Oh, it’s a tough one.

How much will you miss Glenn Beck on Fox News?

Not at all 30%

A little bit 18%
Tremendously 45%
Life is not worth living 7%

Do me a favor and make Billo whine about how we hijacked his poll.

Time Magazine is running a poll to determine who are the most influential people in the world — like an online poll is the best way to do that — and one of them is Christopher Hitchens, who currently has 11989 votes saying he’s influential, and
570 saying he’s not. Join the mob, and let’s make it even more of a landslide!

Curse our sense of good taste and our willingness to disagree! The American Atheists have put up a billboard in Des Moines, Iowa, in preparation for the big meeting next month, and the local media have noticed and put up a poll. I’d like to say that we shall simply go in and crush this poll, except…they’re using the ugly yellow design with the weird tents and symbols. Which means that even if they like the content, many atheists will vote “hate them” for their lousy esthetics.

Oh, well. Go forth and sow confusion, then. That’s all these polls are good for, anyway.

What do you think of the new American Atheists billboards?

Love them
24%
Hate them
65%
Not sure
7%
I don’t know
5%

That title should lead into a joke…but I’ve got nothin’.

Apparently, some Irish politicians are arguing for the legalization of prostitution, and there’s a poll about it.

Should Ireland legalise paying for sex?

Yes 65%
No 26%
I don’t know 8%

That’s a tough one. On the one hand, the way prostitution laws are enforced generally means that they contribute to the oppression of women, but on the other hand, prostitution itself oppresses women. But in the end, I had to vote yes, because clearly this is another attempt to infringe upon the magisterium of the Holy Mother Church, and it’s about time those clerical bastards stopped getting it for free.

Beau Schaefer is a biology teacher in an Illinois public school. Beau Schaefer has admitted to promoting creationism instead of science in his classes.

The law is clear on this one: teachers in public schools do not get to peddle their personal superstitions to a captive audience. They especially don’t get to do it if it compromises or replaces teaching the mandated curriculum.

This is such a serious national problem that I think the school district ought to come down on the incompetent jerk hard…but I also think it ought to be the responsibility of the school system to police this sort of behavior, and it’s not up to random mobs on the internet. So what does the NY Daily News do? Makes it the subject of a stupid internet poll.

Should be is allowed to teach creationism in public schools?

Yes, it is a legitimate belief. 39%
No, it is a religious concept not a scientific one. 59%
I don’t know 2%

Of course it is a stupid poll. They couldn’t even put the question into proper English.

I don’t even know where to begin. The choices on this one make no sense.

Do you believe evolution should be taught as a theory instead of accepted fact?

Yes
44%
No
50%
I’m not sure
5%

But evolution is both a fact and a scientific theory! I guess I had to focus on the use of the word “instead” to mean they don’t want to teach the facts of evolution, so I had to vote no.

I wish every poll had an additional option, so you could vote for “Whoever made up this poll is a moron.” They never have that choice, though.

---

What dishonest slug is in charge of that Fox station? They changed the poll midstream, after “no” had reached 90% of the vote! The question now reads, “Do you believe evolution should be taught as a theory?”

Remember this if ever they try to report the results of one of their polls — they cheat!

It’s a pseudo-poll with 168,000 votes already, and I don’t believe it. The Rethuglican Wisconsin governor who has been trying to silence the people is not going to be the recipient of such clear favor and such large numbers…but here, go play with it anyway.

POLL: Do you approve of the job Gov. Walker is doing?

Strongly approve 48.95%

Approve 5.56%

Disapprove 1.88%

Strongly disapprove 43.61%

Just remember, if anyone tries to cite this stupid internet poll in support of any position, it’s completely meaningless.

A UK court has decided that a pair of homophobic Pentacostal Christians should not be allowed to be foster parents to children, because they openly condemn homosexuality. I think it’s a shame that these deluded bigots won’t get an opportunity to learn that gay kids can be good people, too, but it’s probably better that they aren’t given a chance to poison any child’s life. The Daily Mail readers don’t seem to think that’s fair, though…why don’t you chip in with your opinions?

Should Christian couple against homosexuality be allowed to foster?

Yes 73%
No 27%

In case you’re waffling on this one, here’s some help: the Christian Legal Centre, which is defending the Pentacostals, are calling this an attack on “traditional views on sexual ethics”, as if that excuses them. They are claiming that this decision causes great suffering to ordinary people, as opposed to those weird freaky people, who deserve all the suffering they have coming to them.

Unbelievable. Look at the first and so far leading choice in this poll: “The unions need to be reined in.” What has happened to this country? Aren’t the people who are voting in this poll likely to be mostly working class… yet here they are, whining that they aren’t whipped and oppressed enough!

How do you feel about Gov. Walker’s plan for the public workers’ unions?
Gov. Scott Walker wants to help fix state finances by cutting benefits for union workers and wiping away their ability to negotiate over anything but their wages, setting up a potentially explosive battle in the Capitol.

I like it. The unions need to be reined in (79%)
Something needs to be done with the unions, but this is a little harsh (3%)
Hate it. These are dedicated public servants (18%)

I got a request from the Association Humaniste du Québec to pharyngulate a poll, and who am I to turn away a mob of idiosyncratic and fiercely independent citizens? Quebec, as you may know, has been making great strides in promoting secularism, ending the nonsense of saying prayers before meetings and removing religious symbols from provincial establishments. There is still, however, a crucifix hanging in the National Assembly room. So here’s the question:

Le crucifix a-t-il toujours sa place au Salon bleu de l’Assemblée nationale? (“Does the crucifix have any business in the blue Room of the National Assembly?”)

Oui 60%
Non 36%
Je ne sais pas 4%

Singing La Marseillaise while voting is entirely optional.