Ox gored, or at least penetrated

I saw the Baby Jesus Butt Plug, and I just laughed. But now, someone has made a cephalopod butt plug and matching ball gag, and my laughter fades to a nervous tittering while my eyes dart about confusedly. Should I be outraged? Aroused? Amused? Disturbed? All of the above? A boundary has been transgressed!

Fortunately, I’m old and greying, and can always fall back on the ignorant old coot routine. “Eh, sonny? What’s that? That’s a mighty big fishing lure you’re waving around there.”

I don’t think this would make such a great Valentine’s Day surprise

My wife will be relieved when I tell her I don’t think I’ll make chocolate covered squid for her. It’s not that I’d be unwilling to try such a concoction, but 1) I have doubts that that combination of flavors is particularly copacetic, 2) she isn’t a big fan of seafood in the first place, and a gift should be to her taste, not mine, and 3) where the heck would I get squid on short notice in Morris, Minnesota?

Friday Cephalopod: Abdopus in love

It will soon be Valentine’s Day, and it’s not just the bipedal mammals that turn to amorous thoughts. TONMO has a fabulous series of photos of courting and mating Abdopus aculeatus — here’s one small sample.

i-a661d67e11d25b775909bc34ea22b4bd-aculeatus.jpeg

Your mission for Valentine’s Day is to get together with your partner and do your best to recreate the poses in the series. You will fail, but it will be fun trying.

Blanket octopus sighting!

I’d almost consider retiring to Florida, just for the marine life, except that by the time I retire the state will probably be underwater, and all the marine life exterminated by careless tourists in expensive boats. At least now you can occasionally spot the splendid blanket octopus out for a swim.

Trust me, watch the video, ignore the babbling newscaster: these really are spectacular beasties.