Oct 31 2013

Did you tell the stabber “no?”

Carrie Poppy has a public post on Facebook that elicited a lot of very funny and apposite comments. I’ll share some of the best.

First the post (which started life as a tweet) (should I do that thing where your tweets go to Facebook?) (no, probably not, because I wouldn’t do it right):

Me: I don’t feel safe in that alley, because people got stabbed there. Them: HAVE YOU COMPARED IT TO EVERY OTHER ALLEY? You’re overreacting.

Then some of the best comments. Without authors, in case they prefer it that way. Except Carrie.

If there’s one thing the skeptical community taught me, it’s that one person’s lack of an experience can be accurately extrapolated out to all others.

Carrie Poppy: Right, just like how, if one person took homeopathy and had a good experience, that means it works. Right? I read that on my dick.

Particularly people of completely different genders, age groups, ethnic backgrounds, histories, level of mainstream attractiveness, prominence, and personal friendships with prominent people. Every experience is universal.

Listen, guys, I have never ONCE been mugged in an alley. I think that really says something about the people who claim they were.

I mean, even if you did get stabbed, I mean, have you tried all the stabbings? Because really, there are mild stabbings that I don’t even understand why people complain about compared to some of the real brutal stuff.

Carrie Poppy: Also, a great point. I am learning a lot.

Did you tell the stabber “no?”

Carrie: I know it’s really unfair of me not to publicly tell the story of my brutal stabbing, by the way. Reliving it does sound fun.

The best part of deciding to tell others about your stabbing is that, even if there were 6 witnesses to it including the owner of the alley, people will still call you a liar and whore and say you deserve far worse.

Was it a “legitimate” stabbing?

Look, there’s legal ramifications to getting yourself stabbed in alleys — or even TALKING about the possibility of being stabbed. Words have consequences. LEGAL consequences. WON’T YOU CONSIDER THE STABBER’S FEELINGS IN ALL OF THIS.

And you could please relive your sabbing over and over again *in detail* for every single person who isn’t convinced of stabbings in alleys. I’d say, five or six hundred times should do the trick. We won’t ask the stabber, of course. He’s been through enough already.

Here’s the thing. I don’t understand why you don’t just tell these stabbers to stop stabbing! You have to stand up for yourself!

Look, are you sure you didn’t ask to be stabbed and then later regret the decision?

And no offense or anything, but… do you really think YOU’RE the type someone would want to stab? I’m not trying to hurt your feelings or anything, but you just don’t strike me as a typical stabbing victim…

Ok that’s all I have patience for, obviously you need to go there and read the whole thread.


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  1. 1
    John-Henry Beck

    Those are some great comments alright.

  2. 2
    theophontes (恶六六六缓步动物)

    This is a bit like my response to: “She was drunk.”

    Why, of all the crimes that are comitted against drunken people, is it the crime of rape that is discounted if the victim was drunk? Would a persons drunkeness (read ‘relative helplessness’) ever justify stabbing that person?

    The integrity of the victim can never be compromised by how easily the attacker can perpetrate, or get away with, the crime.

  3. 3
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Typo alert in case that helps :

    And you could please relive your sabbing over and over again *in detail* for every single person who isn’t convinced of stabbings in alleys.

    I take it there’s meant to be a ‘t’ there? Not sure if the typo is original or not.

  4. 4

    I get “This content is currently unavailable” when I click on the link.
    That might be an honest glitch, but with what I’ve been hearing about weird censorship on Facebook, I wonder.

  5. 5
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Hmm … I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore talking about stabbings anymore Toto!

  6. 6
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @4. jimbaerg : Same here. I’ve tried both links at the start and end of this and just got the :

    This content is currently unavailable.
    The page you requested cannot be displayed right now. It may be temporarily unavailable, the link you clicked on may have expired, or you may not have permission to view this page.


  7. 7
    NateHevens, resident SOOPER-GENIUS... apparently...

    Apparently that particular Carrie Poppy page doesn’t exist? Was her page deleted or something?

  8. 8

    I’m not getting the page either, but this seems to be the context.

  9. 9

    Page inaccessible to me, but I presume somebody must have done the variant that goes about like this: “Anyone dressed like that was obviously just asking to be stabbed”:

  10. 10
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    If you’ve been stabbed and didn’t like it, just call security.

  11. 11
    UnknownEric the Apostate

    Gotta love the dissonance involved with a woman defending a man who gropes/facilitates-groping-of women. I can hear their heads feeding back from here. Sounds like early Jesus and Mary Chain…

  12. 12
    A Hermit

    has anyone used “Lots of guys would like it if a cute girl stabbed them…” yet?

  13. 13

    You’re more likely to be stabbed if you are perceived as a stabbing victim. You need to be like a hornet. Even a 200#+ ninja with a knife in each hand and blades attached to his knees, elbows and shoes will run from a hornet.
    Like this one time I was hiking in France and a mountain lion covered in blades jumped out on the trail. But I didn’t act like a stabbing victim. I broke out sone Kung Fu like a Mohican in a trench coat.
    (Ok, I might have been watching Brotherhood of the Wolf while eating Cheetos, but it totally kept me from being a stabbing victim!)

  14. 14

    not to worry, if it was a legitimate stabbing, the body shuts down and won’t bleed

  15. 15
    Yellow Thursday

    If you’ve let yourself be cut before (say, for a surgery), then you have no basis for complaining if someone stabs you.

  16. 16
    Yellow Thursday

    My previous #15 is poorly worded. I should have said “if you get stabbed.” Because getting stabbed is totes a force of nature, and there’s no conscious entity behind it.

  17. 17
    Your Name's not Bruce?

    Soon we’ll need forms filled out in triplicate just to pick up a knife.

  18. 18

    It seems to be gone now :/

    Like this one time I was hiking in France and a mountain lion covered in blades jumped out on the trail.

    I lol’d. Even though French Bladed Mountain Lions are just the worst.

  19. 19
    Ophelia Benson

    Yes but not forever I think – Carrie just didn’t want to be buried by it so she tucked it away for now.

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