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Jun 08 2010

Spit, Swallow, or Soufflé?

Friends send me strange sex-related articles all the time. I probably should be concerned what this says about my interests and personality, but I’m more intrigued by the articles themselves. I always think to myself, “Wow, nothing can be stranger than this.” I’m usually wrong.

Latest example: The cutting edge in cookbooks, Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes.

“Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients – you will love this cook book!”

Uhhh…what a delicious looking…glaze?

…I think I suddenly became a vegetarian.

(Via Living the Scientific Life)

39 comments

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  1. 1
    Improbable Joe

    NO.Also, some people have WAY too much free time and imagination for their own good.

  2. 2
    kendermouse

    *laughs* I found an article on this cookbook ages ago. I actually know someone who wants a copy of the book, and another person actually willing to try the recipes.

  3. 3
    Robert B

    I have a really bad joke, but I’m not going to tell it, but it plays with the word vegetarian. You figure it out.

  4. 4
    Frank Christiny

    If semen had been meant for the palate, women would have their tonsils in their vaginas, and men’s glans would look like a nipple….

  5. 5
    Jeff

    Ummm–how many servings?

  6. 6
    javamann

    Ah, combine my two loves, Internet porn and cooking.

  7. 7
    Rob

    This was the book featured on a Tosh.0 episode (his “book of the month” club to compete with Oprah). when they panned through the audience eating yogurt, their reactions were priceless. HAHA!

  8. 8
    CCC

    I’m feeling a bit queasy…

  9. 9
    Michon van Dooren

    I wonder how many people are actually willing to try stuff like this out. You know, statistically speaking. I’d guess most people react the way you did, but I honestly don’t really know. Time for some more research? ;)

  10. 10
    Craig

    As a gay man, I’ve definitely “tried” many different guy’s semen. I’m not sure I really care about using it in a culinary setting, but it’s a perfectly natural, normal, unharmful practise to ingest semen.

  11. 11
    Jessica Lee

    shrug.sweetie, i’ve talked to people who wish to eat afterbirth. semen is nothing.

  12. 12
    Ben

    It’s not that bad, but I wouldn’t use it for cooking. Then again, some people eat liver, kidneys, brains, intestines, and all sorts of (to me) disgusting food.Anyway, sure, we (most of us) have semen in the home on tap, so to speak, but I wonder how one would go about getting enough to make a crémé caramel. Orgy time!

  13. 13
    Joey Maloney

    I *think* that cookbook is a joke. But on the other hand, isn’t semen pretty close to egg white from a cooking-chemistry standpoint? Protein in a water suspension?

  14. 14
    Ben01

    I know what you mean! My boyfriend is crazy about sperm, and he’d think it was nice and naughty if we’d use it in food. I’m actually pretty curious what it does to the taste of normal foods.

  15. 15
    Andrew Hall

    There should be a warning on the book-WARNING-Catholic priests should only use the semen from consenting ADULTS.http://laughinginpurgatory.blogspot.com/2010/06

  16. 16
    Joey Maloney

    If you can figure out how to get semen from a child…well, I’m not really sure what. Best keep it to yourself, I suppose.

  17. 17
    Tori Aletheia

    OMG I have to get that book and give it as a white elephant gift!

  18. 18
    Noah Bogart

    I feel the need to point out this Penny-Arcade strip.

  19. 19
    Bhangers and Mash

    I sometimes plan on using my own spunk to a biscuit or something else for a quick after jerk-off snack. Unfortunately, the idea suddenly does not seem as appetizing after the prolactin kicks in, so I usually just end up discarding it, since the idea of saving it for later doesn’t sound too appealing at the time either.

  20. 20
    Bhangers and Mash

    Ah, the recipe names! xD”High Protein Smoothie””Irish Coffee with Extra Cream””Man Made Oysters””Roasted Lamb with Good Gravy””Tuna Sashimi with Homemade Dipping Sauce””Tiramisu Surprise””Chocolate Truffles with White Center”

  21. 21
    Angela

    This is completely unrelated to the topic at hand, but I think I’ve found a “god” you could live with, as it’s supported with factual evidence: http://www.thechurchofgoogle.o

  22. 22
    mcbender

    I came across this a few years ago and was similarly disgusted… but of course I immediately sent links to all of my friends. It’s the kind of thing that I find too appalling to look away from.I’ve never been able to figure out whether or not it’s a joke.

  23. 23
    Dustin

    All I can picture is the scene from Van Wilder, with the canine eclairs. “It’s so creamy!”

  24. 24
    Jadehawk

    that is awesome… but I hope the sperm suppliers were properly fed on pineapple. wouldn’t want that asparagus taste to ruin one’s desert! ;-)

  25. 25
    Alexrkr7

    They do have some good recipes. You should try the creemofsumyonguy**That’s right I’m hip to it

  26. 26
    Greg23

    Semen – “It’s not just for breakfast anymore.”

  27. 27
    Andrew Hall

    Some minors (legally speaking) can be physically mature enough to ejaculate.

  28. 28
    Pablo

    I once had a dream that one of the chefs on Iron Chef made a dish that involved him ejaculating on it.I’m not making it up, I did dream that.

  29. 29
    Andy The Nerd

    I can’t wait for the follow-up book: Cooking With Menstrual Blood.

  30. 30
    Joey Maloney

    mmmm, (Menstrual) Blood Sausage!

  31. 31
    Pepijn

    “Some” minors? I don’t know about you, but I’ve been “physically mature enough” since about age eleven… ;-)

  32. 32
    Jessica Lee

    hahahahahawell some ppl eat placenta because of all the hormones and such in it. But I tell them, the only way to get all that good stuff is to eat it raw.

  33. 33
    Not Guilty

    As I read the title of this post, I was wondering if it had something to do with semen, but I figured that was just my dirty mind going to strange place. Turns out, I’m not all that strange..

  34. 34
    Darkpaw

    Ick.

  35. 35
    Never Was An Arrow II

    A recipe book for the categorically insane.The book’s author, a gay male nurse, tested the recipes using his OWN sperm.Gays…now you know why Muslims hate you…

  36. 36
    guest

    Fluff-n-Nutter. Crunchy or smooth?

  37. 37
    Patrick Neal Russell Julius

    That is incredibly bizarre.Honestly, using ANY human body fluid in food is bizarre. I’m sure it’s completely sanitary—you cook it, after all—but it’s still extremely squicky.Also, if we’re honest, it’s difficult to obtain a really cooking-worthy quantity of semen. A typical ejaculation is only about 5-10 mL. How does one cook with less than a teaspoon?Swallow, by all means. But don’t souffle.

  38. 38
    Patrick Neal Russell Julius

    Also, so long as it is obtained from a willing subject, human semen should be considered vegan.The point of veganism is to not harm sentients; it shouldn’t be about not eating animal products for the sake of not eating animal products.

  39. 39
    Azkyroth

    So it’s prolactin that does that. Interesting. O.o

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