Originally a comment by Golgafrinchan Captain on Feminism has gone too far.
I don’t feel any shame for being male but I do feel shame for some of the things I’ve done as a result of certain aspects of “lad culture.” For example:
During the later years of high school, I worked construction in the summer. On a few occasions, I whistled at women walking down the street. None of my co-workers joined in but none of them said anything either. It only took a few occasions for me to realize that I wasn’t getting the reactions I had seen in movies and on TV.
The first couple of times, the women just ignored me but, the last time, I received a glare. I stopped doing it but, being male, I had the luxury of not having to think too deeply about it until I started really reflecting on gender issues many years later. I can’t change my past behaviour but I now always speak up when I see crap like that. Again, I have the luxury of being a pretty big person who isn’t likely to get assaulted for telling off a harasser/bully. *
I still see this behaviour in movies and on TV (especially in commercials). I wonder what’s going through the minds of the actress as they tee-hee about the attention (“gotta pay the bills, gotta pay the bills, …”). Same goes for the scenario where a man and woman are slow dancing, the man lowers his hands to her butt, and it’s the woman’s responsibility to move his hands back up, while bemusedly shaking her head. It’s mild sexual assault but it’s presented as being funny.
* Note: one of the best things I learned in Early Childhood Education is the impact of bystanders in bullying. The target has a limited ability to change the behaviour of a bully. Bystanders have a great deal of power to either reinforce or stop bullying, and it often just takes someone saying, “not cool.” That’s the real reason for labels like “White Knight”; bullies want to eliminate any support their targets have. I don’t care what gender, race, weight, etc. the target is, I fucking hate bullies. It’s a hard habit to break, but I also now try to say “target”, “recipient of {some_crap}”, or “person who was {some_crap}ed” instead of “victim.”
Quoted for truth. It took me a little bit, but I’ve come to this conclusion as well. Of course, now I’m EXTRA irritated when purportedly-feminist (or otherwise social-justice-oriented) articles/sites warn people away from being “White Knights” or “Social Justice Warriors” (on my mind thanks to a recent Everyday Feminism article I just read where one of their six things to teach boys was to not be a White Knight: what the author was arguing against was male privilege manifested as mansplaining – men talking OVER women instead of supporting them – and the use of the MRA-favorite phrase was an unfortunate choice).
Very well said. The whole bystander thing was key to the anti-bullying program at my son’s school. Bullying is about social dominance and without the social recognition it has far less power. A victim knowing that they are not alone can be much more resiliant as well.