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Jun 17 2012

Bible fanfiction?

Found this on r/atheism and it gave me a good chuckle:

I’m not really chuckling at the blasphemy…more at the fact that it sounds eeriely like the fanfiction I wasted most of high school reading. Though come on, if we’re going to write Bible slash fiction, Jesus and his apostles OTP.

Feel free to write your own Bible fanfiction in the comments.

EDIT: I just read the usernames of the people who were posting in that image, and…oh boy. Bad sex puns, homophobic slurs, and pokemon names all in one place. Good job, internet *facepalm*

This is post 38 of 49 of Blogathon. Donate to the Secular Student Alliance here.

10 comments

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  1. 1
    Lynda M O

    Funny stuff, Jen, I appreciated it.

  2. 2
    Twinarp

    The whole Bible is just Jesus and God fanfiction. :)

  3. 3
    Brian

    I immediately thought of http://www.homeonthestrange.com/view.php?ID=211

  4. 4
    Kimi

    Actually Book of Mormon is Jesus fanfiction. It’s not writen by anybody who knew Jesus christ and doesn’t contain any facts about lives of Jews in the ancient midlle-east.

  5. 5
    joviality

    +10

    I will now be referring to Mormonism exclusively as Bible fan fiction.

  6. 6
    efnord

    http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/007464.html “Personally, I’m convinced that the legends of the Holy Grail are fanfic about the Eucharist”

  7. 7
    kaleberg

    Some Jesus fan fiction is pretty good. Try Milton’s Paradise Lost. That’s where we get the whole Satan, fallen angel, rule in hell thing. It’s not from the Bible, but from fanfic.

  8. 8
    Ani Sharmin

    I find this hilarious. I actually still read fan fiction, and I’m having thoughts back to all the stories that are similarly written …

    @Brian (#3): Thank you for the link! I’ve got it bookmarked now.

    @Kimi (#4): I totally agree. The following is basically what I think of the Old Testament, New Testament, Qur’an, and Book of Mormon in relationship to each other, if they were a book series.

    Hebrew Bible/Old Testament = Book 1, in which the author seeks to get readers interested by being deliberately confusing and mysterious and ridiculous to keep people reading, ending with a cliff hanger

    New Testament = Book 2, in which the author was unconcerned about self-contradiction, the typical “middle book” of a trilogy, which serves to continue the story while not giving any proper answers, so that there is still reason to read the last book (is considered non-canon by those who proclaimed metaphorical Death of the Author due to its inconsistency with Book 1)

    Qur’an = Book 3, written very poorly by someone who was hired by the publisher to finish the series after the original author died, with little regard for canon and insistent upon inserting their own fanon into the series, sometimes even rewriting events that had already occurred (is considered non-canon by those who insist that the new author did not correctly follow the drafts left behind by the original Creator)

    Book of Mormon = The unauthorized sequel, a rather intense AU fan fiction, which seems to borrow heavily from the previous works, but adds OCs and different locations

    @kaleberg (#6): Agreed. It always amuses me that some of the most well-accepted and well-known interpretations of the Bible are actually based on literature other than the Bible.

  9. 9
    Joven

    One of the greats of fanfiction, Hans Von Hozel, has touched upon the bible a few times. Heres his (much better) take on The DaVinci Code
    ——–
    Leonardo Da Vinci was making paints on a painting.

    Suddenly, he ran out of paint!

    “Oh nO!” say Da Vinci, “I have made runnings out of paint! Now I will have to go to Paint Room to get more!”

    Da Vinci went to Paint Room, and was a shock at what he saw!

    Jesus was having love affair with many women!

    Jesus started to danube about the room to impress the females!

    Da Vinci started to take pictures with his photo, and then ran out of the rom.

    Da Vinci went to the news, and made a selling off his pictures!

    The next day, Jesus love affars were all over the media news.

    Jesus made a sadly at see the news.

    “I am sadly at see news!”! say Jesus, and he made sadly in a corner, “This story makes a sadly!”

    “WHO HAS CREATION OF THIS SKANDAL!” boamed God, as he threw the television out of the window, “I SHALL MAKE A DESTRUCTION OF WHO HAS DONE THIS!”

  10. 10
    Anat

    Talmudic midrash agada is entirely fanfiction versions of the Hebrew Bible. Missing scenes, retelling from other POVs, filling in missing motives. Cool stuff, actually.

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