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A new earthquake hypothesis

Apparently the idea that immodestly dressed women cause earthquakes is sooooo last year. The real reason? Gay marriage, duh.


A New York rabbi claims gay marriage and the earthquake that shook the East Coast are directly connected.

In a video uploaded to YouTube, Levin says gay rights legislation, like the gay marriage law passed in New York, are responsible for earthquakes, like the one that struck Washington, D.C. Tuesday.

“The Talmud states, ‘You have shaken your male member in a place where it doesn’t belong. I too, will shake the Earth,’” Levin says.

He also notes that he does not dislike gay people.

“We don’t hate homosexuals,” he says. “I feel bad for homosexuals. It’s a revolt against God and literally, there’s hell to pay.”

On Top Magazine reports that Joseph Farah, editor of WorldNetDaily.com, expressed similar sentiments.

Obviously I must find some lucky lady to marry me in the name of science. Or we can just stop listening to bigoted religious wackadoodles who know nothing about natural disasters. What a novel idea.

Comments

  1. says

    “You have shaken your male member in a place where it doesn’t belong. I too, will shake the Earth,”Huh, I always thought that passage referred to particularly unsanitary urinals.

  2. says

    I am a lovely lady and I once had a dream that you asked me out on a school bus. (I’m not actually particularly attracted to you, but I was reading your blog right before bed…) We can have the ceremony at a nice campground in Louisa very very near the epicenter. That outta stir up some divine wrath we can measure!

  3. Selfification says

    Well..  clearly this calls for Shmarriage-quake!/bonus points to those who get the reference.

  4. Annie says

    Is anyone else tired of religious people always trying to “explain” natural physical occurrences with wacky explanations?  It was kind of cute for a while, and then mildly entertaining.  Now, I just want them to go away.

  5. says

    seriously. Virginia has some of the least gay-friendly laws in the country. That plus the severe weather cutting short the Pope’s anti-gay speech suggests a very different divine message.Or, you know, maybe it’s just nature.

  6. says

    There’s a nice secular egalitarian community called Twin Oaks in Mineral, VA who’d probably let you have it there. If that doesn’t draw out the quakes, I don’t know what will.

  7. AaronJ says

    Yes because, as we all know, correlation does in fact imply causation. This becomes more true the more you have to stretch the correlation to fit.

  8. says

    >Obviously I must find some lucky lady to marry me in the name of science. But which of you will be “shaking you male member in a place where it doesn’t belong?”Or will this actually require a treesome?

  9. Peripheralnerves says

    I thought Jews didn’t believe in a literal Hell? I guess when it’s convenient…

  10. breadbox says

    “It was kind of cute for a while”? You mean like what, during the Dark Ages? Let’s face it, they’ve been doing exactly this throughout all of recorded history, and presumably back before that, since the very first religion. Heck, explaining natural physical occurrences to wackiness seems to be the very bread-and-butter of religion.

  11. says

    Could someone get the balls to ask these people why god needs natural phenomenon as a means of making a point?  Can’t the almighty just wave his mighty hand to wipe out a few buildings in the offending city?  I mean honestly, god’s not sending much of a message if the best it could do is to muster a 5.8…  Doesn’t it just seem like the petty tantrum of a spoiled brat when the best it could do is knock shit off some counter tops?

  12. kendermouse says

    This is funny, because just yesterday on twitter, I was asking, if the east coast earthquakes are due to gay marriage, then what’s the deal with the severe drought in Texas, one of the most anti-gay states?Also, Jen… I notice this popped up right after you said you didn’t wanna pack. Stalling only hurts you in the long run, you know. I know the spiders are scary, but you’ll never get away from them if you don’t pack.

  13. says

    I find it astounding that you feel so threatened by people you think are nothing but “religious wackadoodles.” Personally, I don’t typically comment on people who are detached from reality. If they cannot be reasoned with, what reason could you possibly have to get worked up every time some obscure rabbi carries on about God punishing humanity? Here is my take on the earthquake. I don’t really care whether it is a message from God or not. Does it not make more sense to simply learn how to prepare for natural disasters, rather than piss and moan about what the fundamentalist of the week is proclaiming?It is the same old story over and over. A natural disaster happens, some fundamentalist says something about God punishing humanity for immorality, and then the secular atheist community, in a self-congratulatory manner, remind everyone how they are too enlightened to believe such nonsense. Here is my prediction: you won’t “stop listening to bigoted religious wackadoodles who know nothing about natural disasters.” No, instead you will listen very carefully for them, and will remind everyone how you are too smart to believe such nonsense. The rest of us will just stand in amazement that you have to devote a blog to saying essentially the same thing over and over again: you think that religious hypotheses are inferior to scientific ones.You really are onto something insightful, but I just said everything that needs to be said about it in one sentence. If you want to stop listening to “religious wackadoodles” then why would you continue to bring attention to them?

  14. says

    Same thing as savages who thought floods and droughts were the wrath of gods for insufficient human sacrifice or insufficient silly dances.Society is supposed to have fucking progressed beyond that by learning the fucking natural causes for natural disasters, if people pay attention in elementary school science class.

  15. WingedBeast says

    The real test should be a gay-marriage marathon event.  Get people together and perform as many marriages per hour as possible.As a heterosexual, I’ll help out.  Not by getting married, but by being an usher.  Or, I can get one of those internet confirmations so I can perform the marriage.  “If there is anyone present and supernatural who objects to this marriage, make with the earthquakes already.”

  16. Fencer_guy says

    You know maybe the skepitcal/atheist need to send out pr statment like relgion people do.  Except we say that <blank> made the earthquake to punish people for not reading their science books.   Darwkin made the Tsunmi because people arent reading his books.  Sounds just as good to me</blank>

  17. Lars Martin says

    Instead of a gay-marriage-athon wouldn’t a more direct test be a male member shake-athon? Might get people arrested if it’s in a public place, though.

  18. Richelle McCullough- says

    Has anyone ever pointed out that all these scriptural references only refer to men? Doesn’t that imply that God has no beef with ladies-who-like-ladies?And anyway, Canada has had gay marriage for years now, and we’ve not had any big earthquakes at all. They keep promising us that Vancouver will fall into the ocean and you’d think that if anything was going to cause that major tectonic plate shift, it would be national, legalized gay marriage.

  19. says

    I got a great theory: Earthquakes are caused by the Flying Spaghetti Monster trying to kill off intolerant douchebags.My proof is simple. No matter where you look, when you see these earthquakes, there will be at least one ID (Intolerant Douchebag… though the similarity in abbreviations is suggestive…) every time. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.Gays have gotten married for years now in places like Amsterdam, and no major earthquakes there. But some uppity minor cult leader peeps up, and suddenly the east coast suffers an earthquake. Coincidence? I think not.

  20. Icaarus says

    I have a friend up here in Canada who would be perfect for you. A mathy girl who really, really likes the west coast.

  21. says

    I prefer both of us shaking, in my (someday) marriage. The religious right often forgets about the lesbians, but I guarantee they’re not okay with any of the “unnatural” things we get up to.

  22. says

    Because these religious wackadoodles are trying to destroy my family. Well, Dan Savage’s family, I don’t technically have one. But if I did, they’d try to destroy it. Making fun of them for ridiculous claims that are provably silly encourages people to stop listening to them about anything.

  23. says

    I am pretty sure we have learned that God is a Man, and therefore, thru deductive reasoning, spends most of his spare time watching the ladies-with-ladies (instead of oh, saving people from tsunamis). 

  24. kendermouse says

    I swear there was a webcomic on exactly this, during boobquake – two lesbians making out to see if it’d piss off god? I seem to remember god in the webcomic enjoying it…

  25. Morpheus91 says

    Although I’d be willing to bet many of them are very okay with watching it in the secret shame of their own darkened rooms. :P

  26. Morpheus91 says

    Uh, yeah, cuz allowing them to parade their nonsense to the gullible masses is a wise step in education and prevention.  *disclaimer* The above statement should be read with immense sarcasm tags.

  27. apenpaap says

    I’ve got to say that ‘You have shaken your male member in a place where it doesn’t belong. I too, will shake the Earth’ has got to be one of the most hilarious lines from a holy book I’ve ever read.

  28. Svlad Cjelli says

    By Law of Analogy, the Earth is also a male member (of Talmud, Levin, or someone else? The Law Firm of Talmud, Levin & Scott?).

  29. The Edge says

    We now know that the epicenter was actually in a cemetery outside of Washington DC.  All the founding forefathers were rolling over in their graves.

  30. Valis says

    Well I have to say, we never ever get earthquakes here in South Africa, and gay marriage is entrenched in our constitution.

  31. Blitzgal says

    Speaking of confirmation bias.  While the Pope was giving his anti-gay speech at World Youth Day, a huge storm sprang up and forced him to cut his speech short.  But of course THAT’S not a message from God.  Oh, no.

  32. warner says

    Yes, go find a church steeple without lightning rods because god will protect them. And church basements are thus the safest place to store gunpowder.Religious wackadoodles cause a fair number of deaths each year in this country.

  33. OverlappingMagisteria says

    Jen, just you getting married won’t be enough. We need to organize a wide spread event like Boobquake and get a lot of gay people to marry on the same day. Gay marriage  will have to be legalized everywhere in order for this experiment to work . Legalize gay marriage… for SCIENCE!

  34. says

    Actually, it’s good that people like this exist. It helps remind others that one specific religion doesn’t have a monopoly on insane bullshit. Quite frankly, superstitious nonsense has very few other places for it to go. If you’re willing to believe anything, you might as well believe everything, including these nutjob ideas.

  35. Corruptingheresies says

    The quake was about as intensive as a magic finger hotel bed. Maybe god was trying to give everyone a nice massage?

  36. Zuche says

    Yeah, it reads like pretty bizaare trash talk.”Dude, you thought to move the Earth with a hammer like that? Let me show you what it takes to impress a rock.”Not that the Earth’s impressed, what with having had to do the real work since the first days. Besides, isn’t this guy, like, supposed to be her father or something? Ick.

  37. says

    Yes, because the “gullible masses” are most likely listening to an obscure rabbi from New York City. There are 6.5 million Jews in the United States, and entire 2% of the population. And you know what that means? Not even a significant fraction of that 2% likely cares what this rabbi thinks. Even fewer non-Jews likely care what he thinks. So don’t give me that: you are not concerned with what these people say because they are fooling the “gullible masses,” you are concerned because you hate religion and you love to find instances of religious leaders saying things in direct confrontation with scientific reasoning.I mean, I get it, there is no reason to think God had anything to do with these natural disasters. But at the same time, I don’t think the belief that God does have something to do with these natural disasters plays that big a role in most peoples’ lives. For most people, even if they do believe it, it is a quirky belief that  stands in the background of their mind. It is not something that influences their lives that much, and honestly even if they all changed their minds and decided that God did not punish with natural disasters, it would not change much. So, yes, I find it really strange that you people focus so much on such an insignificant belief. We all have strange beliefs, and I am certain that none of us are perfectly rational. But what exactly is the benefit for “education and prevention” in pointing out and mocking instances of strange beliefs? Why not just teach people how to think cogently?My best guess is that actually devoting a blog to cogent thinking rather than just mocking bad thinking is not as sexy. It wouldn’t get the traffic.

  38. says

    Well Jen I would love to marry a West Coast geeky gal like you for Science. Unfortunately the force of my large catholic family in NY falling to the floor in simultaneous apoplectic fits would give the fundies the earthquake they’re looking for.

  39. says

    Jen, if you notice its GAY marriage that causes earthquakes. Unless you have a male member to shake in places that it should not be shaken you cannot cause an earthquake, even if you hold the lesbian sex high score (Apparently God likes Lesbians…)Actually we can respond back to the bigotted religious dick with this simple point…Look anal sex may be a bit “icky” but you know what’s an even worse no no than sodomy?Molesting Children…That’s right, we can blame this entirely on the religious people who covered up the various systemic abuses of children in their care. As places where penises should not be shaken “around children” is pretty much at the fucking top of the list. It’s amusing how gays irritate god but molesting children doesn’t… Or you know, plate tectonics.But if shaking your penis in places that it should not be shaken causes earthquakes then my plans to build an earthquake device are so much more easier. Perhaps Tesla was onto something with resonance… if we could somehow shake male members in such a way that they resonate with the natural frequency of the earth?Perhaps earthquakes should be measured on the Dickter scale?

  40. Yoav says

    My guess is that they ignore girl/girl relationship is because most of these magic books were written at a time where a woman preferences (sexual or other) were not considered to be relevant for deciding her future. Girls “enjoyed” the same status as livestock and were sold for breading. For the men who wrote the books that made questions of female attraction irrelevant.

  41. Lagerbaer says

    I dream of the day where statements by religious figures are treated the same way we treat the last stupid thing Paris Hilton said or the last craaaazy stuff Charlie Sheen told reporters. PS: Shake the member in places it don’t belong… so… what about an earthquake in Vatican City anytime soon?

  42. Unbeliever says

    GayQuake!We must make gay marriage legal (and frequent) across the country, to scientifically test this hypothesis!

  43. Azkyroth says

    They’re not “insignificant” you condescending fuck.  Millions of people believe this shit, unlike your concern-trolling ass they’re sincere, and they vote.  And you know it.

  44. Everyday_Atheist says

    Breaking News: Techtonic Plate Shifts Found to Make People Gay. “My bad,” says Pat Robertson,” totally got that one ass backwards.”

  45. says

    Lesbians are mentioned by Paul in Romans 1:26 “Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. ” 

  46. says

    Blah, blah. I do not really care what you believe or how much you bitch about religious zealots. I just like to point out that it makes no sense to say “let’s quit listening to these people, but please let’s talk about them every time they say something.”You can call me a “concern-troll” all you want, but that does not change the fact that you are either a hypocrite or incapable of realizing that talking about how you should not take these people seriously is, in fact, taking them seriously and listening to what they say.And if it makes me a “condescending fuck” to say that I don’t think peoples’ beliefs about what God is up to with earthquakes matter much, then I am a “condescending fuck.” I don’t really care. I know people who believe that natural disasters are wake up calls from God, but you know what? At the end of the day, they don’t talk about it near as much as you atheists who love to argue with them do. It is just a quirky belief, and to be quite honest I don’t even care if people with these beliefs are in public office. The fact of the matter is that their opposition to abortion, their stance against homosexual marriage, and whatever other conservative position they take that gets secular feathers in a ruffle are not a result of their belief that God punishes these actions with earthquakes. But yeah, I must just be a “condescending fuck” for pointing out the obvious: I never knew who Rabbi Yehuda Levin was until I read the rant on this blog, and I am sure most people have never heard of him unless some pretentious blogger finds a need to talk about him. So, way to go! You want to suppress this man’s message, and the only way you can do that is by making more people aware of it than would have been if you had just not said anything.What do I know, though? I am, after all, just a “condescending fuck.”

  47. JM says

    I think that women just aren’t important enough to those folks, so nothing women do is important.  Besides, women are all too simple to understand morality and theology and such deep matters, so not too much can be expected of us….besides obedience, of course.

  48. says

    Hey, I think there’s this novel site called Blogger that lets you start your own blog! Isn’t that cool?! It means you don’t have to waste your time telling other bloggers what they should and shouldn’t be talking about like some pompous asshole! What a great invention.

  49. ckitching says

    Why do you assume that means lesbianism, and not bestiality?  Or perhaps even the more mundane and relatively harmless sexual fetishes?  I could certainly imagine quite a number of people classifying S&M or female domination being ‘unnatural’, even today.

  50. says

    I am not upset by any of it. I just think it is laughable that people who purport to be “reasonable” would miss the glaring contradiction of  saying “we can just stop listening to bigoted religious wackadoodles who know nothing about natural disasters” while at the same time listening very closely to everything they say.You don’t know what I think about bigotry, as I have in fact I have defended, at length throughout my academic career, the validity of same-sex marriage. I guess if I am upset by anything (an upset is most certainly the wrong word to use), it is that it is YOU PEOPLE who are giving a voice to the bigots. If you actually took your advice seriously and stopped listening to the bigots, and let them merely preach to the choir, then these people would probably not be so popular. They are only popular by the controversy they stir up. Here is my take. Reasonable people are not persuaded by people who think God causes natural disasters as a form of punishment, and people who propose that natural disasters are a form of punishment are not going to change their minds by these pointless rants against them. The only thing that will happen is they will feel validated because of the perceived “persecution” they feel.So, my question to all of you is, what exactly is your point? And why do you respond to me by attacking my character rather than responding to my points?

  51. Wotan Anubis says

    As a Dutch person I am somewhat surprised anyone could possibly think gay marriage causes natural disaster. I mean, good grief, we were the first to allow gay marriage and we have been pretty free of anything truly devastating.Maybe God’s just gearing up for a really big one. You know, wipe out the entire country in one big tsunami/earthquake/hurricane/volcanic eruption combo.Or maybe gay marriage and natural disasters have absolutely nothing to do with one another.

  52. says

    Asalammualaikum Tun Dr. Mahathir,
    Saya tertarik dengan cadangan WHY BEE BANGI. Walaupun rakyat menunjukkan rasa tidak puas hati keatas Pk Lah tapi tidak ade “follow up action” selepas PR yang lepas. Mukhriz pula seolah bersendirian di dalam perjuangan. Surat dan “cadangan” Mukhriz seolah tidak berkesan. What can I do to contribute effectively?

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