I applaud Language Log’s bold new policy

Bravo! A blog about language gets, as you might expect, a few fairly repetitive responses to common issues, and Language Log gets lots of unimaginative comments about ending a sentence with a preposition…and they’ve reached the limits of their patience.

Unable to bear any longer the tedious work of seeking out all the instances of these two dopey comment types and deleting them, I have decided that from now on I will hunt down the relevant commenters and kill them.

I realize that it is unusual for a popular science blog to launch upon a policy of killing its own readers. That is why I thought an explicit warning should go up on the site first. This is that warning.

Since there is now a precedent, I will happily follow suit. I have a few peeves of my own that I think will have to be treated with the death penalty to all offenders.

  • The man waiting for rescue from a flood “joke”. No, I will not repeat it. And remember, if you try to repeat it in the comments, it is now a killing offense. (If you really need to know what it is, it’s in my book.)

  • Any statement about how science is just another religion.

  • In any thread about the problems women face in our culture, any man who starts crying about his poor butchered foreskin will join it in the biological waste disposal.

  • Any claim that atheists ignore the ‘sophisticated’ claims of theists without telling us exactly what those brilliant neglected arguments are.

There will certainly be others added to this list, because I am capricious and vindictive.

Geoffrey Pullum has contracted out the termination job to two of his staffers, Luca and Enzo. I do not employ “people” with sufficient autonomy to have warranted names, but instead will be dispatching the faceless (literally) molluscan horde to take care of the condemned. A suggestion: if you receive a death sentence, head for the nearest seacoast and wait for the tentacles to arise; they’re savage, quick, and painless. Trying to hide in landlocked areas means you’ll be taken care of by the snails and slugs, which means execution by slow, painful radulation.

Congratulations to John Dixon

Dixon, you may recall, was the fellow who mention on twitter that he was hurrying past the Church of Scientology “in case the stupid rubs off”, and for his casual contempt was rewarded with a lawsuit from the ever-sensitive Scientologists. It didn’t work. Dixon has been cleared.

I think that in his honor everyone should get on Twitter today and write something dismissive and rude about Scientology.

From Nunavut to Lourdes

Eric Dejaeger is a Catholic priest and pedophile who benefited greatly from church policy: when it was learned that he was a child-raping monster, the Catholic Church did the upright, moral thing and kept him on as a priest, but simply shipped him off to the Canadian north where he’d only be raping the Inuit. When the law caught up with him even in that remote place, he fled…and guess where he found shelter and employment? Back in the arms of Mother Church, of course.

The Belgian-born priest, who became a Canadian citizen in 1977, is wanted for three counts of indecent assault on a male and three counts of buggery for incidents involving minors and alleged to have occurred between 1978 and 1982 in Igloolik. These charges were laid after he completed a five-year sentence in April of 1995 (a penitentiary stint, a halfway house then probation) for abusing children in Baker Lake, then part of the Northwest Territories, now part of Nunavut. Dejaeger left Canada before his first court date in June of 1995 and a bench warrant was issued for his arrest.

Six years later, the Interpol red alert was circulated. Nine years after that, in May of this year, Belgian journalist Douglas De Coninck published an article detailing Dejaeger’s life on the lam. The priest worked with pilgrims in Lourdes and participated in masses. A member of the Oblate Order of Mary Immaculate, he was living at the order’s villa in Blanden. Several months after the article appeared, Dejaeger voluntarily turned himself in at the Leuven police station.

Unfortunately, the Belgian police just turned him loose again, stating that there was no extradition order from Canada. He’s on the run again. Given his history, I can guess where we’ll find him: turn over a few churches, and he’ll be found nestling amongst the friendly priests.

But let’s not just blame religion! There’s also another nasty story here, of secular authorities turning a blind eye to his activities. He’d been brought before a Canadian judge who didn’t seem to think Dejaeger was such a bad fellow.

Oddly, Justice Ted Richard of the Northwest Territories Supreme Court wrote in his sentence decision that Dejaeger was not a pedophile even though “it does not appear that he stopped this activity on his own but only when he was caught.” It’s unclear how he was caught.

Dejaeger admitted to, among other sexual acts, having anal intercourse with boys and digital vaginal penetration with girls. Yet Richard seemed to praise the priest’s restraint:

“Because of the age of the victims of these assaults, consent is not an issue or a factor to be considered. However, it should be noted in fairness to the offender here that no violence was used in committing these assaults,” Richard wrote 20 years ago.

Priests don’t use violence, usually. They’ve got the shackles of tradition and dogma to hold their victims down for them.

And of course the real crime here is that these monsters in dog collars were dumped on the native peoples of Canada to rip their way through several generations, and there is no sign of remorse for that from the Vatican.

Finally, someone tells the truth about me

One more “he’s such a teddy bear” and I am going to set my beard on fire and howl. I met the similarly ferocious AJ Milne in Montreal, and he has written the first honest account of my appearance.

I assure you, the man was terrifying. Came into the place on this huge Harley belching clouds of black smoke smelling distinctly of brimstone, its engine thundering in that deep, subsonic register only the truly badass bikes of that brand get right. All while swigging from a bottle of Jack Daniels, which he threw into the audience before mounting the stage.

Little known fact: the reason I had that little episode in the hospital earlier wasn’t because I’m fragile and weak. It’s because I was getting my heart reinforced and armor-plated.

And don’t worry, the bottle was empty before I threw it at the audience.

Meanwhile, Larry is baffled by my popularity. It’s not popularity, it’s notoriety and infamy.

Dennis Markuze exposed

Many people in the godless community know and detest Dennis Markuze AKA David Mabus, the crazy spammer who repetitively and obsessively sends email and posts on forums and comments on blogs, with lunatic accusations, deranged claims of prophecy, threats, and random Depeche Mode videos. Others know him too; this is the guy who CC’s his rants against me to every member of the faculty at my university. He’s definitely mentally ill.

He also lives in Montreal, where I was this weekend for the AAI convention, and would you believe that he actually showed up! A while after someone pulled a fire alarm in the hotel, he appeared in the hall, ranted and raged and argued incoherently with a few of the attendees, and then…ran away. Really! He ran off! I was right there in the hall, and I missed him! I’m so disappointed. Apparently, though, in his swift and flighty passage through the room, he spotted me and then fled to the lobby to brag online about seeing me.

go post this up on “pharnygula”. I’ve had an opportunity to see PZ’s ugly face in real life! I am spamming the world from the Delta Hotel where the convention is taking place….

I know. He’s crazy and pathetic.

But here’s what you really want to know. Tessa Brown got a good photo of the loon who has been so pitifully harrassing us on the internet, and here it is.

i-cd100c506bc5ff8b11f844a8361cc164-crazy-fucker-dennis-marcuze-thumb-400x684-56525.jpg
Dennis Markuze AKA David Mabus, internet kook

It’s a shame he didn’t have the courage to actually talk to me. I would have invited him out to the hotel bar for a beer.

DonorsChoose fund drive for 2010

Some of you have already noticed the big banner in the left sidebar (those of you who have adblock installed probably haven’t) announcing that we’re participating in DonorsChoose this year, the charity that takes your donation and directly hands them over to specific projects teachers have proposed. It’s one way to try and compensate for the deplorable state of public education financing in our country. I’ll be reminding you all a few more times in the future, but just keep it in mind — if you’ve got a few dollars to spare, pass them on to teachers and kids who really need them.

Episode CXIII: The “Go away, I’m busy” thread

The thread of bloat has swollen to horrendous dimensions while I’m distracted! Must quickly throw in a new sponge to soak up the torrent.

Here, just to keep you occupied…this is some sketch comedy produced by a couple of students here at UMM. It’s a weird premise — it’s about a couple of students in the 1990s who find a magical closet to transport them to 2010 — but you’ll actually be able to see what living in Morris is like. Sorta.

Somebody should have mentioned to them, though, that nothing in Morris has changed much since 1890.

(Current totals: 11,104 entries with 1,141,369 comments.)

Science journalists: no more simplistic pseudo-genetics, please

A few articles published in the newspapers today have hit me right in a few sore spots, making me crankier than usual and compelling me to write a few new rules for science journalists. Pay attention.

This first story is titled Male infertility gene discovered. It does an OK job of describing the actual study and even gets into the nuances farther in, but the lead is awful.

Rule #1: Do not describe genes by the disease they cause when broken. This is a gene that contributes to male fertility. There is no infertility gene. If a man has a missing, damaged, or mutant form of this fertility gene, he may have problems conceiving children.

Rule #2: Get some perspective. Deeper in, the story casually mentions that only 4% of men with fertility problems have a mutant allele of this gene. This is a non-story. Hundreds (at least) of genes contribute to fertility. What this is is a routine tale of a clinical observation, part of normal, ordinary science, that may be the grist of the scientific mill, but isn’t worth a superficial news item about one datum. How about writing a story about genetic factors in general that affect fertility? That would at least have some context. As is, this is an inflated press release.

Here’s another news item: New study claims ADHD has ‘direct genetic link’. It’s far less impressive than the headline suggests.

Rule #3: Comprehend the science first. This study does not show a direct link. Instead, it finds that children diagnosed with ADHD are more likely to have a spectrum of diverse genetic abnormalities. Cause and effect are not demonstrated. Specific ADHD-related genes are not identified. It shows a correlation between one measure of physical health and another measure of neurological properties.

Rule #4: Learn this simple principle: genes affect how your body responds to environmental factors. Finding an allele associated with a particular physiological state does not mean you have described a cause. We also need to know how that gene acts, what triggers a particular pattern of expression, and what the gene changes in the cell. There are forms of genes that only have deleterious (or advantageous) effects given certain conditions; that effect must be described as a consequence of both the gene and a certain background or environment.

There. I feel better getting that off my chest. I just get so annoyed at this tendency for the media to focus on simplistic discrete causes that are split into a black & white nature or nurture false dichotomy.