20s after years and years of eating various food and having massive indigestion, cramps, and allergic reactions (such as red blotches on her arms and face). Her father went for a checkup and (IIRC) learned he had the disease and after speaking to him, she decided to get looked at. After learning she had the disease she is much more informed about what she can and cannot eat. She usually buys gluten free everything and some stuff tastes pretty goid, such as pasta and cornbread.

  278. says

    So, today’s episode in the absurd world of gendering
    So, today there were long-sleeved shirts on sale and since #1 grew out of her old ones I got her some new ones. Now, those offers are gone pretty quickly and since I only made it to the store at 20 past nine not all sizes were still avaible. I would have preferred getting her all the stuff in 128 (which is supposed to be your child’s height in cm), but got most stuff only in 116. Now there are sets for boys and for girls, because sets for kids are just too much to ask for, and I got a “girl” one in yellow/turquoise, a “girl” one in pink/pink&white and because she asked for a green shirt the “boy” one in green/white. Those are all size 116. And I got a “girl” one in blue/white in 128. The “boy” shirts in 116 are the same size as the “girl” ones in 128.
    WTF? A boy and a girl who are 128 cm tall are the exact same height. Their leg/torso ratio at that age isn’t remarkably different either. Why confuse innocent parents to death by printing sizes on a package and then doing what you want anyway?

  279. carlie says

    Wow, we’re so post-racist these days, aren’t we?

    Top GOP Senator: Native American Juries Are Incapable Of Trying White People Fairly

    So you get non-Indians, let me say to make it easy, you get non-Indians going into a reservation and violating a woman. They need to be prosecuted. They aren’t prosecuted. So the idea behind [VAWA] is we’ll try them in tribal court. But under the laws of our land, you got to have a jury that is a reflection of society as a whole, and on an Indian reservation, it’s going to be made up of Indians, right? So the non-Indian doesn’t get a fair trial.

  280. Ogvorbis says

    Why confuse innocent parents to death by printing sizes on a package and then doing what you want anyway?

    We ran into this when our kids were young. If I remember right, once the kids were past toddler, sizes began to diverge. Boy sizes became larger numbers for the same size, girl sizes became smaller numbers for the same size. I guess girls are supposed to be petite, skinny, shorter, thinner, Barbie Dolls, while boys are supposed to be taller, stronger, huskier, GI Joe Dolls. I suspect this has to do with the idea that a female can never be too thin or too petite. Yes, even for pre-schoolers, grade schoolers and pre-teens.

  281. Crudely Wrott says

    @ dontpanic who wrote:

    Nice handle Thanks. Just imagine it in “large, friendly letters” when you read it.

    [subvocal]
    heh heh heh heh ha ha ha . . . aaaaahhhh
    [/subvocal]

    Yes, the little delights in life are most sweet and uplifting.
    (and there is no place quite like this place anywhere near this place so-ooo . . . this must be the place!)

  282. Crudely Wrott says

    Hey Joe,

    Yeah, I followed your trials and tribulations last year. You’ve come a long way, man. There are several things about you that I admire. Traits that I’m glad exist in the gene pool. I’ll not embarrass you by enumerating.

    Keep posting. You are valued by many. That’s what keeps this place alive. We value and love one another.

    Damn! It’s never ending amazement. I am constantly astounded and rewarded. Why, just yesterday my heart grew three sizes!

  283. says

    Ogvorbis
    Yes, but aren’t American child sizes meassured in age?
    But on the other hand that’s stupid as well since clearly there’s a broad range of heights for children of the same age.
    Or it’s meant to shame girls already for being “too big” early…

  284. Ogvorbis says

    Yes, but aren’t American child sizes meassured in age?

    Sort of. Maybe. No. Yes? Perhaps? Lime green? Chaps?

    Or it’s meant to shame girls already for being “too big” early…

    That sounds right.

  285. says

    aren’t American child sizes meassured in age?

    What Ogvorbis said. Lime green seems a good answer. Spawn’s shoe size (once he broke into adult sizes, which was pretty early) did pretty much track his age, though hopefully it’s tapering off. He’s 15 and I think he can make do with a 14 shoe. For reference, for average American males its 10.5 and once you go over 12 you’re talking special order or specialty stores.

  286. rq says

    Crudely
    I hope your day improves!
    And for the record, I’m going to try to help out, but my mail is notoriously late (just as Esteleth :P) and also, what with the new house, we’re making double payments this month (wrapping things up at the apartment), so I don’t know how much I’ll have on hand, plus the inevitable clean-up/renos to have things in order.
    I’ll do a lot of thumb-holding for you, though. I hope that helps (I know it’s not much)!

    Parrowing
    Good luck talking your brother into something more suited to him! I hope he finds something that lets him ease into more public life, that will also improve his general feelings towards the world and life in general. *hugs*

    +++

    I feel extraordinarily exhausted today and I’m not sure why, but I think the fact that the boys still aren’t healthy isn’t helping. Especially since Youngest has been 2+ weeks on/off the fever. Yesterday was fine, today again a bit down. I guess tomorrow is doctor-day after all! *sigh*
    And the weather’s been so nice, too.

    Good night, Horde! You rock. You rock my world. ♥

  287. says

    Tony
    Do you notice any difference in sound?

    don’tpanic
    Hehe, when my cousin’s son was born I said he didn’t need to buy a baby bed. He could just use one of his old shoes.
    Sizes are all weird and stuff. So, children’s stuff is meassured in cm and supposed to be the same width, because apparently children don’t come in differnt weight-classes (I’m always grateful for adjustable waist trousers). And then when you’re grown apparently everybody has the same height but a different size. Only that they never match so that I might actually have something that fits and is a size smaller than something else that doesn’t. Except for jeans, which are meassured in inches except when they’re not.
    Shoes have at least the same system from child- to adulthood….

  288. Crudely Wrott says

    Tony:
    Midasize it.

    RQ:
    You are too nice for me to describe.

    Oggie:
    Time is your friend. We are also your friends.
    Most of us have things in our past that we hide. I have my ghosts, that’s for sure. You did not act on your own volition. Had you been left alone you would not have done the things that you did. You did them because large and threatening authority figures demanded it. Please, dear firefighter, douse this blaze in your heart. I can offer only water. May it help quench the flames. May you heal.

  289. David Marjanović says

    *hugs for Crudely Wrott and carlie and lexie and Crudely Wrott and Jafafa Hots and vaiyt and Crudely Wrott*

    Is it too late if I send money for Crudely Wrott on Saturday? (I have PayPal now, so the money shouldn’t take several more days to arrive.)

    I agree with everyone here. You are *beyond* magnificent.
    I also agree with getting certified to give CPR. I learned it 16 years ago in high school and have forgotten everything. I need to re-learn that.
    I am glad you were there for Mr. Magnificent. I am also glad that he received great care and that you were pleased with the responders.

    All seconded.

    I’m contemplating applying for this; 1-2 articles should be doable, but I’m currently blanking on ideas that aren’t super-generic ones. should I try anyway, and hope something more unique pop into my head?

    What cicely said.

    Because that means you don’t need to find out the hard way which is more likely: that you’ll come up with something more unique in time, or that you’ll make stress for yourself and fear the deadline? (That’s not a rhetorical question, however. I don’t know you that well.)

    What gets me about that scene is that I cannot for the life of me imagine a practical way that humans will not go there.

    Easy: if Peak Oil comes before we reach 9 billion. Actually, that’s not unlikely.

    If anyone is in contact with Algernon, say hi.
    She hasn’t been around in a long time.

    Say hi from me, too?

    Metoometoometoooooo!!!

    A Marjanović!
    *pouncehug* & *chocolate*

    ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

    I am in fact nomming chocolate right now. ^_^

    “Jor Jor, please forgive warranted interruption. You are human capable of iahklu as previously noted. This troubles self… We also have been variously disturbed. Concepts cross in mist. Perception is difficult. Volcanoes emit fire. Help is offered : refusably. Snakebite serum is not prescribed for all. Before following directions leading in wrong directions, auxiliary forces may be summoned, in immediately following fashion: Er’ perrehnne !…If desired. Speech is silver. Silence is gold. Self is universe. Please forgive interruption, crossing in mist.”

    *geeking out* Wouldn’t it be fucking awesome if the universal translator of Star Trek produced this kind of result.

    Usually they reveal the rampaging hordes they imagine to be, unsurprisingly, “other” in some chromatic way.

    When I got to the end of this, I laughed. It’s funny because it’s true!

    You are not a shitty person. It sounds like the person you were supposed to hang out with was quite inconsiderate. IME, sometimes there is a valid ‘shit happened becuz life’ and hopefully that is the case here. Otherwise it is callous. But no matter the reason, that does not reflect on you as a person.

    Seconded.

    Partner has yet to learn that not all thoughts need to be voiced.

    This has nothing to do with specific thoughts, but more the constant “thinking out loud”.

    I guess the positive side is that you get to know him really well that way.

    WOMEN’S BAR COMMITTEE LUNCHEON
    BUSINESS ETIQUETTE
    MIND YOUR MANNERS SCHOOL OF ETIQUETTE AND CHARM:

    Gah. WTF?

    *TW*

    About 15 months ago, when the Penn State child sexual abuse scandal was first hitting the fan, one of my co-workers asked, aloud, “How can those boys who were raped even live with themselves? They’d be better off just killing themselves than living with that.”

    I’d probably have turned violent. Right there on the spot. Like… walking up to them, kicking them in the guts, and then walking back to my chair.

    Did that with, I think, my last bully. Worked pretty well.

    I have never thought about eating hamburgers as a gendered activity. Scuse me while I go lick the patriarchy.

    Subthread won.

    There is so fucking much wrong with this. I would say I would have expected better from this person, but this is not the first time she’s posted victim blaming shit. As if that’s not enough, she’s got to add in some racism.

    The first that came to my mind was the classism: how many people in India can afford anything as stupid as a gun?

    ♥ I am very grateful that you shared Helen with us. And *hugs*

    Seconded!

    Wow. Laura Bush goes on record in favor of same sex marriage. Then does a back flip when a public message shows her speaking her mind. Demands that footage be removed. On MSNBC right now.

    *pretends being able to raise right eyebrow*
    Fascinating.

    But today #1 voiced a first “what I want to become when I grow up wish”: a rabbit scientist
    *squeeeee*

    ^_^ The origin of rabbits just got a little more mysterious a few weeks ago! Coincidence? I think not! :-)

    If we’re recommending fantasy or Scifi authors, I’d like to add Greg Bear (though his novels do have some issues with women)

    and science.

    “Thus, according to the ENCODE Consortium, a biological function can be maintained indefinitely without selection, which implies that at least 80 – 10 = 70% of the genome is perfectly invulnerable to deleterious mutations…”

    “…absurd conclusion…”

    “…failing to appreciate the crucial difference between “junk DNA” and “garbage DNA,”…”

    and, finally:

    “…The ENCODE results were predicted by one of its authors to necessitate the rewriting of textbooks. We agree, many textbooks dealing with marketing, mass-media hype, and public relations may well have to be rewritten.”

    Awesome. I’ll immediately download the paper (and read it, presumably, at some point *sigh*.)

    …But what’s the difference between junk DNA and garbage DNA???

    *opens link*

    Ha! Dan Graur of “reading the entrails of chickens” fame! =8-) Google for it if you don’t know it. Yes, everyone.

    *reds introduction*

    Hey! It quotes half of the onion test! :-)

    WTF? A boy and a girl who are 128 cm tall are the exact same height. Their leg/torso ratio at that age isn’t remarkably different either. Why confuse innocent parents to death by printing sizes on a package and then doing what you want anyway?

    Shoe sizes are similarly random even within one gender. Mine ranges from 42 to 45.

  290. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    IJoe:

    I get the feeling that the whole gluten-free thing is more hype than health.

    I am on a gluten-free diet from medical necessity. While some gluten-free foods can be taste deficient, I have found a surprising number of things that are very good, and more items become available everyday, especially because I am able to do my shopping at Wegmans.

    Crudely Wrott – *hugs*

  291. Crudely Wrott says

    David, you are amazing. You are also delightful. I cannot help but thinking about our paths crossing someday.

    I’d probably have turned violent. Right there on the spot. Like… walking up to them, kicking them in the guts, and then walking back to my chair.

    Did that with, I think, my last bully. Worked pretty well.

    Yeah. I did that once. Took four years to accomplish but once done there was no more bully.

    ♥ I am very grateful that you shared Helen with us. And *hugs*

    Seconded!

    She lives by virtue of her offspring’s memories and your kindness.

    So glad to know you, friend. So glad.

  292. says

    Ah yes, Jafafa Hots,
    Sympathies for your shitty day, and also a) the other party was a jerk for not contacting you, and b) yeah, it sucks intensely trying ot have a social life iwith a condition like that. L has (for different reasons) as similar problem with knowing in advance whether he’ll actually be able to leave, and people are often assholes about it, but the thing is that ,they’re the assholes, not you.
     
    I’m trying to get myself together to go out to the library, but since I changed my books on hold to the branch near work to save effort, every time I get ready my brain decides I’m going to work, and then remembers why i”m not, and then gets very depressed.

  293. David Marjanović says

    Oh, look, it’s link-dump time.

    All the trigger warnings about rape in Somalia; petition to do something about it after the fact.

    “In a city ravaged by gun violence, a special election for Congress has turned into a national referendum on gun safety as two candidates go head-to-head – one with an A rating from the NRA, the other with an F rating.

    Welcome to IL-02.

    Robin Kelly has an F rating from the NRA and she’s wearing it as a badge of honor. Her main opponent, conservative former Rep Debbie Halvorson, has an A rating from the NRA.

    Robin has an opportunity to pull off a huge upset victory in next week’s primary, but she needs the resources to kick her Get Out The Vote operation into high gear.”

    Donations sought. Not being a US citizen or resident, I don’t dare donating to political campaigns… :-/

    And then when you’re grown apparently everybody has the same height but a different size.

    Oh no. There are different lengths, and different widths – and the combination I need (the shortest of the long-and-thin sizes, called 90) is exceedingly rare. Also, you’re supposed to wear the belt so it constricts some iliofemoral muscle that I, like, actually need for walking, or on the edge of the hipbone so it fucking hurts; suddenly, a thick fat layer is assumed to be the default in a culture that’s otherwise obsessed with being slim. ~:-| Good that I’m autistic enough that I don’t really mind looking 30 years out of fashion.

    http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/02/21/17045722-woman-shot-by-oven-while-trying-to-cook-waffles?lite

    They stored what in an oven!?!?!

  294. David Marjanović says

    David, you are amazing. You are also delightful. I cannot help but thinking about our paths crossing someday.

    Don’t overdo the compliments, I haven’t actually done anything yet other than dished out a few Internet hugs. But, yes, I want to meet you in meatspace. ♥

    Yeah. I did that once. Took four years to accomplish but once done there was no more bully.

    “Teach a man to solve his problems with violence…” :-)

    (I’ll look for the original, but that may take a while).

    ======================================

    Tomorrow: the opera!

    Right when I get home: I’ll submit a paper to Historical Biology! I shall publish rather than perish! <sing>yIjaH Qey’ ‘oH, yIjaH Qey’ ‘oH, yIjaH Qey’ ‘o-oH!</sing>

  295. David Marjanović says

    Stupid autoformatted apostrophes. I should have gone the whole way and used a ʻokina to make it look less stupid:

    yIjaH Qeyʻ ʻoH, yIjaH Qeyʻ ʻoH, yIjaH Qeyʻ ʻo-oH!

    So. Maybe my honor is restored without anyone needing to cut my heart out and wash it in the river.

    *reds introduction*

    …um. Yeah, maybe it’s not.

  296. says

    Speech is silver. Silence is gold.

    Sometimes when the spawn is rambling on (which he has a tendency to do, ASD that he is) we remind him:

    Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver

    Luckily he generally has a good sense of humor.

    Just as well that I didn’t take one of the brownies last night. One of the project leaders gave me brownies this afternoon (and promisedthreatened me w/ more each day forward) as incentive to work more/faster/harder on the task she (and upper management) want done now. Ooops, and here am doing other things … it’s just that I’ve looked at the existing code (that I didn’t write) and my mind recoils in horror. Bad brain, bad brain, focus!

  297. Crudely Wrott says

    David wrote:

    Teach a man to solve his problems with violence…” :-)

    I met force with force. You admitted that you did too. It does not always work and it is not a recommended course of action but . . . in high school . . . after being bumped and bullied and teased all through elementary school and then finally finding one’s own self full of power?

    I met force with force and the result was a null set, neutrality. Unless you account for the fact that one was diminished (the bully) and one was elevated (me). I consider that a success. Appears you did, too.

    Wink and a nod to you.

  298. cicely says

    Icy-roads stay-at-home day! Now with more sleep!!!

    Neverwhere was very enjoyable; I keep meaning to read Stardust to check out the differences with the movie (which I liked very much).
     
    I also recommend Pratchett and Gaiman’s Good Omens.

    Additional *hugs* for lexie. Essay away!
     
    It’s easy for “the world” to “just get over” something they never experienced—by and large, they have no clue; their hand was never in that fire, and they don’t know how it burns. And they lack the imagination(?) to put themselves in your shoes. (To relentlessly mix a coupla metaphors.)

    Not all douchebag entrails are eaten. Some are hung around the walls of the [Thunderdome] as a warning to others.
     
    It adds to the ambiance.
    :D

    *moar hugs* for Ogvorbis.

    2. catch you out when you actually try and eat your food as there are certain foods which it is very difficult to eat in a ladylike manner.

    Flashback to my senior prom…with fried chicken for the entree. There was also a something-else in a strawberry glaze, but I don’t remember that nearly as well as I do my reaction to the plates coming out with that fried chicken.

    rq: Men are not “aggressive”. They are “go-getters”. Remember that.
    -

  299. Crudely Wrott says

    The TeeVee News is burbling on in the background. This phrase stood out:

    . . . the FBI’s Office of Official Responsibility . . .

    WTF! They need a dedicated office for that . . .!?

    Something is seriously wrong here.

  300. Crudely Wrott says

    . . . switches over to the channel that has three (count ‘em THREE) consecutive episodes of M*A*S*H.

    Ahhh. I can finally relax a little bit. I am among friends.

  301. opposablethumbs says

    Crudely, I am crossing all my tentacles for you. I know it has no practical effect – I only wish it did – but there’s yet another someone across the pond thinking of you. Thinking about you and JAL and Dalillama … and about Ogvorbis and broboxley. The Horde is indeed unusually brilliant; long may it stay that way.
    .
    Giliell, we go one better – we have kids’ sizes in height like you do (but of course we confuse ourselves by having both centimetres and inches (picked seemingly at random) for everything) followed by having arbitrary sizes for women (different from US sizes of course) and inches (or, of course, centimetres) for men, and we also have a random selection of continental European shoe sizes OR occasionally US sizes BUT mainly UK shoe sizes which go from 1 to (iirc) 13 for kids followed by an abrupt re-set to a range of 4 upwards for adults. So “size 8″ could equally well be a small child or an average man (well, yes, you’d notice the difference if you actually had the shoe in your hand – but if you just see it written down …). And of course no two manufacturers actually interpret any of these systems quite alike. Eh, why bother with sizes, just go by eye or try it all on (and spend more time, which I hate. Drives me nuts.) Mind you, when it comes from Oxfam or Shelter or the Cancer Research shops the size label has probably worn off already so it doesn’t matter!

  302. Portia, who will be okay. says

    carlie
    good luck with the disinfectin g : ) hope you feel better.

    Giliell
    hooray for sciencey aspirations :D

    Crudely
    ohmygoodnessImsosorry : ( That’s so rough.

    Parrowing
    I’m glad that the Horde helped. Sorry I wasn’t more help with the legal end of things.

    dontpanic

    Nice handle Thanks. Just imagine it in “large, friendly letters” when you read it.

    When I was studying for the bar, and trying to exercise the other parts of my brain, I did a little painting to hang on the wall with those large, friendly letters. It was good reminder. Still is : )

    Jafafa Hots
    You have a rude friend, you are not the problem. I’m sorry : ( *hugs*

    Crudely
    It might be like internal affairs? Or perhaps the office that advises them on their ethical responsibilities? Not sure. I know other federal (and other) agencies have professional responsbility offices that advise on ethical issues.

    I hope you can get the care you need. Lotsa hugs.

    `-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

    The luncheon was as vomit-inducing as expected. Nearly everything the woman said made think one of two things: “Duh.” or “You can fuck right off, and your table setting, too!” But then towards the end she said something eminently sensible along the lines of: “I try not to take myself too seriously with all this. The most important element of manners is accepting someone and being gracious. Business etiquette is simply signals to give to other people.”

    `-`-`-`-`-`-`

    Last night at the first meeting of the Planning and Zoning Commission that had me as a member I was a little unladlylike. I corrected an old white dude. He needed to be corrected though, because he interrupted me with “We have plans for that area you’re not informed about.” I said, “Oh, you mean X and Y and Z?” He said, “Oh, I guess you do know.” And he shut right up and let me finish : D It was pretty satisfying.

    -`-`-`-`-`-`-

    Today has been a helluva day. I was served with a motion that will be heard on Monday and it made me momentarily panicky. At the very least, it complicates my plans to visit my family this weekend. : /

    I’m sure I’ve missed some things I wanted to comment on, but consider yourselves all as *hugged* as you wish. : )

  303. Crudely Wrott says

    Opposablethumbs wrote:

    Crudely, I am crossing all my tentacles for you.

    Thanks, parder. Just make sure they don’t get tied in knots. Knots can be very hard to tease out. You need a free tentacle. Take it from me, I’ve done that. ;^>

  304. cicely says

    What is the difference between Greek yogurt and the kind that used to be all you saw in supermarkets?

    Connie Willis – To Say Nothing of the Dog etc. Though there are some of hers that I find less comforting than others.

    To Say Nothing of the Dog is another of my favorites. The Domesday Book would be “less comforting”, IMO.

    *hugs* for Tony.

    Imaginary World Problems: The PC’s have finessed their way into a stupidly-large amount of money—41,645,475 old-style gold pieces (where 1 gp = 20 sp = 200 cp) each. Yes, I did say each. The other players are balking at paying the 20% tax, which when paid, would leave us each with only 33,316,380 gp—also, in my opinion (as a player, mind you!), a stupidly-large amount of money. And so, we will be doing the Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, scored for 8 PCs and over 4000 magic-using tax collectors. I am aghast. What the hell else do they expect to buy, that the 33 mil won’t cover??? It isn’t a high-inflation economy (at least, not ’til we’re done with it, if that becomes in any way relevant, because this set-up has Epic Disaster written all over it) or anything, either.
     
    Giant Flaming Rocks Fall, Everyone Becomes a Greasy Spot at the Bottom of a Smoking Crater.

    *hugs* for Crudely. Some days the universe just sucks on toast.
     
    And ImaginesABeach is way beyond Awesome. If we were a religious Commune, I’d propose her for sainthood in a heartbeat.
    :)

    Andre Norton’s books were my intro to science fiction and fantasy, way back in the day. Read ‘em from the library, bought copies of most of ‘em later—and still have ‘em, too! I can just turn my head, and there they are on the shelf.
    *contented sigh*

    Wow, we’re so post-racist these days, aren’t we?

    Why, of course we are!
    </sarcasm>
    I read that article earlier today, and marveled at the degree to which Sen Grassley Fails To Get It.

    When your heart grew three sizes… were those “girl sizes” or “boy sizes”? Apparently there’s a pretty big difference!

    *snortle!*

    Parrowing: What about something like a bookstore, for your brother? Not generally a frenetic pace.

    Portia, hurray! for the silencing of the old white dude.
    :)
    -

  305. says

    My best advice for gluten-free cakes is the magnificent classic flourless orange & almond cake, made famous by Claudia Roden. The technique is somewhat adaptable – try lemons, limes, mandarins etc, and if you are sure you have proper cocoa without gluten (NOT drinking chocolate), add some cocoa for an amazing jaffa cake. First google – seems about right – http://www.lovefood.com/guide/recipes/11389/claudia-rodens-orange-and-almond-cake

    And onto triggering (no triggers I hope!). Some of you on FB may know that I’m trying out a biofeedback device. It works kind of like meditation – sit or lie quietly & focus on breath; device measures pulse. Exhale on the beep/triangle. This is supposed to calm the autonomic nervous system, which is also hyperactive in PTSD. I’ve only just started with it, and the science is thin. But while evidence is low – Cochrane style medium weight – it is at least real and has a plausible mechanism. It may be worth a trial.

  306. glodson says

    Holy shit, I just spent most my day(well the part online) arguing with a guy who didn’t see the problem in admitting he only apologized for calling a guy’s wife ugly because it was made public. I had to try and explain what was so bad about the statement in the first place and why admitting the apologize was only made because it went public pretty much negates the apology. What an asshole.

  307. lexie says

    Thanks everyone who offered me kind words in the past day when I wasn’t doing too well.
    .
    Ogvorbis – I’m sorry you’re not coping too. Hopefully we both get there someday. I know what you mean about someone saying something which makes you see a different perspective being hugely triggering because not only do you have all those memories come back but also you’re confused and conflicted about the situation.
    .
    Parrowing – All of it is such a stupid catch 22 situation, if you do something unfeminine then you are damned by society for behaving in such an unladylike way and if you actually like cooking, makeup, dresses, work in a typically female role etc then society tells you see you do this because it’s natural/you’re supposed to etc so shut up about this equal nonsense and you end up feeling guilty for perpetuating a stupid stereotype. I hate the patriarchy.
    .
    Tony – I hope that that thinking about always having this place ended up with you feeling happy not sad about real life. It’s not just hamburger, eating in general is a very gendered activity but even though the patriarchy is ridiculous and anyone should be able to eat however and whatever they want I strongly advice against licking the patriarchy, it’s bound to taste icky :p.
    .
    Rq – I’m sorry for your child’s friend. I have two friends in a similar position one is severely gluten and lactose intolerant and the other is anaphylactic allergic to nuts, shellfish, eggs and several other things. We find that risotto, Asian style stirfries and curries are often good, sometimes we need to tweek recipes but normally we get something that tastes nice.
    .
    Pteryxx – Thanks for writing that, it is helpful. For what it’s worth for me bravery would be facing my fears rather than hiding from and running away from them.
    .
    Beatrice – Oh no ☹, a cheese-forsaken country is very tragic, I hope you find your ricotta soon.
    .
    Crudely – I hope you did manage to get to see a doctor. Hope you’re ok.
    .
    iJoe – The market becoming bigger is definitely great for people with genuine allergies, it’s now not really difficult to shop for my friends with allergies and serious intolerances.
    .
    Cicely – I like the horde’s taste in decoration, however, given that cupcakes seem to show up regularly I’m not sure that they’re taking the warning, that or maybe they just want to be martyrs for their cause. Now I just need to determine whether douchebag entrails constitute a vegetarian product as I stop lurking more and more I might like to get involved in this activity, oh well I suppose if I can’t eat them I could help decorate.
    .
    Alethea – ooohhh that cake sounds tasty. I think I may need to do yet more baking.

  308. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    David, if you want to PP me something for Crudely, I’ll gladly accept it. I’ve sent him enough to cover his rent, but (1) he’s going to need more than that and (2) I cannot afford to send him more from my own accounts.

    :D :D

    Sorry your day was so crappy today, Crudely! :( Best wishes for tomorrow.

  309. ck says

    David Marjanović wrote:

    They stored what in an oven!?!?!

    Another responsible gun owner, I assume.

    From the article you linked:

    Sandy wasn’t charged because he had a proper concealed weapons permit, The Tampa Tribune reported.

    So, gross negligence causing bodily harm is perfectly fine, as long as it’s caused by a firearm held by someone with a proper concealed weapons permit.

  310. broboxley OT says

    missed a lot, no net or phone all week. for your enjoyment

    Tone of voice, physical presence, eye contact and body language probably precede phonemes. Ravi will lie at one end of the dining room during a dinner party, and the conversation will be background noise merely to him. No words will register. We adopt a special tone (at least half an octave higher than the normal conversational timbre in my case) in addressing him, and this appears to be processed as a signal for attention: the language module spins up. Usually an early phrase directed at the dog is either “Ravi?” (put language module in fifth gear!) and/or “Do you want…?”

    Do you want is taken, I suspect, as a single unit of meaning, signifying to the dog that what follows the magic syllables is a proposition. Poor old Takoma well understood the difference between the subsequent “…go outside” (the back yard) and “go for a walk” (out to crap in Safeway’s ivy on Claremont Avenue) and would cower in the former instance or head enthusiastically for the vestibule in the latter. The late Napalm processed the phrase in like fashion, as does Ravi.

    from
    http://urschleim.blogspot.com/2013/02/dognition.html

  311. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    Partner has yet to learn that not all thoughts need to be voiced.

    This has nothing to do with specific thoughts, but more the constant “thinking out loud”.

    Speaking as a person who has tics like that…is it actually harming you?

    the food served normally contains peas because my dad wants to check if they spend forever putting them on the back of the fork or if they scoop them with the fork like a barbarian/person who actually wants to eat

    Peas…on…the back…of the fork.

    Wut?

  312. broboxley OT says

    peas on the back of the fork. horror show flashes upon early adult memories of harridan volumes

    A fork is not a shovel, the fork is always tines down, gently mash small vegetables to the back of the tines with your knife and elegantly raise the small load to your mouth and chew the food 20 times before swallowing. Wait 20 seconds between bites to digest properly

    to be fair she was greatly amusing outside the kitchen and the mind games (in both directions, equally guilty)

  313. strange gods before me ॐ says

    So, gross negligence causing bodily harm is perfectly fine, as long as it’s caused by a firearm held by someone with a proper concealed weapons permit.

    Hm? But of course it shouldn’t be a criminal offense; and that’s all it means that the owner wasn’t charged. If the injured person wants to bring a civil suit for damages, they certainly can and will probably win. Likewise if I slip in your recently mopped kitchen and break my arm because you didn’t tell me it was wet, you shouldn’t go to jail, and if I don’t want to sue you then nothing should happen.

  314. says

    lexie:

    t’s not just hamburger, eating in general is a very gendered activity but even though the patriarchy is ridiculous and anyone should be able to eat however and whatever they want I strongly advice against licking the patriarchy, it’s bound to taste icky :p.

    OOOOOOOOH boy.
    You should have been around a few months back when we spent nearly an entire thread trying to find *some* activity that was not gendered. I think everyone tried to come up with something. At one point it felt like Caine was an Olympic judge. She kept shooting answers down. I remember thinking I’d found one (taking a crap), only to find even *that* was gendered (apparently, women don’t do such things; not sure what happens to waste in the female body).

    Oh, and I totes did not realize my typo until I read David M’s response to my comment. I hope everyone realizes I didn’t mean to say “lick”. It was *supposed* to be kick the patriarchy.

  315. JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness says

    Drops a pile of *waves, hugs, commiserations, congratulations* for everyone



    Tony,

    I hope everyone realizes I didn’t mean to say “lick”. It was *supposed* to be kick the patriarchy.

    *phew*

    I was worried there for a moment that you switched sides and started giving the patriarchy what it wanted. ;)

    XD

  316. says

    Giliell:

    What about suspenders?
    They’re so out of fashion they’re almost cool again.

    This reminds me M’s outfit shortly before he passed away. He had found suspenders and totally rocked them. When he came back from NYC, he remarked that he felt sexy wearing them. When his mother was trying to figure out what to dress him in for the viewing, I mentioned that he loved the suspenders, so that’s what he was wearing.

  317. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    I discovered recentlyish that suspenders are insanely comfortable, and finally decided to buy a pair (set?). I’ve been wearing them under a short-sleeve button-up shirt, though. I’m not ready to draw quite that much attention to myself yet. >.>

    So, in other news, someone merged into my car at 7:50 this morning, and I missed both classes dealing with it. I made it to my tutoring hour, made two embarrassing mistakes in teaching freshman how to do physics, and then cut it off 15 minutes early to hurry to a parent-teacher conference which is actually NEXT week. At which point I decided I needed a fucking drink, so I got one, then went to the gym, which was okay except I didn’t have time to eat before Physics Colloquium and my legs hurt a bit again, and then colloquium consisted of the classmate I was crushing on last semester presenting her senior project and the crushing reasserted itself. Now I have a splitting headache and I promised my team some calculated flow rates by the end of today. And was underslept through all of this. Spoons. I has them not.

    Oh, did I mention I made some incorrect assumptions about what happened in the accident that made it seem more my fault and gave those in the statement to the highway patrol, who I called because the other driver wouldn’t get out of her car and exchange information with me, and then she let slip when the officer was making us exchange names and phone numbers that she was merging (lane-changing, not a forced merge) into the same lane I was completing my merging into when the collision occurred, whereas I’d assumed that the car that hit me was the one that I saw over my shoulder before I started the lane change WAY back in the lane I was merging into and there was some combination of my misjudging their speed and them failing to react defensively to my getting over? My insurance company at least got the correct version, and a note that I’d been mistaken in what I reported, though.

    It’s time for this day to go sit in the corner and think about what it’s done.

    (I need to figure out if you can submit corrections/amendments to CHP accident reports. Anyone know? >.>)

  318. says

    TonyI seem to remember the “everything is gendered” being a direct offshoot of that, although I might be mistaken.

    Anyhoo, I got the vacuum tubes for my amplifier today. Cool beans! I found out today that the old pre-amp tubes are probably the original ones that came with the amp in 1991, so I kept them. Also kept the power amp tubes because they weren’t blown yet and might be useful in an emergency. I never throw anything away. Also recorded both tubes with my iPhone to compare. The new tubes produce a slightly warmer, spongier tone than the old tubes, which were more bright and snappy.

    For those of you who don’t follow my blog, I also yanked the control panel off of my amp, and I’m having a new one engraved for me. It will be engraved plastic rather than screen-printed metal, but in the plus column it won’t peel or rust or fade. $62 for that… $40 for the set-up. I feel like I should order two of them?

  319. ck says

    sgbm wrote:

    Hm? But of course it shouldn’t be a criminal offense

    Okay… Is criminal negligence causing bodily harm not a law in the United States? I can only find the Canadian definition, because I don’t know the wording used in the U.S law.

  320. says

    Ok, this is nifty:

    2018 is not going to be the year that humans land on Mars. But, if millionaire space tourist Dennis Tito has his way, it could be the first year that humans visit Mars. Tito has formed a group called the Inspiration Mars Foundation, which is going to try to swing two people around Mars without stopping and then bring them back to Earth on a mission lasting 501 days

    http://www.dvice.com/2013-2-21/millionaire-wants-send-humans-mars-and-back-201818

    Pick Me. Pick Me.

  321. lexie says

    Tony – I was lurking and reading TET then so I saw that entire conversation it was very very funny (not the patriarchy but it was hilarious watching you guys try to come up with anything that was non-gendered). Um sorry for teasing, I did realise it was a typo but I thought it was an amusing one.

    Azkyroth – I’m sorry that you’re having a shit day, hugs for you hopefully things are better tomorrow.

  322. says

    Azkyroth:
    Geez.
    Sorry for that headache my friend.

    ****

    So, in an interesting turn of events from my *dismal* Monday, I may have been hasty in thinking J was no longer interested in pursuing anything with me. Wednesday night we texted back and forth. I mentioned that I wanted to chat with him and explain myself a bit more. Later that night, he texted me to say that his car was stolen–from his driveway. No idea how that happens. He was at home with a friend, in his living room (watching Ferris Bueller’s Day Off). His car was parked in his driveway, not 10 feet from his living room. When his friend left, he remarked to J that his car was gone. Sure enough it was. Initially I asked him if he wanted me to come over. He said he was kinda spooked by it and probably wasn’t going to sleep well that night. While he was on the phone with the insurance company (following an extremely prompt response from the Pensacola Police Department), I texted him to say I was coming over (again, he lives like 3 minutes from me). I figured that he might want the company, if for no other reason than to have the added security, especially since he was feeling spooked. He was quite relieved to have me come over.

    We chatted for a while about everything that had happened. Then we discussed the events of Monday. I told him that I think I did not handle it the way I’d have preferred. In fact, I mentioned that initially I was irritated that he didn’t discuss what it was he was looking for with me. Then I thought about how I didn’t exactly explain what I was looking for either. Then I realized that I haven’t done that much in the past. During the conversation, I hit upon a realization that I was expecting him to do something that I myself had not done before (namely: establish what the heck I’m looking for when getting to know someone; sex? dating? friends with benefits? ). Basically I didn’t communicate my intentions sufficiently and I could not get mad at him for doing the same.

    In the end, it turns out that while J and his friend are something, they aren’t dating (in J’s words), and they aren’t exclusive. In addition, J said that he is still open to pursuing things with me. I stayed there for about an hour. Long enough to get some serious make out done, as well as get him relaxed enough that he was able to get to sleep.

    I have to admit, there is a part of me that hopes the convenience of having me come over and comfort him-within half an hour of his car being stolen-makes him appreciate having ME here, while the guy he’s talking to is 1200 miles away. I didn’t go over there with that in mind. I went over there to offer comfort. He was quite thankful.

     

    I left thinking that I still had a chance to win him over (in addition, despite the fact that J likes this other guy, he recognizes that there’s a 1200 mi distance between them, and while they have a connection, he is very uncertain about a long distance relationship of this distance).

     

    Incidentally, his car was found Thursday afternoon; not far from his home. The police think it may have been used in a drug run. Nothing was wrong with the car.

  323. lexie says

    Tony – I’m glad things might ended up working out with J after all, you definitely deserve someone wonderful in your life. I didn’t think you’d mind the joke because after all the typo was very funny.

  324. says

    Tony, glad things seems to be working out, and that J got his car back! Sent you an FB FR BTW :)

    Is Caine around? Can you (or someone) remind me of those books you were recommending? One is Michael Kimmel, but what’s the other?

    Speaking of F&SF, I am very partial to John Varley. He does drift a bit Heinleiny, but in the vein of the classic old space adventure stories. His protagonist in the one I’m reading now is named Podkayne :) And there are some interesting background gender issues in the series set in the Lunar Colony & related worlds, where people change genders as they please. Try Steel Beach for a start.

  325. says

    Good morning, or something like that
    The little one is seriously down and I’m taking her to the pediatrician.
    I’m not one of these “the kid has a runny nose, Dr, do something!!!!” parents, but this temperature is a bit too high for my liking.

    Tony
    tentacles are crossed

    Azkyroth
    Sorry for the shitty day. Can you simply rely on the fact that you were under shock?

    cicely
    Pianos. In our worlds it tends to rain pianos. But taxes are usually not a problem, because our characters only own church tax and it’s a world in which atheism is simply stupidity because the gods show up once in a while and the priests can actually DO miracles. I don’t want to pray to the gods in hope of some help when you’Re surrounded by an army of dead just get told that you should have paid your taxes…
    +++
    Over here, not securing your weapon correctly is a criminal offense. The father of the mass.-shooter from Winnenden got convicted of manslaughter because his son could access his weapons.
    IMO weapon-owners would need to pay for a 2 year cycle inspection of their weapons (all there? adequate storage there?) the same way I need to pay for the road-safety inspection of my car.

  326. vaiyt says

    Thanks to Tony and David Marjanović for the hugs, and anyone else who hasn’t mentioned me by name for your concern.

    I know these kinds of problems are solvable, but it’s really hard to fight the urge to just crawl in a hole and die when all the feelings of inadequacy and being a worthless failure come rushing back.

  327. Crudely Wrott says

    Awake now after three, wait, four fairly restful hours of sleep. Rice Crispies in my neck as usual.
    The good news is that TCM is showing Seven Days in May. Kirk Douglas and Burt Lancaster. Ava Gardner and Martin Balsam. Screenplay by Rod Serling. Sparse but power packed music from Jerry Goldsmith. No commercials at all. Doesn’t get much better than that.

    I’ll go back to sleep at about four. Hoping for five or six hours of nice dreams.

    I’m still on tenterhooks about meeting my financial obligations. Willing Hordelings are helping and that is such a comfort. Esteleth is an angel. (Really. Sneak up behind her and you’ll see her tightly bound wings. A slight bulge between the shoulder blades. Dead giveaway. ;^>)

    Now, back to the movie. No commercials at all. Here, have some popcorn.

  328. Beatrice says

    Morning.

    Sympathy for everyone having (a) shitty day(s), *hugs* or congrats as needed.

    Could you all please move to the corner for a moment? Make sure to put a safety helmet on, just in case. Thanks.

    Arrrrgh! *kick* [there goes the glass vase] *smash* [plates]
    ….

    *takes a broom and cleans up the Lounge*

    Um, yeah, not a good day. Thank you for your patience. You can all continue as you were.

  329. lexie says

    Hi Beatrice. Continue smashing stuff if it will help. Hugs for you if you want them or chocolate and other comforting foods. I’m sorry that your having such a crap day, is there anything we can do?

  330. opposablethumbs says

    Alethea, would you mind giving any more info about the biofeedback device you’re trying? My OH has severe tinnitus which is changing all our lives for the worse, tbh, and I’d try to persuade him to try anything that has even a chance of helping.
    .
    Tentacles crossed that things work out well, Tony.
    .
    Ongoing hugs to Crudely and vaiyt and Lexie and Ogvorbis and Dalillama and broboxley and all the people who could do with and would like one.

  331. Beatrice says

    Thanks, lexie.

    It’s mostly frustration, and I have to at least try not to show it at work. People are nice, but they remind me of my status here almost every day- both that I’ll probably be out after this year, and that I can’t be included in any of the nice additionally payed stuff they can at least try to get for themselves. It’s all jokingly, or pityingly, but I’m irritated nevertheless. Oh yeah, and that I’m working for peanuts. Har har.

    Work isn’t hard, but some people are sloppy and then I have to figure out how to do it right, without having any actually experience and knowledge. I have to do something, I’m told after barely a glance that “that’s fine, don’t worry so much, ha ha”…. and then of course it’s not fine and I end up looking stupid.

    *sigh*

    I should just get used to a normal working environment, right?

    Thanks for the chocolate!

  332. lexie says

    Oh that sucks. Your not being silly for being upset that people are treating that way. They shouldn’t demean you, or make you worry any more about job security, or tease you for not having much money. Even if they don’t really realise what their doing (I’m being charitable but they could easily just be nasty people) but they should figure out that if someone is the butt of the joke then they are very likely to take offence. I hate it when someone says of “you’re just being silly/paranoid it’ll be fine” and then of course it isn’t and if you are below them you can’t just turn around as say “I told you so”. Anyway more hugs and more chocolate, sorry your having a bad day. If it’s morning there is there any chance that you might have a nice afternoon/evening to look forward too?

  333. Beatrice says

    lexie,

    I’m trying not to be resentful, because they seem like good people. It’s just that I don’t need a constant reminder of how I’m fucked. (I’ll probably be out in a year because I’m on a training contract, and they probably won’t be able to employ me after that because of the economic crisis)

    It will be a nice afternoon if those lasagne I prepared this morning turn out fine after baking. :)

    How are you?

  334. lexie says

    Beatrice,
    Probably some of your colleagues are generally nice people, that doesn’t mean they can’t say stupid things due to privilege. If you haven’t been in a certain position sometimes people don’t realise quite how the things they say can hurt others. I really hope that you can stay in your job or get a better one when you finish your training despite the fact that the economy sucks (I remember that you’re European but not which country you are from so I have no idea how badly off your country is). I love lasagne :), I hope yours turns out really well.

    I’m doing ok. I have a whole week off this coming week :) :) so that is great.

  335. rq says

    Giliell
    I hope she gets well soon!!!

    Azkyroth
    May the next day be better; hope you did not suffer any injuries during the car merger.

    Tony
    Does this news require some *confetti*? I’m glad you thought things through and I hope that, going forwards, everyone will be more open and communicative, to everyone’s benefit!

    cicely
    Stardust is definitely worth the read. Fairly accurate book-to-screen adaptation, too (not perfect, but decent). The ending is very different.
    I’m pulling it out to read to the children once we’re done with current book (Le petit Nicolas). Well, it’ll be either that or Wind in the Willows (Toads speeding in fancy cars? Jail-breaks? Oh yeah.).

    lexie
    Oh look, I found some *hugs* for you! (Just thought you might need them; if you don’t, save them for later!)

    Beatrice
    I have a few old things left behind by Previous Owners (glass vase (ugly), toaster, various old and broken electronics…), if you wish to continue smashing.

  336. Nick Gotts (formerly KG) says

    Tony@ 437,
    The link is borked – here’s the right one. I agree with the writer that it’s not going to happen by 2018! A lot of these private space enthusiasts seem to have got the idea that crewed spaceflight is easy.

  337. bluentx says

    Sorry about that! [How did THAT submit? It was supposed to be a pre-submit (to self) rant!]
    Just learned some disturbing ‘on the job’ info I’m still trying to process.
    But at least it fits in with much of the posts/commentary here at (FTB/Pharyangula). You know : anger, frustration, sexism, etc.

  338. bluentx says

    Beatrice:
    If we’re donating “a few old things…if you wish to continue smashing.” I can contribute–lots of’ old stuf’f around here and I promise I’ll save some for you, though right now I’d like to throw A LOT of stuff!

  339. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    Facebook just recommended that I like Daniel Tosh. I’m going to have to figure out where I went wrong.

    *

    Portia:

    You helped a lot, thank you. I needed to know whether I was just unaware of existing laws or whether they really just weren’t there, so I was hoping to hear from you. :)

    *

    David Marjanović:

    The first that came to my mind was the classism: how many people in India can afford anything as stupid as a gun?

    That is a great point, thank you for mentioning it.

    *

    rq:

    Oh, it was quite delicious. And my husband made it for me, too. #misandry!!!!!!

    *

    cicely:

    The bookstores in my area tend to want someone with a related degree. They didn’t seem keen on hiring me when I inquired because I wasn’t an English major or something related. My brother isn’t much of a reader, so I think he probably wouldn’t have a chance :(.

    *

    Yay for Tony! I’m glad to hear J got his car back and that you were able to be there for him when he needed some comfort.

    *

    Good morning, bluentx. Smash away! You too, Beatrice! Sorry about the work troubles :(

    *

    I’m sorry to hear about your day, Azkyroth. *hugs* if they are wanted

    *

    I hope the little one feels better, Giliell!

    *

    I’m off to the gym! I’ve never done this before (work out in front of other people I am not related to, not including gym/dance classes or physical therapy) and I’m nervous, but I’m going with a friend so it should be fun! I hope :-/

  340. rq says

    bluentx
    Would you like a few smashables yourself? Also have throwable items, like some ugly glass plates and plastic children’s toys (mostly old and broken).
    Also, have space for throwing, if needed.
    Disturbing on-the-job info…? :/

  341. rq says

    Parrowing
    Have fun working out! I have also never gone to a gym, and my new Stairmaster(TM) comes in a healthy, steep one-storey length, run up and down under various loads several times a day (yeah, I now have a second floor to vaccuum! #everywomansdream (if we’re going to have hashtags ;) )). ;)
    I think Facebook has gone wrong. It doesn’t always smell as fresh and minty as it used to, back in the day.

  342. Beatrice says

    Parrowing,

    Have fun! Exercise is like math (wait, don’t smash the screen yet, I’m not insulting math) – everyone tries to convince you it’s horrible and hard, and something you only do to suffer, you can prove them wrong! Also, you start doing it with a friend, but you are bound to end up playing with those equations continuing to exercise by yourself because it’s fun. :)

  343. Beatrice says

    Oh, apparently I was so frustrated and angry, I got out the other side and now am freakishly cheerful.

    Or maybe it’s the fact that I enrolled into the french class again. Finally something to look forward to every weekend.

    Yeah, I jump through moods faster than a circus flea.

  344. Matt Penfold says

    I go to the gym a couple of times a week, and I would not exactly call it fun. It is not a horrible experience, but the main reason I go is not because I feel good when actually doing the exercise, but because the benefits are worth it. It keeps helps depression at bat, eases my asthma and helps with the arthritis in my wrist. Thankfully the gym I go to is not full of well toned people showing of their muscles.

  345. Beatrice says

    I only exercise at home, by myself, but I actually enjoyed going to aerobic classes in high school. I only attended the gym for a month or two, while I could still get the entry cheap (for being in the high school the gym was adjacent to, aerobic was even for free at the time).

  346. rq says

    Giliell
    Strange to say that bronchitis is a relief. ;) Yay!

    Beatrice
    Yay French! Good luck, this will qualify you for EU jobs (and it’s the one advantage I also have, language-wise), plus learning a new language (and a lot of verb conjugations) is just plain useful. *hugs*?

  347. Matt Penfold says

    I started going when I was referred by my GP. I got cheap (£1 a time) session for 13 weeks, and decided to keep it up. Even now, I get a reduced rate membership.

  348. Beatrice says

    rq,

    *hugs*
    I’ve been learning French for more than 2 years, I just had to take a little break last semester because all groups for my level at that school fell apart.

    Verb conjugations are source of endless amusement, that’s all I’m going to say.

    Learning a new language is very fun. I try to practice regularly by reading Le Monde online, but having someone to talk to will be better.

  349. rq says

    Beatrice
    I hear there’s a small collection of French speakers right here – I could use the practice, too. In all honesty, I don’t even know if I could carry a conversation anymore, but I still remember how to conjugate verbs – those that follow rules, and all the exceptions, too!
    You should find some Pratchett in French. ;)

  350. Pteryxx says

    Alethea re Caine’s books: one was Guyland by Michael Kimmel, the other might have been Misogyny: The world’s oldest prejudice by Jack Holland, or maybe Manhood in America which also is by Michael Kimmel and is a textbook; are those what you were looking for?

  351. Beatrice says

    rq,

    Hah! I was really ambitious and got myself some Simone de Beauvoir in French. That didn’t go on well. I’ll stick to newspapers for now: :)

  352. rq says

    Beatrice
    Wow. That is ambitious! :D I haven’t even tried that. Easy novels might be fun eventually, though. Sometimes I find the language of newspapers a bit cumbersome. Then again, for everyday-use-language, it’s probably best.
    (Save Simone for later. When we start having intellectual conversations in French, not just queries about favourite foods and your address and the usual stuff… ;) )

    Pteryxx
    I believe Caine was reading all three of those.

  353. jefrir says

    I’ll second the recommendation of Pratchett in French – those are some seriously good translations.

    De Beauvoir is hard-going. I had to read Belles Images for uni, and enjoyed it once I got into it – but that took 100 pages of struggle first.

  354. says

    rq
    Yeah, bronchitis is not pneumonia and since she went to the toilet non-stop yesterday I was afraid she might have an UTI which in her case means “let’s take out the big antibiotics hammer and KILL KILL KILL”
    Seems like she was only interested in my friend’s toilet…

    Thanks, beatrice

  355. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    Beards, they’re good for you. So says SCIENCE!

    Gentlemen, they’re not just for hipsters and the homeless any more. While both dead sexy and totally awesome, beards are also a boon to your overall health. Researchers discovered that men with beards and moustaches actually enjoy numerous benefits including, but not limited to, instant handsomeness.

    A study from the University of Southern Queensland, published in the Radiation Protection Dosimetry Journal, found that beards block 90 to 95 percent of UV rays, thereby slowing the aging process and reducing the risk of skin cancer. Got asthma? Pollens and dust simply get stuck in that lustrous facial hair. Additionally, all that hair retains moisture and protects from the wind, keeping you looking young and fresh-faced. What’s more, shaving is usually the cause of ingrown hairs and bacterial infections that lead to acne.

  356. says

    BTW, do I get good parent brownie-points for the little one talking about tea and mineral water when the doc asked if she was drinking allright?

    oh, and cute kids story warning ahead
    We had to wait a lot today, because everybody is sick at the moment.
    So we finally made it into the examination room where we had to wait a little longer and I already removed her shirt.
    “But not my trousers”
    “No, I don’t think we’ll have to remove your trousers.”
    “Good! I don’t want to be hammered again!”

    Alethea
    If there’s one thing I hate more than anything else it’s people telling me when and how to breathe. Especially when the doc tells me to breathe out and then orders me to breathe in when I haven’t gotten rid of the air already…

  357. Beatrice says

    Well, I also have Camus’s Stranger (in French). It even has handy little annotations at the bottom of each page, for a bit more complicated expressions.
    … but I’m a bit lazy

    re. work : we have drama. I hope no one will involve me.

  358. broboxley OT says

    Question since I missed the gendered activity thread, how was cunnilingus discerned, gendered or non gendered (technique of course gendered) but the activity itself?

  359. lexie says

    Rq – those mittens (in particular the black and white ones) are so cute, unfortunately I can’t really knit.

  360. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Morning!

    I have food poisoning. :( :( :( :(

    Crudely, I hope the stopgap funds I sent arrived. Oh and:

    A slight bulge between the shoulder blades.

    Wings, or my scoliosis. Either/or, really.

    :D

  361. thumper1990 says

    ::Threadrupt::

    Just had someone tell me that Oscar Pistorius’ crime was worse because his girlfriend was fit.

    *rage*