My new, revised retirement plan

My former plan for a prosperous retirement plan involved suddenly finding Jesus and winning a Templeton Prize, but it always left an unpleasant taste in mouth. Sure, I’d be rich, but to do it I’d have to stand up in front of the whole world and pretend to be an addled moron. It was going to take a lot of drinks-in-coconuts-with-umbrellas to wash that indignity into unawareness, you know.

But now I have a new plan that leaves my dignity mostly uncompromised! Well, somewhat compromised. Here’s the idea:

  1. Go to England.

  2. Chat up a few vicars.

  3. Become horribly offended that they are not atheists.

  4. Sue the whole delusional lot of them for rejecting my unbelief.

I’ll be following the case of the Muslim woman who had a conversation about religion with her Christian hotel hosts with some anticipation — it could set a very useful precedent for me. Oh, and if that isn’t enough, Melanie Phillips and Andrew Brown have already said some horribly unkind things about us atheists. Perhaps I can hang the whole British journalistic establishment upside down and shake them for the pennies in their pockets.

Other strategies involve hunting down Simon Cowell and singing in front of him. I’m positive that whatever he says will be actionable. People can’t go around having different opinions and even expressing them, you know!

Missiology?

I have learned something new today: you can get a Ph.D. in converting the heathen!

DEVELOPING A CHURCH PLANTING MOVEMENT IN INDIA
By DANE WINSTEAD FOWLKES
submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements
for the degree of DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY
in the subject
MISSIOLOGY
at the UNIVERSITY OF THE FREE STATE
SUPERVISOR: PROFESSOR PIETER VERSTER
November 2004

Here’s the abstract, if you’ve got a hankerin’ to head on over to India and undermine the Hindu religion, it might be useful.

This dissertation acknowledges the need for Church Planting
Movements among the unreached peoples of India. Of particular concern to
this study is the application of Church Planting Movement strategy to
forward caste Hindus of India.

It traces the historical development of group or people movement
strategy and then compares that strategy with traditional missionary
approaches in India. It shows that evangelizing households is the primary
strategy of the New Testament and the most appropriate strategy for
initiating Church Planting Movements. The thesis carefully examines
salvation understanding in the Hindu context and its relationship to the caste
system. All of this lays a foundation for a proper approach to evangelization
of forward caste Hindus in light of the fact that there have been no
documented Church Planting Movements among forward caste Hindus in all
of India.

The paper concludes that the best approach to facilitating a Church
Planting Movement among forward caste Hindus is by not planting
churches. As contradictory as this sounds, the paper shows that Christian
disciples remaining within Hindu culture and familial systems holds the
potential for the most indigenous approach to establishing multiplying
churches among forward caste Hindus.

Now I’m wondering…are there equivalent documents in India that describe how to peel American Christians away from their churches? It would be useful information to have.

An evangelical subculture has rotted the mind of America

Frank Schaeffer was on fire in this interview with Rachel Maddow, prompted by a bizarre NJ poll that showed 35% of the conservatives in that state believe Obama is the anti-christ. Heh, “We have a village idiot in this country, it’s called fundamentalist Christianity”. Gold star for Schaeffer!

He’s right. Those are minds that are lost, and we have to move past them.

A completely unsurprising result

A recent survey that correlated the degree of fundamentalism, as measured by positive responses to questions about the absolute, literal truth of the Bible, and teenage birth rates, has discovered something we all suspected all along: fundie kids are getting pregnant despite their stern, restrictive upbringing. There are caveats, of course, and some implied messages here.

However, the results don’t say anything about cause and effect, though study researcher Joseph Strayhorn of Drexel University College of Medicine and University of Pittsburgh offers a speculation of the most probable explanation: “We conjecture that religious communities in the U.S. are more successful in discouraging the use of contraception among their teenagers than they are in discouraging sexual intercourse itself.”

Fancy that. The adolescent sex drive is a power greater than Jesus.

Crazy talk from ministers

We’ve got a fine gang of nuts coming up through the religious ranks right now. There are some real lunatics associated with Sarah Palin: she’s linked to her home-town priests, Ed Kalnin and Thomas Muthee, who are linked to Morningstar Ministries and Rick Joyner. These cranks have a plan.

Muthee is an international celebrity for his role in a series of documentary videos, seen by millions worldwide, that claim Christians can reduce crime, murder, traffic accidents, addiction, and environmental degradation by driving out, from cities and towns, demon spirits and accused witches.

I am most amused by the clip at that link in which Joyner complains about the unfair treatment Palin received from the press, because they jumped on every crazy little thing she said. The press largely missed her religious beliefs, possibly because they’re so far out there it’s hard to believe a candidate for high office believes in any of that nonsense. She’s a “third wave” Christian.

In an interview for a September 12, 2008 Religion News Service story Rick Joyner stated, “We are probably described as Third Wave. We have had a lot of influence from movements that I think are identified as Third Wave.” The Third Wave is a newly emergent tendency in Christianity, little more than two decades old, which now encompasses by some estimates five percent of the Earth’s population and has been promoted from Ted Haggard’s former Colorado Springs mega-church.

Third Wave doctrine teaches that Christians must reclaim the Earth from demons spirits which possess cities, towns, geographic territories, people, ethnic groups, and even family lines. The cleansing of those demons, and unbelievers, from Earth will usher in a Christian utopian age.

And then there’s Pastor Steven Anderson, the loon who has been praying for Obama’s death. There is a short compendium of some of the most hateful, looney things Anderson has said, and it’s not pretty. Homophobia and petty-minded vindictiveness are apparently not obstacles to claiming spiritual authority…they seem to be more like preliminary qualifications.

Let’s keep all of these nasty, crazy people out of political power, OK? Please?

A peek into Obama’s “Faith Council”

Frank Page is a former head of the Southern Baptist Convention (i.e., nuts) and is also now a member of the Advisory Council on Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships. In an interview, he talks about what’s going on in that council, and there is actually some good news.

My hope was that there would have been more time for focusing on formulating actual policy recommendations for the president. They keep saying that that’s something we’ll have more time for in the future. But most of our time so far has been briefings from administration officials about various government programs that are already in place.

So they’re wasting a little money and time by keeping these believers around, but they’re not wasting a lot of money by actually paying attention to them and letting them set policy. That’s reassuring, but not particularly efficient…unless, of course, the efficiency lies in keeping the delusional thinkers tied up in committee meetings.

But then, the way they’re thinking delusionally is aggravating. Page is the most conservative member of the team, and what do they put him on? A fatherhood committee.

There have been times when my voice and voices of others have been kindly heard, but the wish is always expressed that we need to find common ground or consensus. For example, I’m on the fatherhood task force, and there have been times when I have attempted to deal with the issue of fathers being better fathers because of their faith traditions, that they need to be true to the Bible or some other holy book about what makes a man a good father.

And they kindly listen, and then we move on to what government programs are available for fathers. It’s more about how the government would like to help fathers and here’s what government money is available for this problem. I feel that the key to solving those problems is not government money but the responsibility that’s rooted in one’s faith.

I can’t quite imagine a more disastrous social policy than basing male roles on the patriarchal misogyny of the Bible. Well, except for using that book to define female roles.

I also doubt that they’re actually honestly looking for common ground. There’s a notable absence of fierce god-hating atheists on the council (hey, if they can put conservatives who want to destroy the public school system on school boards, why not anti-religious crusaders on the Faith Council?), so I think the system is more interested in stacking the deck.

Prophet, Patriarch…PZ

Michael Dowd, the peculiar author of Thank God for Evolution, has a strange podcast up that promotes the New Atheists because they are the new prophets — we’re telling it like it is, and religious folks need more of that. He also urges people to read Pharyngula, or, if they want something a little gentler, to read Richard Dawkins’ site…ah, flattery.

Anyway, the gist of his argument is that “The religion that the New Atheists are attacking is otherworldly, superstitious religion when it’s interpreted as objectively real. And that’s not where the power of our religious language lies…”, which is, in part, the point I was making when I criticized those faith-heads who make up pseudo-scientific explanations for the miraculous. Of course, I disagree that there is any power in religious language, except as potent mind-games to tap into kinks and biases in human psychology.

Religion poisons everything — even porn!

Jen went to a Christian anti-porn crusade, and all she got for her trouble was a lot of lies. It’s amazing how, on these issues like birth control, abortion, homosexuality, and pornography which stir up so much concern among Christians, they always resort to invented statistics and bogus sloganeering to make their case. Shouldn’t it make someone on their side of the argument wake up and wonder what’s going on when they can’t even tell the truth in their PR?

Deluded, but with good intent

The video below is of a devout Mormon (I’m so sorry for him) speaking out against the church policies of discrimination that led to all that money being sunk into Proposition 8 in California. It’s good to be reassured that there are Mormons who aren’t full of homophobia and hate. Unfortunately, the bishop there isn’t quite so open-minded: he tells the fellow to stop, he cuts his microphone, and he has him escorted out.

(via C.L. Hanson)