Finally, someone tells the truth about me

One more “he’s such a teddy bear” and I am going to set my beard on fire and howl. I met the similarly ferocious AJ Milne in Montreal, and he has written the first honest account of my appearance.

I assure you, the man was terrifying. Came into the place on this huge Harley belching clouds of black smoke smelling distinctly of brimstone, its engine thundering in that deep, subsonic register only the truly badass bikes of that brand get right. All while swigging from a bottle of Jack Daniels, which he threw into the audience before mounting the stage.

Little known fact: the reason I had that little episode in the hospital earlier wasn’t because I’m fragile and weak. It’s because I was getting my heart reinforced and armor-plated.

And don’t worry, the bottle was empty before I threw it at the audience.

Meanwhile, Larry is baffled by my popularity. It’s not popularity, it’s notoriety and infamy.