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They Will Be Leaving

The rapture is coming on May Twenty-First
And the man with the sign is expecting the worst
He gave me a pamphlet that tells me I’m cursed
And I’m shocked at the news I’m receiving
The earthquakes are coming; the dams will be burst
The believers, they will be leaving

It’s a tale of God’s glory, and a tale of God’s wrath
And the terrible justice and judgment God hath
With humanity here on a difficult path
We must always be true, but we’re weaving
We’ve crunched all the numbers and done all the math
The believers, they will be leaving

So wives leave your husbands, and husbands, your wives
And it’s too late to care about your teenagers’ lives
And remember, it’s better if no one survives
For the ones who remain will be grieving
We’ll know it when May twenty second arrives
The believers, they will be leaving

So leave your possessions; abandon your jobs
Go proselytize to the uncaring mobs
Their laughter today very soon will be sobs
As with sorrow their sides will be heaving
You’re a beacon of hope for the atheist snobs
The believers, they will be leaving

Go tell all your family; go tell all your friends
To pray for forgiveness and make their amends
There’s limited time till the universe ends
And no more that they should be achieving
They should grasp for the hand the lord Jesus extends
The believers, they will be leaving

There are some who look forward to that terrible day
When told of the Rapture, they solemnly say
Just don’t let the door hit your ass on the way
If you’re stealing away, then get thieving
And the ones left behind will shout hip hip hooray
The believers, they will be leaving

We’ve seen it before in other media; this time it’s NPR’s turn to report on the end of the world. Well worth a read or a listen–it puts a human face on an unbelievable story of belief. In a story we’ve seen scores of times before, somebody “crunched the numbers” in the bible and found that the rapture is upon us. In just a couple of weeks. Confident predictions have been made before, but that does not stop people from leaving jobs and families to hit the streets warning us that the end is near. Some families believe together; some families are torn apart by differences in their belief.

If you, like me, read comment threads like others read the comics, please note a couple of things. First, the number of calls for interviews on the 22nd. If history teaches us anything, it is that a great many of these people will have their faith strengthened by disconfirmation–I predict that their great show of faith is what saved us. Second, note the number of predictable comments. It’s the law.

Comments

  1. says

    Isn't it fascinating how they never 'crunch the numbers' and discover that the rapture will be in seven hundred years! It's always just around the corner.

  2. Anonymous says

    What elliottgw said. Brilliant! Every phrase fits the tune and makes perfect sense. Well done.

  3. says

    Right from the start, I instinctively sung it, in my head, to the tune of the original song — and as I was doing so, I coudn't remember the name or lyrics of the original song, just that it was by Bob Dylan (which I knew because of the text linking to this page, namely, Cuttlefish's comment on Pharyngula). I did eventually recall it, but it took some brain-racking. Make of that what you will…

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