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EA Sports Active 2 is a tool of Satan

DDR was getting a little tedious to play every single day. And while it’s good cardio, it doesn’t really work out any other parts of my body. That’s why I was all excited when my package came in today containing EA Sports Active 2. I could, you know, go to the gym or something, but I’m a hermit with a PS3, so why not.

With the hokey opening sequence and mind numbingly simple initial explanations, I assumed this game must be made for old people who are trying to get in shape using their kid’s video game console. Based on that observation, I thought it would be perfectly fine for a young adult who’s been playing DDR for a week to start on Medium instead of Easy.

Holy fuck.

I only made it through half of my work out before quitting because my legs were cramping up and I felt like I was going to vomit. That’s including watching minute long tutorials before each exercise. And by watching, I mean flopping onto my couch like a beached whale and frantically pressing the “Show Tutorial Again” button.

No one should have to do mountain climbers followed by bent arm side planks.

The salt in the wound was having the game tell me I only burned 55 calories, despite the fact that all of my muscles burned and I felt like I was about to die. Maybe it was supposed to make me vomit. That would certainly get rid of some calories.

Fuck you game.

EDIT: 20 minutes have gone by, and I still feel like heaving. I’m having flashbacks to middle school gym class… Except my legs hurt so much I don’t know if I’d be able to dash to the toilet in time.