I am now a cover model for CDs.
Look for me soon to be gyrating in a rock video, then comes the feature role in soft-core porn, then the drugs and parties, then the stint in rehab, and finally the special documentary on VH1. Oh, heck, I’m going all the way: I’m taking over for Ozzie once he retires.
This is all predicated on the album being a hit, of course. But how can it not? Not only do I grace the cover art, but it has songs like “The Ecstasy of Mallard” and “Going Gay for House”.
Now you can all do it: an archbishop of the Open Episcopal Church is selling consecrated crackers by mail, payable with paypal. The guy sounds like a bit of a kook; he’s doing this because he believes people will sincerely appreciate receiving a scrap of Jesus’ holy meat in the mail, and will use them to carry out informal masses whenever they feel like it.
Unfortunately for the desired effect of desecration, he has been excommunicated from the Anglican church, and the Catholics say his consecrations aren’t real, so the only people who might be offended by any cracker abuse are these fringey street preachers, who probably are casual about it all, anyway.
Christians merely get Jesus on pita bread or Madonna’s on plate glass windows — we get squid-shaped lightning, which is obviously much more impressive.
Alas, no magic squid in the sky for us, though — these are entirely natural phenomena.
“Sprites are a true space weather phenomenon,” he adds. “They develop in mid-air around 80 km altitude, growing in both directions, first down, then up. This happens when a fierce lightning bolt draws lots of charge from a cloud near Earth’s surface. Electric fields [shoot] to the top of Earth’s atmosphere–and the result is a sprite. The entire process takes about 20 milliseconds.”
Jen has taken me, Richard Dawkins and Hemant Mehta and used The Sims to put our simulacra together into a house. I’d say it’s some kind of pilot for a new sitcom on Fox, except I’ve seen enough Sims to know it will not end well. One of us will catch on fire, someone else will drown in the pool, and the last will die an agonizing death when he can’t find a path to the bathroom.
I do want that shirt in real life, though.
This little sketch might be too tempting for me…there are a lot of creationist articles that I would slap this on.
(via Kobra)
The UK still wins, though. We’ve got school boards that seriously consider including the fantasy that the earth is 6000 years old into the curriculum, but in the UK, you’ve just got clever people with ropes and boards stomping out patterns in the barley fields. The media seems to take the “crop circle experts” a little too seriously, but at least you’ve got pretty exercises in aerial photography to show for it.
Nice jellyfish!
Oh, look what came in the mail for me today!
Kat Payne made this for me (thank you very much!), and I know, I’ll be the envy of everyone in town as I stroll down the street with this stylish new look. Unfortunately, I think I’ll have to wait until winter to wear it regularly — it’s very, very warm — but then…fear me!
Wow. Creationists can surprise you with a rare flash of imagination — like this argument that because you don’t drool, god exists.
Ok, I have an Evolution Challenge for you. Make your mouth produce a bunch of spit, let it dribble down your face and time how long it is before you simply have to wipe it off. Go ahead; try it! I promise you it won’t be very long. It’s extremely uncomfortable to have it sit there.
Think about the babies in your life. Have you ever thought about the fact that they stop drooling after the first couple years of life? Have you ever imagined what life would be like if we didn’t stop? Some, sadly, know what this is like. Children with cerebral palsy that don’t stop drooling or those that begin drooling due to loss of facial muscle control know the horrors of this. Have you had to endure watching people stare at your parent or child as they experience this humiliating social embarrassment? Have you tried to alleviate the irritating sores that develop from skin being constantly wet? Have you tried to keep them in presentable clothing when saliva keeps staining their clothes?
What evolutionary advantage is there to developing the oral neuromuscular control at age 18-24 months? What if drooling, the default condition at birth, was the way our lives always are? How would you like to date, make love, run a business meeting, ride horses, grocery shop and take care of kids while drooling? How cool would you feel driving your fancy car down the road with sunglasses and drool? How would your wedding go with everyone trying to be discrete with their designer drool cloths or bibs?
The human body is designed to give us dignity. These specific designs and abilities point to a Creator who cares about even whether we are embarrassed or not. There’s no evolutionary advantage to not drooling. It’s the gift of dignity.
Gosh. Here’s a phenomenon that the author himself notes is a consequence of loss of facial muscle control, that is uncomfortable, that is a social deficit, and that can lead to irritating sores (he also missed one, probably the most important one in an evolutionary context: it’s wasteful and makes one more prone to dehydration), and then he says, “There’s no evolutionary advantage to not drooling”? It’s always nice when the creationists noisily refute themselves for me.
By the way, this silly claim comes from a source that is notable for its history of weird arguments, Bibleland Studios. They have a museum that features a dead cat, and they publish the legendary Jim Pinkoski, who argues that having two eyes refutes evolution, and also wrote the popularly obscure catch-phrase, “If you doubt this is possible, how is it there are PYGMIES + DWARFS??“. It’s nice to see they still haven’t lost their touch.
I took the test, and it said,
You are a heady mix of the most evil Popes – Paul III, Benedict IX, Urban II and “Hitler’s Pope” Pius XII.
Oops. I knew I shouldn’t have admitted that vanilla was my favorite ice cream flavor in that last question.
It’s called the Reincarnation Bank. You put a bunch of money in now, and then when you die and are reincarnated, your new incarnation comes to bank and gets the money back so you can start your new life with the advantage of a wad of moolah. I presume you must have to do something like memorize a secret account number before you die, and remember it again once you’re reborn.
Their web page has a link to make deposits, but strangely enough, there isn’t a link to make withdrawals. I have to marvel at the con — only very, very stupid people are going to fall for it.
That said, though, I’m planning to reincarnate as a squid, so I’m wondering…can I deposit a couple of buckets of fish heads and guts, and how am I going to get that back in my nonverbal, illiterate and innumerate form?
