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Oct 31 2012

Reap Paden is another Mencken, or even Hitchens

I kid, I kid.

But he tries!

He drops in here with his totally cool angry atheist avatar and his rapier wit, and he puts me in my place.

I apologize if someone has already made this point–

Ophelia I think I can speak on behalf of at least a whole hell of a lot of people when I ask “When are you going to deflate your head and come down for a landing?” Some of the incredible things I have seen you post lately make me wonder if you have been eating too much cat food or something.

I plan to make “I think I can speak on behalf of at least a whole hell of a lot of people” my new catchphrase.

57 comments

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  1. 1
    Forbidden Snowflake

    I don’t know whether the stupidity of your enemies says good things or bad things about you. But it is what it is.

  2. 2
    doubtthat

    @Forbidden Snowflake

    Can’t say I’ve got an answer, but I’d sure be worried if they were saying nice things about me…

  3. 3
    Ophelia Benson

    Well clearly it says bad things about me. I get stupid enemies, which shows that I’m not worth clever enemies.

  4. 4
    No Light

    Maybe you could get a totally sweet sponsorship deal?

    At least a whole hell of a lot of people say that their cats prefer Fancy Feast

    Think of all the free swag!

  5. 5
    bcmystery

    I like cats. Therefore I like people who eat what cats eat.

    Is that how it works? I confess to being utterly confuzzled by Reap Paden Logic™, so if I’m missing something— oh, never mind.

  6. 6
    Stacy

    Who?

  7. 7
    michaeld

    @stacy

    Reap Paden is some guy with a podcast thing where he was calling stephanie zvan a bitch? Friend of Al Stefanelli or something like that… there was a bunch of stuff around here 2 weeks ago? or something…

    If you wanted to know who Mencken is fraid I don’t have a clue ;p

  8. 8
    oolon

    @Michaeld, Hehe yeah Reap n H.L, like two peas in a pod. Although Mencken did say

    A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn’t know.

    So is Ophelia a celebrity like some maintain? Unfortunately in the internet age if someone is inclined you may well find you get to know them whether you want to or not.

    Hehe I forgot how good some of his quotes are.

    Criticism is prejudice made plausible.

  9. 9
    Argle Bargle

    michaeld #7

    If you wanted to know who Mencken is fraid I don’t have a clue ;p

    H. L. Mencken (1880-1956) was a journalist and social critic who could turn a phrase neatly. Some sample Mencken quotes:

    Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it.

    Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

    For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple and wrong.

  10. 10
    octopod

    Cat food? Whaaaaaa? Is that supposed to be nonsense or am I just missing the cliché/stereotype/joke-like-object here?

  11. 11
    Anthony K

    I was confused too, octopod, until Ophelia helpfully noted that she’s now the target of a “crazy cat lady” meme.

    Despite not owning any cats.

    But, she does have a vagina, which is close enough for a real skeptic like Reap Paden.

    Of course, anybody who understands humour knows that ‘eating cat food’ is a signifier of poverty, not cat obsession.

    Swing and a miss, Reap. Swing and a miss.

    Here’s a friendly tip, Reap: stick to claiming that there’s no evidence for God. Your tiny fucking brain isn’t equipped to let you do much more than that.

  12. 12
    Stacy

    Reap Paden is some guy with a podcast thing where he was calling stephanie zvan a bitch?

    michaeld, thanks. :) Really I was trying to be sarcastic, but I didn’t communicate the sarcasm clearly.

    (Sounds like Reap is just another nobody using lame and sexist attempts at humor to try and gin up some internet fame.)

  13. 13
    Goodbye Enemy Janine

    Excuse me while I get all King Crimson about this.

    Cat Food

  14. 14
    Hamilton Jacobi

    Actually, Brownian, I think having a vagina is not necessary. You just have to believe that people with vaginas are still people, even if they do get all uppity and say outrageous things like “Guys, don’t do that.”

    We are all crazy cat ladies, you see.

  15. 15
    Anthony K

    We are all crazy cat ladies, you see.

    [Stands up.]

    I’m Spartacats!

  16. 16
    Anthony K

    I’ve always wanted to do that.

  17. 17
    sambarge

    No! I am Spartacats!

    (I always wanted to be part of an “I am Spartacats” uprising.)

  18. 18
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    Spartacats,
    Spartacats,
    Spartacats, Hoooo!

  19. 19
    Argle Bargle

    I am the Walrus!

  20. 20
    Subtract Hominem, a product of Nauseam

    Nonsense, it is I who is truly Spartacats!

    (I’ve always wanted to be part of an “I’ve always wanted to do that” moment)

  21. 21
    Alethea Kuiper-Belt

    I’m Spartacats, and so’s my wife.

    (It had to be done.)

  22. 22
    Anthony K

    I am the Walrus!

    Shut the fuck up, Rodney!

    (Sorry, slipped into Walter Sobchat for a moment there.)

    (I’ve always wanted to be part of an “I’ve always wanted to do that” moment)

    Stick around, Subtract Hominem. Later, we’re going to stand on our desks and shout “O Catstain! My Catstain!”

  23. 23
    No Light

    You can take our nine lives, but you’ll never take our furdom!

  24. 24
    Anthony K

    Yoicks, this is getting out of paw.

  25. 25
    No Light

    Meow meow, you’ll get nowhere with an attitude like cat.

  26. 26
    briane

    Tonight we dine on cat chow.

  27. 27
    Woo_Monster, Sniffer of Starfarts

    I think I can speak on behalf of at least a whole hell of a lot of cats when I say, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH CAT FOOD!

  28. 28
    AJ Milne

    I believe I can speak only for myself…

    Actually, come to think of it, even that is iffy. As I’ve alter egos that refuse to recognize this me as their spokesperson. But anyway…

    But anyway, speaking only on behalf of parts of me, I’d like to know when Reap Paden is finally going to stop posting stuff in which I, personally, have exactly no interest, and get on with posting a video of himself doing a karaoke cover of the Bon Jovi classic Livin’ On A Prayer

    Naked. Except for a pair of tube socks.

    No, no reason. I just figured as this is, apparently, ‘make arbitrary and presumptuous demands of people as though they should give a shit about the same for some reason’ day, I might as well try to have some fun with this thing.

    (/Oh, also, I believe I can speak with over voice when I say: if any of my personalities had any idea who Reap Paden actually is, I suspect they’d be incredibly unimpressed.)

  29. 29
    michaeld

    @stacy
    No worries I know how hard the sarcasms can be, just trying to be helpful.

    Also thnx to Oolon and rodney for the quotes. I did google him after writing he does seem to be quite good with the words! Which I seem to be butchering tonight wayyyyy to many somethings back there….

  30. 30
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    I’m spartacats and so’s my cat!

    (How can you not own a cat! /incredulous!)

  31. 31
    davidmc

    AJ Milne I think I can speak on behalf of at least a whole hell of a lot of people when I write we dont want to see the naked thing. Or the Bon Jovi thing either, naked or not.

    What are tube socks?

  32. 32
    John Phillips, FCD

    davidmc, socks without a formed heel.

  33. 33
    Illuminata, Genie in the Beer Bottle

    Friend of Al Stefanelli

    And my opinion of Stefanelli sinks into the toilet.

  34. 34
    UnknownEric the Apostate

    Tonight we dine on cat chow.

    Madness? This is… A CARDBOARD BOX!!!

  35. 35
    Ophelia Benson

    Ok I’m beginning to see the outlines of a pleasant immediate future full of cat jokes and cat food jokes. Life is good.

  36. 36
    Anthony K

    Life is good.

    I’m not even kittening when I say that I have a cat dish (or three) at home with that exact phrase on it.

  37. 37
    iknklast

    “Of course, anybody who understands humour knows that ‘eating cat food’ is a signifier of poverty, not cat obsession.”

    Which always has confused me, since cat food is actually more expensive than human food. It’s just the “ewww” factor, I suppose. But truly poor folks are eating dried beans and ramen noodles, and if they’re poorer, they’re eating garbage.

  38. 38
    dshetty

    I think I can speak on behalf of at least a whole hell of a lot of people
    well he does seem to acknowledge that non believers are filthy sinners on their way to hell – he should probably go to the inter-faith meetings with Stedman.

  39. 39
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Woo_Monster:

    I think I can speak on behalf of at least a whole hell of a lot of cats when I say, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH CAT FOOD

    I’m going to speak on behalf of households with multiple cats (I have 4): There is no such thing as too much cat food.

  40. 40
    davidmc

    Thanks, John Phillips, FCD

  41. 41
    reappaden

    More talk about me? I’m flattered.
    Brownian (and anyone else who is a bit slow getting it) here’s a suggestion- Try closing that hole under your nose you call a mouth it isn’t doing you any favors while flapping in the wind. I don’t know who told you I give a shit about your opinion of me but they were tragically mistaken. Since we are being open about things I’ll share my opinion of you. I watched you in a vid with PZ Lyers and Rebecca “don’t ask my name” Watson. I got all weepy listening to you talk about how discouraged you were dealing with people who didn’t nod and smile at you. Then A+ came and it started raining gumdrops and candy canes sprouted up in your front yard. News Flash Ian- A+ didn’t bring anything new to the table except a bunch of isolationists who like to slap labels on people despite the fact they know shit about them.(like you)
    Ophelia kinda looks like she could be a cat-lady IMO. I am allowed to have an opinion aren’t I? I never claimed I know shit about whether Ophelia has a house full of cats… she could be raising albino leprechauns for all I know. It was tongue in cheek. I expect you will call me an idiot for thinking people can use their heads as floatation devices next.My point was some of the shit she posts, is shit. You even said the same thing yourself.
    There is nothing more annoying than someone who considers others lacking because they can’t get the damn joke. I’m sorry you didn’t get it Ian I really am but I think that feeling should be familiar to you by now. What I’m getting at is if ignorance really is bliss you must be multi-orgasmic, lucky you.
    Now go quiver in ignorant pleasure somewhere and keep your mouth shut about me unless you get it. If you wish to keep on talking smack you are more than welcome to contact me and say it directly. That would be a bit more like an adult than pecking away in blog comments that I may or may not see. I assume you can find me easily enough, if not, ask Ophelia. In case you miss the point again I just told you to fuck off, with all due respect of course. Now when you want to portray me as an asshole you will be justified, you’re welcome.
    BTW Ophelia- the only reason I’m here is because you like to talk shit on your blog. I don’t let people intimidate me or talk shit about me unchecked, just so you are clear on how this all started. Keep that in mind every time you hear me mocking you. I’d really love to explain the obvious to you all day but I have cookies baking..gottta run

  42. 42
    Ophelia Benson

    Oh boy, Reap is back! Hi Reap! You’re a joy.

    Ophelia kinda looks like she could be a cat-lady IMO

    Well duh. I know: that’s what I said – “woman, ugly, 9 million years old, witch, therefore has 40 thousand cats and is crazy.” OF COURSE that’s what you meant: I’m ugly and 9 million years old so I look like a cat lady. Nobody thought you meant anything else.

    Now go quiver in ignorant pleasure somewhere and keep your mouth shut about me unless you get it. If you wish to keep on talking smack you are more than welcome to contact me and say it directly.

    Wait wait wait – that doesn’t make any sense. You popped up here to talk smack, so that’s why people talked smack about you. Nobody said a word about you before you popped up to talk smack. Why do you get to say “keep your mouth shut about me” when you popped up here to talk smack? I don’t see that in the rule book.

    BTW Ophelia- the only reason I’m here is because you like to talk shit on your blog. I don’t let people intimidate me or talk shit about me unchecked, just so you are clear on how this all started. Keep that in mind every time you hear me mocking you.

    Nobody was talking about you on this thread, Reap.

    It’s interesting that you don’t let people talk shit about you unchecked, though. You certainly talk shit about people. That’s “how all this started” – with you talking shit about people.

  43. 43
    Anthony K

    Reap, what the fuck does this have to do with cats and cat food? That is the content of the OP.

    But, since I’m a genial guy, I’ll indulge your narcissism.

    Brownian (and anyone else who is a bit slow getting it) here’s a suggestion- Try closing that hole under your nose you call a mouth it isn’t doing you any favors while flapping in the wind.

    So much for the claim you people loved FREE SPEECH!

    But I will note the irony of talking about flapping in the wind in run-on sentences.

    I don’t know who told you I give a shit about your opinion of me but they were tragically mistaken.

    Who cares whether or not you give a shit? I’m just making jokes. I thought you loved jokes, Mr. Meow Mix. You seem to like them, despite being shitty at making them.

    Since we are being open about things I’ll share my opinion of you. I watched you in a vid with PZ Lyers and Rebecca “don’t ask my name” Watson. I got all weepy listening to you talk about how discouraged you were dealing with people who didn’t nod and smile at you. Then A+ came and it started raining gumdrops and candy canes sprouted up in your front yard. News Flash Ian- A+ didn’t bring anything new to the table except a bunch of isolationists who like to slap labels on people despite the fact they know shit about them.(like you)

    Wow. You sure have a lot to say for someone who apparently doesn’t care.

    Speaking of not knowing shit about people, my name isn’t actually Ian.

    I am allowed to have an opinion aren’t I?

    Sure. I guess. Whatever. Nonetheless, you half-wit, this kind of thing doesn’t really jibe with you telling others to shut their holes.

    Stop. Breathe. Try not to contradict yourself in the same fucking comment.

    Speaking of people’s looks, is the reason for the tattoos on your arms because you don’t know how to spell ‘left’ and ‘right’? I can understand the shaved head. Someone whose head is shoved that far up his own ass probably doesn’t want to drop all their grocery money on shampoo. Nonetheless, thanks for removing the misconception that atheists are generally smarter than average. You’re surely doing the lord’s work.

    If you wish to keep on talking smack you are more than welcome to contact me and say it directly. That would be a bit more like an adult than pecking away in blog comments that I may or may not see.

    Why the fuck am I supposed to care whether you or any of your friends think I’m an adult or not?

    How about this: I’m gonna keep making my little jokes, and you can like it or not like it. I’m not asking for your permission, nor do I need it.

    In case you miss the point again I just told you to fuck off, with all due respect of course.

    Why you think you need to press that point is a bit of a mystery. I actually don’t give a fuck what you think about. At all.

    So, thanks, or whatever. I don’t care. You’re nothing to me but fodder for more jokes.

    I don’t let people intimidate me or talk shit about me unchecked, just so you are clear on how this all started.

    Poor Reap. Doesn’t like jokes, unless he’s the one making them.

    How come all these FREE SPEECH dolts are so thin-skinned?

  44. 44
    Anthony K

    Wait wait wait – that doesn’t make any sense. You popped up here to talk smack, so that’s why people talked smack about you. Nobody said a word about you before you popped up to talk smack. Why do you get to say “keep your mouth shut about me” when you popped up here to talk smack? I don’t see that in the rule book.

    Yeah. He’s not good at this.

    Let’s hope he’s a better baker than he is a thinker.

  45. 45
    Anthony K

    Let’s review the other thread, JUST SO WE’RE ALL CLEAR HOW THIS STARTED, for those on the Paden Friends and Family plan:

    Nobody mentioned Reap until he shoved his lunk head into the discussion at comment 170. He mentioned me and Ophelia in his comment.

    Until then, nobody’d even mentioned the twit.

    FUCKING TIMESTAMPS, HOW DO THEY WORK, REAP?

  46. 46
    Stacy

    There is nothing more annoying than someone who considers others lacking because they can’t get the damn joke.

    We got the joke, Reap. Everyone…got the joke.

    I actually don’t give a fuck what you think about. At all.

    Sure. We can tell how much you don’t give a fuck by that long comment at #41.

  47. 47
    Ophelia Benson

    I’m so tempted to make that comment another post. He’s so keen to expose himself, and I’m so happy to help him do it.

    But that would be cruel, wouldn’t it. I should be better than that, shouldn’t I.

  48. 48
    Anthony K

    More clarification on timelines, for the FREE SPEECHERS.

    The first time I’d ever heard of Reap Paden was in this thread, posted October 11.

    He made a comment, and I responded. Pretty benignly too, if I do say so myself.

    Ophelia used his comment as the OP for another post, that day. I made a few comments, again all pretty benign.

    I guess Reap just doesn’t like funny.

    Oh, and the content of Reap’s comment?

    Allow me to add “FUCK YEA!” and “Fuck you” just try and do something about me and my freedom to say any damn thing I want.

    Contrast with today’s:

    Try closing that hole under your nose you call a mouth it isn’t doing you any favors while flapping in the wind. I don’t know who told you I give a shit about your opinion of me but they were tragically mistaken.

    Now that’s comedy gold right there.

  49. 49
    Ophelia Benson

    I think he’s hoping to be talent-scouted by Fox News.

  50. 50
    AJ Milne

    Sooooo… Reap is some kinda Markov chain-based text generator seeded with the contents of a coupla YouTube comment threads?

    I take back one part of my previous comment. Turns out one of my personalities is impressed.

    …It’s just the one that finds ‘Weebl’s Stuff’ kinda funny, mind.

    (/I wonder what’s with the no paragraph breaks thing, though… Woulda figured those wouldn’t be that much more trouble to do.)

  51. 51
    Argle Bargle

    I certainly was impressed by Reap’s long digression on how little he cares about what people say about him. I was also dazzled by how he supports FREEZ PEACH as long as he’s the one speaking but not if he’s being discussed.

  52. 52
    Nepenthe

    You like cats, therefore you eat cat food.

    I like snakes, therefore… oh god, I think I just realized why I never have enough frozen mice on hand.

  53. 53
    Aratina Cage

    Mr. Meow Mix.

    Heh. If the flea collar fits…

  54. 54
    Jenora Feuer

    Regarding the enemies thing from the start of the thread, I think in this case what it means is that the clever enemies would have figured out by now that opening their mouths is a losing proposition. Not so much that you’re not worth clever enemies than that the clever ones wouldn’t be putting their heads directly on the chopping block and taunting you like this.

    And I think I’ve figured out where guys like this are coming from: Atheism is not his primary philosophy. His primary philosophy is ‘Yer not the boss o’ me!’ Atheism just comes from his willingness to include God and church in the list of things that aren’t the boss of him, as opposed to any rational or skeptical approaches to the world.

  55. 55
    Ophelia Benson

    I like that interpretation. Makes sense.

  56. 56
    bcmystery

    I think he’s hoping to be talent-scouted by Fox News.

    Ouch. LOL, but still … ouch.

    Also, @Nepenthe, actual LOL, not just an internet LOL. My cat was alarmed.

  57. 57
    eric

    Nepenthe:

    You like cats, therefore you eat cat food.

    I like snakes, therefore… oh god, I think I just realized why I never have enough frozen mice on hand.

    Somewhere in there is a good Twilight Zone reference. Maybe something like: I like men so…ITs…ITS A COOKBOOK!

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