Ok, so… about a million years ago, when Enzyte was in court on false advertising charges, I wrote a little ditty I called “The Enzyte Song (The Biggest Dicks Of All)“. It was not flattering. It spoke of the $100 million fraud charges against Smilin’ Bob et al., and concluded that the Enzyte manufacturers were “the Biggest Dicks of All”.
Since that post, I have, to my chagrin, had a certain fairly substantial portion of my blog hits come from searches for “biggest dicks”; I doubt that many of these people have been looking for my song. I think, actually, that “biggest dicks” ranks perhaps fourth in all search terms. The first three may be variations on “digital cuttlefish”.
Anyway, I was a bit surprised, this evening, to find a hit to my blog that originated from a site run by the Enzyte folks themselves. Seems they collect all the stuff people say, and keep it on their site. No idea whether it is an automatic process, a point of pride, stupidity, or what.
Anyway, on the off chance that somebody reading this is thinking of laying some money down for these worthless tablets, let me suggest spending the money on flowers, or a night out, or renting her favorite movie. Or if you want to seem sensitive and really really smart, how about buying a book of verse instead–say, The Digital Cuttlefish, Vol. 1. Read her the Evolutionary Biology Valentine’s Day Poem. Thank me later. (Yeah, you could just print it off, but it is so much more romantic to have the book there. Trust me.)
See, right there, you can spend your money on something much more worthwhile than some placebo pills. Now, place your order, turn off your computer, and go spend some quality time actually listening to what she has to say. The whole world will be a better place for it.