Face meets palm: Teaparty Thanksgiving email


Below is the obligatory, paranoid chain letter I got from a buddy, painting a dark picture of Thanksgiving a few years from now. It’s dripping with the kind of Big Brother sentiment that we all know scatters like dry leaves in the wind as soon as a conservative gets in the wheelhouse. Here’s a clip — as I would never want to inflict the full weight of this maniacal masterpiece in willful ignorance on any normal person:

No Link Available — His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether. Perhaps it was the constant bombarding he got in public school that global warming, the bird flu, terrorism, or any of a number of other calamities were “just around the corner”, but Jason had developed a kind of nihilistic attitude that ranged between simmering surliness and outright hostility. It didn’t help that Jason had reported his father to the police for smoking a cigarette in the house, an act made criminal by the Smoking Control Statute of 2018, which outlawed smoking anywhere within 500 feet of another human being. Winston paid the $5,000 fine, which might have been considered excessive before the American dollar became virtually worthless as a result of QE13.

The latest round of quantitative easing the federal government initiated was, once again, to “spur economic growth.” This time, they promised to push unemployment below its years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was not particularly hopeful.

Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought, before remembering it was a Day of Atonement.

At least, he had his memories. He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized his children would never know what life was like in the Good Old Days, long before government promises to make life “fair for everyone” realized their full potential. Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never realized how much things could change when they didn’t happen all at once, but little by little, so people could get used to them. He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while there was still time, maybe back around 2012, when all the real nonsense began.


In reality of course, the current administration has overseen recovery from the Great Recession, closed down one ill-conceived trillion-dollar war and is working on ending another. Put together a coalition that ended Qadaffi’s reign in Libya, gave the order to whack bin Laden, and is well on the way to removing Syria’s chemical weapons stocks under international observation. All without a single US casualty.

Just in the last few weeks under this same “tyrannical bumbling yet-somehow-still-an evil-genius,” the Dow has hit 16000 for the first time in history having doubled in the last few years, the NASDAQ is at levels not seen since I was a well to do investment manager almost 15 years ago, and we are on the precipice of a deal with Iran to halt uranium enrichment that may bring that isolated land and people back into the community of nations, with fringe benefits that could spill over into everything from regional security to global energy prices. Beginning in 35 days millions of Americans like me will have access to affordable healthcare despite income, newtworth, and preexisting conditions.

That Kenyan bastard! Impeach!



  1. kayden says

    What would Tea Partiers do if President Obama was even close to the monster they make him out to be? As a lefty leftwinger, I have a few criticisms of the way Obama has done some things as he is a little too centrist for me so I have to chuckle at all of the claims that he’s a communist/socialist. If only.

  2. brucegee1962 says

    I remember a conversation I had once with a fundie. He was going off into a long screed about the various things that were causing the decline of society, and I said, “Well, I disagree with your premise.” He was flummoxed and asked me what I meant, and I told him that I thought society was getting better in almost every measurable way, and had been doing so for decades. I gave him plenty of examples.

    He was almost rendered speechless. The “downward spiral of Western Civilization” is so central to their narrative that most of them have never even heard it questioned, and in some ways, its absence is a worldview that’s even harder for them to wrap their brains around than the worldview of a universe without god. I think that many of them would also at heart be optimistic themselves, if it wasn’t for the drumbeat of doom they hear from their news sources. Pointing out how we see the world as a much brighter place than they do is a potentially good way of reaching out to them.

  3. Pierce R. Butler says

    We’re only up to Queen Elizabeth II, and these guys are warning us about QE13?

    That’s some high-powered prophesizing!

Leave a Reply